I don't know if this post will get any traction, but long story short: I have been recovering memories of being in a cult as a child for the last half-decade or so. Because of the fine fragmentation of memories, many if not all of these tendencies are still with me, particularly around certain dates, when those memories get kicked up again. I began therapy this year and fully recovered the awareness that, yes, these are real memories of real events. Now my work is to teach these fragments of myself that those rules no longer apply, and the danger no longer exists.

What was it like for you when you first broke with the cult? Were you afraid of retaliation?

What was it like to do simple things like seek out information and take care of yourself?

And what does it look like?

I left a high-control ministry awhile back and I’m processing what happened.

I’m looking for guidance on how to move forward spiritually and emotionally.

I’ve seen how intense storytelling, emotional push-pull, and manipulated testimonies can affect both faith and perspective. I want to rebuild my spiritual life rooted in God’s truth, not human performance and viral narratives. I’ve tried warning others but I was treated as the black sheep

If you’ve been through something similar, I’d really appreciate any wisdom, Scripture, or practices that helped you regain clarity, discernment, and peace. I’m not looking to debate or rehash the past, just guidance for walking faithfully with God.

cults to consciousness podcast episodes have been wonderfully helpful

Edit: Thank you for the camaraderie. It’s truly wholesome 🥹 to witness everyone pooling resources and sharing words of encouragement. Please keep them coming!!

I’ve read, and will continue reading, all the comments. I’m taking the time to listen and go through the advice and resources you’ve all generously shared

I’m genuinely touched because you guys have pulled me out of some very dark places…

How can I help a friend leave a 12 Step Program (Codependent Anonymous)?
He is almost causing harm to himself!
He believes if he runs out of money the "higher power" will help him he even started cutting contact with me.

I’m not sure if this post is allowed here. If not, I would like some guidance on where to go about this.

A few years ago, some of my friends went through a religious epiphany. Before this, they lived their lives like any college party goers would. Drinking, smoking, etc.. but never anything more than that. Once they hit their senior year, they collectively made a pact to change their ways and find the real reason why they were put on this Earth. To their findings, it was to serve God. One of them graduated early and didn’t really know where to go from there. I’m not exactly sure how this happened, but online she found this small group of people based in Ada, OK who ran a coffee shop (Goodway Coffee) that was also connected to their private church. The church is called The House of Joy. She talked to one of the pastors and his wife (they own Goodway Coffee), and moved in with them to work at this coffee shop for the church. *Not to get confusing, but there are multiple pastors, the “main” ones being Lucas and Sonia Bessey. They are not the ones who own the coffee shop. That is owned by Lucas’ brother, Judah. Most of the men that are within that church are pastors. Not all, but most.

It was kind of shocking at first, having a friend moving all the way down to the middle of nowhere to live with people (in their own house) that she didn’t really know. She had never been there before either. Within a year of the first friend moving down, my other friend went to visit her, and also moved there within the next few months of her trip there. Her, her husband, and baby moved into a “fixer upper” mobile home owned by the church, which is on the property where all of the pastors live (including the first friend). At this point, I learned that there are multiple houses/campers on this property. It is essentially a commune. One of my other friends is considering moving there now too, and I just cannot be happy for any of them. I’m nervous for them. I feel that they are being taken advantage of.

I recently found out that most of the members put all of their money into the church, work for the church, and get paid by the church. The money is recycled by everyone. Very few of them have outside jobs. This church recently became public as of this summer. It all just seems so shady. Lucas Bessey has been called a “false prophet” by some others on the internet. So my question is, is The House of Joy a cult? Is any of this even legal?

There are so many more details to add, but I want to make sure I’m in the right spot for this question. Any and all advice is appreciated.

*edited to fix spelling of name

There’s a good amount of debate over whether or not the group I was in is a cult. Ive been out for at least a decade. Something on Reddit cued me back to the memories of being pressured into standing on street corners trying to hand out recruitment items and materials. Like other times these memories are cued up, I had a wave of strong disgust and disbelief that I went from college educated modern woman to covered head to toe recruiting for the group on street corners. How do I get over that visceral shock and disgust? Ive been in therapy and made so much progress but some memories, like this one, still have so much charge.

