Troubleshooting with 3rd baby bedtime

[u/AdStandard6002]

So my 3rd baby is just shy of 7 weeks (2 days) and I have a 20 month old and a 3.5 year old. The older two were very lightly sleep trained via precious little sleep fuss it out, but really I just started establishing independent sleep as early as I could with them (around 6 weeks) even if it was one sleep onset a day of going into the bassinet awake.

Anyway, I am struggling to protect my newborns sleep with my older 2. I am not suggesting sleep training her just for the record.*** My older 2 share a room and go to bed somewhere between 7:30 and 8, but the bedtime routine is lengthy because I’m negotiating with 2 hellions. My youngest has been going to bed late anywhere from 9:30-11, as newborns do, but the last ~2 weeks she will fight bedtime for 90+ minutes. I realized last night she’s being kept awake all through my toddlers bedtime routine and THEN we start the wind down process for her but by this point she’s already been up at least an hour or more, so that extra 90 is pushing us into way way way too long for her and she’s so overtired. She’s just wired and fussy, wants to comfort nurse but gets mad when she actually gets milk, falls asleep for 3 minutes and jolts awake, is instantly awake when I try to transfer etc.

My question is would it be too ambitious to try to get her down by 8? I’m not necessarily hellbent on a specific time. I just don’t know how to protect her bedtime/wake window/anchor her sleep and also deal with my toddlers bedtime and this poor girl is so overtired and cranky every night I don’t want to do that to her anymore. Any help is much appreciated!

[u/nutrition403]

Honestly my take is that a third kid at this age will probably just knock out if they're tired enough. I had similar age gaps and just kept the newborn close during bedtimes and would nurse on and off as needed. Def put to bed late around 10-11pm so they could tank up before the long stretch of sleep. It's probably too ambitious to get down for 8 if also dealing with the other 2. It would mean you are then juggling three kids for the same bedtime, not two. ALso means that the long stretch would probably end by 0100 and get woken every 1-3 hour from there until a rise around 0600. Maximize your own sleep and do a late bedtime. I kept my thirds bedtime late until 6ish months (as in 30 min after the big kids) so that I could get them down and then tank up the baby.

[u/AdStandard6002 → u/nutrition403]

That’s what I have been doing exactly and it’s resulted in the 2.5-3 hour wake windows and major overtiredness unfortunately. She doesn’t really drift in and out with all the hubbub going on she’s wide awake, even if I’m wearing her.

[u/QuarantineQat]

I’d definitely try to get your newborn down for either a final nap or her bedtime before starting your older boys’ bedtime routine. My baby has always gone to bed between 6:30-9, and as he’s gotten older (12 weeks now) it’s gotten more reliably around 6:30/7.

(I just checked the app we used, and around 7 weeks, his bedtimes were 8:45, 9:15, 7:45, 8:45, 7:30, 7:45, and 8:00 — the 9:15 bedtime, he had a nap from 7-7:30!)