The usual spill. I dont have any friends. I hate my life, working, my body ect. Im perverse and I think im a danger to other people. If i live to long I might just hurt others. I cant let that happen. So will be killing myself. Nobody cares if a shit stain like me dies anyway

23M, I feel like a burden to this world. Not just to my family, but every person that has to interact with me. I exist in this state of nothingness, where I put on a face, emotion, whatever to not be fucking examined like a lab rat. I am convinced this world I live in, the people within it are against me, in every stretch of the word. it took me 2 1/2 years to get a dead end job in a factory, where I've been on EI from a back injury for the last 3 months and am having trouble returning. I feel pathetic, lost and useless. Everyone around me knows I'm useless, I'm sure of it. I have no joy, drive or passion, and I'm not sure I ever did or ever will. My words hold no merit, my opinions no depth. I simply exist. I have an extremely poor long-term memory, a failing short term memory, and no connections (with 1 exception, my wife) to relate to. Even being common law married, having a beautiful, loving and supportive wife and wonderful in-laws, I feel forgotten, left behind.

I dealt with a benzo addiction in high school, and have attempted to kill myself twice. This was due to the insurmountable abuse I faced as a child from my parents and the lack of them actually being parents. Physical, psychological, emotional, you name it. The passing thoughts of suicide have been with me all my life, like a lead blanket wrapped around my skull. I'm really, really struggling with fighting the urge to give up, for good this time. All I want to do is give up.

I don't know what to do anymore. Traditional therapy is a write-off for me as my mother took advantage of a terrible therapist and me being a minor (I was 16). I did not see one consent form. What was discussed "confidentially" between "myself and my therapist" would be used as fuel against me 2-3 days later. Never mind the cost.

I'm in pain. Physically, psychologically and emotionally in pain. All day long. Putting this here still feels like I'm doing nothing. I'm convinced not one person cares. This world does not care about me or my issues.

Medication does nothing for me anymore. I've been on multiple SSRIs, all of which worked for a while, but stopped helping far earlier than they should have. Even in high doses. I've been on antipsychotics, I had a mental breakdown in 2022 and another the following year due to lapsing in meds. I have issues with dissociation, even while driving (that's what started the first breakdown 4 years ago). Now the only meds I take are painkillers for my back.

I'm stuck. Anything I've tried to pursue in life has failed. Be it school, work, whatever. It's never worked out in the long run. Every. Fucking. Time. I don't know where to go from here.

I'm sure this won't help. Nothing helps. I'm fully, completely convinced that I'm on my own. I feel like I'm at odds with reality. Like God has hand picked my suffering to analyze, thus it must continue. I can't take it anymore, but I continue to. I feel like I'm falling apart, but my body contains the pieces of my psyche that should be allowed to spill out and returns them all back in place, for the next day to begin the shattering all over again. I'm physically trapped in my own mind.

I'm in a hole, and I can't get out.

I 15M, go to a Welsh school, currently struggling with a language I've been speaking my whole life. I've got 1 month left of year 10, my actual GCSE's are next year, and I have no hope of passing any of them.

In year 7, I used to get around 70-90% depending on the subject.

In year 9, it was about 60-70%

Now I'm struggling to get above a C-

I've been trying so hard, and I have no idea why the Welsh just won't go in my head. I'm struggling to read it, write it and even think it. But I'm completely fine hearing it and speaking it. I'm now in basically the bottom set everything. I've been speaking Welsh since before year 1, and I have no idea why it just won't stick.

I've tried revising, but every time I do, it's all in Welsh, and I just don't get it. I've punched walls because of how frustrated I actually got.

My mum, being a science teacher at another school, doesn't help the absolute pressure on my back right now. Watching all my friends get B's and above is just making everything even more unbearable; even my friend with dyslexia is doing better than me.

It makes me hate them all for it, and I know thats a horrible thing to say, but everytime they critisize me for being a minute late to a lesson, or forgetting a piece of homework, they shove it off as a joke but really it hurts. They dont mean anything bad and their the best friends anyone could ask for but them being really smart just makes me feel shit.

i sat 20% of my welsh exam today and quite frankly i think i did horrible. i left 2 questions empty, didnt answer any of the questions to the full, and barely did half a page on a 14 marc question. the only subject im good at is science and i hate it.

everyone asks me what i want to do with my future, 6 form or collage but i really have no idea. i cant imagine myself doing anything.

i also have 20% of my history exam to do tommorow. and i absolutely hate the structure for that one. its honestly just making me feel depressed and i dread going to school everyday.

so please, how do i change all my grades in a short amount of time, ive been considering moving schools but i like my friends to much and i feel moving to an english school mid term would just be difficult. i say all this but really i just want to move away from everyone and just do it on my own without someone telling me what to do.

