r/blackladies • u/Probably_asleep224 • 6h ago

Discussion 🎤 First in my family to put myself first intentionally. This is what I learned

It’s been really bizarre slowing down for a bit and finding myself but I didn’t realise how few black women I know take time to do it.

I have rebuilt myself from the ground up and I just wanted to share what I’ve learned and am taking forward.

I realised that id been socialised to put up with an outrageous amount of disrespect to avoid being judged. I stopped doing that and made sure I’m treated properly and am approached respectfully and intentionally. It was weird at first but now it’s second nature and I give off the aura of someone you have to handle well.

I will now think about what serves me before I think of others. I’ve always been taught to think of yourself last but practicing loving myself first and then giving when I have surplus has been revolutionary.

I do not have to give by default. When you give and give to depletion people learn to take as much as they can. I’ve gain discernment and will only give my care , time and attention to those that have proved they’ve earned it.

I’m allowed to be beautiful and have beautiful things. As black women it’s easy to be intimidating to others and I used to dim my light to stop the jealousy and competitiveness that came my way. Now I am unapologetically abundant, feminine and beautiful and will continue to be.

I just wondered if anyone else has gone through periods of identity rebuilding and self care? What have you learned?

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u/888lavender 6h ago

Yeah. I think I'm still working on putting up boundaries. I have had to say no to events because the people that want me there just want me there so they can use me as an emotional punchingbag. Then, they get mad when I say no, but life sort goes on. I think fear has been used to keep me in line I guess but it just ends up hurting me and stripping away parts of my identity and my sense of self just gets smaller and smaller. So I am constantly rebuilding myself and taking caring of myself and putting me first. I don't know if what I said makes sense, but this is where I am at. 

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u/Probably_asleep224 2h ago

Yesssss that’s what we like to hear!!!!