r/sex • u/[deleted] • 3d ago
Anatomy How do you have sex with ugly vagina lips after giving birth?
[deleted]
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u/Green-Web2948 3d ago
Take a look at the art exhibit called the wall of vaginas. Seeing how other people look might help you feel better about yourself. There’s no one size fits all. Everybody looks different. If it really bothers you start saving for labioplasty.
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u/chai-addict 3d ago
I was gonna suggest this as well! Looking through that really blew my mind in a good way
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u/Green-Web2948 3d ago
https://www.thegreatwallofvulva.com/image-galleries/all-ten-panels/ This might be the better link because it takes you right to the panels
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u/Tejasgrass 2d ago
I love this one. Somewhere out there is also a large pdf that classifies every way a vulva can be different. Hood length and width, inner labia length, shape, color, etc. Things I never thought of. Like the wall it is amazing and informative.
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2d ago
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u/strangelove000 2d ago
This is an even better website in my opinion because more accurate and very good to also check out colour and texture differences that are all part of "normal" https://gynodiversity.com/standing https://gynodiversity.com/recumbent https://gynodiversity.com/recumbent-and-vestibule
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u/TeaBasedAnimal 1d ago
Here's my "flap" list showing just some of the diversity.
Link to what you have already seen and some others!
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u/alwaysoffended88 3d ago
I thinks there’s a website of actual pictures of different vaginas too. I’ve seen it before but can’t think of what it’s called, I wanna say the vagina monologues but I don’t think that’s right…
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u/Pussycat1976 2d ago
Maybe the labia library: https://www.labialibrary.org.au/labia_gallery/
This is great too:
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u/-yellowthree 2d ago
Omg they sell a casting kit so that you can create your own vulva art.....I wanna do it but it's like $135 to buy and ship it to me.
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u/Legitimate-Stuff9514 2d ago
Same here but I'm also nervous about being that person who has to go to the ER because the plaster won't come off.....
That's a tough one to explain.
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u/-yellowthree 2d ago
I also saw that they are signing people up to cast women across america to participate. They cast it for you. I'm thinking that they are trying to get a vulva from each state. My state's spot isn't taken yet and if I was younger and less busy then I would totally do it.
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u/RobinHarleysHeart 2d ago
This is straight up what gave me confidence in my vulva. It's such a great site. I haven't even given birth, but I think every woman should familiarize themselves with it
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u/nitrodmr 3d ago edited 3d ago
Wife went through something similar. Between the stretch marks, the c section scar, she gained weight and the dark areas, I still love my wife. She is still attractive.
Her body went through changes. My body is going through changes. My hair is thinning out. I got hair growing on my back. My hair is graying.
We tend to get hyper focus when we find a fault we don't like. But your husband loves you for more than your appearance.
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u/ThirstyOholibah2320 2d ago
I went through something similar. Pushed my first kid for 70 hours, it was a war zone.
My husband never said anything about it and still loved me but I still felt like OP, I hated how I could feel everything rubbing and I had a lot of scar tissue that made things uncomfortable.
A lot of comments are focusing on how people don't care about the look of their partners genitals and that's obviously great, but I'm not sure that's what OP wants to hear.
As far as I know, there's no natural method to tuck your labia back in. You can hold them to the side and use lots of lube while having sex but that's about it.
Mine got tucked back in after I had my second kid, the doctor cut a lot of the scar tissue out and after everything healed it's now so much better looking! But I wouldn't advise having a second kid to fix your genitalia lol I had no clue this would happen and was entirely prepared for things to get worse.
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u/Ok_Sprinkles2538 2d ago
As a postpartum mom who gained a lot of weight I had tears in my eyes reading this. Thank you so much for your insight. Because even if my partner tells me he finds me beautiful sometimes we need a stranger to validate that it’s actually possible!
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u/Eternity_Warden 2d ago
And on top of this, the changes are the result of the birth of his child.
Millions of years of evolution conditioned men to view this as a good thing. Any man who doesn't find a woman's body attractive because she gave birth to his child is faulty.
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u/Ultra_3142 3d ago edited 3d ago
Plenty of women have labia minora that protrude before childbirth, and as a guy I assure you this has never been any sort of negative whatsoever for me. So whilst I totally respect that you don't like what has changed, do try to be open to the possibility that your partner doesn't view this the same as you. As he has said.
On a practical level, might some lube help with the folding/rubbing that you describe?
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u/villanellechekov 3d ago
or even just holding them out to the side before he penetrates her. I've always had this issue and have to do the same thing sometimes
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u/OddFiction 2d ago
Came here to suggest exactly this. The struggle is real and I've had this issue since well before child birth.
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u/StoogieWoogie 2d ago
I have big labia majoria and I have to pull them/unroll them so my hairs aren't rubbing on his shaft. Usually once it's in I just pull the lips to untuck them.
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u/TX_Jake 3d ago
While I understand your concerns, I will say women in particular tend to be their own harshest critics about things body-related.
I will say as a man, I really think your husband means it when he says it doesn't matter to him. I mean, you mentioned he goes down on you, but you're the one that insists the lights be off, not him.
And I will also say there lots of men who are more drawn to larger, more pronounced labia. But bottom line, they're all amazing, sexy and beautiful, including yours. Please don't be so hard on yourself.
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u/Maiku_Kokoro 3d ago
I would say we're all our worse critics on average.
There's an irony in this though that most women will say they don't care at all about penis size (which guys very much stress over), but then can't fathom how a guy really doesn't care what your vagina lips look like.
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u/DecadentLife 3d ago
I hear you. I wonder if that has more to do with the fact that women are typically the ones being objectified, at least to a much, much, greater degree.
I don’t like any of it. Body shaming sucks, regardless of gender.
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u/TX_Jake 3d ago
Somewhat true. But will say my wife says penis size absolutely matters.
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u/DecadentLife 3d ago
Everyone has their own opinion, I would say that penis size can matter IF it’s to an extreme. I think for the most part, when men are within something like 80% of the average, it’s much less of an issue.
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u/TX_Jake 3d ago
Don’t disagree. But wife needs a certain size at a minimum to cum from PIV. And been with a few others who were the same.
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u/ATXweirdobrew 3d ago
Then step up your oral game and she'll have even more orgasms!