I have a chronic illness that I’ve had for the last 6 years and it’s gotten to the point where I’m always in pain. I’ve struggled with severe depression since I was around 14 and now I just want to give up. I don’t think I can work a regular job because I’m just out too often and it’s not by choice. Everyday I wonder why I have survived another day. I hope that some accident takes me out, so my family won’t be upset with me for leaving too early. There’s days where I’m really happy for a while, but more than half the time it turns out to be a manic episode. Everyday I feel like giving up just a bit more than the last. I thought I learned how to live with my depression without it stopping me, but I don’t know how I am even pushing through anymore. I don’t want to live in pain.

I honestly just need a place to vent and try to put my thoughts together..
In a few words, I have been depressed since I was a kid.
I am 22(F) now, but I don’t remember a time in my life where I truly was looking forward to my future. I was raised in an abusive household, moved countries, houses, so many times. I’ve had a substance abuse problem, ED, SH, basically everything you can think of. I have also been recently (1 year ago) diagnosed with a chronic skin disorder, that has been bringing me pain with most movements I make. I am not okay, not physically, not mentally.

The thing that kept me going before was art, my mother, and my dog. I’ve lived alone for a long time (16) and I couldn’t bear the thought of her finding me or my dog being left alone.
My mom is completely alone. She struggles to make friends, and we don’t speak to any of our relatives. She is very paranoid and thinks every person is working against her, whether it’s a coworker or sibling, so she cuts everyone of. She often tells me how I’m the only reason she’s still going. So I was always afraid that if I ended it, I would take two lives with me.

My situation has changed now, I have found the love of my life, my partner, whom I love very much. I moved with him to his home country because it offers more opportunities since he doesn’t speak my country’s language. I have started working as well, and I honestly hate it.

I used to close myself into my pc or my books, to escape reality, but none of it appeals anymore. Nothing really makes me want to look forward. Our goals as a couple is to find a place in a nicer city than the town we are in, since I really hate it here, and I thought maybe that’s what the problem was. But even thinking about moving to that bigger town with him and having so much to do together and what we have dreamed of.. it just doesn’t appeal.
I can’t think of anything that would.

I haven’t been able to give my partner, my mother, or anyone the attention and love they deserve because I truly don’t have anything left in me. I don’t get turned on, or happy, and I stay awake at night just thinking of what I would write them and sending all my money off to my mom so she can get by once she’s older and can’t work. But I am reaching a point of no return.

My 28 yr old has been struggling for a while now and he refuses to talk or seek help. Has anyone tried and adaptagens any herbal natural meds that help keep bad thoughts away?

It feels like a lifetime ago, like a past life even, or a dream. It was 7 years ago that last time I happy, at the top of my game, and enjoying life.

Now, I don’t know that girl anymore. The person I am now is a shell. Feels worthless. Disassociates. Self medicates. Anything to not feel the pain.

Serious question I’ve been healing from insomnia after dealing with it for a couple of months I am doing a lot better and my sleep has been more consistent. when my insomnia was really I had anxiety coming and going and my doctor prescribed me sertraline for anxiety and trazadone for sleep. I did take trazadone when I needed it for sleep but I haven’t started sertraline because I’m afraid to become dependent on it to just feel like myself so my question would be is it worth taking or should I just keep overcoming it naturally on my own since I’ve been doing better.?

I’ve just been sitting in my room all day and getting just flooded with memory’s and I feel so alone I hate feeling like this can I pls talk to someone I’m 17 if you read thag thank you sm

For a little bit of context: depression since 18 after I lost the person who turned my life around, untreated for two (I think? I don't remember much that's not from the time she was still there) years, little progress until August last year (my 23), stopped medication in December and only recently started to actually get my own will back. Her passing was in my early uni days, so I couldn't finish it - just continuing living was a feat enough. So now when most of my peers are either working or in their last years of uni, I just recently started to unfreeze. One of the last weeks got a dream in which the fact of her passing wasn't changed, yet it didn't feel like my personal failure nearly as much as... all this time.

