My mental health is down the drain

[u/Testruns]

Last year I was biting into my shirts and punching myself in the face. Just recently I see my old friends and the fact that they have jobs, friends, and a decent life essentially set up. I just now again started hearing myself and trying to come off as a normal functioning person. Instead of speaking with a low tone and being extremely awkward.

I also blame myself for not taking accountability throughout my life. I blame my parents for a lot of things, particularly not talking to me. I really wish I had a social life and didn't have to move and lose all my friends but i acknowledge that I wasn't great before I moved either. I don't really know how to fix my life atp it just kind of sucks to suck.

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[u/HammyHavoc]

Don't beat yourself up, it isn't constructive or going to help you change things.

Learning patience and being kind to yourself should become a priority

When my friends got hitched, had kids, landed jobs etc at a young age who made me feel like I was behind, those same people are now also divorced, single parents and unhappy years on. Their youth is gone, and now they have to start all over again, but if they can start again, you can start again. So start again. All the baggage and mistakes of the past don't mean a thing.

Whatever your passions or interests are, seek out groups or individuals online to share it with locally. There's gotta be some nerd with the 'tism who wants to geek out.

And remember, better alone than in a relationship with the wrong person and making big life changing decisions. Where you are, you only have opportunities ahead, not living rith the consequences of having made decisions.

[u/Testruns → u/HammyHavoc]

Erm, I'm not banking on them failing and nor do I want for that to happen to them. I just want my community sense back. 

[u/HammyHavoc → u/Testruns]

Nobody is, but I'm telling you what my experience is because if my friends can start again, you've got plenty of time to do what you want to do. My dad divorced in his fifties, it's never too late to be happy and have all the things you want.

[u/Testruns → u/HammyHavoc]

I feel life is unfair and it's easier to make friends if you've more going for you which is random and out of your control. 

[u/HammyHavoc → u/Testruns]

The people who are attracted to "more" tend to be fickle. I root for the underdog, I was an underdog.

People aren't their achievements, their belongings, their house, their car, their job, their bank balance. I've known people who were all that and more, but just not nice people to spend time with despite having "more".

A former childhood best friend lives in a house with about fifty rooms, dozen cars in the garages, fountain out front, turning circle, double gates, but he's on his own and has no friends because people find him to be absolutely insufferable. All that money, but no humanity or emotional intelligence decades on.

People are always envious of what someone has got, but they never know what they did to get it, and they're not uncommonly unpleasant.

Life is transitioning you to the next phase, things will fall into place given time. Don't sweat it and try to enjoy the journey, life is short.