r/psychology • u/FreeHugs23 • 4h ago
Women who run the relationship prefer looks over money in romantic partners. Study suggests that what women look for in a mate adapts to their level of power and control within a partnership.
https://www.psypost.org/how-relationship-power-changes-what-women-look-for-in-a-mate/38
u/PsychologyAdept669 2h ago
people expect a certain amount of net benefit to be brought to the relationship, and if you're not bringing that benefit in one field, you have to compensate in another. seems regular
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u/fun__friday 2h ago
I feel itâs more of a silent expectation that people are still a bit in denial about. In online womenâs circles, itâs increasingly more common to complain about their partner not putting in enough work. Overall itâs a good thing that people start talking about this more. This should also help make dead bedroom relationships not last for years.
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u/real-bebsi 1h ago
if you don't bring the primal physical attraction to your partner it's gonna be a dead bedroom no matter what else you offer
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u/fun__friday 1h ago
What I meant is people should not take a dead bedroom situation as acceptable from either side. If a man does not make her woman lust for him, thatâs fine; but it should also be expected that the man is going to leave the relationship.
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u/Artforartsake99 27m ago
Agreed, Problem is once you marry a woman. You have transferred that net benefit to her via government order. She no longer looks at you as it giving her any benefit. Itâs hers by default now.
Then comes âWhat have you done for me lately?â
This is why so many men get married and they hate their marriage. Because the woman change so much once they have the power.
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u/PsychologyAdept669 14m ago
>Then comes âWhat have you done for me lately?â
imo you should def be doing something small for your partner like... at least 2-3x a week, if not more, and expecting the same in return. hell i am the primary earner or the one with "the power" in my relationship and I do this; i also expect this.
the stereotypical equivalent for women who are bringing attractiveness into this arrangement is like... ok, you get married, she has kids and experiences the natural side effects of that, she gains weight, she gets old (because we all get old), conventional attractiveness fades because it's natural, that's life. if she's not doing little things for you, and you're not doing little things for her, you don't really have a relationship anymore atp.
>Problem is once you marry a woman. You have transferred that net benefit to her via government order. She no longer looks at you as it giving her any benefit. Itâs hers by default now.
I don't see any issue with this tbh and i'm saying this as the higher earner. my bf and I are the gender-reverse of this and ig i know 1. he isn't going to be hot forever, being hot is not "enough" and 2. eventually assimilating him into my lifestyle stops being a favor and starts being the default because we've agree to be life partners, simply making more isn't "enough". That is just the normal course of a relationship, once it's commitment and not courtship there needs to be more to it than fleeting looks or superficial money. so i do expect him to do more for me than just "be nice to look at", and I expect to do more for him than just assimilate him into my lifestyle.
We are both constantly trying to make each other's lives easier, and yeah i wouldn't want to be in a committed relationship if that weren't the case.
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u/Delicious-Trainer674 2h ago
This perfectly mirrors the historical data we have on wealthy men. When one partner already holds complete financial security and power, the 'provider' trait in a mate becomes redundant. Naturally, selection criteria shift toward physical attraction and genetic fitness. It shows that mate preferences are fluid and highly driven by socio-economic autonomy rather than just fixed biological imperatives.
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u/balticromancemyass 3h ago
"Women who run the relationship" lol. Wtf kind of wording is that?
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u/zanysauce7 2h ago
Lol yeah, sounds unhealthy
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u/Far-Conference-8484 58m ago
Idk I have ADHD and cannot take medication atm. It seems like the more agency I have the more harm I cause myself.
Unfortunately I am not hot or Chinese so I cannot be one of these hot subservient Chinese husbands. I am looking forward to the day Elon invents that thing he wants to implant in our brains to get us to execute his evil plans, so I can know what to do with myself.
Or I might even die first. That would be wonderful. I might read that lovely two stanza poem On Death by Keats right now to remind myself that I have something to look forward to. I like that one because my brain is so small and stupid that it cannot manage the poems that are longer than two stanzas.
Mother, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO CREATE ME???? CAN YOU NOT SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE???? đđđ
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u/Material-Dot7684 3h ago
You'd have to control for income to do this. Otherwise you might just be finding "women who already have money prioritize other things in partners" and I would find it very easy to believe women who have the power in a more male driven society are more likely to have more resources.
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u/YveisGrey 1h ago
Yea this is probably it and men date the same way anyways. When they have money they also prioritize attractiveness perhaps the genders arenât that different after all lol
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u/FreeHugs23 3h ago
-Women who report having more power in their romantic relationships tend to care less about a partnerâs financial resources. Instead, they place a higher value on physical attractiveness. This suggests that what women look for in a mate adapts to their level of power and control within a partnership. The study was published in Personality and Individual Differences.
Evolutionary psychology has long proposed that men and women seek different traits in romantic partners. Men often prioritize youth and physical appearance. Women typically place a higher value on a partnerâs economic prospects and social status. This classic view relies on the basic biological reality of human reproduction.Â
Women invest substantial time and physical energy into pregnancy and childcare. They also have a limited window for biological reproduction compared to men. Because of these heavier biological costs, early human women developed strategies to find mates who could guarantee the survival of their offspring. This usually meant seeking partners with wealth, ambition, and the ability to provide long-term security.
