r/mildlyinfuriating Nov 07 '19

Selfish Parking

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49.2k Upvotes

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5.2k

u/sarcytwat Nov 07 '19

The car, the note, the parking, the pratt, the royal mail, the postbox. So much Brit.

1.5k

u/[deleted] Nov 07 '19

Just missing a cunt, a jaffa cake and a cup of tea.

617

u/Just1morefix Nov 08 '19

A curry take away, or fish n'chips in the loo.

494

u/roop26roop Nov 08 '19

Moaning about the weather and/or Brexit

175

u/CoolNerdyName Nov 08 '19

And the Doctor.

142

u/Lucky_Number_3 ORANGE Nov 08 '19

Which. Fucking. One.

108

u/Omseik Nov 08 '19

The one I have an appointment with in a few months

130

u/Doublestack2376 Nov 08 '19

Because in the UK you can afford to go.

72

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19 edited May 06 '21

[deleted]

69

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Which sounds much better than not going at all because you can't afford it.

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23

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Even in the US you have to wait a few weeks for doctors and a few months for specialists. The difference is that in the UK you don’t go bankrupt or get sicker/die because you don’t have insurance to even go to the doctor or pay for expensive treatments, surgery, and prescriptions.

26

u/Doublestack2376 Nov 08 '19

It's the same with my doctors office. It's a practice with several doctors and mine is almost always booked 1-2 months out. If I'm really sick and need to see a doc then I only get whichever one gets a free minute first, however long that takes.

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7

u/Shlocktroffit Nov 08 '19

Half of us can only afford as much healthcare as the other half wish’d they’d had!

18

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19 edited Oct 22 '20

[deleted]

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3

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

How quick can they see me if I’m like more dead? Can I get in next Monday if I’m 80% dead? Can we do Friday afternoon if I’m all the way dead?

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4

u/The_Max_Power_Way Nov 08 '19

If I'm just seeing my GP then I can usually get an appointment within a week.

4

u/Jake50537 Nov 08 '19

UK healthcare: Bring out your dead!

1

u/mandym347 Nov 08 '19

Sounds good to me. I'd rather wait a while than end up bankrupt.

1

u/-p-2- Nov 08 '19

bullshit I could get seen tomorrow twice for no damn reason if I wanted

2

u/DavidRoK Nov 08 '19

Just donate an organ and get health insurance.

2

u/Greenmooseleg Nov 08 '19

Or if you make less than 400/week you can get health and dental insurance for 35.94 a month.

2

u/jobuggles Nov 08 '19

I donated an organ. I did not get health insurance... Sincere question: What are you talking about?

3

u/StingerMcGee Nov 08 '19

For our local clinic we just have to ring up that morning to book an appointment for the day. It’s usually a pile of people ringing at 8:30, but you’ll see your gp that day.

1

u/G00dLittleKitty Nov 08 '19

Oh the GP?

1

u/Omseik Nov 08 '19

Noy rly. I had an appointment for a surgery planning session or something. And it was in 8 or 9 months from the day it was booked. And yes. In UK

Edit: GPs are usually within a month

7

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Doctor Who

4

u/clothes_fall_off Nov 08 '19

Tennant.

1

u/JC12231 Nov 08 '19

I have been using the Matt Smith Doctor Who outfit as my Halloween costume for 4 years not because I don’t wanna pick a new costume and it’s simple and I like it

Aka the jacket and a toy sonic screwdriver

3

u/itchyfrog Nov 08 '19

Tom Baker obviously.

15

u/Maggot2017 Nov 08 '19

Who?

12

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Yes.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

THERES NO FUCKING CRUMPETS

3

u/Dokfwb39 Nov 08 '19

The kebab shop...

2

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Queuing in an orderly fashion for the bus

2

u/AiharaShiro Nov 08 '19

Weather has been shit recently to be fair

1

u/namikaze_izi Nov 08 '19

Why not both?

1

u/itsrossk Nov 08 '19

What's Brexit haven't heard of that😂

20

u/David-Puddy poop Nov 08 '19

I COULD MURDER A CURRY

2

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19
TRY FOUR SPACES AT THE START OF THE LINE INSTEAD

8

u/FirstWorldAnarchist mildly revolting Nov 08 '19

And a doner.

4

u/twaffles12 Nov 08 '19

Mushy peas

1

u/cyber_tech86 Nov 08 '19

With gravy!

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Like.. fish and chip in the washroom? That's a British thing?

Ew.

6

u/Bromlife Nov 08 '19

The cunt is implied. He's out of frame heading back to his car.

4

u/geriatrikwaktrik Nov 08 '19

Why would you say cunt if you had a cup of tea and biscuits?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Because the biscuit broke off and fell in the tea

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Well I'm presuming my friend gave them to me, so a 'thank you cunt' wouldn't go amiss.

1

u/csyrett Nov 08 '19

Because British! There is a direct correlation between intimacy with friends, tea and the value which is placed in "the swears".

4

u/mtshtg Nov 08 '19

Cunt is not as commonly used as Americans seem to think. It's still the worst word we have and is generally only used if you want someone to fight you.

