Hi! I’m Ashley Olson, certified sleep consultant and founder of Heaven Sent Sleep. I’ve been working with families officially for a little over 7 years, but sleep education has been a hobby of mine for about 9 years after sleep training our first child.

I’m an enneagram type 5 which means I LOVE information. When I find something I’m interested in, I want to know everything. So it was no surprise that digging ourselves out of the sleep deprivation hole we were in led to becoming obsessed with infant sleep— but more than that, how it affects the whole family and how I can support the whole family to work together in improving sleep for everyone.

Fun fact: I sleep trained my first son via the internet and message boards! So while it was hard navigating different opinions, advice, etc— this kind of community will always hold a special place in my heart. 🥰

As a sleep consultant, I specialize more in infant sleep and using gradual methods of sleep training. While I know and believe methods like Ferber and extinction are valid evidence based options, most families come to me seeking something different and I’m happy to help with using less straight forward options. The more a family believes in what they’re doing, they will have less guilt after the fact and more commitment to see it through (in my experience) and that’s often what matters most!

In 2021, my business partner and I founded The Collective for Family Rest and Wellness (www.familyrestandwellness.com) to certify others wanting to become a sleep consultant because we want to level up the field of sleep consulting, provide evidence based information, many many many ways of supporting families, and focus on the holistic aspect of coaching with intention and grace.

As a thanks for hosting me, I created a 15% off discount code (REDDIT) for our Ultimate Sleep Support plan available through the end of the month (valid for 3 uses only). You can access that here!

You can also find me on Instagram (www.instagram.com/heavensentsleep) where I’m able to respond better to comments, DMs and question boxes in stories! I love hanging out over there and getting to know people better. 💜

Edit: THANKS SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME!! I signing off for the evening, but I do free question days on Instagram every week on Wednesday and I answer every question I get there!! Come say hi!

Mods im a little late - take down if not allowed, my apologies!

Hi all, I have a discount code of REDDIT20 for 20% discount.

Ask me questions and include baby’s age and schedule if applicable!

https://www.thesleepnut.com/

https://www.instagram.com/thesleepnut?igsh=aW9wampqdTN6Y2Zv&utm_source=qr

I’m so tired and depressed.

My baby is 7 months old, goes to sleep independently, and still wakes up 2-5x a night. I have not slept more than 3 hours straight in seven months.

I have always done all night wakings by myself but it’s making me resent everything. Why am I not allowed to sleep???

I keep telling myself next month will be the month. But honestly at this point it’s just getting worse.

I just can’t anymore. Sorry I’m dramatic but I don’t care. I work full time and am constantly sick because I never ever sleep. Pre baby I consider myself high sleep needs (🤣) and needed 10-11 hours with additional naps to feel rested. Now I’m lucky if I get six broken into 1 hr chunks.

I just don’t want to do it anymore.

This method is good for babies up to 6 months old who are already night trained independent of the method. You should attempt this for the first nap of the day only.

• Create a mini routine pre-nap (5 min is enough).
• Place baby in crib awake but tired (ensure your wake windows are good).
• Set a 15 min timer and do not enter the room in this time. If at the end of the timer they are sleeping, great.

If they are full on crying, save the nap using whatever way to get baby to sleep.

If they are on and off complaining, give them 5 more minutes.

If they are not sleeping at the end of this, save the nap and do all naps of the day as you used to do before.

Try again next day in the morning. Repeat every morning until it works. Once the first nap of the day works, you can move all naps to the crib using the same method (in my experience the other naps of the day just work once the first one works).

To extend naps (only for babies 5-6 months old): * Once baby wakes up -- if they wake less than 60 minutes from when they fell asleep, leave them in crib for 15 minutes at least or until it has been 60 minutes since they fell asleep and see if they fall back asleep.

If it's been more then 60 minutes since they fell asleep, this will be unlikely to work.

Hi!

I'm Alexis Dubief, Author of the Precious Little Sleep book which is available globally, at most popular booksellers, and now in Chinese, Korean, and Bulgarian. I was able to make a 30% promo code just for y'all in the Google Play store so use CODE: J2XY38FT5CVRZ if you would like to check out the ebook for the price of a pumpkin spice latte! ❤️

Parents who have my book are welcome to join the very popular peer-support group on Facebook. It's not required, just an excellent resource.