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u/villanellechekov 3d ago
or maybe she knows what she likes and prefers well-hung men. orgasms from penetration are on another tier all together and the only thing that beats it is cumming with your partner as he cums inside you
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u/TX_Jake 3d ago
Dude....oral game is fine. Get her off that way first every time. And point missed by you is I have the size she needs to get off in PIV.
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u/Littlewing1307 3d ago
Every woman has a unique vaginal canal, just like every penis is unique.
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u/Shot_Revolution_9672 2d ago
Yes and some match up perfectly
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u/Littlewing1307 2d ago
They absolutely do! One woman's he has a small dick is another woman's he's completely perfect.
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u/blondiehjones 2d ago
1000% this. When I first had my kids who are now eight and nine years old, I struggled so much with the way everything looked and operated down there. It was also different. My whole body was different to be honest, but for whatever reason my labia/vagina bothered me the most. My husband did not care at all. Not even in the slightest it was 100% me. I was a million percent worried about something that in hindsight didn’t matter, but at the time felt very significant. All that to say I completely understand where you’re coming from, but give yourself grace. You literally just grew a human in your body and that’s pretty freaking amazing. The change is father has more personally than anything else.
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u/cen-texan 2d ago
I agree with this. He likes your vagina because it’s attached to you and he wants to have sex with you.
I will add that your anxiety may be the reason your labia get pulled in during sex. If you aren’t into it, then you may not be producing natural lubricant. A good lube may help sex be more comfortable for both of you.
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u/slvstrChung 3d ago edited 3d ago
Okay. My perspective may not be helpful to you, because I am the husband in my marriage, but I wanted to provide that perspective... particularly because I hear a lot of the same things I've heard from my wife.
He says it doesn’t matter but I don’t buy it.
Well, first off, he could be telling the truth. =) The thing about attractiveness is that it's not only subjective, it's multiple choice. A while ago, a woman used PhotoShop to make herself look like she matched beauty standards from different historical eras. Needless to say, she (looks like she) has a different body in every photo. Are you going to tell me that every single photo except the one for our recent times (2018 in this case) is false? Are you going to tell me that, when people in the 1700s looked at a woman and said, "She is attractive because she has some meat on her bones, meaning she has time for leisure instead of being out in the fields all day," they were completely wrong to find that woman attractive? Because, obviously, they weren't. There is more than one way of being attractive. Long labia minora are currently out of fashion... But fashions change. And, much more importantly, no one is obliged to follow fashions, to allow them to dictate their own desires and preferences. Just because someone has told your husband, "You should find that unattractive," it does not automatically follow that he will agree.
Second off, repeat after me: relationships take place between people, not bodies. Your body is wrapping paper. It's only part of why your husband fell in love with you, and frankly it's the smallest part. It's your heart, your mind, your choices, your priorities, that made him not only fall in love with you but decide that you would be a good mother to his children. Your body is wrapping paper... and the details of your vulva even more negligible than that.
And that's the last bit. I was in the room while my wife gave birth, both times; I was holding her hand, coaching her along, providing moral support. At one point, while we were clustered around the business end of the bed, I noticed a bit of poop: I mean, of course there was a bit of poop, she's been pushing with those muscles for a while. I pointed it out to a nurse, and she silently wiped it up, and nothing more was said about it; I'm not sure my wife even knew it was there. It changed nothing about how I look at her, and even if it did, the change would be negligible. She was giving birth, for fuck's sake. She was giving birth to our child. Out of all the men in the world she could have loved, she chose me; and then, even more than that, she decided she was willing to have children with me, that she was going to allow me to spurt a bit of white goo into her vagina and in doing so surrender her bodily autonomy to me (to greater or lesser extents) for nine freaking months while our child grew within her. And then she did it again. Our marriage has its share of problems -- we're still arguing about her primary hobby (when I'm not cheering her on -- join us at 7:15 Pacific while her eSports team either gets second place in the division, or brings home the gold and is undefeated throughout the entire season!, come provide moral support!), sex has dwindled, and there were tons of short-term compromises made, so that we could get through a years-long and potentially fatal case of post-partum depression, that need to be revisited. I feel like she could give more. But I need to remind myself that, by the same token, she's already given a lot. My coworkers treat me like a robot; my friends turn to me when they need me and ignore me all the rest of the time (which, to be fair, I do in return; we're all introverts and we're all busy); my parents treat me like a disappointment; my kids don't even notice I exist. (That's a compliment -- you can't be doing too badly if your kids just take you for granted -- but it's not a nice-feeling one.) Only my wife treats me like an actual human being. And on top of that she trusted me enough to fall in love with me; she trusted me enough to marry me; she trusted me enough to let her sire children on her. She even trusted me enough to hyphenate our last names! (And that's saying something, because my last name sucks. I mean, at least hers has vowels.)
Excepting the rather specific detail of surnames, your husband should feel exactly the same about you.
You really think a minor detail like longer labia is going to overwhelm all of that?
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u/PancakeHandz 3d ago
“Relationships take place between people, not bodies.” Dang bro this one got me. 🥹
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u/EstrellaMariposaLuna 3d ago
This is beautifully written. I may have a tear in my eye.
I let my body insecurities cause a huge rift in my 20 year marriage and that (along with other things) has led to our divorce. One thing I learned is that when a man says it doesn't matter and continues to love on you, please do your best to believe him.
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u/calistapyro 3d ago
So much of what you said, my husband has also said and I just thought you should know, your wife is truly lucky. My husband is the epitome of patience and understanding and as someone who deals with similar issues, it makes me feel less crazy to hear there’s others out there! He is such an anomaly and it sounds like you are too <3
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u/SkyPuppy561 3d ago
Beautifully put, sir!! I’ve made my husband promise he won’t lose attraction to me if I have kids, provided I do everything in my control like diet and exercise my way back to my pre-baby body. He said he would still find me attractive but I’m still undecided on kids for various reasons.
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u/PersnicketyParsnips 3d ago
As a woman with long labia minora, I refuse to feel embarrassed because my body doesn't look like a porn stars. Your body created and delivered life, there is absolutely nothing wrong with how your body looks now.
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u/B-Rayne 3d ago
As a guy, I can’t overstate how little I care about the length, size, color, etc. of a vulva, labia, etc. It’s roughly as important as whether the woman has an even or odd number of hairs on her head.
