Fantasy numbing

[u/Dismal-Meal2173]

So most people have a fantasy or a set of fantasies that they use when they "engage" themselves. It can be about a certain person or situation. But in the HS mindset and always sexually engaged I feel like fantasies only work for so long before they start to lose their flair or erotism... So what then, what next? Of course we move on to something or someone new but sometimes for me, that moves the bar of what I fantasize about and what someone would find normal also into more taboos and unconventional things. Some of which at one point I would have been grossed out or physically repulsed by into the realm of more acceptable thoughts.... Of course this is all fantasy but if given the chance I've come to accept that I would actually try it, to that end makes me feel disgusted and disappointed in myself.... But those things that aren't acceptable fuel the next endorphin rush that makes me feel good until I think about it all.... It's going down a rabbit hole in a sense and being buried by the disappointment but it feels like I can't stop falling... Anyone ever feel the same or want to share thoughts about this. Thanks for reading and hopefully understanding

[u/Dismal-Meal2173 → u/[deleted]]

It feels like things loose their luster and you have to move on to something else but what you move on to gets darker every time. I don't know how detailed you are comfortable with discussing so I'll leave you things kind of vague for now but the fantasies start out normal then once the shimmer wears of things start moving in to a darker direction in order to keep things exciting.... Some of the things I've gotten off to make me ashamed afterwards but it normalizes those thoughts then the bar moves again when they start to not become enough again...