I've worked with thousands of families all over the planet to help their babies and young children sleep better. I bring an evidence-based approach that is focused on a few key tenets:

• I never judge parents for doing what they need to do. But I will work to help all babies sleep safely in a separate sleep space.
• 90% of sleep issues boil down to the right schedule and good sleep hygiene
• Most online programs (apps, courses, etc.) are pushing babies to sleep more than they need.
• Regressions are largely bunk (yes I said it 😄)

I'm going to be here for the next hour or so and am happy to answer as many questions as I can! Thanks for joining me and am looking forward to hearing more about your families ❤️

Edit 1 - I'm wrapping up at 2. Doing my best but if I don't get to your answers by 2 I'm so sorry!!!

Edit 2 - OK my hands are cramping I need to wrap up 😂

I will not be answering messages in DM sorry! I do occasionally answer questions in the FB group. And I do host AMAs on Instagram so following me there is helpful. If I answered your question today I hope it was helpful! And if I didn't manage to get to it I'm sorry ❤️

Thank you Mods for letting me jump into this cool place you've carved out here! Cheers to all ❤️

Thanks for all who joined and asked such great questions! I hope I was able to bring some clarity to many of you! Feel free to stay in touch elsewhere (I'm not a routine redditor but love what you're doing in this group)!

Precious Little Sleep

I’m really interested by the nap phenomenon that I read about about on various forums. For context I am in the UK, and here I would say it’s quite unusual for a child older than 2.5 years to still be napping in the daytime, and really rare past the age of 3.

I’ve read lots of threads here of people having terrible nights with their toddlers and it’s often revealed they’re taking a huge nap in the middle of the day. I’ve also seen lots of threads in a different sub, of early years educators who are expected to get 3 and 4 year olds to take naps for 2+ hours in the middle of the day and are having terrible difficulty with it. To be that sounds totally bizzare! Kids here are starting school aged 4 and there’s no nap time in the school day.

Is this a cultural difference? Are the majority of 2-3 year olds still napping where you are?

EDIT: this has provoked a really interesting discussion! Thanks so much everyone.

To add a little context I was interested because the nursery my son is going to doesn’t have a dedicated nap time, just sleeping mats. If a child needs a sleep they are tucked up in a quiet space, and activity elsewhere continues. As I’ve said elsewhere, my perspective is definitely influenced by being a low sleep needs person who has a low sleep needs baby, and lots of low sleep needs relatives - for us this is clearly genetic.

From all the responses here, it’s clear that in the US and Canada, and by the sounds of it France and Taiwan, childcare has specific nap and rest times where all children are settled down for a period of time (perhaps sometimes even when they have outgrown the need). So I understand that children needing naps til a certain age is developmental and individual to that child, but it’s clear that there are cultural differences in how early years childcare/nursery approach that need. As some posters have mentioned, some countries do have more of a “nap culture”, and even as a very low sleep needs person, when I lived in Spain I did sleep the siesta sometimes, when i would not normally nap in the middle of the day in the UK!

Thanks again for a great and informative discussion folks.

We’re not sleep training yet, but I’m just genuinely curious what diapers hold up to a full 10 hour night. My LO desperately needs a diaper change during our MOTN feed and again promptly when waking up. I’m sure one of the diaper brands has cracked this code since millions of babies sleep through the night without this issue (but please don’t tell me it’s coterie bc I really don’t want to have to pay that premium 🫠)

Edit: Thanks for the advice everyone! General consensus is most all diaper brands are good so long as you get the overnight version and size up! + lots of recs for sposie add-ins!

I see many drop to 1 nap around 11-12 months. I am wondering, for those that have their LOs dropping to 1 a bit later, when do that happen? A friend of mine said her kid drop to 1 nap at 2 years old. Mine is 14 months and is still on 2 naps. How do you know its time to switch?

maybe it’s a me issue but no one warned me about the naps and the constant mental load that NAPS CONSUME. i’m starting to think i just know TOO much information about nap schedules and baby sleep science lol it’s definitely a blessing and a curse

again, maybe it’s me just being the control freak I am but it literally consume me. they also completely dictate my mood and that’s not fun on bad nap days lol. I have such a tough time rolling with the punches and just accepting bad naps, especially when i’m trying to hard to support his sleep schedule to HELP said naps.