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u/IntrepidMaybe8579 3d ago
Yeah its still attractive on women I’ve probably dated one girl in my life where i looked sideways for a sec because it was extremely off the way like 1 side none and the other corner had a tonne but its not like it has anything to do with anything we still had fun alot and you cant even see what your doing down there to begin with
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u/actuallyrose 3d ago
I’m a woman who watches porn and there are plenty of women on there with this, I actually thought it was desirable to have it? I don’t think it’s gross at all, it seems hot to me.
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u/OkNefariousness6711 3d ago
As a bisexual woman, I love long labia! This doesn't help OP much obviously but... they're definitely the preference for some people:)
But either way, OP be proud of how much work your body has done! It deserves the appreciation
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u/trntchgdhd 3d ago
I would say it’s even more of an attraction factor when your wife has carried your child
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u/neenjafus 3d ago
Your body does look like a porn star’s, though. You do realize that there are all types of porn stars, just like there are all types of people, right?
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u/kittenandkettlebells 3d ago
Ok, my husband and our friends (open relationship) call my vagina a porn star pussy because of how it looks (or rather - looked pre-kids lol). But OMG, I find longer labia SO FREAKIN' HOT and wish I had them myself 😅
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u/tityboituesday 3d ago
i’ve had long labia minora my whole life and have had my shit eaten, slammed, and otherwise kindly regarded by many gentlemen callers. no one cares. consider some therapy.
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u/RogueHeroAkatsuki 3d ago
Why not trust what he says? He loves you as person and married you, not your body before pregnancy.
I'm actually new parent as M too(we both are 32yo) and wife is again pregnant. Her body is obviously showing signs of pregnancy too both up and down. My attraction to her is even higher than before. How it could not be if she sacrifices so much to bring to world our children? I bet your hubby feels same as me. Its really ok, he knew its coming and dont mind at all and is grateful to have you.
Also I dont think we as men really focus on 'rating' pussies. What matters is who is owner of that pussy.
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u/Mister_Magnus42 3d ago
Ugly is such a harsh way to describe yourself.
My partner has always had longer labia minora, and I think they're great. They don't cause us any trouble with sex other than occasionally being in the way before they are lubricated.
In addition to the links the mod gave you, you could search long or large labia on Reddit and find that there are more than a few subreddits dedicated to larger inner labia. You might not find them attractive, but many people do.
I hope you can find a way to trust your husband when he tells you you're still attractive. A therapist might be helpful.
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u/Rulanik 3d ago
You gotta find a way to get out of your own head about this. He doesn't care. Don't ruin your marriage over this insecurity. Get therapy, surgery, or something.
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u/throwaway110sp 3d ago
I'd suggest therapy far before surgery. The risk of complications and the potential for even more body dysmorphia following a surgery is huge.
Therapy and tools to learn to accept the difference in our body would be helpful.
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u/VisageInATurtleneck 3d ago
I’ve also heard vaginoplasty in particular can damage nerve endings, reduce sensation, all that jazz. I looked into it as a dumb and self-conscious college kid, and know I’m a dumb and self-conscious 30-something who doesn’t care about her flappy lips.
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u/Littlewing1307 3d ago
Same. It can eliminate your ability to orgasm and that was 100 percent not worth the risk for me and I actually love my flaps now. I'm soooooo fucking glad 19 year old me figured out how to accept and love my bits.
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u/lime_boi3 3d ago
And I mean, if absolutely nothing else, therapy is more easily reversible than surgery
But seriously, I don't want to tell adults what to do with their bodies, however; If you want surgery to "fix" a cosmetic "flaw" with yourself, it's always worth it to at least try body acceptance first. There's a massive difference between "oh I'd like this cosmetic surgery because I think it'd look nice" and "this part of me is hideous and I need surgery to remove/change it"
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u/belltower123 3d ago
Too much scar tissue from surgery. If you don't like it now, you certainly won't after surgery.
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u/silly_octopus 3d ago
please spend some time reading the comments on r/labiaGW
You'll find that there are a lot of men that really like what you are describing and think it is very sexy. don't be so hard on yourself and accept your husband may be telling you the truth.
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u/Littlewing1307 3d ago
Over 50 percent of women have "outies". You sound really in your head about it. I find my flaps usually enhance my sensations during sex but if they get in the way I just use my fingers ( or his) to spread them a bit more. He also loves how much more he can feel because lips that grip and all that. This comment might help you a lot. Your body is normal and healthy.
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u/RedwoodRespite 3d ago
If you refuse to belive and trust the one who you should trust the most….what is anyone here supposed to do.
If your man’s body changed shape and color would you care?
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u/maxspeed2 3d ago
I've been with someone who was SUPER self conscience of the look of her vagina. Honestly, i 100% dont care about how it looks. It's a part of her, thats all there is to it, just a part of the human body.
Some bodies are different, some bodies change. Thats the beauty of the human body.
The change in your body is as a result of the miracle of childbirth, it's a reminder of the bond you share with your husband, and the family that the bond has created.
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u/SkyPuppy561 3d ago
Girl, I’ve had protruding inner labia since puberty and met my husband with them. He gladly has sex with me and goes down on me
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u/Drakeytown 3d ago
What the hell are ugly vagina lips? I'm a fairly experienced older man, have seen plenty of labia, none of them are ugly!
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u/lexisplays 3d ago
Good to know my vulva is considered ugly 😑
Mine is similar as described (without birth) and dark. I've had zero complaints from any partner man or woman.
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u/yuzu_ice_cream 3d ago
Lol this is how I feel as a woman of color when women complain about their nipples or vulva turning darker after pregnancy. Like, "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize that the light brown nipples and dark pink vulva I've been walking around with my entire life were ugly."
Apparently light pink is the only acceptable color for private parts...
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u/throwaway110sp 3d ago
Am husband. Wife has had two kids. Her vagina is amazing. She has one labia slightly longer than the other - exciting to play with.
Her vulva was a little different in color after giving birth - I don't give any shots about the color of her vagina.
It's part of her body that she allows me to give her pleasure via. It's amazing and awesome and brought our kids into this world.
Check out the multiple vagina library outlets online. There is no perfect vagina. There is no normal in the sense of labial lips, etc. Every vulva is unique and different.
