Episode Name: Fire and Pain
What’s up, everybody! I hope your weekend went well and that you’re ready for two hours of sweaty, naked fun!
Welcome to the Naked and Afraid: Global Showdown Running Diary! Let’s get to it!
–I really hope this episode is good. We all need A Big Win.
–Day 2.
–Time to build a bridge.
–Frank and Teal are in third place. They get a fire starter and a bow. Not a bad deal.
–Teal goes hunting. Chances of success 38%.
–The animals are on the other side of the river. Chances of success drop to 0%.
–Let’s check in with Dan and Rachel.
–Nighttime.
– “WTF was that,” Dan asks as a large animal prowls outside their boma. What could it be?!
–Day 3.
–Dan and Rachel are in last place and only got a fire starter. Sucks to be them.
–Jeff and Kerra are chillin’ in (tied for) last place as well.
–Scroll time!
–The challenge is to build a torch. Seems simple enough, right?
–Two challenges: A torch and a bridge.
– “If you don’t play to win, don’t play at all!” –Pablo Escobar.
–Team Australia is ready to build their bridge. Let’s go!
–Stock footage of a monster crocodile. Nature you scary!
–Jeff put on some fat for this challenge. He knows what he’s doing.
–Matt knows how to build bridges. Remember that one he built on XL Louisiana?
–Gabby tells us that “people are going to be…surprised (by me).” I’m sure everyone knows you’re a capable human being, Gabby.
–Gabby decides to climb a tree. Watch out for rash on the thighs!
–She’s straddling the tree. That can’t feel good on the ol’ privates.
–Remember when Nathan climbed that tree? Good times.
–Now Matt is giving Gabby a piggyback.
–We finally get some time with team Mexico.
–The producers are treating Mexico and Brazil like the B Team.
–Frank and Teal make a torch.
–Flashback to when Teal had an attitude problem during The Apocalypse.
–A giraffe sighting!
–I love how the “river” is actually just a dirty ditch.
–Teal is pissed that Frank isn’t using all of the materials she accumulated for him but it sounds like Frank plans on using it for later torches. Not sure what the drama is here.
–We learn that Alexa enjoys taking instructions.
–Dan and Rachel finish their bridge.
–I was expecting more from everyone’s “bridges.”
–Team Brazil makes an appearance for .0005 seconds.
–Frank and Teal are back on track.
–Team Mexico is in the house. I forgot they were even on the show.
–Texas must complete their torch if they want to compete in the competition. Come on, Jeff. Hurry!
–Matt tells us that he outworks the world.
–Kerra feels like she and Jeff are letting down Texas.
–Matt and Jeff say hello to one another. They’re such good friends!
– “If you’re behind the leader, you’re going to be looking at the ass.” –Matt.
–I mean, technically that’s true.
–Alexa and Ky work well together. They will be hard to beat.
–Is Dan ignoring Rachel? Sure seems like it.
–We finally get Jeff’s trademark “This is what I live for!”
–What do you think they’re using these torches for? Burning down a village?
–Hey, it’s Team Brazil! What are they up to?
–Eating worms. Yum.
–And that’s enough screen time for Brazil, I guess.
–Nighttime.
–Ky and Alexa are tired. They worked hard.
–And we’re back with Team Brazil! Wow! Thanks, producers!
–Lots of creepy nighttime noises around their camp.
–Hyenas surround their camp. Watch out, Brazil.
–The hyenas are now bothering Ky and Alexa. Stupid hyenas.
–Ok, we get it. Lots of nature. Get on with it.
–Day 4.
–Torch challenge day!
–Marina of Brazil is tired. Rene is ready to go.
– “Let’s go “torch out” our competition.” I’ll let you guess who said that.
–Brazil and Mexico are at the bottom of the challenge. I give both teams a 5% chance of winning this competition.
–Torch challenge description: Lots of stuff will happen.
–Only five teams will move on to phase 2. Does that mean the other two teams are eliminated permanently?
–Rene lit that fire in .09 seconds!
–Team Mexico didn’t test their torch ahead of time. Trouble?
–Jeff and Kerra’s torch seems to be working well. Same with Frank and Teal’s.
–Here’s Dan talking about communication again. They’re setting up a real feud between him and Rachel.
–The editing makes it impossible to know who is in the lead, but I think it’s Matt and Gabby.
–Is Team Mexico last to light their torch? I think so. Disappointing. I like them and Brazil.
–Matt and Gabby finish first and are on to the deadfall trap challenge.
–Team Brazil is in trouble. Come on, guys! Let’s go!
–Team Australia lights their rope! Looks like Brazil and Mexico are out of this current challenge.
–Time for the deadfall trap challenge.
–Time for Dan to talk about communication again. They’re really hyping up this fight that seems inevitable now.
–Matt says some stuff.
–I’m not sure Dan was ever forced to do group projects in school.
–Does Jeff know what he’s doing? I’m not sure he knows what he’s doing.
–Rachel offers a solution, Dan doesn’t like the solution but ultimately decides to try her solution, and she declines the said solution. Sounds like marriage.
–Kerra looks like she’s about to lose her shit at Jeff.
–Frank and Teal finish their deadtrap first! Didn’t see that coming.
–Matt and Gabby finish second. Good job by them.
–Ky and Alexa finish third. No surprise there. They’re strong.
–Dan and Rachel finish fourth and hug it out.
–I guess that big fight between them isn’t going to happen.
–Jeff and Kerra finish last and get twenty points.
–Lots of good assets to choose from.
–I fear for Mexico and Brazil.
–Dan has a back injury. Not good. That’ll take you out faster than just about anything.
–Time to call the medic.
–And that concludes the episode.
–Will Dan be forced to med tap? We’ll find out next week.
These two hour episodes are really too long, even when the episode, like tonight’s, is good. They could have spent a little less time on, well, everything.
I was also really disappointed with the bridge challenge. I was hoping for a proper bridge. Maybe that would have taken too long though. Still, couldn’t the bridge challenge been a longer challenge, say, five days, worth more points, etc. I want a true bridge building competition!
Episode Grade: B+
What did everyone else think?
See you next week on the Naked and Afraid Running Diary!
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