You can skip the next paragraph, it’s just context and thinking out loud.

The more I tell the story to people unaffiliated with the group or the religion the group is housed within, the more culty it sounds. I was groomed and recruited as a vulnerable teenager, leaving an abusive home and away in college. I was swayed with “scholarships” to their education programs, travel, free meals, a home like environment with people who “cared” about me and my spiritual well-being. Slowly I was isolated as people from the group became my friends, coworkers, landlords, etc. I studied in their seminaries on scholarship, moved to their enclave, and started the semi-arranged marriage process— thankfully got out before marriage and babies. I was afraid of losing my job and housing and community if I wore the wrong clothes, ate the wrong food, or asked the wrong questions. The charismatic leader was dead, but a smaller faction within the group believed he was secretly still alive and waiting for us to be “good enough” and to recruit enough people to then reveal himself as the messiah and usher in the messianic era. I wasn’t told this until halfway through my full year in seminary, but suddenly my scholarship that covered room and board was contingent on going out on street corners with materials about the group and approaching people to recruit them. I am so shy and introverted, and so remember literally shaking and feeling nauseous but eventually dissociating and feeling echoey and like I was watching my body from above as I put on a sociable mask and began approaching people, trying to offload my materials sooner so we could go back to the dorm sooner.

TW for discussions of sexual abuse and, yk, normal brainwashing things, etc etc

When I was younger, I was divided between Assemblies of God (AG, a major Pentecostal church system) and atheism.

My mother was an atheist, but she would leave the house often for various reasons not important to this post. We lived with my grandparents at the time, so I would oftentimes be left with them. My grandfather attended the AG church consistently and was very religious. Whenever she wasn’t around, I would get snuck out of the house, oftentimes being forced into this church without her consent. He would be sure to sneak me back into the house before she was expected home, and no one would be any the wiser. He got caught only one time, I believe. Due to all of the experiences with this church and more (again, too much to cover in one post) I would develop DID — I wouldn’t include this in a story like this normally, but it does play into some of what was happening.

With that context out of the way.

I’m not sure if what happened at my church was normative of Pentecostalism at large or the AG system. This fully could be my church acting independently, though I know AG has had plenty of issues reported itself.

Literally everything was directly tied to God in their system. And I don’t mean just “everything is God’s plan”, I mean everything was basically seen as God. The air you breathe? God. The floor you walk on? God. The sky? God. The water you drink? God. The food you eat? God.

Everything you did, therefore, was a direct communication with God. So, you should be grateful for every breath and step you take and take it with prayer, because you are taking directly from God for doing so. Even something like cleaning piss from the ground felt like a religious service. There was nothing but Him. You must

I felt like I had to try to talk to God for hours upon hours. I would lay in bed trying to have huge conversations and prayers with Him. It felt like I owed him my sleep schedule for allowing me to exist on this planet. I would try to ask him for things and then feel guilty, never feeling truly surprised when they didn’t come true because I have not repaid my debt to God.

Every second of my life, I would be expected to think of God According to my church. I could not get a healthier view of God from my mother or many of my other relatives because they would refuse to interact with me on a religious level due to very strong atheist feelings. I would essentially be made to feel like I was crazy, isolating me further from a potential way out of these beliefs. This is part of where DID plays into what was happening — the isolation caused there to be forming alters of both extreme Godliness and atheist tendencies, meaning that the way the church was influencing me started to become hidden to try to avoid scrutiny at home. Slowly, it became further ignored because of that, allowing me to continue to be put in the church until me and my mother moved away from my grandparents’ home.

Of course, being a Pentecostal church, we have the thing that Pentecostals are known for: Tongues.

Speaking in tongues was very very normalized at my church. Even as young as 4, 5, 6 years old, I would be expected to be able to conduct prayer in tongues, and I would be pretty consistently subjected to tongues surrounding me, which made it hard to think Coherently.