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u/SaltyCanuck76 3d ago
My wife does the same, she has a connective tissue disorder, so you name it, it’s probably been sticking out or moving in and out at some time. She is so harsh on herself. I literally had to look at her one time and say “Hey, you’re my best friend, but you need to stop talking shit about my gorgeous wife”… she gave me a “deer in the headlights” look after I said that.
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u/AcrobaticOrchid3538 3d ago
A lot of men like that style of vagina, maybe look at some subs. Vaginas all look different, would you be turned off if your husband penis changes as he ages? Probably not, he is probably being honest with you and doesn’t care.
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u/Mrbarajas1995 3d ago
I can’t recall ever looking at my wife’s vagina lips. I just fuck her, eat her out and move on. Don’t really care.
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u/Bigbadspoon 3d ago
It's not called "bumping uglies" because people like the look of each other's privates, generally. If he tells you he doesn't care, he probably doesn't. If you guys are comfortable enough to have children together, there's a good chance that he loves you for many more reasons than the shape or color of your vagina.
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u/Egor468Pati 3d ago
There are no ugly vulvas, different ones yes, but ALL are beautiful. They are one of the most amazing body parts !
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u/Synchronomyst 3d ago
W...with my mouth and penis?
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u/Synchronomyst 3d ago
But seriously your body is going to change post partum and with just the passage of time. That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with it. And if your partner can appreciate the fact that it's changed then chances are that you, with help and support, can also appreciate the stark reality that your body has changed and this idealized concept of your body and genitalia is unfair to the physical and psychological makeup of you.
So yeah it's your body first and foremost. Do what you need to whether it be therapy or surgery.
But there isn't anything wrong with you.
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u/Used_Letterhead_9147 3d ago
I had surgery and am left with 1 of my labia cut too much. Also scar tissue that cracks open and is sore. I feel like I was butchered which is a horrible feeling.
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u/hot_professional99 3d ago
I totally get how that changes in your body must make you feel self conscious - but as I guy, I can 100% promise you, your man doesn't think like that. Not even slightly.
What's ruining your self confidence (and your marriage) is your perception of it, not what it actually now looks like. I can promise you he would love to see you down there more, and probably really wishes he could.
You may gain some confidence back in yourself by letting him, and seeing how much he enjoys you. Try it - only good things can happen if you ask me...
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u/According-Shake2652 3d ago
I guarantee you that with everything you did to bring you child into the world, your husband finds you even more attractive now than any other time in your life. Everything you listed off as a negative about yourself you gained from giving birth to his child.
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u/SystemOfAFoopa 3d ago
I think you’re way too in your own head about this and that really sucks! Don’t let your intrusive thoughts win, your body created life and that comes with physical changes and that’s okay! One of my labia is longer than the other and truthfully it doesn’t matter as long as it’s not physically hurting / chaffing. I hope you start to feel better about yourself!
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u/maraq 3d ago
Enjoy them being big and ugly now because in menopause they disappear and you’ll wish you had them again. Your vulva is perfect as it is and anyone worth having sex with will think so too.
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u/failjolesfail 3d ago
Bodies change. Yours may have seemed static for awhile, but they all change, and it’s a losing battle to try and keep them the same.
What if your daughter talked this way about her body? What would you tell her?
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u/Puzzleheaded_Fold466 3d ago
Not once in my life have I ever looked at a woman’s vagina and had inner thoughts about her labia.
It’s a really weird obsession that too many women have nowadays.
It’s about as insignificant to me as the shape of a woman’s tragus, helix, and scapha (the bunch of ridges and folds and whatnot in the outer ear).
Therapy !
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u/Littlewing1307 3d ago
We become self conscious about it due to the roast beef is disgusting narrative / you're a slut / loose / ran through that the Internet is full of. Reddit is actually the most refreshing place to hear from men how much they love "outies" but I have seen henious comments for many years. I thought I was a freak until I educated myself.
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u/Littlewing1307 2d ago
Wow those guys were assholes. I really hope you can put that out of your mind and realize they were wrong.
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u/Breezinous 3d ago
My vagina looks really similar to the one you described and to be honest. It doesn’t matter to any guy worth keeping lol. No guy I’ve been with has ever cared. Not to be uncouth but, to a guy a pussy is a pussy. You look good, girl, maybe go to some therapy to talk it out, you’re facing some potential body dysmorphia
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u/Putrid_Trade7765 3d ago
Oh sweetie, I do feel for you as I hate my body for different reasons. But there is nothing wrong with your vagina and vulva. Your husband wouldn't go anywhere near it if he found it disgusting. He's told you he doesn't care - please believe him. He likes it enough to put his penis, hands and mouth there. He wouldn't do that if he was turned off.
Your vulva is completely normal, it has just changed. I hope you can get some therapy to help adjust to your new body and learn to love and accept it. Also maybe work on the trauma, from what sounds like a difficult birth.
I hope in time you will feel better about yourself and be able to have oral with the lights on again. Remember your husband loves you and has no reason to lie to you.
You are beautiful and you and your body is enough!
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u/Putrid_Trade7765 3d ago
P.S. - please don't pursue vaginoplasty! I think you will end up spending a lot of money on an unnecessary surgery that will come with it's own complications. And there is the potential for deep regret.
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u/Vape_Like_A_Boss 3d ago edited 3d ago
First off, it sounds like using a liberal amount of lubricant would help a lot with some of the things that you're self conscious about.
You're WAY overthinking this and being too hard on yourself. I'll be honest as a dude, the hottest bodies I've ever been with were also the Mom bodies with some tiger stripes and such. I think you'd be shocked if you could somehow see how much his brain is going crazy being turned on while you're together. Unfortunately, it's not a trait we have yet or it would relieve a lot of insecurity.
This is a great site to see how different and how beautiful all different kinds of vulvas are and how every one is different. There is no "right" or "normal" vag, they're all different like finger prints. https://www.labialibrary.org.au/
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u/Similar-Beyond252 3d ago
Oh, my friend! My labia looked like that growing up and when I had my first real boyfriend, he told all his friends I had a big labia! Being a teenager was fun! I felt ugly and embarrassed to trust future partners. But now I’m 40 and call it my lady meat and laugh about it. Sometimes I shake it around for my husband, and I can’t even use the excuse of having kids. It is what it is, I’m not going to bother to change it. And it is deeply uncomfortable sometimes when my lip slips out of a thong or I’m trying to get comfortable sleeping. And yes, sometimes during sex it tucks in. That shit hurts. I spread them with my two fingers and let my husband go at it. I highly doubt his vaginal preference includes huge lips but I know he’s happy to be there because he loves me unconditionally, the greatest gift of all.
