How to take care of my 9 year old brother

[u/Aritheintrovert]

Like the title suggests I am taking care of my little brother for the summer. My mom has now become homeless and she can’t stay with me. I told her that I would watch my brother. But I’m a 29 year old woman and summer is upon us. I have no idea how to take of a child😭😭 Most of my dinners consist of cheese and crackers. Plus he has this tendency to lie which I don’t care to much for. I know I need to meal plan around him but, what are some activities we can do together? Plus I want him to keep up his studies. How do I set rules and boundaries without coming down to hard on him?

[u/iwant2takeanap]

Summer camp if you can afford it but at minimum establish a routine- give him little bits of responsibility as well like helping you make or plan dinner so he feels important and make sure you have a sort of weekly bonding event that you too can look forward to (ice cream, movie night etc)

[u/_autumnwhimsy]

sit down for an hour and make a SCHEDULE/PLAN. two calendars. one for activities and one for meals. be realistic about how much you wanna cook/eat out. also he's 9, you can start introducing him to some fun food experiences like a benihanas or something interactive. make it a reward for successful completion of summer work. a 9 year old is going into 4th grade? Grab a workbook or 2 from barnes and nobles, review it yourself first, and then work through it with him. give lil rewards after he completes X pages or whatever.

idk what he's like or what his day to day was like, but be sure to have him on a routine. yall don't gotta be up at 5 am or anything but maybe a 930 wake up time, start the day with a walk outside, then breakfast, then some free time, workbook time, lunch, more workbook, an evening activity, dinner, hygiene time, and then more free time/tv before bed to wind down. something like that. a schedule is a nice way to introduce boundaries without being a drill sergeant and it keeps you responsible too.

some activities yall can do:
-cook/bake something together once a week
-local zoo
-museum
-adventure park
-roller skating/blading
-fishing (if you dont know how, yall can learn/mess up together lol its a bonding thing)
-outdoor adventure camps
-an amusement park day
-get a physical local map and yall close your eyes and point to two locations on it. visit there and take pictures
-idk where you're located but a day trip to another city
-get him a photo album (Michael's still has em!), let him decorate it, and then add pictures of your adventures in it over the summer.
-throwback movie nights. pick some DCOMs, faves from when you were growing up, and let him pick some of his faves and watch em together.
-library trips! start the summer with a reading list for both yall nothing crazy maybe like 5 books over the whole summer and then go fun places and just read and eat snacks
-science experiments (heres a fun book https://www.amazon.com/Awesome-Science-Experiments-Kids-Projects/dp/1939754666 )
-beach day
-board game night. invite your friends over too. idk why but kids love being the only kid in a room full of adults. let him win a game of Sorry and then show him no mercy in uno
-if you have a minor league baseball team near you, you can probably grab tickets for the low. its fun, its outside, its cheap. bring the book though
-mini golf
-start a lil balcony. if you have a backyard or a balcony, you can start growing some herbs and tomatoes.

make it a game! create a numbered list of meals or activities and then have him roll a die and whatever the die lands on is what yall do. oh im not even religious but vocational bible school needs to be on the list of activities. you gonna need that break lol

uhhh i think that's all i got right now lmao

[u/brickedhouse7]

Look into any free programs that his school, local library or nearby rec centers might have.

[u/Ok-Contribution-963]

Is summer camp an option?

[u/CoreyXOXO]

Summer camp, summer school, if you have a ymca near you look into that (by me they offer free day camp to kids who’s family is on assistance)

[u/babylonglegs91 → u/CoreyXOXO]

Second the YMCA! I work as a fitness instructor at one in a low income area and they are really good about getting the kids different experiences and they get breakfast and lunch provided.

[u/Baelfire-AMZ]

Sports, museums, movies, nature parks, crafts or anything he expresses interest in, summer clubs where he can interact with other kids. Lots of exposure to new things

In terms of him settling in and setting boundaries I would see if you can find materials or anyone who is familiar with placing children in care/ adoption, the advice may still be applicable for your situation. And also when you do chores, have him do them with you (you wash, he dries, etc).

Do you know what's happening to him after summer?

[u/Aritheintrovert → u/Baelfire-AMZ]

my mom is trying to convince me keep him for the school year. But I’m far from parent material

[u/Affectionate_Log2708]

summer camp like most said or summer school or programs to keep him busy and outside/social. outside of that setting some ground rules and routines that teach but also are considerate of him and his perspective as a 9 year old + feelings of the current situation! i can also have an honest convo with him as well if ur feeling overwhelmed not in a way to place blame or dump ur emotions on him but to get some sort of understanding, kids are more introspective that they’re thought to be

[u/sentientclementine]

First of all— you’re an amazing sister and you’re going to do great! I don’t know you, but just stepping up like you have says a lot about you and your capacity to give him the love and support and kid needs.

I have a 9 year old now, but I’m a solid decade older than you. At 29, I was a fish out of water looking after my family members around this age.

