r/SoloPoly • u/wordsfromghost • Feb 23 '26
I want to tell my mom I am Solo Poly
My mom knows that I am dating someone who is poly. But it's like the one thing I mentioned years ago when I was first dating my boyfriend. Now my boyfriend (P), has been to my family functions close to two years.
Now close to a year, I have been dating my boyfriend (F). He has a wife and children. The wife is ok with it and has her own dating life. Children are children and know nothing.
Being 35 (female), no cohabitation, no children, and no plans on marriage makes my mom and grandma worry. Sunday, I tried to explain to my mom I am happy with how my life is.
Part of me wanted to at least tell her. But I don't want her to think that me having F means either 1. Me and P are not doing well and will break up 2. The wife is only ok with this because she gets to date 3. I am being used by a pervy couple.
I have always been open to my mom about my kink lifestyle when I first started, but have watered down details since I know it makes her uncomfortable.
Ideally, I want her to see that I do have a strong support system and content with how I live. Has anyone ever come out to their family like this?
I probably would never tell my grandma though because I know she will never get it.
2
u/iShineLikeGloss100 Feb 27 '26
I can relate. I do already have a child and I'm divorced, so at least my mom isn't hoping for kids... but she is hoping for me to find someone to grow old with.
I've started slowly opening up about dating more casually, but haven't told mom that literally everyone I date is either married or living with a partner. I feel bad about keeping that a secret, but she would not believe it possible that all their partners know and accept this reality.
More importantly, she holds out hope that I'll meet someone who inspires me so much that I'll be willing to move in with them, maybe even marry again. I don't know how to make it more clear that living with someone sounds like a nightmare. And I know - I did it for 15 years.
I don't have any helpful advice, just commiseration over the struggle. ❤️
1
u/wordsfromghost Mar 02 '26
thank you for your response. I relate to not really wanting to co-habitate. I love my boyfriend (P), but he tends to do sleepovers for longer than a few days. When it gets too long, I feel on edge and like I need him to leave NOW.
Sometimes, I do ask him to stay longer and he does.
Years ago, I was cohabitating with a boyfriend for five years. You would think the constant messaging, living together, and social media tagging would prevent a man from cheating, but it did not. On top of that, he was a abusive. It made home not a home. More like a place I was stuck with until the lease was up.
1
u/iShineLikeGloss100 Mar 02 '26
Oh jeez, I'm so sorry you lived thru that, and glad you've moved on!
I get it about sometimes wanting a longer visit and sometimes being done this very second. For me that timetable is very short. I haven't done a sleepover in a couple years. I did enjoy sleepovers with that particular boyfriend and we lived in different cities, so they happened pretty much every time we saw each other. But generally...I like my own space in my bed. Lol
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u/uu_xx_me Mar 06 '26
i have had a lot of coming-outs to my mom (sex worker, queer, nonmonogamous, solopoly). poly was by far the hardest one for her to accept, and for years she expressed a lot of judgment about it. eventually i sat down and had a very direct conversation with her explaining my life, values, and choices — that the normative path always felt oppressive to me, that my friendships are my most fulfilling relationships, that the way i’ve structured my life makes me genuinely happy in a way i was never able to access for the first few decades of my life. she got it, and i think she really appreciated me letting her in on such a real level. ever since she’s been very supportive, even though i can tell in moments it makes her uncomfortable
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u/PsychologicalMemory7 Feb 24 '26
I came out to my Mom, she understood kinda of but she still thinks ill find "the one" someday and be monogamous again 🙄