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u/Similar-Beyond252 2d ago
You can be. I’d be a hypocrite if I said don’t worry about it. But years of worry and lack of self acceptance didn’t do me any favors. If your husband accepts you, believe him, and let him love you.
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u/SaintAnton 3d ago
As a man, it's a strange feeling listening to my wife be insecure about her appearance after she made me so hard that i'm scared i'll damage the walls if I walk around the house.
If he says he doesn't care, believe him.
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u/PuzzleheadedWriting7 3d ago
I can’t say this loud enough for every woman to hear…..if your man truly loves you….. he does NOT CARE!!! He loves you, and wants nothing more than to be close to you! Over the next 30 YEARS you will BOTH age and get ugly, but you are doing it together. Do not feel self-conscious about your changing body when around your loving partner, trust me, all he sees is someone who turns him on!!
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u/Thinkiamweakcoffee 3d ago
Honestly, I hate so much that Reddit is giving me giving me new things to feel self conscious about. Is this a rage bait thing? Girl, please love your vagina
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u/Flat-Avocado-6258 3d ago
Believe your damn husband. We couldn’t care less about that stuff. It’s something you’ve built up in your own head to be a “problem”. You gave the miracle of life out of that body for crying out loud, be proud!
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u/whirdin 3d ago
I'm a man who adores a decadent meal of my wife's long and colorful labia. I crave it, I savor it. It's a delight for all my senses, especially sight and feel.
It makes me so sad that you think a man can't love that, that you hide yourself away in the dark. It's really defeating to have our love/attraction met with a resistant attitude like 'nah, nobody could love that, stop lying'. Of course you don't have sex much, you don't love yourself and therefore have an emotional block stopping you from accepting that he could be attracted to you.
Check out the labia library for images of average normal women (spoiler alert, the variations are vast). None of those look ugly to me. Porn favors women with small labia and no color variations, but that's for production value and catering to the rich men who own the industry. Hollywood favors veneer perfect white teeth and plastic surgery. Do you think that my slightly crooked off white teeth are unlovable? Do you think sagging faces are unlovable? Should I only smile in the dark?
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u/WonderfulActuator312 2d ago
Ugly is relative, prominent inner labia is a definite kink, try r/ButterflyWings just to see the appreciation men have for the refined tastes.
If it makes you feel better, during pregnancy my wife’s clit looked more like a gummy worm and I loved it.
Her outer lips swole like a bad injection and I motorboated it whenever she’d let me.
Her inner lips hid during the first trimester then made a grand entrance during the second followed by their greatest act yet and became the most glorious of colors in the third and I applauded every twist this show provided.
Her body produced a living being and I worship at it, it can’t be ugly, it’s a miracle and it’s beautiful.
Manhood will never get enough of any kind of women’s body so do not judge yourself as ugly.
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u/ingeniosobread 2d ago
as a 23 yr old who has never been pregnant, my inner labia has always been longer than my outer labia since puberty. i remember when i first started getting my period i was so confused because i would wipe and there would be blood but it never got onto my pad, i realised it was because my inner labia was so long it would cup the blood in. since having sex, I know that I have to be very wet or lubed to make it comfortable for my labia, even going as far to grab my inner labia and spread it over my outer labia, otherwise I can have the same problem as you where it folds into my vagina and can causes discomfort with penetrative sex. like someone else said, have a look at the vulva gallery by sam hil atalanta, they draws pics of different labias, since seeing those, its made me feel more comfortable about my vagina, and the artwork is beautiful
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u/Travelingcouple09 3d ago
As a man I promise we don't care . I mean in all reality wtf are balls and my wife loves mine . I have never looked at another vagina and thought "damn I wish my wife's looked like that"
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u/Historical_Mix_6682 3d ago
I've had 6 kids and never thought about or worried about this shit.. where does this come from? I have many insecurities but this is just ... Idk man so odd to me.
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u/Acceptable-Hat-6078 3d ago
Chiming in here because, as a man, it saddens me that so many are self conscious about their vaginas. We love them. Trust me. We absolutely love them!
My partner has had children. Her body changed. Would go into graphic detail here about how I feel about her body but it's not necessary for you to get the idea. When I tell her what her body does to me, and for me, I am honest.
If your inner labia are moving it's likely stimulating him and feels great.
I hope some other vagina owners can speak up as to what procedures might help you. I think there are less invasive ones that are more affordable. I would prioritize the care as it's critical to your health (sexual health).
I would also recommend you communicate more with him if this is impacting intimacy. If you don't buy it, give him a chance to reassure you. And his body is also communicating how he feels, don't forget that.
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u/Reccalovesdancing 3d ago
One time my ex got a bit lost down there and his cock was really not going into my pussy even though he was genuinely trying. We were having sex with the lights off in the middle of the night in a hotel room to be fair lol
Anyway, he looked at me with this wide-eyed cute "help me" expression, so I just gently snaked my hand down there and realised he was pushing on my right hand labia minora (inner lip). I now know my anatomy better and this makes sense as both my lips on that side are longer than the left side
I flipped my inner lip back towards its matching outer lip and guided him into my pussy gently, it was all sorted in a matter of seconds and ended up being a little sweet teamwork moment between us. One of the fonder memories I have of that ex haha 🤣🙈
All this to say, you can just love your anatomy the way it is here and now, learn to work with your body and approach yourself with gentle thoughts. You deserve self-love and self-respect too
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u/Reccalovesdancing 2d ago
There you go, I'm sure it happens all the time all over the world!
Sending big hugs to you, hope you can draw a line now and enjoy your body the way it is (beautiful! functional! made for fun and enjoyment!) more and more in future 🙌🍀
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u/Either-Welder-6211 3d ago
Tbh it's not the outside that's giving them physical pleasure so odds are he really doesn't care how it looks. All bodies change with age, kids, etc. If he says he's accepting of it, please believe him. Not believing him will do nobody any favors.