So it seems I'm recovering, right? But being less like a frozen pea, getting my will back, while still essentially being a burden leads... to some less safety, I feel. Back when I still was on meds and with much less light in my thoughts, I was asked by my parents if I can try going to an uni again, and I wasn't brave enough to be honest that I'm still not back on track. Or maybe I was honest, but self-deceived, I don't know. Of course I burned out. And now that I have some sprouts of will, where I am now doesn't align with where I feel I am meant to be, path-wise (not even mentioning the lost years, but I hope it's not too late). Had the not-healthy-actions-on-myself not too long ago, had a talk with parents. A couple of the talks, actually. I feel like tgey understand immediately after the talks, but then they say if I'm not pushing through with this, I'm losing my last chance, or something along the lines of that. Or that I'm just sitting there not moving. Degrading. That works quite well for fuelling my self-hate and proving the intrusive thoughts right, even if logically I know they don't meant it as a "you're a burden", that it's from a caring place. I know I lost the usually most transformative years, thank you, I know nobody lasts forever too well, too. That I'm not earning yet, I noticed that, yes. I don't need a reminder for that. All it does is unstabilize me. I may feel less guilt and paralysing pain from the trauma, but that doesn't mean I don't get intrusive thoughts anymore. I'm more okay now than in any of the depression days, but during each of the "stop slacking" things I feel me losing more ground to impulsive and intrusive thoughts each time. I ducking know education and earning are important. I'm really trying to not be a burden anymore, but when lingering on is like a job, it's not that easy. She was the one that made world have a meaning and me a reason to exist. I'm trying to hold the roof of a building that got its weight-bearing column removed, and that's not enough, nor is it enough to attempt doing stuff when I can do something more than curl in a ball.

And... If anybody has the experience of getting back on track after being pretty much a failed young adult, or even just getting through that period alive enough, I think I need some help with that. Right now, I can't quite imagine getting there without acquiring a hell of a load of unhealthy coping mechanisms along the way, and even with them, I can't really see a clear way that wouldn't just make me burned out to coal and ash instead. I think maybe I just need more time, but it has been made clear I'm not quite allowed it

Still have the habit of picking up my phone to text who I thought was to be my girlfriend. The only really one had something going on with. I have been feeling euphoric and happy the past 6 months till she completely ghosted me a day before we were supposed to meetup.

Now that I got embarrassed infront of my family who was expecting me to bring this girl on Saturday two weeks ago I’ve been feeling so off. How my family lit up when I told them I was talking to a girl for the first time in my life. How happy they were for me (I always said I wanted to live alone and I don’t fancy other people). They thought this would be my turning point in life and bombarded me with questions about her (nothing weird). Now I’m back on square one again.

Always when my life is going good major stuff happens that completely ruins everything. I’ve always kept strong and kept on fighting for absolutely nothing. They say never give up but that is what I’ve done now. Me not giving up before have always lead me to even worse situations. I’ve always felt the best the few times I quit something and that is what I am going to hold onto.

Everything is now gray, boring and utterly lonely. I have no support from anyone (because I literally don’t have any friends anymore). I keep on picking up my phone for me to just close it again afterwards. I’m quite literally panicking of boredom and sadness. I really needed to vent this.

My situation is non-fixable. The things I really wanted and needed in my life is not do-able anymore. I honestly can’t live with the gutwrenching feeling everyday. My energy levels have plummeted because I’m constantly thinking about things.

The thing is that my life isn't terrible. I have loving parents, a fe good friends, and people who care about me. But despite that, I still feel this constant heaviness in my chest that I can't explain. Sometimes I just wish I could disappear. Not necessarily die, but stop existing. Like I wish I had never been born in the first place.

Even though I have friends and family around me, I still feel lonely a lot of the time. It feels like nobody really understands me, and I don't feel comfortable opening up about any of this to the people I know. Sometimes the loneliness hurts so much that it feels physical.

I also have attachment issues. I tend to push people away because I'm scared of getting too attached to them. It's strange because I crave connection, but at the same time I keep people at a distance.

Another thing is that I daydream a lot. I'll randomly zone out and spend ages imagining different scenarios in my head. Sometimes it feels like I'm more connected to my thoughts than to the real world around me.

I'm not really an emotional person either. I rarely cry. Most of the time the strongest emotion I feel is anger. I don't really feel happy anymore. Mostly I just feel empty.

I get suicidal thoughts sometimes, but I've never harmed myself and I don't think I ever will. I don't think I have it in me to do something like that. And honestly, I couldn't do that to my parents. They're good people, and I know it would destroy them. I don't want them spending the rest of their lives wondering what they did wrong or if it was somehow their fault.

