r/monodatingpoly • u/fool3d • May 02 '26

Success stories?

Hello, I am constantly seeing people talk about how this dynamic doesn’t work but I have seen a view people share how it’s been successful for them. Can you share how you and your partner have been successful and for how long?

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u/Akatsuki2001 29d ago

These do not reference the issue at hand at all, they basically just say what polyamory is and states there is a stigma, they also state it’s growing in size. What do these have to do with mono poly relationships?

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u/NaniNani101 29d ago

It’s a little surprising to see that you read all of these papers, reviewed the statistical evidence, reviewed your own data, saw that I said this wasn’t an exhaustive list so you should do more research outside of what I’ve referenced and had enough time to reply to my comment as well in the span of 12 minutes just to say that they don’t reference the issue at hand at all. If you’re intent on disproving that mono-poly relationships can work on a large scale I recommend joining a different thread that wants that discussion and not on a thread asking for success stories. You’re making a lot of negative claims about mono-poly relationships that seem unfounded and can be harmful to people’s genuine curiosity about success within this relationship dynamic, and there’s no way to verify if the overwhelming “obvious” failure you’re suggesting is your opinion or conjecture based on what you’ve listed here, but it can hurt people who want real answers about successes in a marginalized group that needs support.

If you’re genuinely curious as to how this connects, as I mentioned in my commentary regarding these papers the focus is /not/ on mono-poly relationships specifically since there are no such large studies (if anyone has scientific papers studying large sample size mono-poly relationships and analyzes their success rates outside of comments on Reddit please link, I’m sure there are people who want to know) but instead focuses on ENM Relationships and their success rates (which is the closest you can get to mono-poly studies since they fit within the bracket of ENM relationships). There are statistical references in these papers that suggest that many people who have considered or been in ENM relationships report higher success rates than the general population believes, willingness to get into an ENM relationship again after leaving one, and that the harmful stigmas of near total failure such as you’re suggesting are not founded in reality. There are definitely signs of failure too, which is the sign of good study because it shows a realistic reflection of these experiences. I would also check out monogamous relationship success rate papers and see what factors contributed to their success and where, why, and by whom those studies were conducted (and double check who pays for them to see what data gets skewed towards pleasing benefactors) to get a more accurate understanding of scientific data related to this idea of mono-poly vs mono-mono or poly-poly pairings failing or succeeding credibly. Independent groups who claim that there is near total failure across the board regardless of personal experiences for every group are biased and need to be analyzed through that lens.

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u/Akatsuki2001 29d ago

I’ll be honest I read the first two and then looked over the third as it’s not really reading so much as a collection of stats, none of which pertained to the subject at hand so none of which I really delved into much? Either way they were all not very long, and none of them had any groundbreaking information I had any issue understanding, being I’m almost certain I’ve seen the referenced before anyway.

I have looked into this plenty, and if you have as well you know this dynamic will flat out not work for most people who attempt it. Full stop. Even most poly spaces would agree a mono poly arrangement is one of the hardest dynamics to make work fairly and it literally is not that hard to see why.

If it works for you fantastic, no one is trying to take that away from you. But it flat out will not do so for most others who try it. If you have looked into this subject even slightly you know this.

I’m all for this space existing to provide guidance to folks like yourself who have found success. Being it has such a high failure rate I am not all for things that seem to diminish or distract people from that, because it will lead to people getting hurt, relationships being ruined, all due to avoidable dynamics people thought they could pull off. Part of that is showcasing how often it fails. How alike the reasons are it fails, and that it’s really something most folks should avoid.

I do not know if the true percent it will work for is 1 percent, it could be a bit higher, it could be a bit lower. But I am fairly confidant saying it will not work for the overwhelming majority of people who attempt it.

As you’ve mentioned, there exists no official large scale scientific studies to prove this number. But it also seems like you agree it will only work for the minority of people who try it. So my point stands.
If you have studies that can prove me wrong I am happy to read them as well. But blanket ones that just talk about polyamory as a whole do not apply here.

It really seems like all you’ve done until now is combat numbers people never said were hard science by saying there exists no hard science either way. Well, sure, but this doesn’t prove anything other than we don’t know the true numbers. But it does seem to prove that we can all agree it’s the minority. So not sure what your on about.

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u/NaniNani101 29d ago

You’ve presented your observations about this as “flat out not working” for “most people” and have stated “most people” should avoid it completely numerous times. That’s suggesting a very large amount of people cannot make this work based off what data? What sample size? Analytics are powerful tools & not end all be all conclusions, but analyzing bias is incredibly important in day to day life so you can provide accuracy when stating things to others. I’m not trying to take away poly-only or mono-only spaces from you or anyone else either, if mono-only or poly-only works for you that’s great for you too, but this is a mono-poly thread asking specifically for mono-poly successes. There are people on here who have made this work, and that’s what OP was asking for. It’s not hurting anyone to see successes mentioned or talked about, and it is an inaccurate take to say these relationships will fail in the majority without backup. The point is that there is no research that exists that could possibly prove this currently, so stating this “failure majority” as a fact can hurt people instead of offering a helpful look into mono-poly relationships.

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u/Akatsuki2001 29d ago

It is not inaccurate, you can’t disprove it anymore than I can prove it. And if you truly have looked at enough of these stories and met enough of these people you know it’s accurate to say most people can’t pull it off.

All you’re doing is saying “no source? Then your WRONG” this isn’t accomplishing anything, I asked you to post a source that disproves me and you couldn’t do it either, and as I said, most poly spaces would acknowledge this is one of the most difficult dynamics. It’s pretty well known amongst monogamous spaces and polyam ones this is an exceedingly rare dynamic to find functional in a way that actually benefits the mono partner more than it would if it was just a mono relationship.

I don’t really care to continue this because all of these responses from you have said the same thing. My point stands. This dynamic should never be advertised as a safe or easy one. Have a good day.