I know I was at least somewhat sexually abused at the church As well. I have gotten through some dissociative barriers to access memories surrounding it. In what few memories I’ve been able to find, this would sometimes come with more active control of my thoughts — being assigned names and roles in religious ways. One memory I’ve been able to see more clearly is when we were told we were to be called “Mary” and were a direct gift of God, a sort of conduit for prayer, and by being used, we allowed others to get closer to God. (Please note that my legal name is not anywhere close to Mary.) I know that there were other Names with different associations too, ones that had to do with our sins and such. In modern times, these different identities have become associated with alters in my dissociative disorder. Mary in particular has been the one I’ve come to know best from this area, and she will exclusively speak in tongues and will spend all of her time praying And trying to lay hands on others in ways of healing.

There were also times when hands would be laid and we would watch people seem to have extreme spiritual experiences. Convulsing on the floor and stuff. Supposedly, they had made contact with the Holy Spirit. I am not so sure about that, I don’t think God would make people look like they’re having seizures on teh ground (lmao)

We had to live and breathe the Holy Spirit in every aspect of our being. I was led to believe I was so close to God that, by continuing my practice, I could perform miracles. I fully was led to believe I had healing hands from God. I would try to lay those healing hands on others while speaking tongues because it was what I was led to believe was possible by my church.

I will also mention that the grandfather that forced me into church did abuse me in other ways, so even if the church itself did not cause it and this is normal course for religion, I do have some sort of religious trauma, which leads me to my question:

What I really want to know is if maybe I was in a cult? Or if this is a sort of religious trauma that’s on-course for people with typical Christian (especially Pentecostal) roots and a bad association with what happened. I’m really trying to tell the difference between the two, but it’s hard when so many people are very trigger-happy with the term cult online. I figured people in this sub may be willing to give their opinions on whether this is normal course for Pentecostals/AG/Christianity, or if it was really as bad as some sources I’m looking at make it sound liek it was

I've been a follower of theirs for awhile. They were the only survivor of anything that talked about energy and auras and chakras in connection with healing. This was before I believed in those things. I firmly believe in them now. So, I've been binging their channel for a few weeks. Just 4 or 5 videos at a time, because it's overwhelming. I'm curious to see if they talk more about their mystical journey. I did get a book recommendation.

Well, in one video they shared chants from their programming. I thought it wouldn't affect me. But, it did. I got highly dissociated and realized I hear rhythmic chants in my head all the time. Could this be the reason I hate numbers? I'm 50 years old, and know just enough math to get by in the grocery store. I advanced in my crochet experience because I bought an electronic counting hook. Before that, I refused to count higher than 3 in a pattern. Maybe 5 if I was doing a fan stitch. Even then, I had a hard time keeping track of it in my head.

This happened a day or so ago. I'm keeping myself firmly grounded in the present. But today, when I talked to my mom on video chat, I really had nothing to say. My guard was way up.

I don't know if I'm allowed to say the channel name, so I won't. But, if anyone wants to know, just ask.

I'm just wondering if I'm going nuts. Thanks for listening.

Be well.

Has anyone here been to the ICSA conferences before and would they recommend?

I'm 6 years out of a cult, but only began to understand it as such and the spiritual abuse I underwent in the last 12 months. I am keen to continue learning from books and podcasts, and wonder whether attending a conference like this might be a valuable experience.

Any thoughts appreciated.

Hello,

The following is pretty explicit, would love any recommendations of other reddits to try searching for this on.

For context here's some background.

When I (27F) was 16, I was groomed, SA'd, and "kept" by a man 27 years older than me. This went on for 7-8 years. I escaped him and fled to a different state in the last couple years and I'm doing my best to heal and build a life. I've been going over a lot of things that happened to me and I remembered this event.

At the start of our "relationship" I caught him "cheating" on me. I saw a text on his phone from a woman asking when he would like to meditate next. I asked him about it just curious, and he got very defensive and didn't want to talk about it. The text didn't seem strange to me until he started acting that way and so I pressed him about it until he told me the truth. We stayed up all night fighting about it, driving around in his car, because I was a minor and we couldn't go inside anywhere.