I’m so obsessive over his naps. we exclusively contact nap and honestly, at this point, he’d probably prefer his crib, but I want control over the naps and nap lengths so I convince myself it’s for him but I really think it’s for me? I know contact naps disguise sleep schedule issues. I can typically get him back to sleep if he wakes early from a short nap but recently, I haven’t been able to even with a contact nap so i’m assuming we’re due for a schedule change. I guess i’m looking for some encouragement to just let tf go lol there are babies who take crap naps at day care, there are moms with multiple children and can’t perfect nap time and miss the perfect window thus leading to a crappy nap, there are moms like me- who thinks they are doing everything conducive of a perfect nap, and bad naps STILL HAPPEN. I just think the world is ending when it happens. I need to stop contact napping- especially if the nap is gonna be bad either way he might as well be in the crib. nights go fairly well so I also get suuuper stressed about protecting bedtime and night sleep. nap transitions and schedule changes also trigger my anxiety big time which is why i latch on to things i can control but boy is it humbling when it still doesn’t work out.

Just looking for some encouragement to accept that he’s a baby not a robot and naps won’t ruin my life and even on crap nap days that lead to an early bedtime, we won’t be stuck with a 6am wake time forever right????

EDIT: I am so grateful for this reddit thread and community! I will die on the hill that while motherhood is SUCH a universal experience for so many women, it can feel so overwhelming and isolating and sometimes my brain convinces me no one is struggling in the same ways or obsessively worries about x,y & z like I do- when in reality, there’s so many others in the same exact boat. thank you to anyone who shares their experience and encouragement !

I could not imagine my baby having a 12 hour night. How do you fit in your wake windows? Genuinely curious. Mind sharing your schedule and age of your baby please?

Hey guys, Cinderism here! 👋🏻

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a sleep consultant or medical professional — just a mom who had a very challenging sleeper and went down the rabbit hole of baby sleep research. Everything here is based on my personal experience and what I’ve learned along the way. This concept really helped me understand my baby’s sleep, and helped me apply this subs suggestions so I wanted to share in case it helps your family too!

That being said, I wanted to give back to this insanely helpful community by contributing some knowledge/findings to this group! This group has helped me troubleshoot my baby’s sleep, and provided so many great resources that I finally feel like I’m in a place where I can give back and help! I am entering the toddler years, so I am still quite a busy lady, but I’ll always try to reply to comments. 😊

So let’s get into the guts of what this post is! It’s all about 24 hour sleep needs. What it is, how to find your baby’s need, what to do with that number, and who this can help! This shouldn’t be a foreign concept to this sub by any means, (check out this sleep budget post from the mods) but I’ll expand on that concept.

So what IS a 24 hour sleep need?

It’s the total amount of sleep a person needs in a day (or 24 hours 😉) and includes both night sleep and day sleep. We all know newborns require more sleep, and sleep needs decrease as we age. This is also known as a sleep budget!

This number is highly individual, and this is why we have the dreaded low-sleep needs babies, average-sleep needs babies and the magical unicorn high-sleep needs babies!

REMEMBER: your baby’s “average” sleep need comes from what they actually sleep — not what charts say they should sleep.

Great — Now how do we find this magic number?

This part takes some time and commitment — but if you’re struggling with your baby’s sleep, it’s well worth it IMO!

There are two major rules:

1. You’ll need to track your baby’s sleep (yes — any and all sleep) for 7 days (or more!).

You can use an app for this such as Huckleberry, Baby Tracker (or similar) or a spreadsheet! If your baby is awake in their crib - this is NOT sleep. If your baby is feeding and is asleep, count that as sleep time. If they are opening their eyes a lot, then they are awake!

But Cinderism — I’m unable to commit to 7 days… Now what?

Deep breath! I know life doesn’t always allow for a week’s worth of tracking. You can use less days — just be mindful that the smaller your sample, the more that day-to-day fluctuations can influence your average!

If you use less, it will still give you a starting point. You may need to tweak the number a bit (usually by ~15-30 minute intervals) based on how things go.

1. Try not to cap both naps and night sleep at the same time (you can cap either naps or nights but not both).

If you cap their naps, then don't cap their night. If you cap their night, then don’t cap their naps. If you cap everything, you might miss sleep your baby would otherwise take, which can give you an inaccurate sleep budget.

Once you have your data — it’s time to do some math. We need to average this number (stick with me here — I’ll explain how and I’ll be here to assist when I can!).

Get your calculators out — It’s time for some math! 🤓

I’ll break this down step-by-step as simply as I can! Bear with me here — I’ll include an example.