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u/HigherExistence444 2h ago edited 2h ago
This frustrated me. I have beauty, relative wealth, a lot of ambition and a high capacity to protect. Yet I struggle so hard to find my person. I see so many beautiful women with ugly, lazy, emotionally weak men; and here I am, just letting the loneliness create a better and stronger man. Trying so hard to not to be a bitter incel. At least my dog will always love me.
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u/One-Load-6085 1h ago
I'm going to be blunt. I have been married for 19 years and have a lot of beautiful educated wealthy girl friends. We generally do not judge men by wealth or looks or age or height.Â
Smell, voice, intelligence, confidence, and dress matter far more to the type of women you want.Â
It's why we choose the Phantom in Phantom of the Opera over the handsome young nobleman.Â
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u/HigherExistence444 1h ago edited 58m ago
I always get compliments on how I smell and dress, my voice is clear and deep, and I definitely do not lack in confidence. Iâve also proven to be extremely intelligent (95 on the military ASVAB, a perfect 36 on the ACT). I really believe that I am just extremely unlucky when it comes to dating. It was a lot easier in college. I think Iâm almost too intimidating to women now.
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u/aTadSad8-I 44m ago
Intimidating looks-wise or speech-wise? Both can be smoothened. If itâs looks, can choose softer colours and cozier materials to wear, and smile more. If itâs speech, can speak more gently and drag out the length of the last word in your sentence so that it doesnât sound sharp and snippy, etc.
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u/One-Load-6085 1h ago
Well yes because you were in an environment of young healthy people with money and lots of spare time.Â
A lot boils down to luck but can be influenced by your age, the age you date, the education you hold, the job you work, and your location of work and employment (city, suburb, rural).Â
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u/philosopherberzerer 2h ago
I think this just acknowledged that no one's perfect under a power imbalance. the best relationships I've seen is where both partners feel they have equal power in a relationship to voice their boundaries and beliefs.
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u/Time_Cartographer443 2h ago
Most women prefer personality > looks> money. Women earn their own money now.
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u/real-bebsi 1h ago
the same personality is interpreted differently based on your looks. looks/height is always #1
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u/YveisGrey 1h ago
I would say itâs looks > money > personality
Depending on the woman money and looks might flip
Idk why people think women care so much about âpersonalityâ like yea being funny and charming counts for sure but if youâre not attractive to her youâll be a good friend not a lover. Dating is about sex and sex is about being sexually attracted to someone. Usually what happens is a person is attractive and people post hoc attribute all these other amazing qualities to them. They call it pretty privilege or the âhalo effectâ.
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u/unseriously_serious 1h ago
I think youâre underselling how attractive confidence/stability and other factors are. Someone that is confident, is well put together and provides some stability can be very attractive.
Guess it just depends how you are defining attraction.
Iâd also argue that not all dating as about sex, sure chemistry is important but dating just for sex depends on the person.
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u/aTadSad8-I 55m ago edited 52m ago
If a manâs personality makes a woman unable to feel safe, relaxed, or heard, their partnership will have too many unsolved problems that make having biological children together risky for the woman, since communication will be strained if at all attempted by the woman who has learned that communication with the man is pointless in getting what she or the child needs.
A man with a better personality would be easier to get along with because he would have higher empathy, understanding, and cooperation, especially during the stressful decades of child-rearing. These are also qualities that the child can inherit and learn from.
Therefore, a good personality in a man is beneficial for the womanâs health, emotional well-being, and a good personality passes down genetically and environmentally to the child.
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u/Extreme-Quality-2361 1h ago
Wow, so humans have a lot in common regardless of sex. If someone can support themselves, doesnât need anyone, has a rich life, they want a sexy romantic partner to add to it. If someone needs help and financial support theyâll compromise more. No surprise at all.
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u/Lalocal4life 11m ago
Zero. No one. Nobody will choose unattractive. People WITHOUT options settle.
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u/mden1974 3h ago
I work with a lot of high powered high income females and the majority have stumblebum house hubbies that play pick up basketball daily and get told they have to sit to pee.
Of course they come with great titles like âchefâ and âwriterâ or business owner (car Detailer or boat Detailer).
Not for me at all but everyone seems happy
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u/badly_gramer_advices 2h ago
Guarantee those women have tried to lock down attractive/ high-earning dudes, but those type of guys find boss-girls annoying and only good for sex. Also, if you are a guy who realizes the actual bait that works (Looks + Money), why wouldnât you just run through these chicks all day and stay single. Also women donât have power over anything unless men allow them to.
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u/MmmmCrayons12 2h ago
Well that's not surprising at all. People have been saying this for quite some time. When women are not doing well financially, they look for men with money. When they have what they need, they suddenly become much more shallow.
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u/Sufficient-Quote-431 2h ago edited 1h ago
Women that run a relationship usually have weak men for husbands
Edits: keep the downloads come folks. I care a little about your opinions
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u/miaumiaoumicheese 2h ago
Men who need their women to be below them to feel good about themselves arenât strong men
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u/AngryAngryHarpo 2h ago
Men who subscribe to rigid gender roles are the weakest men of all. Literally cannot feed or clothe themselves without a woman. Pathetic and gross.Â
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u/Tekuila87 3h ago
This said the study was specifically on people in China