He was apart of what I now define as, a sex cult. He described it as a group where people would gather and perform a practice in order to break through mental sexual barriers. He described different tiers of membership, with the higher tiers getting more and more sexually "liberating". It was something you paid into and they had merch and everything. And the more you paid the deeper in you got.

Lower levels described women just jacking off men. Like- a room full of people and everyone did it in front of eachother. But there was rules. You never picked your partner, everyone wore gloves, everyone took turns on eachother. There was an opposite gathering as well where women laid down in a "nest" made out of pillows and blankets the group sold while men tried to stimulate their clits. Gloved. Higher tiers were described as women blowing men, with all the same rules. You didn't pick your partners, you had to do it to whoever you were assigned.

And this may sound like it could be, yknow, consensual orgy behavior or something- but it wasn't. This group was a pyramid type membership you paid into that promised sexual revelation. It was very secret. It was advantageous and manipulative.

The question I've been trying to find an answer to is, what was this group called? This was again, around 8 years ago. I don't know if it's still active or what.

Supposedly after I confronted him he stopped going. And details of this could be fabricated by him. The "meditation" this woman was asking for was one of the private sessions doing one of these things. He had his own "nest", it was one of the rules that the men provided the nest for the woman. And I asked him to get rid of it because it upset me but he refused our entire relationship saying "I'm not going to get rid of it because it bothers you. You should be strong enough to not let it bother you. It's meaningless." He never got rid of it. Never made practical use of it. Nothing. Just sat there in my face for 8 years. The nest consisted of 3 grey soft throw pillows inside a large woven beige tote. There may have also been a blanket in there or something but I never looked in it to see. That's just what I could easily see from the outside. It took up a lot of space.

Thank you.

From the outside, it seems so obvious that these groups are toxic & people still join (minus those born into it), stay, and defend these people. What makes certain people more vulnerable to that kind of manipulation? And how in the heck are cult leaders finding them??? Do cult leaders actively seek out specific personality types or emotional states, or do they just use tactics that could work on anyone in the right circumstances? I’d want to understand how these leaders exploit people so effectively, even when the deception seems so.. obvious to others.

I don’t know if I belong here. I have been trying to figure out if I was raised in a cult or if I’m being dramatic. Basically, I was raised in a very intense, very charismatic church and went to their Christian school. The school taught every subject through a Christian lens, and I was taught that young earth creationism was true and was presented a strawman version of evolution. We were all constantly told that our parents definitely loved us because they were paying for us to go to a Christian school. When we were misbehaving we were told that we should be behaving because we should be grateful that our parents were paying for our education. We were also told by adults that we were very lucky to have been born into the faith rather than come to it as adults. I was told about Hell and demons way too young, so my entire childhood was trying to confess every sin and every bad thought so I wouldn’t go to Hell. I was also taught that I should be careful about being friends with non-Christians. I also listened exclusively to Christian music until I was 16. I wanted to start playing Dungeons and Dragons in high school but was told that it was demonic. The fourth and fifth grade youth group was basically a class about martyrs, all of the Christians currently dying in North Korea and around the world, and how we should be willing to die for our faith. I was asked at 10 if I would be willing to die, and was taught that if the answer was “no” I wasn’t a real Christian. I answered with “I would like to say yes, but I don’t know because I haven’t been in that situation.” The same youth leader pressured me into volunteering at the Franklin Graham Decision America tour when it was in my state (I was 11). When I told her I was extremely thirsty because it was the middle of August and we were cleaning and doing work outside, she made me drink from a random water bottle she picked up off of the ground. She said “On the missions field that’s all you’re gonna get.” It has also been mentioned offhandedly from the pulpit that if you aren’t evangelizing, you weren’t a real Christian. There was also a lot of “laying of hands,” miracle healings, demonic activity, and prophecy. Being “slain in the Spirit” (passing out for Jesus) was also a thing. We believed we could heal the sick by praying for them, and that it was possible to raise the dead through prayer. Also the pastor makes enough money to live VERY comfortably and the teachers at the school make less than I do working at a grocery store. And as with most churches. Tithes and offerings were expected. The pastor always said “give until it hurts.” The last time I went there I had just gotten back from college and hadn’t been to church in months. I was an atheist but agreed to go in exchange for my parents buying Chinese food. The person in the row behind me was shouting, “I come against the blind spirit of homosexuality!” And other homophobic things during worship, which made me decide that I was absolutely never going back.

