r/SoloPoly • u/[deleted] • Mar 30 '26

Is this.... solo poly compersion??

The title is mostly meant to be a silly heehee ha ha, and also there's so much relief in recognizing incompatibility irregardless of how much you like someone, ending the relationship, and *not* spiraling down the drain of low self worth.

I've had a wild transition over seven years from only being a secondary in hierarchical non monogamous relationships to solo poly RA. I'm just really fucking happy to be at this place in my life finally where being poly doesn't feel like a humiliation ritual for my partner or meta's self esteem (or lack there of), and my only other option is being shoved unceremoniously onto the monogamous relationship escalator over and over.

TLDR: really proud and happy to have finally settled on solo poly as being the right relationship style for me

22 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

37 comments sorted by

View all comments

13

u/saladada Mar 31 '26

I'm glad you've found your "niche" but being solo-poly doesn't free you from hierarchy. You will still be considered secondary within basically every relationship. Even solo-poly people still have hierarchy within their lives. The partner they've been with for 6 years is going to take priority over the partner they've been with for 6 months. Their own child is going to take priority over all partners. Their best friend's wedding is going to take priority over their sister's desire to see a movie. And if you date anyone in a primary relationship, you will still always be in the secondary position.

5

u/ghausau Mar 31 '26

It really depends on who you choose to date. In recent years I’ve only dated other solo poly folks, I have never considered any of them secondary and to the best of my knowledge the same is reciprocated.

“You will still be considered secondary within basically every relationship” is a terrible generalization. It may hold true for you, but that’s more due to your choice of partner than any global truth.

3

u/[deleted] Mar 31 '26

No literally as if I personally can't make the decision to not be in a hierarchical relationship... which like... having personal choice to do what's best for me without a sense of inferiority or shame due to what's more socially accepted is the entire point of my post