27 weeks pregnant with our 2nd and he is leaving me

[u/insockniac]

I feel like I can’t breathe. We have been in this relationship limbo for the last 3 years both trying to make it work through life difficulties but things just kept getting worse. We both still held out hope even though we knew the relationship was fucked.

But i guess he stopped hoping and he has made his decision he is leaving. I hate him, i miss him, i love him. I just feel everything at once and everyone around me keeps saying i should be pleased not to have to argue with him over the domestic load but we have been together since i was 17 and now i’m about to turn 24 in a few days and i can’t imagine my life with anyone else.

I don’t want to have a toxic relationship and family but if i was going to fight about laundry and dishes with anyone i wanted it to be with him. We have been through so much together genuinely through thick and thin and yes we did end up in that roommates phase for far too long and truthfully at times i felt more like we were enemies than roommates but i don’t picture my future without him in it. I always thought we would work it out.

He made his final decision last night and took some of his things but theres so much more to sort out and i just can’t. I should be on the phone to benefits advisors and citizens advice but i just cant accept that its over i can feel myself holding out hope that he will appear at the door and say he wants to try.

I have to pick up my son from nursery in 1.5 hours and i just can’t stop crying. I feel so bad for my poor baby that he has to go through this so close to baby arriving its the worst possible time and now he has a mummy who can’t stop crying.

I told him when he brought this up a week ago that I wouldnt beg for him and i won’t but i wish i could i wish it would make a difference but i know it won’t

[u/AutoModerator]

Reminder to commenters: Don't be a laser brain! Share kindness, support and compassion, not criticism. We want OP to feel loved, and not in a tough way. For more helpful information please hit up our beautiful rules wiki!

Reminder to all: watch out for a creepy pedo posing as an OT/speech therapist giving fucked-up potty-training advice, and don't sweat it if your post gets 1 or 2 instant downvotes. You didn't do anything wrong, we just have asshole lurkers/downvote bots stalking our /new queue. Help a BroMo out and give her an upvote, ok?

Reminder to Anyone looking to profit off our users' posts and IP by writing garbage copy/paste articles like Krista Torres/Nia Tipton: You do not have permission to use, reproduce, modify or link to any content in this subreddit in any way, shape or form. Fuck off and go be a real journalist.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/kalypso18]

My heart hurts for you. This has come as quite a shock. It's okay to be sad and cry. It's okay to be confused and angry. Lean on those closest to you and we are here anytime you want to vent..

[u/Frequent_Ad_7441]

I was in a similar situation when I was 21. I got with my ex when I was 16. Got pregnant at 21 and he broke up with me even though we both lived with his parents. He pressured me for sex and then would ridicule me for wanting more. He wasn’t there when I had the baby. But a month later he wanted me back. Worst mistake of my life taking him back. We broke up for good when I was about to turn 27. I got my last financial aid refund and a hefty tax return and when I found out he was cheating (again) I used the money to start a new life up the street. It was all I could afford but it was the best first step I have ever taken. I’m 29 now. Grief has involved so much literally screaming and crying and unfortunately self-harm/sabotage. But I’m finally feeling like an individual again. I made mistakes and let him back in my life in little ways in between 27-29. But I never let him move into the safe space I worked so hard to build for myself and I finally stopped letting him take advantage of me physically. The thing that has kept me going is my son and drawing. I have a lot of insecurities. One is a keloid on my ear. My son likes to stim by massaging it and it feels so comforting and it makes me feel less insecure about it, even though I’ve been made fun of (even as an adult) for it. When I draw, I remind myself that this is something that has been loyal to me since I was a child. Drawing won’t abandon me if I don’t abandon it. It feels small but in moments where I want to give up I remember these things. I ask myself what did I want to do when I was growing up. I wanted to be a scientist and cure HIV/AIDS. I’m no where near being a scientist but I have a degree and am two courses away from a second one now. I want to learn carpentry. I want to travel with my child because I know it would be scary. I want to skinny dip in a river in a forest. I want things. So many things I didn’t realize I wanted because I caged myself with a man when I was a child. I know it’s hard. I try to just imagine what my life would look like if I didn’t care about him and I try to do it. Even while scared and even while crying. I believe in you.

[u/warlikefunction9]

You're in shock right now, which is why nothing feels real. Get through today, pick up your son, cry if you need to. The practical stuff and the acceptance can wait a few days. You're allowed to fall apart.

[u/Sammadooskie]

My heart hurts for you Mama. I went through something similar with my ex husband. I was 16 and he was 21 when we got together. I was pregnant by 18, and eventually when my son turned 9 and after having been home for nearly a decade.. he “fell out of love with me” up and left me quite literally overnight for my best friend/neighbour nonetheless.. I too, felt I couldn’t live or breathe without him. I was completely devastated. I found a job cleaning for 4 years and now I am in the construction industry with a management position lined up on the horizon… my son watched me fall apart when he was little, he saw the tears I cried, he would come hug me when he knew I was sad. He and I have been through hell and back together, we grew up together. He’s my best friend.

I am saying this to hopefully give you some motivation, some advice from the other (peaceful) side. There is a light, chase it. In saying this, my son also witnessed his mom bravely pick up the pieces to our lives, create something beautiful and peaceful out of rubble and despair. He watched as his mom took the bad and ugly in life and made it good and steady, he saw how strong I had to be. He knows dam well that his Mama can and will do it. While dealing with uncertainty and major mental mountains to climb he’s learned he can lean on me anywhere, anytime while dealing with anything. I am his safe space.

I was in shambles crying everyday. Some of the best advice I got was from my grandma albeit; tough love. She said “(my name) you have got to pull up your big girl panties. Get mad, get REAL mad” and she was right. Instead of crying and feeling sorry for myself I got angry, I said fuck it and did what I needed to do to survive because nobody was coming to save me.

The hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn was that I am the only person I can trust fully, I am the only person on planet earth who has my back with purest intentions, I am the only person who will love me unconditionally.

7 years out, I have not been called a name since, I haven’t been degraded once, I live in total peace and my happiness isn’t dependent on someone else’s short comings.

There is peace on the other side I promise bromo, in a couple years you’ll look back at this life and be grateful for the battle. With love “pull up your big girl panties” I believe in you 🩷 you’ll be surprised what you can accomplish and overcome in times like this. Have your cry. And get MAD.

Xoxo