Edit: It also might be important to add that I was taught that my identity was supposed to be in Jesus, so I have been figuring out who I am outside of the church.

I was born into a pretty infamous cult-- The Moonies. for the un-initiated, its a worldwide cult whose ultimate aim is for everyone to worship the power couple of a dead north Korean man and his still living wife and for every hoe on earth to speak Korean, uniting everyone under one big, happy, kind of incestuous family. because my parents were first generation and had to starve themselves for a week to purge me and my siblings soul of sin intrinsic to humanity, we are expected to date and procreate with other second generation children to keep the bloodline pure and not tainted with sin.

I absolutely despise this evil organization who use people desperate for an answer and refuse to follow any of its teachings. My parents do not know this. The Unification Church is a giant scam and there is nothing I can do now to help my parents. All of their social ties are within the church and we live in a predominantly non Asian area.

So my question is: am I a survivor if I'm still living in this hell? Can I be a part of the club if I'm actively engrossed in this nonsense? if not, where can I find a community for people like me who do not believe in this horseshit but cannot leave? For anyone reading this, thank you for listening to a fragment of my story. It helps knowing that my words aren't being cast into a people-less void.

In light of me trying to get a better understanding of my upbringing in a small cult in Europe I’m looking for tips on information. For a couple months, if not years by now, I’ve dived into the past of the leader and it’s been very helpful in to piece the puzzle, but now I’m stuck where to look. Since he has mentioned the Great White Brotherhood (or Universal White Brotherhood) I’m trying to gather more insight. I’m looking for tips and information about the groups listed below, as they seem to have influenced my cult or are affiliated with the group I grew up in. I’d also love to get in touch with (former) members too! Off course in private and confidential.
\- Transcedental meditation
\- Maharishi mahesh
\- Rosicrucian
\- Drunvalo Melchizedek (flower of life)
\- Merkaba
\- the summit lighthouse
\- church universal and triumphant
\- universal white brotherhood (or great white brotherhood)
\- masters of the ancient wisdom
\- I AM
\- keepers of the purple flame
\- Gary Smith (as far as I have found out he was part of several organizations; Sacred Merkaba Techniques, The True Jesus Organization, the 10th Jesus Organization, Christ Light Techniques, the 144000 organization, love expos, love energy centers and aidsbabies)

DM’s are welcome too! Many thanks

I was born into a religious cult, like any cult, it has cult leaders (had cuz they passed away) its not a restricting cult by any means and not abusive or sexual or exploitive in any way, the followers genuinely believe what the leaders say to be true about the meaning of the universe and secrets of the afterlife (that only we’re allowed to know), i have no issue with that except the fact that i don’t believe in it and the fact that my family is hyper religious and would cut ties with me if i even date someone outside this cult let alone me expressing my doubts around the whole thing, but my question is, is it considered a cult if its not “directly” harmful?? Some people say our cult leaders were spies sent by outside forces to drift the public opinion on our country’s politics but we’re told from a young age thats not true, other than that its pretty peaceful, however, trauma comes from cult members shaming/ cutting ties with people that might have different opinions, would u consider this a cult? A secret religion? A gimmick? Could it actually be the truth (voices in my head say that because it wasn’t harmful or abusive then its probably the real deal) what do u think?

As I've been working through my departure and working through the harm, I keep thinking about a fresh start and not including family (still members). I'm considering a brand new identity and wondered if anyone here has gone through something like that.

Because of the complexity of things, I now have cPTSD, am disabled, and now that I'm in therapy trying to heal, I am having a hard time seeing any use in keeping in touch. My family ignored the signs of it as a child despite my teachers questioning abuse. Any experience on the best ways to cut all ties with that life (including family)? Any tips on subtle things to be aware of so I can prevent boundary violations? Any information that could help me decide what's worth doing and what's just a waste of time is greatly appreciated.

