I (white male in my 30’s) was at my brother’s house for a bday party. Their neighbor, an extremely sweet 12 y/o black girl who I’ve met before, was there and she had long skinny braids that reached the lower part of her back. I told her I really liked her hair and asked questions like “how long did it take?”, “have you ever done it that way before?”, etc.

I thought it was an innocent and friendly conversation but my girlfriend (also white and in her thirties) said it was inappropriate. According to her, it’s not right for white people to make positive comments about black women’s hair.

Was I wrong in saying something?

Hey so a little backstory. I am friends with a female coworker that's my same age. We have lunch all the time together. When I first started this job she was the first person who took me under her wing so to speak even though I'm not directly on her team. I think she is amazing and from my perspective we don't have any problems with each other.

So anyway, she had braids that she wore  and as time went on they started getting a little frizzy. Admittedly, I do like women's hairstyles when they are a little more unpolished. I never shared this though with her at all so it's not something she knows. I just thought she looked beautiful with them and so I told her that her hair was nice. She thanked me then looked over at another coworker who is another Black woman and they laughed with each other. I didn't understand why but I just figured it was her being shy or something. She came in on her next day back at work with her hair freshly redone.

That brings me to this week where she asked me if I wanted to hang out outside of work. I clarified if it's a date and she smiled and said yes. I told her I honestly wanted to initiate a while ago but I wasn't going to make her uncomfortable at work so I held back. I agreed to meet up. After I said yes, she laughed and told me that she will wear her party city wig that day just for me. I laughed along with her but was confused by the joke.

She is really smart, genuine, and I love her presence so I don't want to mess this up. So, what am I missing? Should I stop complimenting her hair or something?

Like you know how in old people it always comes out and they have to trim it. Is it curly? Or is it the same as white people?

Now that it think about it, is your legs hair curly? Do you even have any?? I genuinely cannot remember seeing a black person with hairy arms and legs...

I’m posting on behalf of my friend who doesn’t use Reddit! She is a Non Black Person of Color writing and drawing a comic about girls on a swim team, some of whom are Black. She’d like to know what kinds of hairstyles she should be researching and looking into for her characters! She’s been googling and researching on her own, but she would love to hear some personal experiences as to why you chose a particular style so she can better characterize her characters through the styles they pick. Photos are also welcome/encouraged!

He's black and I'm white, so or daughter is mixed. Her hair is about 4 inches long and 2-3c. i put her hair in pigtails so it doesn't get tangled and so I don't have to brush as much and risk damaging it when I do. I get her hair wet when I do brush it, and use detangler on the knots so they come out easier. When I put the hair ties in, I'm not pulling her hair tight. I keep it a little loose so I won't damage her roots either.

He likes her hair out of pigtails, day or night. Her hair gets tangled easily, and he prefers her to sleep without pigtails or braids, which i don't like because then if she and I go out, I want her looking nice, and I have to spend 30 minutes wrestling a toddler to stay put while I do her hair, versus just taking the hair band out and repositioning them so it looks fresh. Then when I do leave her hair loose, it poofs out, which is cute, but when i get her out of the car seat I have to finger brush it because the back stays flat.

When he takes her pig tails out, I tell him he's responsible for her hair that day, and he just... refuses. He won't brush it or style it at all.

Am I overthinking this?

Hi!
I’m a white woman who loves to do hair and I want to learn how to take care of my black friend’s hair (I cut and style a lot of my friend’s hair for free because it’s fun). I’m really curious about protective hair styles. What makes a hairstyle protective vs not and what are some examples? Also do any of y’all have suggestions of good sources for learning? I don’t want to be misinformed by finding random help online and then end up messing up my friend’s hair.
Thank you!! :)

Edit for clarification:

This is not in reference to a specific friend. I love to offer hair cuts and styles to my friends especially because money is tight for all of us. I want to learn how to take care of black hair properly before ever offering it to my friends which is why I came here! I don’t want them to ever feel like I’m willing to sacrifice the health and wellbeing of their hair for the sake of my learning so I want to learn what I can before I ever even offer

Hi! I’m a white kindergarten teacher in a black school. All of my students are beautiful black babies. I have had a few instances this year where I have had to help with the hair of some of my girls.

I want to make sure that if I AM helping with hair, in instances that are approved by their parents, like helping make sure it looks good on picture days right before the picture, that I am handling their hair correctly. Another example is I’ve messaged parents before because their children were crying over braids hurting or ponies too tight and have had them tell me to just take them out….

I’ve done google, but I’m wondering if anyone knows of any good black hair communities that won’t have a problem with a white woman lurking and watching the hair care tips. I don’t want to overstep or enter any spaces that are not for me

Thanks in advance for any suggestions!!

