2023.

[u/Aurorasinthenight]

Good day to you all Redditors.

I want to write something here, it is personal but let me just open up. I want to open myself to this world to see me as who I am. I am being courageous and brave today.

In January 2023, I have been having a drug withdrawal effect (for my mental health) which my therapist and psychiatrist mentioned I experienced type 1 bipolar psychosis which was my diagnosis ever since.

In the preceding months I thought that someone had hexed me or done black magic on me.. but in December to January I have been losing a significant amount of weight because of loose stools that took place which made me think so..

On the 30th January.. at 11 PM in the night, right after my BF left the house (my ex) I hallucinated in my room. My phone's charging cable was flipping and looked silver, my curtains were moving fast, the hair strands I lost were moving, and my friend's IG display picture swivelled.

At the corner of my eyes, I saw black dots every time I blinked, and it was in my peripheral vision that these black dots kept zooming fast back and forth when I was hallucinating.. I associated them with entities trying to get me.. but I was strong, I yelled to them and put on Buddhist chantings loudly.. and those chantings slowed down in my listening ears after sometime which I thought maybe these entities were trying to win over me.. and it was so weird that the chanting slowed down and sped up.. my parents were in my room and cried with me.. but I didn't want to cry too much as I was strong.

My cat in my room kept moving her head everywhere when this was happening to me, so I used to think did she catch up on any of these entities.. the same few days back I had red starches on my wrist and hands.

Also before I was hospitalised I felt something was pulled my dress from my back... like tactile hallucinations..

In my room I used to find cold spots.. cold spots next to my desk.. it was felt by me that there were spots in my room which felt cold..

When I was hospitalised.. the following day, there was an instance where when I left the hospital.. and when I used the bathroom sink, and came back into the bathroom again, it was weird for me to find hair strands, curly hair strands that resembled my Mom's hair in the sink.. there were 5 strands scattered in the sink when it was only me from the ward who was there who just left the bathroom and re-entered it. It was mysteriously eerie I was shocked. And when I used to look down on the floor from the bed I was on, I noticed a lot of my hair strands...

I wish if I had written this in 2023 but I am now writing this to reflect on what happened.. was this a spiritual experience.. or a psychic attack.. or something else.. because I am spiritual.. because I always seeked an answer on this.. was this psychological..

This is not scaring me as I know I am now strong, and will not accommodate anything psychic attack related to knock me down.. I am.

When I was at the hospital I mentioned to a nurse and a guardian assigned to me that I felt like my life felt as though it was a simulation.

Also edit - A while ago after I wrote this.. I saw something gold flutter like a flash on the left of myself.. I wonder if it is a spirit guide or an angel.. as I tend to meditate but haven't in a while now... and I see colors when I meditate especially purple / violet and indigo.

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