CW: minor description of abuse or neglect /mention of it (every kind)

I've had this discussion with my therapist but honestly I'm too scared to use the word. Everyone I'm close to seems to believe my family is somehow a cult/cult-like. My therapist even agrees and says I have some similar trauma/trauma responses? Idk. My wife and best friend who know the most are extremely insistent I should look into this. But I'm.. Scared I guess? I don't want to take up space in places I don't deserve to be in.

As I talk to my therapist she seems more and more concerned. I'm somewhat leaning towards maybe asking what I should look into but I don't want to exaggerate my abuse experience. I was fed, clothed, and went to the doctor when absolutely necessary. Besides, the thing that gets me is that like while some family members were religious I don't feel they were in a weird, cultish way. The phrase that really concerned her was “when I was younger I literally thought my grandma was god because she knew EVERYTHING”. And she did and still seems to? Idk it's hard to explain. I experienced physical, psychological, emotional abuse, CSA and financial abuse as well as multiple forms of neglect. I wasn't allowed to shower unless I did abc or xyz. Sometimes I wouldn't be allowed to eat. I'd be waken up in the middle of the night over things I'd done that were supposed to be secret. My mom would have to beg for money to feed us or for them to drive us to the doctor. If she didn't behave or clean the whole entire house my grandparents said no. I had pneumonia for like 2 weeks once because they said I was faking it.

When I got my first job I fought so hard for documents to finish the process. They said they didn't have them but we know they did because they never let my mom have hers or ours. She was ‘too irresponsible’. I lived with like 20+ people in a house out in the middle of the woods and the best I can describe the dynamic is how royal families behaved if that makes sense? Alliance wasn't out of love it was out of belief and necessity. Everyone spied on each other. Every weakness exploited. The king and queen got the final say even if you were literally puking your guts out and needed medicine. Things shifted all the time because everyone wanted to be in my grandma’s good graces because she was ‘the front of the family’. My grandpa was the highest in rank. He didn't like handling the diplomatic stuff, though, so my grandma got to. I used to think I'd be stuck in the house forever because king and queen held onto our important documents. They said if we left they may as well burn them. They controlled a lot of what we did. Who we'd grow up to be. Stuff like that. They probably still aren't happy I'm living the way I am even though they say I'm an adult and can make my own choices now. I don't believe them. Sometimes I do make choices that makes them happy just to keep them placated.

I still struggle really bad with PTSD and other disorders. I barely leave the house. I'm so terrified of one of my family members seeing me and telling my grandma and grandpa what I'm up to. My mom is still stuck in that house and my younger siblings are innocent. I cannot let them be cut off from the world outside of school and work. Like sure, we COULD leave, but we'd better behave while we're out. Nothing inside the house could be talked of. It would get us taken away into REAL bad homes. Where we'd be sold off like cattle and we'd never see each other again. I sometimes wonder if my grandma’s right. That she truly is perfect and knows everything. That she is the best out of every person ever and that's why shesin charge of all of us. I don't want to be told I can't come over anymore or something. I know they'd hate what I'm up to. I'm a queer Muslim and have a wife. They literally hate everything about me if they knew who I was they'd probably never speak to me again.

All these feelings are coming up because my great grandpa is sick. My grandparents want to sell their house and their first step is wife and me (we could afford it). So they can pay off the bills. There's still people that live there that can't get out yet because of their financial debts. I can't let my cousin and siblings live out on the streets. But also I feel like it's supposed to be ‘my turn’ to run things there. Make it better. Ban the people who hurt my family from entering. Save them from being homeless. To protect them like I always did. My family put so much emphasis on the family that I didn't even know I was a real person until I moved out at 18. My wife literally had to tell me I didn't need to stand around to wait for orders. I could do whatever. Even now I still ask for permission to eat or go to the bathroom. She hates it. I sometimes still don't feel real. Like I'm an extension of someone else or some sort of limb compared to a real human being.

