r/schizoaffective • u/sekh60 bipolar subtype • Nov 22 '14
Check-In Saturday (November 22, 2014)
Check-in Saturday is a weekly topic encouraging community members to check in with how they are doing in a judgment free environment.
Anyone can start a Check-in Saturday, just please put the date in the title and try to include a link to the previous week's thread.
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u/plornt3 bipolar subtype Nov 22 '14
Going through some drastic mood changes right now, and my doctors are saying that it might be bipolar disorder and not schizoaffective. My diagnoses went like this:
Paranoid Schizophrenia -> Bipolar -> Paranoid Schizophrenia -> Schizoaffective -> Bipolar
The seeming irregularity and inconsistency is because of me getting hospitalized, and an independent psychiatrist making diagnoses in the hospital.
Also, I haven't had any psychosis for almost 2 yeas now, and I only had one which lasted roughly 3-5 weeks.
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u/sekh60 bipolar subtype Nov 23 '14
Diagnosis changes can be frustrating. Just remember they ultimately are just labels to make treatment easier. You are still you.
I am sorry you're having such drastic mood changes. Are you taking medication for your psychosis? Going almost 2 years without any incidents is amazing. Sorry one came up, if you are on medication maybe it needs a slight adjustment, or it could have just been a one-off thing.
Also, regardless of diagnosis, you're always welcome here.
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Nov 22 '14 edited Jan 10 '15
[deleted]
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u/sekh60 bipolar subtype Nov 23 '14
hugs
How was the band? Glad your prof is understanding, mine in university were always really understanding. Are you working on getting your dog qualified?
Sorry things have been rough lately :( I hope things cheer up soon. hugs
And no problem doing the check-in threads.
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u/8NoaH9 GOLD GRAND PRIZE WINNER BEST OF 2015! Nov 22 '14
I got out of a year and half abusive relationship. I want to call my "friend" but I know I need to stay away. I am feeling apathetic and asked my therapist at my day program about suicide so I got a homework assignment. I had to draw a brick wall between me and suicide. Each brick had to be something keeping me from it. I got 30 bricks.
My text to abusive friend: http://i.imgur.com/VO4eRgp.jpg
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u/sekh60 bipolar subtype Nov 23 '14
I'm proud of you for realizing you need to stay away from your "friend". That's a very nicely worded text. I think that's a great exercise from your therapist. hugs
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u/8NoaH9 GOLD GRAND PRIZE WINNER BEST OF 2015! Nov 23 '14
I wrote her a letter:
You can no longer be in my life. I need to get better and can't do that with you. I can't take the punishments and not knowing if you'll still be my friend. You promise to come get me but never follow through. I almost died and you didn't come. You promised to come visit and again it didn't happen. Then there was the drugs, you misused them while I was trying to stay clean. You gave me some. You never helped me. Then the day you had the gun to kill yourself. I was in the car with you. You put me in danger. Then you left and I had no idea if you were safe. That made me suicidal. You didn't care, you punished me for being weak. How messed up is that? Well now I have voice. No more drugs, no more broken promises, no more punishments, no more abuse, no more you. I got to work on my PTSD, Bipolar, intergrating my alters, becoming Noah, and getting closer to my family. There's no room for you in that. Good bye.
The letter I wrote for myself.
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u/pugsmith Nov 24 '14
Very well-worded, and I'm proud that you're standing up for yourself. Congrats!
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u/pugsmith Nov 24 '14
New to this subreddit. I'm doing okay, I suppose. This week was rough -- got sick, but luckily my meds are making the delusions and stuff go away, for the most part. I did catch myself occasionally going on about random things, but thankfully it was very small and not something that affected me greatly.
Anyways, hi! Glad to find a subreddit for this.
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u/sekh60 bipolar subtype Nov 24 '14
Welcome to the subreddit! I'm glad your medication is helping you.
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u/pugsmith Nov 24 '14
Thank you! Reading through the posts and some of the comments, it seems like a pretty friendly community.
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Nov 24 '14 edited Nov 24 '14
Hardest thing to do is face the next day. I don't really think that I've thought of life in terms of weeks, months or years for a very long time. Anxiety has become probably my biggest issue. I dread having to even drive down the street to the shop to get gas. Let alone driving across my county for work. I've learned to quit stressing about working all 3 shifts. It's the only way I'll get hours and money. Money is my biggest problem. Or maybe it's sleep or lack of personal time to recover. I find I'm much less anxious when I have money to stave off the bills for another pay period. I'm still taking my liberties amongst all this chaos. Horrible as it may be I've cut down on drinking but still drink just about every waking hour. (middle of the night nightcap and all, I wake up a lot). I don't like to go beyond one beer an hour tops. I've cut down over the last two months now. (an improvement, I can go for 5 hours before I start to sweat now, I dont think I'd even get the shakes right now so I could possibly quit if I tried or had the energy to). Then there's the multiple times a day daily pot smoke. That's actually helped me ween a bit. I know it's very controversial but not having meds or insurance this I've known to make me feel okay since i was 13 so it's the most I can self medicate and probably a better alternative to booze since it doesn't give me negative symptoms.
I'd say I'm at an impasse I love to drink and to smoke I do but I know something's got to give and it's likely going to be me giving up on things like aspects of my relationship, extra work hours and and responsibilities all in favor of moping around. I suppose I need some motivation. I've been doing the same old same old for 3 years now with my not so new anymore job . I don't see myself doing this job maybe even 4 years from now so I do need a new direction. *Addiction to alcohol to me is hard to break. I prob wont entirely but I'd bet I could be moderate if I had a new routine outside of this same old same old. Spread my wings you know...
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u/koutavi depressive subtype Nov 22 '14
Doing better. /u/sekh60 helped me reach out to my doctor last week and I have my meds, and even if I'm certain they need adjustment I need to stay on them and now I can. I'll try again to go in for an appointment soon... I might even stop by tomorrow to pay him for the missed sessions and see if he has any openings.
I only had to take one sanity day this week, hopefully next week I won't need any and can just work straight through. It's my birthday Wednesday and I made tentative plans for next weekend with some friends. Planning to bake today, and prepping some stuff for Thanksgiving; I might actually have the day off for the first time in five years. And cooking/baking always helps center me.
There's a lot of stuff that I need to get back on track, but. Baby steps.