EDIT: as a teacher I need to point out reading comprehension is so very important, I have people messaging me and commenting telling me I don’t belong here and I shouldn’t ever touch someone’s hair without parent approval. I SAID the parents tell me to. I am just looking for tips WITH handling it for when I am asked. No teacher is ever just taking a students hair down for the sake of it. I would never. I’m so sorry I asked this question. Ask black people felt like the appropriate space and it seems I was wrong. I am truly sorry.

Legitimately. Don’t give me some deflection. Seriously engage and think about this and how it can be changed

Hello! My wife and I moved recently to a new neighborhood and I am very overdo for a haircut (I'm a full time caregiver for my wife alongside work). All of the nearby barbershops are clearly Black spaces, and my pasty white ass wants to be nice and respectful. My wife is Native, so I have at least spent some time behaving myself in Brown spaces in general, but this time I would be by myself. My main question is if it would even be okay for me to go to this space, or would that be intrusive and/or disrespectful? If it is fine to go, are there any things I should know in advance? Especially as a new member of the local community, I would like to put my best foot forward. Thank you!

What is the reason for combing the roots back and gelling them or whatever product Is used. I tried to upload a second photo to show the other way, but this sub would only let me put one. is it a trend and people like the look of it or is there a reason for it? I would think people would want it to look the most natural where the hair moves / hangs like real hair from the root. Just a random thought I was wondering about . I think both ways look nice, one just can look much more natural. Thanks

I’m white, but I have a black classmate who has her hair in bantu knots. I’ve been wondering, how do you sleep with them in? Are they uncomfortable, and do you have to sleep on your face? Thanks in advance.

I haven’t had braids in a minute so I can’t decide but if I had to choose it would be straight hair. There is just something so satisfying about straightening black hair 😩👌🏽

Title, i’m curious because i’ve seen dudes with good looking dreadlocks and I want to know if its like products or just proper dedication?

TW — recollections of racism

I think it was because of how I was raised in a majority white and Latino environment. I was always ostracized in school for having “crazy” hair, but I really just have 4B hair. There were a few other Black kids in school, maybe a couple. But they were all boys, and I was the only one who had long hair aside from my sister. They cut their hair close to their scalp. So people would always comment on my hair in a disparaging way. Teachers would also always tell me to “fix” my hair and judge my mom like she was abusive for sending me to school with messy hair. On more than one occasion, I’ve was asked if my parents abused me (they did not).

As an adult, I’ve shed like 95% of the ill feelings I’ve had about my appearance, and I love all the cultures my family comes from (I have one Black parent and one Asian parent). However, I think because of how I was treated, I have a more difficult time relating to people who don’t have Afro-textured hair patterns. I immediately assume they’re in the “in” crowd and have more difficulty relating. I have friends from all ethnic backgrounds, but I think this is something I still carry with me.

The wild thing is I’ve experienced horrible racism in school. Called the N word, attacked by white boys (punched in the neck and also one boy used to slap me across the face maybe once a month). But the hair comments and the stares, the looks of disgust…it happened so often, multiple times a day, that this is the thing I’m having the most difficult time getting rid of.

If I’m at a friend’s house and I see a loose straight hair in the sink, I think “oh yeah, this person is not Black, they probably had an easier time in school, which is different than me”. Then I feel a sense of distance with them until we get to talking for a bit. Even more so if they are white.

I feel sort of ridiculous because in the grand scheme of things, this really isn’t that bad compared to some of the other stuff, but I can’t let go. I’m in my 30s, so why do I still care?

Anyone else feel the same? If this is really abnormal, I’m definitely talking to my therapist about this. Just not sure if it’s concerning or not. It’s bothering me. It’s showing up a lot at work, and even with the Asian side of my family where I feel a sense of difference.

I understand the usage of bonnets to sleep in, and I have no arguments about it. I just wonder why black people, black women especially in my experience wear them outside.

Sometimes when it's windy I get it, my pin straight hair gets really tangled so I can only imagine what it does to curly hair. But when it's a calm day, why are they worn outside?

I see people tend to make fun of it and call it trashy and I want to be clear that I don't think so at all, I'm just wondering if it serves a functional purpose. Is it for the same reason they're worn to bed?

I started going gray in my 20's. By the time I was 30 I had the salt and pepper look going on full force. I keep a short fade and little long on top and pushed back with a little product so it looks like I have black and gray streaks. For years I've gotten compliments from random black women on my hair everywhere I go, grocery stores, out of windows on the street, in traffic. Hell, I had someone jam on their brakes when I was jogging and get out of their car and yell a compliment halfway down the block at me.