I'm scared my grandparents will really try and hurt me if they really knew me and where I lived. No one knows where I live so they can't just show up and try and talk to me or take my things. But if I buy the house to save them they'll know. They'll be able to have people tell them what I'm up to. I can't handle this stress. I'm sorry for going on a ramble. I just.. I need someone to tell me what to do, I think. No one else I know will. I NEED to know what to do. This is a choice I know I'm not allowed to make. Or really I just can't make?? I don't even understand anything a husband must do. I can't taxes or like do stuff like that. I have a therapy appointment coming up soon so I'll go over it with her.

The house.. Just feels so important. Like more important than me in a sense. But I think of it and I feel squashed. Compressed. I feel like I have to protect everyone all over again. Hopefully the rambling makes sense. I'm sorry if it doesn't

I just discovered I live next door to a certified cult that calls itself a church. I had no idea and now I am not really happy with this. They tried to invite us in when we first bought the house but when we didn’t take the bait, the vibe shifted. Now they are very closed off, do not talk to us, etc. Lots of kids are involved too. I am trying to think of ways I can help from a distance? Is that even a thing? Can I paint a hotline on my fence for them? Do I send out a flyer in my neighbors to let them know it’s a cult? I hate this and I hate watching them go into the building every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for HOURS.

Hello. I'm sorry if this isn't allowed but I thought maybe you guys might understand.

To preface, my family is agnostic/secular. But they raised me in isolation from the world.

I was pulled out of kindergarten after a couple of months because my parents didn't like it. I was homeschooled very badly. I was taught only the bare minimum, and screamed at the whole time if I didn't understand.

I have maybe a 3rd grade education?

They insisted they were teaching me how to function in "the real world." But I was raised to serve my father and be his mother and housewife.

I'm now in my 30s and my family controls my life. I tried to work outside of the home once but I didn't really understand what was expected of me and I ended up having a mental breakdown.

I don't know how to function on my own and if I try to be independent my family scolds me. They tell me I can leave any time, but I don't know how.

I'm disabled mentally and physically, which they scold me for too. I can't drive. I can't make money I think. I don't know.

It's getting worse the older they are. I don't want to serve them the rest of my life. I sometimes feel like the only way I'd leave is if I go and serve someone else like if I got married.

I just want to live. I haven't ever been truly alive. I've only served. I'm just an object to them I think.

How do I leave? I'm so scared and confused about everything. :( I don't know where to go.

Again, I'm sorry I'm not exactly on topic here but I feel like no one else understands. I try to tell mental health programs and such that I never went to school and they act like this is impossible.

Hello, as you have imagined/confirmed, this hopeless feeling of injustice for these people is absolutely astonishing to me. David Kirschke is the leader of the straightway training center that my wife was raised in. Before my wife was born, her parents were an addicted couple welcomed into this place for “recovery”. Who would have guessed that that meant they would have been relocated onto a Texas plot with a trailer and intense labor/brainwashing for the next 20 years? Once my wife’s father found an out, her mother was promptly ordered to divorce and cut off all communication from the father immediately. She obeyed until she didn’t. How many parents of this place possibly went through the same but the mother/father within this cult stayed loyal by continuing the cut of that person? All money made outside of the cult was pooled to this drunk of a leader as well.
This drunk of a leader has and CONTINUES to do this kind of thing today!! My wife and I found a video of him in Israel getting drunk with what appeared to be 2 twelve year old girls (and the guy is old af). I’ve seen broken peoples comments all over the internet about this cult and what it’s done to them. I’ve also heard my wife say that some of the people she’d contacted, that were childhood friends within, had been touched at a young age. So for god’s sake I am asking anyone if a RICO can shut this down or SOMETHING.

Do not feel obligated to answer my questions!

