INFJ/INFJ Relationships

[u/Dialogue_Dub]

Hello all.

Curious to see what others have learned from being in this rare combination. Having been in an INFJ(me, female)/INFJ (him, male) for almost a year now, it's been pretty enlightening. We are eerily similar in our habits/processes, respect each other's private time, and having a weird sense of reading each other's minds from across the room at a party with a glance.

I feel like I've also learned about my own shortcomings through the things we both do. The main one would be assuming other's motivations (it comes across as pretty presumptuous now that I've been on the receiving end), another would be assuming people will read my mind through subtle cues (example: he is suddenly hurt by some secret test I didn't know I was on, or cue I didn't pick up on because he doesn't express what he wants in a very obvious way).

So, positive, negatives? Strategies for dating someone so similar? I find we get into conflict when we each do the same negatives above at the same time or are too stubbornly held in our opinions.

[u/digitallama]

I had a period of intense friendship with an INFJ male which I ended when he tried to ask me out because he was swept up by the feelings from our immediate and natural connection. I have to admit, I was deeply offended and really enraged when he professed his feelings for me, because it felt like he had ruined an otherwise valuable friendship by springing his feelings on me without bothering to check whether I felt at all the same way (I didn't). I ended up avoiding him for a while until I got over my outrage and we're now friends again, but we take care to be a bit more considerate of our individual boundaries and not let everything just merge into one hot mess.

The upsides of being with another INFJ were definitely appealing; we felt very comfortable with each other from the beginning and the conversation flowed as though it was all coming from one mind. But I found his Fe side to be a bit too intense at times and it came to annoy me quite a bit in the end. He seemed to be as passionate and idealistic as I used to be before a severe bout of depression turned me into a world-weary cynic, and I think I recognised too many of the things I dislike about myself in him, which is why I wasn't attracted to him (I prefer NTJs).

Your point on learning not to assume the other person's motivations is very salient. I, too, have realised how inappropriate it can be, after having been on the receiving end and feeling frustrated by it. It's great that your current relationship allows you to explore and understand things like that. I hope you and your partner continue to get much enjoyment from being with a type twin and that being with each other helps to bolster your strengths while shedding further light on areas that might need a bit more work.

[u/Dialogue_Dub → u/digitallama]

Thank you! We're trying. What you're saying definitely resonates. I think as an INFJ pair, it's really important to continue working on yourself because it's very easy to become an unhealthy mirror to the other person, or visa versa. For example, I feel like his indecisiveness has made me more decisive, but I hope he works on becoming more confident in his decisions.

[u/digitallama → u/Dialogue_Dub]

It sounds like INFJ-INFJ pairings can work really well once both sides have gained a certain emotional maturity, and you guys seem to know what you're doing. Wishing you continued love and happiness. :)

[u/Dialogue_Dub → u/digitallama]

Thank you!