Is there something about salt and pepper hair black women are powerless to? Or are black women just out there doing all of the complimenting?

I see this a lot with some of the Youtubers I watch where they’ll see a white person with dreads and they’ll say that they can’t have that hairstyle because they’re white. Same with cornrows and box braids. It’s not hurting anybody and if anything it seems like it should be a good thing that anyone could have any hairstyle. I just want to know what I’m missing in this whole thing

Its been 3 1/2 weeks since my first cut and there’s still no progress. I wash and style twice every week. And use hard medium and softy with plastic bag and durag every night i need advice! Am i doing anything wrong?

I grew up always seeing magazines and music videos where actresses/singers would switch up their hair a lot—braids, curls, straight, blonde, all of that. It was something I always paid attention to because it felt like part of their whole era or image.

I’ve been trying to find a subreddit where people actually talk about that kind of stuff (Black celebrity hair, iconic styles, different eras etc.) but I haven’t really seen one.

Does anyone know if something like that exists or where people usually talk about it?

Hello,

I am a white woman and I am trying to find a good way to build a career but also be able to have the time and money to do something a little more meaningful.

This isn’t the main point but important to add that I am someone who is working toward investing what I can in my life into reparations—however it can look like given I come from poor people and sadly am not even close to rolling in dough yet

Anyway, I have always loved working with hair. I could see myself doing hair as a career, but more importantly if I can learn how to properly work with the hair types and styles that are culturally relevant to black people, I could offer free services to people like foster kids, single moms/dads, really anyone but I want to try and make a positive impact.

The thing is, I know white peoples are generally not trustworthy by way of ignorance, and even if I was able to learn these complex styles and techniques, I’d hate to put anyone in that uncomfortable of a position where they’d have to be vigilant and especially with something as personal as hair.

My original idea was to just donate to black-owned shops and hair artists that already exist, so as to not take income away from any black hair artists, and I’d love to do it, but I am chronically without enough funds atp. So this will be something I do just can’t happen til I start bringing in more cash.

Another thing I’ve considered is just doing detoxing/dematting (I used to detox my friends’ dreds and I’d love to learn better methods and offer this as a free service or something)

All this to say, would you ever feel even basically comfortable with a white woman doing your hair or any part of your hair-care process?

As much as I try, I’ll always be white and I know I’m ignorant of a whole lot in terms of the black experience so I want to know if this idea would truly be a benefit to the black community or you think it’s not a great idea and I should keep thinking.

Also want to point out that free hair-care is in no way-shape-form close to being enough in terms of reparations in my mind so if there’s anything you have seen or heard of that would better serve this purpose and would like to share, I’d be mad appreciative. Thank you for your time, Cheers 🤙🏼

Please know I ask all these questions from a place of genuine curiosity I just wanna learn lol

1. How long are braids/ cornrows supposed to last? What about wig installs and weaves?

2. Is learning how to braid a fundamental skill you are taught as a child?

3. Are box braids painful when done right?

4. Why are they “protective hairstyles”? I would think wearing tight braids and stuff would be damaging to the hair?

5. How are dreads usually formed? Are they usually free formed? Felted? Extensions?

Thanks :)

Hii! So I have thick Indian wavy/frizzy hair (currently dyed blue), and with summers it has been so hard to manage 😭 I have tried curly hair and wavy hair routines but nothing stays. It either makes my hair frizzy the next day or very flat and oily. I am genuinely curious about if having braids would be the solution for me but I’m feel a little dicey about the whole situation due to its cultural connotations.
Any suggestions/advice around this would be really helpful! And please drop in style inspirations!:)

I dont know if this counts for the "so im writting a book" flair or not so im simply putting the hair one, and i hope that this is an appropriate way to bring the topic.

Anyway, hello there, im an indie game developer currently working on an indie title, and one of our main characters is a black character. As our game will include some level of character customization, im here to ask about black hair styles that you might recommend or would like to see.

Our team will be contacting some barbers, hair stylists and braiders (i think thats how you write it) to further expand the styles present, however we also feel like we should get a broader pool of perspectives, opinions, and voices in order to not only get a good representation of hair styles, but also do them right while allowing customization.

in the case of some asking "why not do a google search?" I feel like thats lazy, and keeps me ignorant and malinformed.

I appreciate any of you taking the time to read this, and am grateful for feedback, comments, and suggestions.

I’ve been dealing with this for years. Every time I get a haircut, my scalp hurts really bad. When I had dreads, my loctician told me I had dry patches/bumps on my scalp. Is there anything I can take before going to the barber, or anything that can permanently fix it? Back when I had dreads, I used to wait 3–6 months between retwists, so I thought maybe that was the problem. But even when I only waited 1–2 months, it still hurt like hell.