r/autism • u/No-Apricot-4016 • 2h ago
Question Reclaiming the R word as an autistic person?
I know this is a somewhat controversial topic, and I really just want to know how people feel about it. I can only speak for myself but I live in the south and here some people still don't believe autism is real and will very much call you the R slur. I struggle a lot because of my autism ("socks in the pool or I wont get in" levels of struggle) and I've had my fair share of being ostracized. I'm also bisexual and I look at it the same way. Its a thing I cant control that directly impacts my life in a major way and I also get treated poorly for it. I have no problems using the F slur as I feel like using it takes the power away. I think the same reasons could be applied to the R slur, as autistic people absolutely get called that even if it wasn't made for us. It was actually an official medical term so at its inception it wasn't really used to harm mentally disabled people anyway, it was a classifier that got turned into a hate word. I personally don't use it because its harsh on the ears in a sensory way but I am just curious how everyone else feels about it.
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u/ava_the_cam_op 2h ago
Honestly I hate its resurgence lately, I don't feel comfortable reclaiming it, and I feel like many of those who do are just contributing to its normalisation.
Just my 2 cents, but it's had a massive uptick in the last few years and I do not want to contribute to that
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u/QuaintLittleCrafter 2h ago
You know it's controversial and yet you still ask? These posts occur several times a month. I'm sure if you really needed to know what others thought you could read through the others...
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u/HammyHavoc AuDHD 1h ago
Here, you go, the murder of my great great uncle, the "retard": https://www.reddit.com/r/evilautism/s/AfrqvjjXMk
There is no reclaiming this word. Period.
To attempt to reclaim this word is to deny good science and begin to turn the clock backwards on a century of progress.
Do you know what happened when other words were attwmpted to be reclaimed? They re-entered the zeitgeist as a harmful slur once again in reminding people that it exists.
I would never use this word to describe myself or somebody else. We don't need this word anymore, just like we don't need 'Asperger's'.
The only thing that mattered to reclaim was our humanity.
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u/Namerakable Asperger’s 1h ago
I don't understand why it should be "reclaimed" just for it to continue to be used in an insulting context. I don't understand the obsession some people have in here about having a pass to call people slurs without consequences.
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u/CommitteePlayful8081 ASD Level 1 | Verbal 11m ago
counter argument other special interest groups reclaim words why not for the disabled the wordvretard?
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u/Lotuselise230 1h ago
This word has been slung at autistic folks, but it’s specifically a slur against people with intellectual disabilities. It doesn’t feel right to me to reclaim it. I also have yet to see it actually reclaimed rather than just used by autistic people to be self-denigrating, meaning it’s still being used as a slur.
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u/thebeatsandreptaur 1h ago edited 1h ago
I think if you are going to choose to reclaim the word, you can only reclaim it for yourself and in reference to yourself. You can't just call other people slurs and call it reclaiming. It's a personal choice and your use of it needs to be personal as well, not broad, and ideally only with other people that "get" it and even then not all the time. Using words like that to describe others or anything other than yourself personally isn't "reclaiming" it to me, it's just using a slur.
If you want to call yourself an f slur or r slur, that's your prerogative, and my partner and I have also occasionally used a slur to describe ourselves in jest, with each other, in the privacy of our home, but it's usually done as part of a 'bit', never as 'you are ___' only 'i am ____' or 'we are such _____', Never to describe anyone else, any other group, any inanimate object, or whatever else the case may be, and never outside of the home, and only when it makes sense for our personal, mutual, long standing and shared sense of humor/sarcasm/despair.
We would never say anything like it around anyone else, because to us "reclaiming" things isn't about putting it out into the world so much that we're "taking it back" but instead that we are killing the power it has to ourselves and ourselves only.
If you go around using slurs you aren't taking it back for yourself, you're forcing others into a situation they didn't ask for. They didn't ask to "take it back" or "reclaim" it. You're deciding for them and that shit isn't cool, and isn't reclaiming anything, you're just putting slurs back into common lexicon for everybody, and making people that find it hurtful be hurt by it more often than before.
You can choose to take away the power the word has on you, but you can't choose to force others into your decision.
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u/CommitteePlayful8081 ASD Level 1 | Verbal 8m ago
I call my cat retarded because he literally will chase his own tail for hours and does retarded things. like he is an indoor cat right....he got out the other day some other out door cats bullied him he ran under the hourse started crying for me i crawled into the crawl space rescued his ungrateful retarded ass, and this morning he learned absolutely nothing i think there is one brain cell working.
