Is this just autism + brain injury or could there be more going on?

[u/Machurgul]

Hello, I want to start by saying I’m asking this out of curiosity and a need for insight. I’m not self‑diagnosing, and I fully respect that any condition is serious. I’m only trying to understand whether my experiences are just part of my autism and recent injury, or if there might be more to it.

For context, I was recently diagnosed with autism, and about 2 months ago I had two concussions within 10 days of each other — I’m still healing from that, and it may be relevant. Last year was one of the lowest periods of my life. For months, I had daily thoughts about committing and felt like I was getting closer to doing something I couldn’t take back. During that time, I also said and did things that felt completely out of character. I knew they were wrong, but they weirdly felt comforting or like an escape. I became obsessed with certain negative ideas, felt invincible at times, and needed constant reassurance because I didn’t trust people around me. Eventually things improved, and I felt calmer and more confident for a while. Recently, though, I feel like I’m slipping into another low. My intrusive thoughts have increased again, and I’ve been more irritable and aggressive in how I think and talk about people. Last night I convinced myself and devised a plan that I should cut off close friends over something that wouldn’t usually push me that far. In the moment I felt like I had nothing to lose, which isn’t how I usually think.

I’ve also been having recurring thoughts about committing in extremely graphic detail, but with almost no emotional reaction to them — this happens almost every day. I’ve noticed a general numbness. For example, my dog passed away recently, and even though I loved her deeply, I couldn’t cry or feel the sadness the way I expected to. I tried forcing myself to cry because it didn’t feel right that I’ve not felt upset but barely a tear formed. It doesn’t feel like bottling emotions, it feels like they’re just not there. I’ve also been more reactive, almost getting into fights, and my sleep has been affected too — sometimes I can’t sleep at all, I feel wide awake and energetic at times when I should be resting, and it’s something I almost never do normally.

I’ve been wondering a lot lately because I read about bipolar disorder and so many things lined up, which made me panic because it felt like I only noticed these things after reading about them, and I’ve been terrified I’m just imagining or subconsciously copying it somehow. But I know I felt this way before I read anything, I just didn’t have a name for it back then. The thing that makes me question it most is that even when I feel this angry, reckless, or full of energy, I never actually lash out or act on those impulses — I hate conflict, I always hold everything in and keep things calm on the outside, no one would ever know how much is going on inside my head.

My main question is: does all of this sound like it could be explained fully by my autism and the brain injury I had? I’ve read both can mimic so many different patterns and symptoms, and since I tend to mask everything so heavily, it’s hard to tell what is just how my brain works or what might be something extra. I’m not claiming anything or trying to put a label on myself, I just want to understand if these experiences sound familiar to people here, or if anyone has gone through something similar where it turned out to be just autism and recovery from injury. If anyone has further questions feel free to ask any further questions. Thank you for reading and any genuine advice or feedback is appreciated.

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[u/Machurgul]

I really didn’t know where to post this and this felt like one of the only communities that felt right to post this in. Please any feedback or anything like that is appreciated. I’m really not sure what to do rn. I’ve only very recently realised the way I’m acting and thinking should be taken seriously and most likely not something to just brush off.

[u/warholean-fluxusian]

You should get a brain MRI.