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u/Flashy-Method7560 3d ago
Well first off I dont think it matters to him, I've never seen a vagina that I didnt like, even meaty ones. By the way I think they're hot AF, you could try to pump it and balance the visual of it before you play. I dont know if it would help or not but it could be fun to explore. I know how we all feel about our bodies and I get that, however I really doubt its an issue to anyone other then you girl. Id let your husband go down on you with the lights on to enjoy your badge of honor to giving him children. Have fun and I hope this helps you.
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u/GenRN817 3d ago
As a woman and nurse that has had 3 babies (that is much older than you are) let me tell you what you may not know …hormones change our bodies. This phase is temporary. Your body now won’t be your body after you finish having kids and when you stop breastfeeding. Enjoy your beautiful body for it creating life. Don’t think your husband doesn’t find you sexy, trust what he tells you. The sexiest part of a woman is self confidence in whatever stage you are in. Embrace a well functioning body. Enjoy the pleasure it gives you. Appreciate everything about it. It is shocking after giving birth because our bodies change so much. The skin darkening is probably temporary. Love yourself!
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u/lilbluetruck 3d ago
Nobody cares, your husband doesn't care, please turn on the lights and enjoy sex with him.
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u/GraceJoans 3d ago
I can't imagine a man ever caring so much about how saggy and fleshy his balls are. girl, your body has gone through a LOT lately and bodies change. you are fine as you are and I can guarantee your husband is being honest with you. I hope you can make peace with this without surgery but do what you need to do to feel better.
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u/Sekhmet-Enthusiast 2d ago
Speaking as a lesbian, everything you just described about your vulva is hot. Which I say not meaning to be creepy, but rather to point out that while you may think you look disgusting, to other people you're not just a snack, you're the whole damn meal. There's thousands and thousands of women out there with beautiful vulvas that look like yours. Are these women ugly? No, obviously not. And neither are you.
Not sure how to advise you from here. It just sounds like you have a lot of self-hate and shame to unravel about your body. Are you familiar with the Labia Library (it's a website, Google it)? It's an incredible photo series of a wide variety of vulvas. It's awesome. You might find some that look like yours, maybe taking a look at that might help.
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u/moutnmn87 3d ago
Your husband is very likely being honest when he says he doesn't care. Also even if he did have a preference that wouldn't necessarily mean he doesn't like yours. There's a fairly large porn subreddit dedicated to vaginas with long labia minora so clearly lots of guys are into that. Don't fall into the trap of thinking everyone has the same idea as you about what kind of vagina looks pretty. Your husband fell in love with a whole entire human being not just your genitalia so maybe take him at his word when he says he doesn't care.
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u/Luce_Jones 3d ago
Instead of getting surgery, maybe you could get some private therapy? Our bodies will continue to change as we age. It might be nice to find ways to accept our own bodies as beautiful rather than changing them through surgery? I say this as someone who’s had one cosmetic procedure. Now, I wouldn’t change anything else about myself because my insecurities just found new ways to be insecure about the change I made. I think tackling the insecurity is more beneficial than surgery. Sending you love x
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u/Msmollyskyler 3d ago
I know it’s hard but look at your body. You gave birth to a little human. YOU no one else. That’s amazing. Yes your body changes and get ready it will make way more.
I don’t think anybody covers that surgery. It’s considered cosmetic. I have one lip longer than the other. Does it bother me YES but I override my thoughts about it.
Also you need to talk to your husband, you are assuming things. You need to believe him when he says it doesn’t bother him. If you don’t trust what he says you have bigger problems.
I’m a swinger and have NEVER had a guy tell me there’s an issue with my lips being uneven and stretched out. TALK TO HIM…ask why not as much sex. Between life, kids and even maybe his testosterone is decreasing there could be way more reasons.
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u/Nachobusiness11 3d ago
It's so nice to see so many lovely comments from men here. Women are so hard on themselves, and sometimes forget that there is so many lovely men in the world.
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u/Ready2JaM 3d ago
Mine did that in high school way before kids. It’s NORMAL! Every vulva is beautiful in its own unique way. Your husband is telling you the truth. I’ve struggled with this myself for years and I was young. Not to mention vaginoplasty is a rough surgery and recovery. Try and accept your body if you can.
I’m not opposed to plastic surgery. And have had it myself. If in the end, you can’t accept your new normal. Then do what makes you feel comfortable on your own skin.
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u/Bromodrosis 3d ago
They aren't ugly. I've seen more than a few in my life and they're like sunsets: all a bit different and all lovely.
If your husband doesn't care, that's all that matters. Try not to be in your own head about it.
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u/chaosbreather 3d ago
I completely understand body confidence issues. I have lichen sclerosis and vitiligo on my vulva. For a long time I was super embarrassed and didn’t want anyone to see. I thought people would think I had a communicable disease. My husband and I started swinging about a year ago. I’m bisexual and there’s nothing I love more than long labia minora. I think it’s so beautiful!! I’d say 75% of the ladies I’ve been with had visible labia and I get so excited. It’s like a Georgia o’keefe painting. My husband rarely even notices. He just gets to business! I’m sorry you’re feeling so down but pleased don’t think it makes you unattractive
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u/deathviarobot1 3d ago
No man with a half a soul worthy of love would ever care about it. Your husband does not care. He’s just happy to be there
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u/ClitasaurusTex 3d ago
You're going to need to learn to trust him. Today it's your Labia, tomorrow you grow a belly, later you wrinkle, grow chin hairs, and go gray. A partner worth anything Knows that. He agreed to this and diarrhea and chin hairs when he signed up to marry you.
And some people do genuinely love big labia and dark pigmentation. Some people genuinely are indifferent to certain visual or tactile stimuli.
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u/Sweaty_Sleep_3405 3d ago
What you went through is traumatic and both your mind and body has gone through it. Your husband is happy to have sex with the woman he loves. This is said gently but maybe this is a case of body dysmorphia and how you now view your body. If you did get this surgery I dont think it would address the core issue of how you relate to your body. This is affecting your relationship and your quality of life. You may not want to hear this but maybe some counselling would help at least make the matter clearer because you are trying to mind read your husband. You need peace of mind to make clear decisions on this.