I don't really know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just want to know if anyone else has felt like this before.

I'm sick and tired of nothing going my way anymore. Nothing I do matters. Nothing I do makes anything better. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really starting to believe suicide is the best answer. Cause there's no hope for me. I've already made too many mistakes to possibly recover from. I've ran out of second chances. But I can't. Suicide isn't an option cause I'm a fucking idiot and promised my friends I never would. So all I can do is wait for fate to finally kill me naturally, or fate to finally decide to let me fucking breathe and be worth something.

I’ve made a lot of progress since starting therapy and taking meds. but I’m still struggling with my depression mess. My room has never been this bad to this point of hardly being able to walk around. I want so bad to clean and try to start small but I just get overwhelmed and stop. I have stuff I say I want to sell but either never do or I don’t want to go through the effort. I know I have stuff I should just throw away but I look at it and think of it as money I’m throwing away. No matter what I do I made the mess even worse. It’s honestly embarrassing and I don’t know what else to do.

please help me I need someone to talk I hink something bad gonna happen I've made this account to post this

My whole life (25 years) I've been attracted to the same sex (girls). After taking antidepressants for about half a year (which continued for a year after), I started having thoughts that I suddenly wanted to be with guys, like the very thought of girls wasn't even in my head nor did I want it to be, as if it was unnecessary, and I was always sure that I would (I used to like guys before, but I didn't want anything to do with them emotionally or physically, or even if I did, it wasn't that, it was kind of empty, it was more natural with girls), but now it's like I've been "reborn", become more serious, I trust men more, I'm attracted to those who I would never have been attracted to, maybe I even see a future with them (now I'm talking about sexual feelings and a potential desire for a relationship with a guy, but I had absolutely no need to even look at them, let alone do anything that girls normally do, talk about them, they find them attractive, etc.) There's no way for me to be attracted to them or want anything to do with them. This is creating a huge identity crisis for me and now I don't know who or what I am anymore.

Hello, I'm 27 years old. I studied English language and teaching for 5 years. After I graduated I worked for 1.5 years. Then I did not work next 2 years, and I stayed at family home just to study for the government teacher exam. During this period I stayed in my family's house, and my parents expected me to pass this exam to be a government school teacher. What I did was just wasting my time with my phone and scrolling for hours. I even saw a maximum of 12 hours one day.

I wish I could have taken the years back I wasted. 4 years ago I graduated and still couldn't pass this exam. Social media and smartphones destroyed my life, and also, of course, porn addiction. I feel so desperate. I have only 42 days to study for my last exam. Idk if I could still pass the exam or not, but I will try to do my best.

I see myself like a failed man. Dad is stage 4 cancer, and I hate social media and smartphones. Because of them I wasted my years. I also try to do nofap and noporn to motivate myself but I feel so desperate you know.

Because of stress i have hemorroidhs now and anal fissure. Dad told me i had potential to pass the exam and settle down and make my life. But now he says just because i killed time with my gf and i chose to be lazy now i will have to bear the results if i fail exam. What should I do? I feel like my life will always be like that stuck in parents house failure man.

Dad says if he dies he doesnt think if i can survive alone. Cus if i dont work in government he does not think i will have a secure job and life. My brain freeze, i dont have any hope from the future.

What should I do? 10 years ago i had treatment from anxiety and social phobia. I used lustral for 2 years and xanax for 6 months. The reason i didnt study and procrastinate because I was lazy or deep down it is about mental health? Can you suggest me some books or videos? I dont see any light in my life especially after dad's diagnosis with cancer. When dad blames me for my laziness everything hits so hard. Idk if i can bear the weariness of life in the future.

Throwaway (technically an account I haven’t used in years) since friends know my main account. It’s not a particularly scandalous confession, but I think it will do me some good to come to terms with the fact that I just can’t hack it in life.

Some details will purposely be a bit vague in case they come across this post. I can provide more details but I kept running into the character limit

I have two loving parents, and a great deal of wonderful friends who try to tell me that I’m a nice and intelligent person who has a lot of potential, but I am in my mid 30’s, living with my parents for 6 years as of today, and am starting to realize that I will never have a successful life. I’ve had so many opportunities over the years to settle down, find a job that pays well enough to live on my own but nothing has worked out. They’re convinced that something good is just around the corner, but they’ve said that for six years now. And I’m starting to realize that it’s because there is something wrong with me. Either I’m not hard-working enough or don’t have enough of a backbone to be anything other than the funny friend you can lean on for support.

