r/infj • u/LakashY • Nov 06 '15
Difficulties with other INFJs?
I was wondering about this for a few reasons. A lot of folks in my life have been INFJs (to the extent that I sincerely doubt that only 1-3% of the population is INFJ - although I know like-attracts-like). While I connect deeply with many of them and their motivations, I am almost deeply distrustful of them or afraid of them.
I think that's because I know they are thinking way more than they are saying, and I know I can't access those thoughts. I know many of them temper their feelings and thoughts to match your needs, meaning you rarely get the full picture. Or, you know that the full picture isn't ever fully expressed.
I also had an issue recently with someone who claimed to be an INFJ. I sincerely doubt she really is. She talked a lot without listening well. She was uncomfortable with silence of any kind. She thought she understood my intentions and motivations and the things I said to her and she was so wrong about me in so many ways. She regularly said things matter-of-factly about her assessment of me that were so off-base and hurtful. In my experience, INFJs often beat around the bush when saying things that could be hurtful. But I read an article saying that her behavior was consistent with INFJ-type and that the way I am is more INFP-like... Does that make any sense to y'all?
Anyway. First time stumbling upon this sub. So glad it exists!
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u/TheVeganBehemoth INFJ Nov 06 '15
I did that with someone I was head-over-heels in-love with, (obviously it was a complete and utter disaster) but that's usually the opposite of how I act. Think she might be in love with you, or going through something else that puts her under an intense amount of pressure?
That article is dead wrong because neither I nor the other guy I know who tested as INFJ act like that. (Well I did under very specific circumstances.)
Also, I can really relate to your first paragraph; when I started college I felt like I could gauge the essence of each of my classmates - at least on an external level - before I even talked to them. I was mostly right, but there was one guy I didn't even notice until a couple months later. When I finally made an effort to remember him, I didn't trust him, probably because, from his outer appearance and personality, I couldn't really tell anything about him. I imagine, as an INFJ, he built of massive walls around his personality to keep himself protected.
We had to do this assignment where we interview someone else in the class and edit together a two minute video about that person. (It was for broadcast journalism.) Somebody in the class chose that guy and I watched the video, and remember thinking he seemed kind of deep, tortured and complex. He reminded me of me!
A few weeks later, I didn't trust him again. Every time we talked, I'd like him, and every time we didn't, his mere presence would bother me in one way or another. I didn't start trusting him until the next year when he tested for INFJ, and I still had more tension with him than anyone else in the class.