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u/307to275 3d ago
Most guys don’t care what your vag looks like. I’ve seen all kinds and loved them all. Buttholes too. Poor hygiene is honestly the only turnoff when it comes to those. Be confident with how your body looks to your husband and that he still finds you attractive. Being stuck in your head about something your partner isn’t thinking about will ruin enjoyment for both of you.
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u/Heavy-Lengthiness-83 3d ago
My labia is naturally like that if it is causing irritation is the only way it’s covered here … I looked up porn of women in the same situation and it made me feel slightly better
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u/iambetweentwoworlds 3d ago
Your marriage is going to suffer not because of the changes in your vagina but because of your insecurity around sex. Sex isn’t fun and intimate with someone who is so insecure. When there are all these rules and the person isn’t into it because they’re too busy feeling so bad, it will effect your relationship. You need to go to therapy. I’ve been there so I get it, but you need to get help before your relationship with your partner and more importantly yourself is affected anymore.
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u/stroll-on 3d ago
I have been fortunate to have been intimate with women who all have different looking vulvas. I'm yet to meet one where I didn't feel truly lucky that they have shared their intimate parts with me.
Your pussy is beautiful OP, he should be worshipping it - praise your vulva for delivering his children .
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u/CBLA1785 3d ago
I'll tell you what. I've had the joy of girls with no lips and girls with more. The ones with more feel better to me.
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u/deainsdd 3d ago
Just a reminder that your body is beautiful and brought life into this world. Your body is the reason for new life. I feel the same way about my vagina after giving birth, definitely changed but that’s also you growing into womanhood, we are all bound to change it is inevitable.
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u/ATXweirdobrew 3d ago
As a guy whose gone down on a few women the only two things I look at are if there are warts or if she's bleeding because she's on her period. Im willing to bet the main reason your husband doesn't care is because it still feels great to him when yall have sex whether the lights are on or off.
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u/sv36 3d ago
If he still wants to have sex with you and go down on you then he for sure definitely thinks you’re still attractive. It’s really okay if you are not your type, you didn’t marry you, your husband married you and he’s the one who gets to think you’re his type. It’s okay to be self conscious sometimes but you are letting this rule your happiness at this point. Either trust that you are his type or find some counseling, this is one of those things you can’t control and it sucks to not be in control, but it obviously isn’t stopping your partner from think you’re the sexist woman in his life- because who else is going to let him lick it, no offense at all just trying to be a little funny there. If he didn’t want to have sex with you he would just not have sex with you.
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u/sarcasmisart 3d ago
I have seen my fair share of vaginas and I can't think of a single one where I cared how long/short/in/out their labia were. You made a human. Thats badass. Any guy lucky enough to be intimate with you should respect that.
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u/InPaisley 3d ago
I've always had outie labia! The crazy part about my birth story is that my son's giant head ripped one of my outies half off! I had plastic surgery to fix it, covered by insurance bc it was considered a birth injury, and now I only have one outie and one innie side! Husband cares 0%! Trust that your partner finds you beautiful, and if it really does seem like an irreconcilable hurt to your body image, at least in my case, the healing from my labiaplasty was not terrible.
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u/PancakeHandz 3d ago
My gal, I’ve got a particularly messy, poorly-constructed-during-lunch-rush Arby’s beef and cheddar down there and I’ve never even given birth lol. That can’t stop me from enjoying the way my body can feel, and it shouldn’t stop you either! Sex organs are weird, dawg. Have you SEEN a scrotum?! WILD STUFF. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that, but also, labia aren’t supposed to be pretty, and nobody really needs them to be pretty. They’re stuffed away in your underpants for MOST of the day. But now, you even got a lil extra action stroking his shaft when he goes in and out! I call that ✨BONUS CONTENT✨
In all seriousness, have you perused the Great Wall of Vulva art exhibit pics online? Or the labia library gallery? It may help put things into perspective, but nobody can force you to love and accept your body the way it is. That’s a personal journey (which is definitely worth the work). Childbirth is A LOT for the body to go through, and it’s common for women to feel not-so-awesome about their body’s changes afterward. Sudden physical changes are HARD, and it’s jarring when your body looks different than it used to. You’re not alone. Also consider you may just be extra not used to this look because you didn’t grow up with it. You just have to get to know your new labia a lil better. You’ll come around. Ultimately, as long as they aren’t causing you pain, I’m sure your labia are perfectly fine and lovely. I wish you luck. 💕
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u/pathofcollision 3d ago
After giving birth my vagina lips were long enough that I could use them as a blanket during the winter, so my husband was never cold. When I wanted to initiate sexy time, I could stretch my labia across the house like elasta girl from The Incredibles and grab him anaconda style to lure him to my den. When I was upset with him, I could use my vagina lips to slap him across the world. I didn’t need to leave my bed because I could use my lips for everything. There are no ugly lips, only useful lips.
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u/VirtueVikingr 2d ago
I laughed so hard at this visual. We also now know the laughter rewires the brain from fear to safety so Thank You for this creative comment haha
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u/Mysterious-Wave-7958 3d ago
I mean, I have always had larger labia minora, pre child birth and after. It just is what it is, Ive never thought twice about it. Your husband has told you it does not matter. I'm sure he is itching to have more intimacy with you.
The only way to make the outside "puffier" is to gain weight. Which can't really be targeted to where you want it just like you cant loose weight where you want. And as a plus size woman, does nothing to minimize your labia minora. They just are what they are.
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u/Electrical_Fail7723 3d ago
Have you seen Penises? Ur vagina might be ugly (in ur eyes) but never as ugly as Penises 😂 if you think about it they’re pretty ugly little meat worm thingys
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u/notin2cars 2d ago
Trust your husband when he says it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter to him, and it wouldn't matter to most people. Your vagina isn't ugly. Lots of women have "outies" even before childbirth, and lots of women have darker coloring of their asshole and vagina. The vast majority of men are just happy to have access, and many think those characteristics are sexy (myself included).
There's even a sub for large labia lovers - https://www.reddit.com/r/LabiaGW/ You'll see women proudly and happily showing their large labia, and lots of positive comments about them.
I know this is hard for you to accept, but don't let this ruin your self confidence, marriage and overall wellbeing. It's really not a problem for your husband, it's only a problem of your own perception.