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u/luciluci66666 ASD Level 2/1 | Verbal 20m ago
I disagree with most of us reclaiming this word. There's a heavy amount of nuance to it, but to simplify it I'm against it in most cases. I'll explain my opinion:
Most people I see using the word are not the people the word was designated for(people with intellectual disabilities). Intellectual disabilities have qualifications, not every autistic person has said qualifications, and hence those of us who don't are not the intended target when the word was created and used in a dehumanizing manner to start with.
I used to believe it could be reclaimed because I was under the impression it was made with autistics specifically in mind, and hence as someone intended for it to be used against, that it would be okay for me to use it. Thankfully I was corrected when people clarified for me the way that I, and most people that use it, are using it in the same manner people have been using it for years: to insult, mock, and/or dehumanize people. Reclaiming a word entails change in the meaning, and the way people "reclaim" this word doesn't do that. Reclaiming is empowerment, even to those not in the ingroup.
I think the path to be taken with this word should be left to the groups who endured so much thanks to being the intended targets of this word, the intellectually disabled who were tormented, tortured, experimented on, etc because this word in their chart implied they didn't matter. This happened most to those with "profound" mental (r word diagnosis), many of which may not have been able to communicate, or struggled to. Some of us have this communicative power they lacked, and yet people choose to continue to use this word to feed the system, the same system that has people calling us this word.
"High functioning", low or even medium support needs autistics, as long as we don't fit intellectual disability criteria, dont have business deciding the path of this slur, in my opinion. It's not to say we never suffered thanks to this word. The word became basically just a slur for people interpreted as dumb, slow, "outside the norm" thinkers, including people who were not in the definition of this word to begin with. I've suffered thanks to it, but I can acknowledge it's nothing in comparison to the people it was made for, and what they suffered thanks to the diagnosis(how they were treated for this diagnosis) the word came from.
When we use the word with it's derogatory assigned meaning, we just feed the system of ableism. The system of ableism doesn't care if the people helping perpetuate it are autistic or not. It doesn't matter as long as that word is given the same power, and people not in the groups that's suffered thanks to being the target of the word can't firsthand witness the power it holds. Wed be feeding the system regardless, the same system resulting in people calling us that word, and we have the power to know and do better
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u/CommitteePlayful8081 ASD Level 1 | Verbal 16m ago
sure why not if black people have their own word we other races cant say lets have our own word nts cant say
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u/ThyChambersMinister 1h ago
As a diagnosed autistic person. I use that word. And a statement that I will stand by!
If you are a person who is legitimately diagnosed with Autism. Than you get a valid pass to use it!
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
It used to bother me, but not anymore. The R word was originally a medical condition. Somehow it became a slur.
Usually when I call someone the R word it's not because they're autistic. It's because they doing stupid things.
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u/Lotuselise230 1h ago
So you’re using it as a slur.
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
Only against people who are disrespectful and and do things that they know are morally wrong. The kind of people who just want to get under your skin. Catch my drift?
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u/luciluci66666 ASD Level 2/1 | Verbal 1h ago
It's not reclaiming a word to use it in the same derogatory manner. If you're against the word being used to call intellectually disabled people stupid, then why do you use it to call people stupid? you're literally reinforcing the harmful meaning of the word
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
Because the people who aren't intellectually stupid are the ones calling autistic people the R word. Not the other way around. Most of the people using the R word don't even know the meaning of the word. I'm not reinforcing anything. I'm am just calling out people who act stupid on purpose.
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u/HammyHavoc AuDHD 1h ago
Source for most people not knowing the meaning of it?
I've known the meaning since I was four years old, as did everybody in my school in England. I was the last to know what it meant.
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
You and I must be the lucky ones because most people throw the term around without knowing what it means. Here is a link for you.
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u/HammyHavoc AuDHD 1h ago
A high school student news website is not a source without any study nor any sample.
This is on a par with saying people won't know what "downie" or "a syndrome" means.
If this is being said by people without any disabilities, I must assume they know what it means, because if I do, surely everyone else must? Or do we still prescribe to the idea that autists are of inferior intellect rather than simply having a quantifiably different brain structure and function than neurotypical brains?
Then there's concepts like 'fire retardent', which kids will know from fire drills. It doesn't take a galaxybrain to figure out what it must mean, especially given words like 'remember', 'rewind', 'regress', 'recall', 'retain'.
If kids know to use it when they do something "stupid" or someone behaves in a "dumb" way, they clearly understand the connotation of it.
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
Are you saying that high schoolers are incapable of writing blogs? Young people have more to offer in terms of advice than you think.
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u/Lotuselise230 1h ago
Literally not what that person said. Please actually read the comments you’re replying to.
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u/HammyHavoc AuDHD 58m ago
I'm saying that this isn't a meaningful article that makes your case when it isn't a study and contains zero meaningful data.