Start off by converting your time in hours and minutes to just minutes: number in hours x 60 THEN add your remaining minutes.

Example: 12h 48m. 12 x 60 ‎ = 720.

720 + 48 = 768.

Then we will average your week: add each number / by total number of days.

Example: 780 + 768 + 744 + 713 + 768 + 731 + 723 ‎ = 5,227.

5,227 / 7 ‎ =  746.714.

Then we will convert back from just minutes to hours and minutes. This is a two step process!

First we’ll find out number in hours: total minutes / 60. Round to a whole number.

Example: 746.714 / 60 ‎ =  12.445. So 12.

Second we’ll find out remaining minutes: total minutes - (hours x 60). Round to a whole number.

Example: 746.714 - (12 x 60) ‎ =  26.714. So 27.

Now we have our magic number! 🎉

In our example, this would be 12h 27m. We can change this to 12h 30m for easy scheduling and dispersement of sleep!

Okay cool, I have a magic number — now what?

Congrats! You found your baby’s unique sleep need. You can use this number as a guide to cap total daily sleep and build a more consistent schedule. This can help reduce those big swings between good days and those rough days. You can also cross-check with your current schedule and find out if it’s appropriate and disperse your baby’s sleep better.

Let’s use our baby in our example. They had a 12.5 hour sleep need, but we were expecting 14 hours of sleep. This baby would only have 10 hours of awake time when in reality they needed 11.5 hours. That can definitely cause some issues!

That example baby’s old schedule could look like: 3/3/4, but with our knowledge, we know that baby actually needs 3/4/4.5 or 3.5/3.5/4.5 or even a nap drop to 5.5/6 or 5/6.5.

In our example: if we kept 2 naps, we could try a 10.5 hour night, so that leaves 2 hours of day sleep. 1 hour per nap. If we dropped to 1 nap, then you could still do 10.5 hours overnight with 1 nap capped at 2 hours or try an 11 hour night and cap that 1 nap to 1.5 hours.

So who can this help?

This concept can be especially helpful for babies experiencing split nights, early wakes, short naps, and the dreaded “is my baby under-tired or overtired” debate.

Ooof — that was a long read! 🫣 Thank you to whoever took the time to read this post.

Much love — Cinderism ❤️

9 month old, washed up at approx 5am regardless. We can someone rock back to sleep, but from 5 onwards it is unpredictable

We've been through over tired, under tired, satisfactorily tired. He sleeps through the night fairly regular (barring illness, etc). We think we're on it and doing the right things.

But he's still waking at 5am!

What was the thing that finally clicked for you and your baby?

After a lot of reading, going back and forth with my husband, and a lot of emotions, we’ve decided it’s time to sleep train our 9 month old.

We cosleep and contact nap. It worked best for us for the first 9 months of his life… But he’s still not sleeping through the night, I’m not nursing anymore, and the contact naps are getting tiresome.

We’ve landed on the Ferber method, but I still feel so guilty. I feel sick even thinking about letting baby just… Cry.

My husband will actually be doing the bulk of the work because I literally can’t bear the thought of letting baby cry all alone in his room.

I know this will be better for my family - hopefully baby sleeps better, well sleep better without baby in bed, hopefully he’ll start transitioning to crib nap instead of contact naps…

Yet I’m still overwhelmed with guilt.

Any advice? And while I’m here, any advice for the Ferber method? I plan on ordering the book soon.

Every person I have talked too said that I need to do baths every night in order to make a routine and we cannot. It’s not feasible for us. Is there anyway we can still sleep train without a bath every night?

I don’t know if it’s internet cookies or whatever you call it. I feel like recently I’m inundated with posts on instagram and Facebook that’s super anti-sleep training. “Banned sleep training in Denmark” “it’s the worst thing you can do for your baby’s brain development “

I know life has gotten better for babies and for myself and my husband since we did it. I know I couldn’t keep rocking both twins to sleep till they are 30. But the anti shit sometimes really gets in my head and I feel so guilty at times.

Hi all! I’m Ensley Nesbitt. I’m a mom of 4 (including twins!), owner of a sleep consultancy (sleepbabyconsulting.com), a small daycare, and founder of Lizzy Sleep App (App Store / lizzysleep.com). Yes I’m a little crazy 🙃!