2

u/The_Max_Power_Way Nov 08 '19

I don't know, I use it fairly often, and not because I want to fight.

1

u/Joofah Nov 08 '19

You don't visit Scotland very often, do you?

1

u/mtshtg Nov 10 '19

No but equally the vast majority of Brits are not Scottish.

0

u/csyrett Nov 08 '19

I have a slight issue and conflict with it.

There's part of me that thinks it shouldn't be offensive, due to the fact it refers to female genetalia, and why would we encourage that. Coupled with that female empowerment should reclaim it.

But. I'm in a really small minority and society isn't there yet.

In the comfort of my own home, or my mates home, I'd happily call them a cunt, but we've both got children so we don't.

We've been really open with my daughter and swear words. She came home one day, she was about 6 or 7. She said she'd heard a swear word. She was coy about it, said it started with a C. Straight away, my wife asked "was it cunt?". Turns out my daughter heard two new swear words that day.

3

u/Maggot2017 Nov 08 '19

Don't forget spotted dick

4

u/TheBlackFlame161 Nov 08 '19

Mmm, I love Jaffa cakes.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

ya fookin wankstain

2

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

Twatwaffle

2

u/florpco Nov 08 '19

A cunt, a jaffa cake, and a cup of tea... sounds like a lovely evening.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Would you like a crumpet?

2

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Yes please.

2

u/achtagon Nov 08 '19

Don't forget the Spotted Dick

2

u/Sonks559 Nov 08 '19

You don't have time for that if your dealing with a soggy cunt

2

u/Zenabel Nov 08 '19

I was just watching The Great British Baking Show and no one knew what a Jaffa cake was

2

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

And seven bongs from the big Ben

2

u/smartysocks Nov 08 '19

And a fig roll to keep you regular.

1

u/Ih8phonies Nov 08 '19

Are jaffa cakes any good?

2

u/The_Max_Power_Way Nov 08 '19

They're wonderful.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Kree!

1

u/themanifoldcuriosity Nov 08 '19

And someone to point out this is not how you spell "prat".

Luckily I can supply this service.

1

u/spin_me_again Nov 08 '19

Need a cuppa

2

u/csyrett Nov 08 '19

No ones stopping you! Get the kettle on.

2

u/spin_me_again Nov 08 '19

Kettles on, pop by!

3

u/csyrett Nov 08 '19

OMW!

Milk, no sugar.

Warm the pot first.

0

u/spin_me_again Nov 08 '19

As if I’d offer it any other way!

0

u/LA_Smog Nov 08 '19

This is so British that by the time I finished reading the note I found myself drinking a cuppa.

Except I don't own a kettle. Or tea cups. Or even tea.

P.S. Milk first.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

P.S. Milk first.

Heretic

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19 edited Dec 27 '19

[deleted]

1

u/LA_Smog Nov 08 '19

How do you not own a kettle?

It's one of those things that never crosses my mind that I might need some day. So I never bought one, and always boil my water in a multitude of other ways.

P.S. T'were a joke as well.

-3

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

[deleted]

3

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

Where do you think they got it from?

-3

u/puffed_out Nov 08 '19

I think ‘cunt’ is more Australian than British

3

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

It's British too. Like sorry is British and Canadian.

79

u/UN_M Nov 08 '19

I think he spelt the insult wrong though, which is somehow less British. By my understanding 'prat' is the insult, 'Pratt' is a surname.

2

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

My sentiments too

-2

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

What the shit is a prat?

15

u/Ged_UK Nov 08 '19

Idiot, moron etc.

3

u/UN_M Nov 08 '19

Not quite as offensive as a 'twat'...?

14

u/Ged_UK Nov 08 '19

No, a bit milder than twat.

11

u/UN_M Nov 08 '19

It would be interesting to have a native Brit arrange all their specific insults in order of increasing offence. They've some great words... pillock, bell end, todger, sod, numpty, berk, munter etc...

13

u/sivvus Nov 08 '19

It gets complicated when you think that in different regions/dialects the level of insult changes. If you’ve ever heard someone from Norfolk call you a silly bugger you’ll know it hurts. Second issue is that these regions can literally be “in the next town”. Brits don’t exactly agree on words.

4

u/csyrett Nov 08 '19

You're being sent to Coventry.

7

u/Jackkus Nov 08 '19

Our TV (and general broadcast) regulator has done surveys about this very thing to produce guidance about swearing on TV. Here is a summary. The full results comparing each word is in the pdf inside (but its quite long).

5

u/SonnyVabitch Nov 08 '19 edited Nov 08 '19

Not native so this is based on several years of social anthropological close observation of natives. (I live here). :)
Terms that not have been independently verified are excluded from the study. (I haven't heard a few)

Numpty, twit, pillock, nob, sod, knob head, tosser (outgoing), twat, bellend, wanker, cunt.

Edit: weird combination of smiley face / closing parenthesis.

E2: I'd left out twat! Where the chain started!

