Does anyone here have a larger age gap between their first and second child? We have 1 beautiful 2 year old right now but we're not going to be financially ready to have another (and we definitely want another) for another few years or maybe even longer (saving up for a larger home) Feeling really sad about it because I always envisioned their age gap being a lot closer together, but of course we would rather be as ready as possible beforehand. What are some of the pros and cons you've noticed with a 3+ year age gap? Personally I was 9/10 years old when my sister was born so I have some experience with a large age gap but hopefully it won't have to be as large 🙏🏻

I gave birth to our son January 2025 (15 months ago) and my husband and I are discussing trying for #2 once I hit about 18 mo. pp later this year. We would love for our children to be about 2.5 years apart. The thought of facing sleepless nights, pp recovery hormone swings, pregnancy pains all over again feels a bit overwhelming, paired with a toddler. I JUST started feeling good in my skin again. I’m 31 now and I definitely want to get pregnancy phase of life over and done with, but it seemed to come around again so fast lol ( regarding the age gap window). What are some things to consider when going from 1-2? Any advice on that 2.5 year age gap?

Looking for parents that have two siblings themselves or are raising three children

Is there a better age gap than others? I think the three year age gap between our two boys is perfect. Our toddler is old enough to understand and reason with, follow direction / set boundaries with, independently play and exist, while also being curious and playful with his brother.

Our dynamic will be two boys and a third. I had our second baby boy 4 months ago and thought I was never going to want a third child, but now I have this burning desire for a third and I'm not ready to be done creating our family. I love my two little people so much and want more of them, is that selfish? I love our little army 🪖🪖.

I want a third child to get to see the incredible little person they develop into. It's such a privilege to have children and I'm just not ready for this chapter in my life to be done.

I had traumatic births and pregnancies with both my kids due to an insufficient cervix and depression. First was 3 weeks early and an ambulance 🚑 baby and the second was 7 weeks early when my water broke randomly and was in the NICU for 3 weeks. It's been a wild ride, but I love my kids more than life itself.

I asked my husband if it was wild to be wanting a third further down the line, like 4 or 6 years from now and he said , "if we win the lottery, and I would want them 2 years apart," which I found FASCINATING because he always said he only wanted two and our boys currently have a 3 year age gap. So, two seems soon?

I try really hard to make sure my toddler feels included and tended to, while trying to manage our infant, but it is hard at times, but I'm doing my best. Toddler is an amazing big brother when he isn't trying to squish or poke his brother or being over zealous with him.

I’d been so on the fence about a second since having our first kid (age 36 first time trying.) I just wasn’t ready until a few months ago. Then we took the goalie away but I feel mocked by my period each time it comes now. I’m scared we left it too late. I’m 40 now.

I look at my friends of the same age who are just giving birth to their second or about to and I feel foolish - like our timing is all off. Are there any signs of hope for women who had a second at 40? or has secondary fertility come for me now? I just want my little boy to have a relationship with any sibling and if the age gap is too big, what’s the point?

Sorry, I feel ridiculously emotional because of PMS!

***edit - update*** it wasn’t a period. It was implantation bleeding. I literally got pregnant first time.

I’d love to hear any positive or negative stories from parents with a 10 (or more) year age gap.

I need to hear the real life experiences desperately.

We currently have a 2.5 year old and 5 month old. The last 5 months have been the most exhausting days of my life. I'm starting to see my older daughter include the younger son in fun games: like sitting on the couch with him while Mommy pretends to sit on you or riding her horse rocker (parent assistance), pretending to dance or play store together. It's so cute.

I'm thinking maybe another 2 year age gap won't be as exhausting because the first two will be playing together at the playground whereas right now it's me trying to play while holding a baby. It's just a bit chaotic at times. I'm finding myself carrying the two of them around sometimes when my oldest is in a mood. I definitely won't be able to carry three babies lol.

How was it for any of you? Thank you!

FTM and my baby girl is turning 1 soon. My husband and I are really unsure about when we should try for a second. We have decided that we do want to have a second, but the whole age gap thing is really throwing us for a loop. Here are our thoughts:

~2 year gap: this one seems to be very common, and seems to be the most difficult in the beginning with a pretty nice payoff. You’re done with baby/toddler stages sooner, but while you’re in it, it’s chaos. I’ve heard people say they’re closer with their siblings who are closer in age, and parents seem to usually agree and say that the kids can play and relate a lot more. I like that the older one won’t remember much of life before the sibling.

~3 year gap: I personally had this with my sibling and didn’t like it. It felt like an awkward gap where we were grouped together for a lot of things even though my older sibling felt too big for them. It felt like forced closeness. My parents also suggested that 3 was a hard year for the older one, and that jealously was a big issue.

~4 year gap: this one, on paper, makes the most sense for us. More time to relax and settle, dedicated one on one time for our 1st baby’s toddlerhood, more time to save up financially, minimizing overlapping daycare costs. However, I’ve heard most people say that parents love this gap, and many kids hate it. Yes, they may get along as adults, but I’m not there yet. Also, I am very worried about the fact that it can be difficult to not expect the older one to be more mature etc and handle emotions better. I am very scared of accidentally parentifying my oldest, I never want to do that.

To be honest, even if it is hard, I am more concerned with my children’s experience than my own. What are your experiences (in your own sibling relationships too, not as a parent only)?

My son is 5 and my daughter is 3. They are BEST friends and play together all day long. I’ve always wanted 3 kids, but I just haven’t felt ready yet. If we do have another, we would probably try next year, making the age gap between them 5 & 7 years.

Would my third just basically be an only child/ odd man out?

Hi everyone,
I’m currently 34 (turning 35 soon) and I find myself at a crossroads. I always wanted a large family (3 kids). I had my first at 29 and my second at 30 – they are only 18 months apart. They are incredibly close, almost like twins in their development. They will start primary school only one year apart (2027 and 2028).