My journey with sleep started selfishly. I can’t function without sleep. So when I had my first, I did a ton of research and learning about sleep training. Eventually that journey led me to becoming a sleep consultant. I found myself helping so many of the families at my daycare with sleep as well. Eventually I became the owner of Sleep Baby Consulting and now work with 6 other great consultants. I love helping other moms and families and this has been my outlet to do that with so many struggling families.

A few years ago, I met Ernie Park, dad of 2 (ages 3 & 6), former sleep consulting client (successful!), and MIT engineer. Together, we teamed up to build Lizzy Sleep App to help bring sleep training to a wider audience. We realized there was a gap in the baby sleep market - there are trackers and there’s tons of courses and human consultants - but there wasn’t an app that can work with you and be with you every step of the way a sleep consultant can, but at a more accessible price point.

We believe Lizzy is a great option for the DIY sleep trainers on r/sleeptrain. Yes, it has AI, and I tell my friends it’s as if I put my brain into an AI. Unlike me, Lizzy never gets tired and will respond to you at all hours of the night. We think of sleep training like weight loss - it’s not hard to get the information (there’s plenty of it here on this great subreddit!) but sometimes you need someone to walk with you, keep you accountable, and answer all your questions along the way.

Thank you for having me! I’m here to answer your questions, and for anyone who wants a dad’s perspective, Ernie is also available to answer questions! We’re also happy to share (as unbiased as possible) opinions on the tradeoffs of different sleep training supports (consulting vs courses vs apps vs DIY).

Note: If you are asking a very specific sleep question, please add as much context as possible. Child's age, whether they're sleep trained and can sleep independently, sleep environment, schedule, how they're fed, etc. Just like a doctor, it's hard to answer questions without knowing some of your background. Thank you!

---

Edit: Hey everyone, it's OUR bedtime now! Thank you so much for all the questions.

Feel free to drop more questions, we love being a part of this subreddit, so we'll try our best to answer more during our wake windows (15 hours here on a good day, dwt 7am)!

Just giving everybody a warning. I posted something in this community yesterday and was messaged by a user named: Hefty-Discussion-461. They said, “Why would you want to starve and dehydrate your baby for what? Your own pleasure of more sleep? Nah get this so called mother out of here knowing her child is hungry at midnight and is willing to just make them cry out the hunger so they can get more sleep? Pathetic“.

This is not okay. I was taken aback about what was said to me but I knew better. But I was thinking about all of the other mothers out there with PPD and PPA and is truly asking for validation online.

So I've noticed something recently that's irritating me and I thought I'd bring it to the community.

Someone will post about their baby sleep, someone will ask a clarifying question, OP will respond with what they're doing and get downvoted, because it's not the "right" schedule.

People, they wouldn't be coming here to ask advice if there wasn't something to fix!

Can we stop downvoting OP who's just posting information about what they're doing?

I just wanted to give this group a huge shout out for being the most helpful sleep training resource. And I have tried them ALL.

I entered motherhood foolishly thinking I would be a “go with the flow” parent whose baby didn’t have a schedule and fit in to my life. The baby would nap when it worked for me! I got a huge slap in the face when my baby turned 3 months and stopped sleeping all together 😂 I knew essentially nothing about baby sleep and had a very tough child. He was premature and medically complex.

I purchased all of the major books on baby sleep, paid for 2 different online sleep courses, hired 2 different sleep consultants for 2 weeks each, and probably other things I’d forgotten about in my sleep deprived haze. I’m at least $3,000 in. All of them didn’t quite hit the mark with my baby (mainly suggesting he sleeps more than he is capable of).

This group became my bible and I learned so so much about baby sleep and sleep training. My kid was TOUGH. He didn’t sleep for longer than 30-1 hour at a time for 4 whole months. I had tried sleep training him on a few different occasions with incorrect schedules and it was a disaster.

Thanks to this group, I was able to find a schedule that actually worked for my baby and we are all finally getting sleep. We are less than a week in so I won’t declare ultimate success yet BUT he took all of his naps alone yesterday and slept for 10 hours straight in his crib last night. I feel like I can finally fully enjoy being a mom without being so sleep deprived and obsessed with getting my baby to rest.

So, thank you to everyone who takes time out of their day to comment and help us all navigate the wonder that is baby sleep!