How I ended up in this situation:

I went to grad school for a very specialized field, but my trajectory was completely wrecked by graduating in June of 2020. I didn’t get to finish my internship and as a result, no one hired me. I started having to work jobs like front desk or fast food jobs to make a bit of money. I eventually worked a front desk job for a company in my original field with the promise that my employers would help guide me to the kind of job I trained for, but after 3 years and several different interviews within the company, they would never offer me one of those jobs. A friend encouraged me to become a teacher, and while being a long term substitute has gone well, I can’t land a full time teaching job for three years now. Any regular job I apply to doesn’t like that I haven’t had “normal experience” in several years.

I am stuck spinning my wheels. I can’t get a job in a field I care about and I can’t even get a job I hate that pays the bills.

Along with this, about two years ago my girlfriend of 8 years essentially ghosted me. I ran into the character limit telling the story, so if someone is curious I can post it in a comment. Trying to get back into the dating scene is frustrating for a lot of the obvious reasons.

So here I am, living at home with no prospects. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that things won’t get better.

Don't really know what to put as the title but basically I'm.. pretty depressed I guess and that's mostly because I have had no friends for years so yeah.. I'm having a dilemma currently about friendships, I really need friends because I'm alone, but when I try to make friends I either dont find any and I feel worse, or I find someone and they leave me (or as of today) find someone that is pretty perfect just to after 3 days of talking relapse because of them and want to not be their friend. Mainly because I catastrophise anything and everything because of my past friendships. But I also just think they're lying anyways because I have some proof.. I do my research on people to make sure they're honest.

I have many other factors to my depression but this one is a currently worsening situation as it's just the same cycle only each repeat I feel worse and worse, more drained than the last and I'm wondering what to do, I've been thinking about cutting of social media so I can't attempt to talk to anyone, stopping me from meeting people to mess me up again but obviously it then means I'm stopping myself from finding a friend.

don't think I have much else to say, I just really needed to let this out, Thanks.

My wife f28 is depressed and burnt out and I m33 don't know what to do about it. How do I go about it?

My wife is a perfectionist. We've been together for 8 years and she's an ambitious, driven woman. I love that about her.

But I just started a new (really good) career and I THINK she feels like she needs to achieve the same level of success but she hasn't yet.

For starters, she's always been a positive, happy-go-lucky woman who has a great attitude. Ever since starting at this new job, she's developed a whining and workaholic habit. She works 14 hour days at one job, 24 hour shifts at a second job, and 4-6 hour shifts at her third job. She has only a few shifts a week she has to work, but fills her four day weekend with her other jobs (which she is not highly obligated to do). She's been burning the candle at both ends. Easy enough, stop working so much.

But the problem comes in when she's projecting all of her negative emotions onto our relationship.

Being completely honest and transparent, all of her whining is a huge turn off for me. I've gently told her that. I don't like being her emotional punching bag. So. I'm not in the mood for sex 99% of the time. She thinks that because I'm not in the mood, I must not love her or find her attractive anymore. I do.

She says that I don't "act" like I used to in the start of our relationship. "in love", taking pictures all the time, saying sweet things, etc. Which, to be fair, is a normal thing. But I don't think I've changed anything over the past year or two. I still show her affection, I do things for her, I clean the house 100%, I listen to her, etc. I'm doing everything in my power to show her that I love her but she doesn't want to hear or see it.

But the more she whines and complains the more turned off I am, and it's been really hard for me to find the drive to have sex with her. And the deeper that gets, the more validated she feels in her opinion.

I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. Adjusting to a new job and trying to work in overdrive to please her has me running on empty 24/7. The harder I try the worse it gets. I've suggested therapy, no. I've suggested a gym routine to release stress (she thinks I'm calling her fat, I'm not), I've suggested eating cleaner to help with anxiety (again, fat). But none of those suggestions have anything to do with her physical appearance, genuinely. She's very attractive. But those things work for me and that's the only way I've gotten myself out of where she's at in the past.

So tldr.

She's depressed and stressed and tired, I want to help, the more I try the less she believes me and thinks I don't love her.