1. Does anybody feel dissociated (specifically, their head feeling fuzzy and visions feeling weird) if they consume media similar to what they went through? This has been going on for a while

2. Anybody else worried about the files? I don’t wanna freak out but it’s a concern of mine especially since there are ramcoa systems involved

3. I lived with my family until I was 21 (coming up on a year of safety). While I know that I was in a cult as a kid, there were years where I wasn’t around the cult as far as I am aware. The years of being in the cult are fuzzy at best. I can remember abusers, certain people and things we went thru together, things like that, but big bulks are gone. Even things like elementary school are almost gone. I’m 22 and everything before 14 is like that. My family would swear up and down if I ask that everything was normal and I had a good childhood but that’s always felt so fake. Is that anybody else’s experience?

4. Im not sure if this is a thing to bring up here or not but nobody else I know has this issue. I was primarily a history and literature buff in middle/high school. However, I could navigate math with the proper help. Science on the other hand, I could never understand. No matter how much I tried, my brain never made sense of *anything* science related. Ever. I needed friends to help me even get thru the classes. Does anybody else have this issue?

5. For my system friends here, anybody else never relate to other systems online? My system is very large and I keep finding small systems who… just don’t understand our experiences. I’m happy for those who don’t understand what happened, but if my system talks about it online, we would be shut down so hard. RAMCOA systems especially have been excluded and under discussed so much.

Hello,

I am currently working on a college project about cults. Our teacher suggested that interviewing former members of cults can be a really good idea and a unique addition to our submitted file.

If anyone could be of help, it would be really great. I have been working on this subject for a moment now, and it is indeed very interesting but i lack of personnal experience of members in my file.

The interview can either be a text exchange, or a video or audio call. I am not that picky.

I will make sure that you stay anonymous if you wish to.

Please leave a comment or DM me if interested !

I was born into what I consider a cult (skipping the details as I don't feel they're relevant to my current concern). I was very sheltered- some homeschooling, multiple private schools (that talked about God all day instead of, idk, science or facts).

I left my cult 10 years ago, but my education and social exposures have been so stunted that I still feel so out of place in my own life. I have no friends really. I struggle to conduct myself like a human even at work- I can't follow pop culture references of any kind (because I wasn't exposed and I still can't make myself care), I can't make small talk because I don't know things, I don't have hobbies because there's something deeply ingrained in me that I need to be productive/serving god at every moment.

Yes, there's also a depression factor here, but I've been on meds and in and out of therapy for 10 years. Can anyone relate? Any advice? how do I catch up? How do I retrain my brain?

I grew up on a religious commune in the US where you were expected to work without pay for the good of the collective and would have all your material needs met by the group in return. So: no bills, no rent, no insurance, even taxes are centrally done by the group. I'm a third generation born in and left about six years ago when I was 24.

Technically, I was labor trafficked by my community, performing heavy labor in agriculture, factory construction, warehousing, and data entry.

I put a lot of work in to understand basic finances and economics, even worked at a bank for a couple of years which was such an incrediblely useful experience for a person with my background. It's been an extreme culture shock especially in terms of work ethic and attitude towards work. the individualist/capitalist attitude is completely alien to me and interacting with people who have it, or even considering adopting it for myself makes me physically queasy. I feel like I understand how things work, but I refuse to submit to them on moral grounds, especially knowing that better alternatives exist, and that compelled values never work out in the long run.

I can't help but feel that poverty is almost completely inevitable and permanent for a person like me. I'm in college now and doing well, but bills have to be paid and rent isn't getting cheaper. I am deathly afraid of having to go into debt to afford education, even though I already have a full needs based ride for tuition.

It's such a specific issue that I haven't met any other person dealing with. I am ethnically American and pass in the general public, but I might as well literally be a North Korean or something like that. I feel deeply, deeply alienated by the society that I've been forced into, and I wonder if anyone else is dealing with similar issues

Anyone ever feel like they’re overreacting? I never would’ve thought I’d be the person who ended up with the bizzare “cult trauma” and possible trafficking trauma because well.. I wasn’t aware it was even happening. And a lot of things just seemed normal until you looked at them for more then a minute so sometimes I feel like I’m being over dramatic and my mind just what’s attention even though I don’t think that’s the case. Anyone else relate? How can I help lessen this feeling?