3

u/Ill-tell-you-reddit Nov 08 '19

I appreciate your insight, but I'm really not sure how I feel about your combination smiley face / closing parenthesis.

1

u/SonnyVabitch Nov 08 '19

Fair. I've changed it.

3

u/The_Max_Power_Way Nov 08 '19

You're missing a lot of words, but the ones you have are in the right order, I'd say.

2

u/SonnyVabitch Nov 08 '19

I left out twat!

I'm sure I'm missing a lot. There must also be a few that are milder in some regions but harsher in others.

2

u/Ged_UK Nov 08 '19

A good fun discussion for /r/CasualUK

1

u/csyrett Nov 08 '19

Ask away. We have a multitude of swears.

I'll rank your list accordingly.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

cunt!

2

u/csyrett Nov 08 '19

A lot milder than twat.

I'd be happy my 12yo saying twit

1

u/OccamsBeard Nov 08 '19

Like a twit?

2

u/Ged_UK Nov 08 '19

Stronger than twit. Twit has fallen out of use somewhat.

19

u/Iputmypenisinthings Nov 08 '19

The car's French

13

u/sarcytwat Nov 08 '19

Trust me a beat up old blue Peugeot 107 Access is pretty British

3

u/fulloftrivia Nov 08 '19

It's an Abandon

1

u/Lawsoffire Nov 08 '19

Probably feels British to the American majority because Peugeot does not sell in the US, and only watch media that is in English so they would almost exclusively only see these cars in British media

-4

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

Everyone buys cars from everywhere nowadays. Just look at the number of Japanese brands in the US.

3

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

What is this even supposed to mean lmao

1

u/Zonel Nov 08 '19

Peugeot doesn't sell cars in North America.

1

u/POSeidoNnNnnn Jan 14 '20

Browsing from top. Hello !

Isn't Colombo's car (the lieutenant from the show) a Peugeot ? That's why I thought they were selling there

16

u/DezzaJay Nov 08 '19

Just from that last line ignoring everything else including the post box is typically British.

5

u/01001000011010011 Nov 08 '19

This is the British equivalent of heaving a cinderblock at someone.

4

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19 edited Nov 08 '19

There was real venom in the last sentence, even through paper, photographed and transmitted over the medium of the Internet, I can still smell the salt.

7

u/empire314 Nov 08 '19

Its crazy how scenes from outside USA are different than scenes from USA.

12

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

The lack of bullet holes in this picture is rather nice ;-)

2

u/Sir_Loin_Cloth Nov 08 '19

Those are speed holes.

2

u/JimSteak Nov 08 '19

A perfectly cut hedge.

2

u/NotInMyHair Nov 08 '19

Also being this dramatic about a 24h delay for what's probably BK coupons and dentist flyers

4

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

This is outbound mail so its more likely government forms, greetings cards and small presents.

1

u/L3VANTIN3 Nov 08 '19

It’s missing the vandalism

1

u/OarsandRowlocks Nov 08 '19

Maybe he was a bellend as well.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19 edited Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

7

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

It was set up to carry the Kings correspondence by Henry VIII - later on monarchs allowed people who could afford it to pay to have their letters carried too, but it was very expensive still, until by the mid 1700s most could afford it, then the Victorians introduced the penny Post and almost everyone could afford it then.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19 edited Jul 03 '20

[deleted]

2

u/D-0H Nov 08 '19

No, just mail. Government service so Royal is used.

2

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

Because the company has been granted the Royal Style (means they can use Royal in their name) then they can use it for all their services, not just transporting correspondence for the Royal family.

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Proper Brexit parking

1

u/CookingDad1313 Nov 08 '19

Do they not have tow services in Britain?

1

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

[deleted]

1

u/CookingDad1313 Nov 08 '19

That’s... kind of awesome! The fear of being towed in the USA is extreme. The companies border on the criminal.

0

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

[deleted]

5

u/Floorspud Nov 08 '19

Pratt is a surname. Prat is an insult like twat.

2

u/SeaTwertle Nov 08 '19

So even though it’s spelled differently when spoken, are people with the surname Pratt constantly ridiculed in English schools?

2

u/eReadingAuthor Nov 08 '19

It'd be like someone in a US school with a surname of Silly. It's too easy and would become boring fast. It's the more elaborate insults that stick.

2

u/D-0H Nov 08 '19

Incessant ridicule. At my school there were also two teachers called Pratt. Of course we differentiated them by calling them Utter Pratt and Complete Pratt respectively.

1

u/RicoDredd Nov 08 '19

My friends surname is Dick. He got a lot of grief at school...

1

u/positivespadewonder Nov 08 '19

Some Richards willingly go by Dick. Who knows why.

0

u/master_big_dickilly Nov 08 '19

I read that in a DMX cadence

0

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

[deleted]

0

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

That's French!

-3

u/[deleted] Nov 08 '19

Y'all could have moved that car with the help of a few stalwart Americans.

2

u/collinsl02 Nov 08 '19

And then be arrested for criminal damage? No fear!

-4

u/pancakepockets Nov 08 '19

Who fucking sends letters ? Is this 1912 or some shit ??