Although not knowing your brother and his specific needs, knowing my own son and his friends, I think that most of the risk with them comes from being left too much to their own devices- both literally and theoretically. Too much time spent on YT and also too much time left to get up to trouble are problematic. Creating a healthily balanced schedule of structured activities that he’ll enjoy, with positively influencing peers will likely lift some of the weight off your shoulders about what he’s being exposed to. Enrichment, summer camps, sports. See what services your town/city has. Registration is likely happening right now. If it has wrapped up, explain your situation to whoever has the power to squeeze him in.

The other thing that I, and I think a lot of busy parents struggle with in parenting this age group is finding the balance between baby-ing and giving freedom. At this age it seems like they can’t figure out if they want to be held and just have you watch silly videos with them or go off on their own like teenagers. Lol. Making yourself available in a reliable and consistent way to actually spend meaningful time with him so you can be close but also not smothering him might be something to consider.

I would have looked at my son now like he was an alien when I was 29. I still so sometimes lol. But I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I hope this helps.

[u/Low-Carpenter-156]

YMCA , Boys and Girls Club if nearby, very affordable (at least 30 years ago), library programs. Good luck to you both!

[u/charming_cantaloupe0]

1. It’s a challenge but you can do it.
2. You said he lies so you will have no choice but to come down hard at some point. It’s better that you do it now than the world do it later (and we know how unforgiving they are to black men)
3. Camps, parks, pop up shops, festivals/ parades it’s summer there will be a lot of kid friendly activities/ events. Utilize library and other community centers
4. Establish and enforce the schedule early . Wake up breakfast, read/ work, lunch free time , activity dinner etc

[u/Any_Conclusion_4297]

I'm not a mom but really interested in child development.

I think one thing that could help is reading up on what is developmentally normal for a kid his age. Kids lie. It is part of human development. I've found that adults have a tendency to expect the same social norms from children (like not lying), as they do from adults. But kids are unprogrammed humans who are learning how to be a functioning member of society. That also means that they will behave in ways that can be surprising/disruptive/etc.

Also, remember that as his caregiver, you are his example of how to care for himself. The way you speak to and treat him will influence his perception of himself, and the way that you speak to and treat yourself will as well.

He'll also be hitting puberty soon, which will come with a host of changes that he may struggle to understand. Do you have any men (preferably Black) men you trust & respect who could spend some time with y'all? Even if it's a trip to the zoo or library, or maybe a science center/museum.

[u/midasgoldentouch]

Note: since you didn’t list a specific location, I’ll assume you’re in the US. If you’re located somewhere else then please add that to your post.

At 9, your brother is still young enough that you should be enforcing a routine of some type, so let’s think about that. Other people have asked about summer camp - for sleepaway camps it’s likely too late to sign up. But day camps can still be an option, particularly if you can find one based on his interest. Does he like basketball? I promise somebody is running a weeklong basketball camp he can go to, you just need to pack him a bag lunch. Probably any sport has a similar option. Does he like science? Well, even if he doesn’t he can go make some slime for a week.

I would see if his school has passed out any info about summer activities. I’d check with your local libraries and museums to see if they have any recommendations too. In fact, I would start by calling 311 to see if they can send you any info about summer programs since they’ll be through the city, county, etc and usually free or low cost.

Can he swim? There’s an issue with Black American communities, where we’re less likely to learn how to swim and therefore more likely to drown. If he can’t swim then I recommend putting him in swimming lessons.

Going back to libraries - sign him up for a summer reading program. You can add your own rewards in addition to what the program offers, like if he reads fifty books you’ll give him $50 to use on Fortnite or whatever. Someone suggested that he’s young enough to where you can find math and reading workbooks for the next grade at a store - that’s a good idea too.

Just some ideas, but like I said, the biggest thing is providing a routine. Figure out what time we wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, do morning activity, eat lunch, and so on. It doesn’t have to be super detailed and you should definitely have time where he is responsible for entertaining himself. But yeah, he’s still young enough that you need to provide a solid routine, which, given your mom’s struggles at the moment, will probably help him a lot. Best of luck!

[u/ChickChocoIceCreCro]

Google summer camps in your area, they maybe full but try.

[u/Reggie9041]

Sorry that you all are going through that.

But I'm glad your brother has you. 🤎

There are some great responses here.

[u/ilovjedi]

My parents managed to convince me that the consequences for lying were worse than telling the truth. So if he tells the truth about something bad the only consequence is making it better. With my own kids I will remind them to stop and think before they answer so they can tell me what really happened. Honestly it seems like most of their lying is them talking without thinking.

[u/Worstmodonreddit]

I'd see if the school worker can help. You'll need some level of guardianship for stuff like doctors appointments and also might quickly for benefits to help with costs.

Also, you will need a village. Other friends, trusted neighbors, other relatives, etc. That can help with babysitting or give advice