So prom is coming up and no one wants me because I haven’t interacted with anyone who did have feelings for me. I would ask someone out but I don’t know who to ask out and they wouldn’t like that anyways. This was my second and final year at my high school, I wish I started freshman year since that’s where most relationships bloom but I can’t rewind time yet I wish I could. Why don’t girls and even boys like me even if I can consider myself attractive what is wrong that no one wants to be with me? My senior year I tried interacting with people I really did, but it wasn’t enough I should’ve joined alot of clubs

i just feel like theres something wrong with me, i feel like im just not meant for this life, like i cant do anything a normal person can do properly without extreme struggle. i am socially awkward and anxious, i can barely leave the house without feeling like im going to throw up. i cant even write a email to someone without a knot forming in my stomach from anxiety. my parents call me overally sensitive and emotional constantly.

i feel like at some point in my life i just became one big mistake that the world is slowly trying to cover it up by making it out like i never existed. even at home with my family its happening, like my family is slowly pushing me out. i share a room with my brother, he put all my books and comics in a bag so he could have room for his books and my mother told me to either throw them out or put it in a box in the garage.

my mum keeps telling me that my side of the room is too messy and that i need to clean and throw stuff out to make room, and i have yet no matter what i get rid of or how much i deep clean it its always still too much stuff or too messy. i have 1 poster on my side of the room because all my things are hidden in our closet or in tubs under my bed, since my brothers says my interests are too embarrassing to decorate my side of the room with. i keep saying that theres no space for me anymore but no one listens.

idk if i even have depression, i dont even feel sad i just feel so empty. i used to be so happy and bubbly as a kid and then at some point everything that made me, me just dissapeared and now im just so anxious all the time. all my hobbies im suddenly unable to do anymore, like i used to draw, i love drawing, but i just cant do it anymore like the ability has been sucked out of me.

i cant even talk to anyone about this because my family would probably call me too sensitive or emotional, and my friends didnt take it seriously the last time i told them. the only time i feel at peace with myself or content is when im going to sleep becuase at leas then nothing is expected of me and i can hopefully dream of a better life while alseep. i even dread waking up now. idk what to do anymore.

Any advice? or even anyone who can relate to me.

Back brief (29F) 10 year military career.

Ive been in my lows again with depression thinking about wanting a child. My boyfriend is older (41) and we spoke about children and I said I want to keep the option open however he already has a 13 Y/O and talked about his older brother being almost 50 and starting over with a baby. I asked so you don’t want another but he only said not a damn near 50. I’m feeling drug along Carter to me the answer seems like no.

I have endometriosis and have previously been married to a guy who tried to have a kid with me to control me and leave me and take the baby. His words not mine. Anyways so that’s why I’m on the fence about it but in my heart I still want a child.

I like if I can’t have a child at least I can have a reborn feel the feeling but Ik I sound crazy to some of those actual parents out there. But I’m feeling hopeless and desperate.

I have lived with MS for a long time. I just made a big move across country. And I couldn't drive myself. Right before the move I had the biggest exacerbation of all time and I had to stop driving because my feet would get tangled up in the petals of the car. If you don't know if your foot's on the gas of the break it's kind of a problem you know? So a friend of mine helped me drive across the country. My husband drove his own car. We have several cars so two of them are getting shipped but we couldn't ship three My husband is definitely helping as much as he can I have always been the caregiver in our family, taking care of his grandmother, my mom, our son who struggles. I can see the resentment building and when he has to help me. I couldn't get up out of the bed to go to the bathroom last night. I tried three different times. I had a mat underneath me. But somehow it got pushed aside so the mattress got wet, the mat is soaked, I needed to cut into the shower today and he had to help me. I just sat on the bench and felt so helpless. I'm so afraid that he's going to ditch me. I'm still the caregiver for my mom and I can't help her right now because I'm in such a bad state physically. There's so much I want out of life that I don't know how that's going happen if this keeps going the way it is right now. I will schedule an appointment for a new neurologist on Monday but who knows when they'll see me. And if I get on this new medication, maybe it will help but I don't know how long it will take. I just can't live like this. I'm feeling so helpless. I don't know what to do. We can't afford, especially after this cross-country move, to get in-house help for me or my mother. I know I qualify for some help but it still has to be paid for. I don't think just because I am disabled and have social security disability that it would be free. The drugs they gave me at the hospital wasted my muscles. I have terrible myopathy. And then I hurt my back and I can't hardly move in any position without excruciating pain. I've had kidney stones and it's up there with that level of pain. It's nothing in comparison with childbirth. Does anybody know what I could do? Resources? I don't want to give up on myself but I'm really feeling the need to just end this. I'm sorry if there are any typos in this I can't type anymore and have to rely on Google talk to type which could really improve you know. Thanks in advance for any encouragement or suggestions.