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u/BasisPrimary4028 2d ago
Seconding this. I actually browse r/labiagw occasionally on my porn alt (I keep a separate nsfw account just so my main feed stays clean) and it really shows how much appreciation there is for that specific anatomy.
OP, people genuinely find outies attractive. It isn't just partners being polite or settling for what is there. There are massive communities of people who actively prefer it and think it looks great. You really should trust your husband on this one.
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u/Rthrowaway6592 2d ago
You are sooo valid for feeling this way…it really is so hard when our bodies change. Please believe your husband though. If he says it doesn’t matter, trust him. I haven’t had children but I was overweight for a bit…I went from tight and skinny to roll-y and heavy. My partner was still absolutely obsessed with me. Why? Because he loves me at ALL stages of life. I’m his woman. You really are your worst critic and the fact that he wants to go down on you says everything you need to know.
As for your own self image? It’ll get better. Having a baby is a big transition is literally every aspect. Go easy on yourself and let your man eat dinner with the lights on.
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u/Nephyxia 2d ago
i've never had kids but i have an "outie" to begin with. mine is beautiful!!! the way you describe your inner lips rubbing when he thrusts you sounds so hot to me?! if anything he probably loves watching that. i don't necessarily think the shapes, sizes, and colours are the problem, but more so the CHANGE. us humans hate change and it might be a case of not recognising yourself anymore. look in the mirror, take photos, get familiar with your body again and i promise you'll grow to love it!
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u/bmward64 2d ago
An Am a man. I prefer darker and larger labia minoras. Porn and society dictates what male and female genitalia should look like, and it’s not normal or OK.
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u/shadow_050 2d ago
25m I’ve had this experience when I was with a previous partner, she had a baby years before me. And her area was about what you explained for yours. For her, I never thought anything of it😅, went in my mouth right a long with the rest of her, Lights on and all. But she was BEYOND self conscious about it. Eventually I got her to the point she could confidently say “this man love my body, saggy titties and all.” And it was facts! The woman body is truly a treasure. I definitely believe your husband truly isn’t bothered. You birthed life, you MADE life. You and all your lady parts that make it possible are beautiful to him and us🙏🏾
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u/interrupting-cow-who 2d ago
As a lippy gal I just want to say I understand the insecurity. I was 12 looking up labiaplasties before I had ever had sex which is awful.
I definitely recommend looking at some of the sites linked to view what different vaginas look like! It’s normal but I can only imagine how shocking it is to perceive a change like that on your body. Personal advice for sex: pull the minora outwards before penetration. It doesn’t help entirely but it keeps you from feeling them pull in as much and by the time you’re fully lubricated it’s way less noticeable.
Postpartum is really rough and I’m happy to see you seeking therapy. I hope that you can find more self love and understanding on that journey.
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u/clydesmomsbush 2d ago
Girl you just shit all over so many women by saying it’s so disgusting that it’s basically ruining your life to have a vagina so many women have without giving birth. I would look inward and try to do some soul searching as to why you think it’s that gross to have a vagina where labia is visible
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u/educatedkoala 3d ago
You have two options:
1) Save up the money for surgery to correct this
2) Get a therapist/professional to help you be at peace with your new body
There's unfortunately no magic answer to this
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u/Deep-Youth5783 3d ago
"How do you have sex with ugly vagina lips after giving birth?"
Wait 6 weeks for postpartem healing.
Take a good hard look at the full length if the vulva and appreciate it for what it is. Especially the increased gape in the vaginal opening.
Insist on her opening the entire vulva so I can look at it while I penetrate the vagina the way it likes.
Make sure to look at and appreciate the entire naked body, and passionately kiss on occasion. I dont want to forget the girl.
Say thank you afterwords for a nice time.
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u/Maleficent_Yak_9952 3d ago
I honestly feel you. Try to accept it but if you cant, then make a change and keep your mental health. I’ve always had longer labia and then they grew darker and I felt so ugly, not to mention the daily discomfort their size caused. I had them reduced a few months back and I dont regret a thing. You have choices.
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u/ShipOk1452 3d ago
As a man, I don’t care, I like them hidden, I like them out, it’s like pizza, no such thing as bad pizza . I promise you he care or like you being confident and into it way more than your lips . Like 1000x also married together almost 20 years, went through like 8 years of a dry spell but back to 3-4 times a week and probably more if it wasn’t for our beautiful gifts. If they can play football like they block me , I have multiple NFL HOF players.
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u/MatcoWife 3d ago
Try to learn to love your body. The horror of it all is when you hit menopause and your vagina lips shrivel up and shrink. So love what you have now because it could disappear later.
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u/gunnapackofsammiches 3d ago
Stop looking at your genitals so much? I have no idea what color my asshole is and that's probably a good thing. Use lube and/or move your vulva out of the way with your hands during sex. Go to therapy to work on grieving your pre-pregnancy body and accepting your post-partum body. It's the one you're stuck with.
In the meanwhile, if you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts/perseverating on the appearance of your vulva, nip it in the bud. Force your brain to move on to another topic. That one is no longer allowed.
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u/accio_peni 3d ago
One time I asked my bf what kind of vulva he prefers, and he said "the kind get to play with". Seriously, that's it.
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u/ProcedureFun768 3d ago
Be kinder to yourself. You are perfect as you are. Also, your vagina doesn’t have “lips.” Your vulva though does.
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u/TNlivinvol 3d ago
Most guys don’t care. Some guys find it even more sexy. There are multiple subs for fans of women with large labia.
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u/skahammer 3d ago edited 1d ago
Following Forum Rule #2, have you looked through the FAQ section on Overall Body? There's some helpful guidance in there.
And for more discussion — following Forum Rule #3 — you can also search through past posts in this forum, since this topic comes up here regularly.
For starters, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “body image” in this forum:
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=body+image&restrict_sr=1
And here is a similar list of past r/sex post discussions involving the search keywords “body confidence”:
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=body+confidence&restrict_sr=1
And here is a similar list of past r/sex post discussions involving the search keywords “long labia”:
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=long+labia&restrict_sr=1
And here is a similar list of past r/sex post discussions involving the search keywords “dark labia”:
https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q=dark+labia&restrict_sr=1
You might also consider posting in a forum dedicated to this topic, like r/bodyacceptance.
There’s a lot of good information in those sources.
Edit: Comments on this post are now locked.