Remember, the burden of proof is on the person making the claim.
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u/luciluci66666 ASD Level 2/1 | Verbal 1h ago
You're not doing anything but reinforcing the harmful nature of the word. The slur was made for intellectual disabilities, like down syndrome for example. Some autistic people qualify. Is your IQ under 70-75? Are you unable to take care of yourself? Do you have significant trouble reading, writing, listening, and understanding? Do you struggle to follow rules?
If you haven't been tested and qualified for intellectual disability, your opinion on the word does not matter in regards to reclaiming. Because you are not the target of its creation. People use the word against me all the time. It sucks but guess who it sucks more for? The people the word was made to describe in the first place who had it used on them to justify torture, experimentation, abuse etc.
Do research into the word. Just call people idiots instead. Call them uneducated on the word. Tell them they don't know what the word means. Using the R word on people doesn't tell them they don't know what it means. You reinforcing a slur isn't activism
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u/Lotuselise230 1h ago
🤦🏼
Edit: Calling bigots slurs is not a cool uno reverse. As another commenter said, it’s just reinforcing harm against intellectually disabled people. Do better.
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
As I said, I don't use the term against autistic people or people with any disabilities. Do better? Trust me. I have plenty of insults for stupid people. The R word is just a small one.
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u/luciluci66666 ASD Level 2/1 | Verbal 1h ago
How do you know the people you're insulting aren't autistic or disabled? You do know people who can be bullies and call people the slur can also be autistic right? What about invisible disabilities? The R word being a "small" insult in your eyes is further proof you genuinely do not understand the gravity and history of the word, proving my point.
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
If they are autistic, then I will apologize. That's what a good person does. No one in school ever apologized for calling me the R word. You're right, there are invisible disabilities, but how should I know if the person is insulting me, threatening me and doing stupid things? If that person truly does have a medical condition then I will apologize. So no, I'm not proving your point. I am simply calling people out for their stupidity.
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u/luciluci66666 ASD Level 2/1 | Verbal 1h ago
My exact point, how can you know the person you're calling a SLUR has no disabilities? there is not safe way to use a slur with a DEROGATORY intention. you do not seem to understand the definition of reclaiming. reclaiming CHANGES the meaning of the word. you are retaining the meaning by using it as a slur and continuing the cycle.
According to Galinsky in 2003, "To be effective, reclaiming needs to be perceived as empowering not only by those who self-label but also by those who observe such act. Research suggests that this is usually the case." (in Galinsky, A. D., Hugenberg, K., Groom, C., & Bodenhausen, G. (2003). The reappropriation of stigmatizing labels: Implications for social identity.)
You're not using it in an empowering way. People seeing you call someone the slur don't see it as empowering. What makes you think this is reclaiming instead of you just calling people slurs? Which you are.
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
I'm not reading all of that. Next post please!
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u/luciluci66666 ASD Level 2/1 | Verbal 1h ago
Thank you for proving my exact point about how you don't actually care about reclaiming or about people with intellectual disabilities!
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u/Lotuselise230 1h ago edited 1h ago
It doesn’t matter who the target is. You’re still perpetuating harm against people with intellectual disabilities. You’re not being as clever as you think you are. Insults is NOT what I meant when I said do better, and I honestly can’t believe I have to explain that. Ad hominem attacks are useless and lazy. Are you 12?
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
12? Jokes on you. I just turned 30 last week. You're not as clever as you think if you think people who are genuinely stupid deserve to be treated nicely when they're going around bullying other people. I don't go around insulting people for no reason. In fact, I'm the type of guy who prefers to reduce conflicts.
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u/Lotuselise230 1h ago
You should be embarrassed. I absolutely never would have admitted to being 30 after someone asked if I was 12. That was not the flex you thought it was. 😂
I also never said to be nice. I said ad hominem attacks are lazy and useless. There’s a VAST difference between those two statements.
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u/South-Flamingo-6817 1h ago
Embarrassed for what? For being a 30 year old US Army vet who received a waiver for his autism and was deployed to Afghanistan and received the National Defense Service Medal and Global War on Terrorism Medal?
I like being nice to people. That's what I do.
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u/Lotuselise230 1h ago
For being 30 and acting like a 12 year old on the internet. Jesus Christ.
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u/luciluci66666 ASD Level 2/1 | Verbal 1h ago
You're probably not clever if you can't use the word idiot instead or make new creative insults
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u/Blanc_Otaku 1h ago
So long as Autistic is being used like a slur I will happily take it back. The people who's main disability is "Struggles to read the room and cracks more easily under pressure" shouldn't be the sole bearer of this abuse
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