I personally hate the terms "overtired" and "undertired". I think each term conflates multiple different issues with opposite origins and fixes, and lead to a ton of confusion. I suspect these are terms coined by the sleep industry to confuse parents. I'm curious what people think about the following distinction and whether it is more helpful (or more confusing!):

1. Preceding wake window (WW) too long
2. Preceding WW too short
3. Sleep deprived
4. Night too long

​

1. Preceding WW too long = too much build up of homeostatic pressure.

Signs: Very fussy and tired; Meltdown at the end of WW; Hard to settle at naptime/sleeptime, lots of fussiness; Nap from which baby wakes visibly sleepy and unhappy (crying, fretful, rubbing eyes) and is unhappy early in the next WW; This nap is usually crap BUT sometimes babies may knock out stone cold and sleep through the first cycle transition, but wake up still unhappy and stay unhappy through the next WW; 2-4 hours post-bedtime scream fest seems to be our LO's night version if last WW is too long.

Fix: Shorten preceding WW.

​

1. Preceding WW too short = not enough build up of homeostatic pressure.

Signs: Fighting naptime/sleeptime, lots of rolling/crawling/standing in crib; Long sleep/nap latency (time from putdown to asleep); Wakes up in 1 nap cycle or less happy and ready to play; Happy next WW but may get tired early on.

Fix: Lengthen preceding WW.

​

1. Sleep deprived = not enough sleep = total wake time too long (by far the most common problem I see around here)

Signs: not meeting the criteria laid out here https://www.reddit.com/r/sleeptrain/comments/zw702y/troubleshooting_schedule_101_figuring_out_your/; in my LO I find the first signs are early morning waking and daytime fussiness/sleepiness (WW shortening).

Fix is complicated because the causes are many and varied, but the key thing to remember is that TOTAL WAKE TIME needs to shorten. As total wake time is the sum of all the WWs, you can achieve shortening by 1) shortening some or all of the WWs OR 2) dropping a nap (eliminating one WW) and lengthening the remaining WWs somewhat.

This is a dynamic process as after your baby catches up on sleep, he/she will need a total wake time that is a bit longer before he/she gets into the problem of night sleep too long.

Three patterns of chronic sleep deprivation I've noticed:

1. cannot sustain age-appropriate WWs and naps long and hard during the day (way above the norm);
2. barely making it through the day with crap naps and passes out for 12-13 hours at night (lucky for the night caregiver, but exhausting for the day caregiver);
3. generally messy sleep but who every few days sleeps a TON.

My LO was a combo of #1 and #3. He doesn't seem to like to sleep >11 hours at night no matter what happens.

​

1. Night sleep too long = Circadian malalignment (can be from two causes: daytime sleep too short OR total wake time too short)

Signs: long sleep latency at bedtime, bedtime battles, some forms of false starts (if bedtime one day is a lot earlier than usual bedtime), split nights, toddler shenanigans overnight, early morning waking where the baby is wide awake and ready to start the day.

Fix: Shorten night sleep (early wake up time, later bedtime, or both). The "freed up" time needs to be substituted by either daysleep or wake time, depending on the cause. Takes time to work because circadian rhythm takes time to adjust.

My MIL wanted to drop off home made soup and I provided her the wake window times so she can see my 6 month old son while he's awake. I gave her the wrong times due to stupid day light savings. The time she arrived, I was just about to lay him down for a nap. She was fine that she wouldn't get to play with him and said next time. She was happy to briefly hold him just before I took him for the nap. He was really fussy and crying at that point because I had passed him to MIL for a quick greeting. I then hurried off into the bedroom while she remained and chatted with her son, my husband.

My son is sleep trained so all I did was a few minutes of cuddling, sang his sleep song, read his sleep book, white noise, light off and left. Because he was crying, I ripped through this nap routine quickly. He was crying for the nap. Normally he doesn't cry at all, but due to being passed to MIL instead of straight to bed he was livid. To me, it was fine, I know he would stop shortly, he doesn't cry more than 10 minutes when he's reached this limit.

I return to the living room and my MIL was shocked to see me because she could hear baby crying. She was panicking and saying "nonono this is not ok, you should be in there". Immediately I took out the baby monitor on the tablet and put it out in display for her. I said "it's ok, just watch, he will fall asleep in a few minutes." She was watching but was clearly still terrified. As he stopped crying and started working through his self soothing techniques she started to calm down, and then he conked out. I explained to her that we had resorted to sleep training because of his heavy association to nursing, that waking every hour wasn't good for his health long term. That since sleep training he's gotten quality sleep and is happier and stays awake longer, actually crying less overall.

She was impressed that he fell asleep in minutes but over all shocked still, probably on the fence and not fully convinced this is right (long term). I could see she was trying to convince her self as she shared random stories about how other family members cosleep/contact nap with their babies and have their own struggles, and that their babies are dependent on them for naps. However she voiced her was concern that our baby may end up being too independent.. a cold, tough person when they grow up... I assured her that millions of babies that are sleep trained are very loving and perfectly normal. Knowing her, this won't be the last time I hear about it.. that is, unless she's convinced. She said "you two (husband and I) are so strong, I could never let my babies cry that much".

I'm a visual learner and I've always taught others by providing visual demonstration. This is why I showed her the baby monitor immediately. Lead by example? I guess I shouldn't have to keep trying to convince her and she will just see for her self as my son grows up to be a caring and good person I know he will be. However, if she brings it up again, what should I say? What would you have done different?

When did you feel ready to move baby into their own room? Were you worried? What helped you deal with your anxieties?

I know after 6m SIDS risk goes down significantly and advice is that babies can sleep in own room.

I haven't done it yet as I've had very difficult life events in the recent past so this is very hard for me...but I know it's time...baby is 8m (7m corrected) and he constantly wakes me up and I wake him up.

I think I will put a mattress for me in the hallway right outside baby's room to help me with the transition.

EDIT: I didn't think I'd get so many replies. I have read every single one - each comment means so much to me and I love to hear all your experiences. My (longsuffering) husband has put a mattress in the hallway outside baby's room, it just about fits, not much room for walking... I'll have his door open too...baby steps. My little guy is growing up.

Hi everyone

The Internet is full of so many contradictions. I found it so hard to understand what to do with baby sleep and it all felt like guesswork until we got help from an actual good sleep consultant.

My top tips for everyone:

Track your baby's sleep and see how much sleep they need in 24 hours on average. If your schedule asks for more sleep than this then it will not work. You will get one of: false starts, split nights, early morning wakings, short naps, skipped naps. Also make sure your baby is on an appropriate number of naps for their age or you could also get the same.

Wake windows and average sleep needs are just that - averages! If your 6 months old needs 4.5 hours awake before bed then you do that! Or even more. If you need to cap your baby's naps at 2 hours to give you a good night then do that! Don't be scared.

Overtiredness exists in the sense of dysregulated babies and it being harder to get them to sleep if they are upset. There is no evidence it hangs around in babies bodies and wakes them up early the next day or causes split nights. No no no. If your baby was truly overtired they would sleep not stay awake for 2 hours and party.

Babies wake up multiple times throughout the night naturally as they transition between cycles. We all do. We can't stop that but if they know how to self settle it will be easier for them to go back to sleep.

Also please be kind to yourselves. None of you have broken your baby or their sleep. None of you are being bad parents in relationship to sleep. Look at the adults on your life, you can't tell if they conslept or were sleep trained or if they had high or low sleep needs. It'll all work out.

I used to be a great sleeper pre-baby, rarely woke except maybe once to pee. Now I've had 8 months of no more than 4 hours sleep in each nighttime chunk. Our sleep interventions with LO seem to be bearing fruit finally and we're seeing 6-8 hour stretches. The question is, how do I sleep through them now that my body and boobs have got used to waking and feeding every 2-4 hours?! It's so annoying. Last night LO did 8 hours, I went to bed 3 hours after her, woke just before she did, then just tossed and turned for her final 1.5 hour sleep 😩

I should add my age and wake windows right 37y/o 8/6.5 (if I get a nap)

EDIT: baby was obviously concerned for me, so a few nights later decided to go back to her old waking-every-two-hours schedule 😩 - at least it's easy to get back to sleep between each little chunk 🫠

The anti sleep training crowd often relies on the argument that this is a historically “new” technique or that “it’s not the standard in other countries,” so therefore sleep training must be bad.

But how do they know this is true?? People just say that with no statistical or research evidence to stand on whatsoever. Like are you an anthropologist??

You don’t think some exhausted 1950s house wives ever left her baby to just cry it out? Or even further back, some 19th century women in her one bedroom home with 10 children had no choice but to leave some to CIO as well?

Or some woman in any non America county — again probably with multiple children — decided to let her baby cry it out one night?

I just find it hard to believe that sleep training is a completely modern thing and that no one in other parts of the world employs this method.

Perhaps they don’t call it sleep training or don’t do is as consistently or methodically, but I’m sure more people do some form of sleep training than the anti sleep training crowd let on.