However, I’ve never been able to let go of the wish for a third child. I’ve hesitated for years due to health issues (prolapse because of second birth), but the desire just won't go away. If I were to get pregnant now, the baby would be born in early 2027.

I have a few major concerns I’d love some perspective on:
1. The Age Gap & Social Dynamic: My first two are "a unit." I’m worried the 3rd child would grow up feeling like an only child because the gap to the siblings is about 5-7 years. For those who have this gap: Does the 3rd child feel left out? Or is it a blessing because the older ones are more independent?
2. Parenting Style: Right now, our kids have the same interests and abilities. We can focus on one "stage" at a time. With a newborn, we’d be starting all over while the big ones are starting school. Is the mental load of such different stages manageable?
3. Health Risks: I have a prolapse and suffered significantly from sciatica/nerve issues (only) in my previous pregnancies. I’m scared of the physical toll. Has anyone here navigated a 3rd pregnancy with a pre-existing prolapse or chronic nerve pain?
4. Financial/Career Timing: I was recently laid off and will be unemployed starting June. If I get pregnant now, my maternity benefits would be quite low. The alternative is waiting until I have a new job, which would be better for my career but means I’d be even older and the age gap even worse.

I feel like my heart says "yes" but my brain is listing a thousand reasons to say "no."

Did any of you have a 3rd child with a 5+year gap to the older (2) ones? Was it the right choice? And how did you handle the physical or financial stress?
Thanks for reading!

For a long time I was scared of having a second one because of some trauma, and when I finally decided, my daughter was already 6.

I was scared that they won't bond. I have 3 younger siblings with 2 to 9 years difference, and I'm not really close to the 2 younger ones anymore. But I think it's also because my lifestyle is VERY different and they don't really understand it, plus they all live in Europe while I'm in the US.

While I was pregnant my daughter was disappointed that they won't come out of the womb ready to play and talk, she thought the baby will be boring and annoying even though she loved the idea of having a sibling and she was often lonely. She was also worried about what if it's a boy (we didn't want to find out the sex until birth). She said she doesn't like boys.

When the baby was born, it all changed though! Yes, it's a boy, but she doesn't mind. And she also doesn't mind that he can't walk or talk yet, she said "he is already fun".

She is like a second mommy to him. I call her the "vice mommy". They play for hours. I often have to argue with her to let the baby go to sleep because she just wants to play.

She insists that in the morning the baby should wake her up. Getting her to wake up used to be hard, now she jumps out of bed.

He is turning one this month, and she is crocheting a bear and writing a book for his birthday.

I'm so happy we went ahead with it. Now I wish we could have a third one :D

Edited to add that now she also keeps her room baby proofed, while in the past her room looked like a disaster zone and getting her to help cleaning up was impossible.

As the title states, my husband and I finally feel confident in our decision to have another (less waffling, more confidence with our 2 year old, etc.). I am here to ask the veterans of this group if there are any significant pros/cons with a 3yr gap vs a 4yr gap. I understand every child is different so not so much concerned with a gap that is compatible with them being “best friends” because we know that’s never a given. But logistical things like the amount of time having 2 kids in daycare, a gap that is compatible with less parental burnout, benefits of certain gaps when they are school aged (with sports and activities). I would love to hear some input from anyone on what they recommend.

I would also like to add that I am well aware that I may not be able to plan any of this and secondary infertility is a thing. But curious nonetheless!

I’m 37 and my children are 13 yo girl and 11 yo boy. I divorced their dad many years ago and my fiance and I are talking about having a child together. This is my biggest dream. Being a mom is everything I want in life and I love all of it. He (31) doesn’t have kids of his own but would like to with me. All of his concerns about having a baby are so valid. Financially, we wouldn’t be able to get more than a 3 bedroom house to rent. So baby would have to sleep with us for as long as possible. Not the most ideal but it is what it is. Secondly, the state of the world sucks. The world is a madhouse and thinking about adding another child to it makes me feel like I’d be selfish in choosing that.
The age gap concerns me too but I have read so many stories that alleviate that. My children have begged me for the last 6 years for a little sibling. They are so wonderful with babies and kids especially my boy. I know that this baby would be so loved, but by the time my 11 yo goes to college if he chooses, this baby would just be starting elementary school. Essentially they’d be an only child in a lot of ways, and I don’t know if that will be good for them.

My fiance and I both WFH and right now my job is flexible but there’s no guarantee I’ll have it long term (caretaker for a family member). I have another job but the pay varies each month so we don’t have a ton of financial stability at the moment.

I have an autoimmune disease that makes me exhausted all the time and I know those first few years with a baby and toddler are going to be tough.

With my two previous pregnancies and in their baby stages I was completely alone and was like a single mom. I missed out on having a baby with a partner who loves me, and that makes me so sad.

I’m 37 and feel like time is ticking for me. I don’t want to get pregnant at or after 40 quite frankly, I would want to get a move on with this within the next 6 months. I’m overthinking everything, and I just feel so sad knowing this may not happen for me because I’m self aware of everything.

Outside opinions would be helpful. Would you have another?

Long story short we knew we wanted two children in future but hadn’t thought about the logistics until our son turned three. Then decided we’d start ‘loosely trying’ and see what happens. What happens certainly did happen a lot sooner than expected. At first it was a shock and although happy I was mostly emotional and upset at the thought of ‘losing my son’ and the time we have with him being the only child. Now I’ve had a few days to get over it I am excited but definitely apprehensive. Does anyone have any success stories to keep my excitement going? Especially with a 4 year age gap as my son will be almost 4 once baby is born. Thanks!

Does anyone have kids with a 5-6 year gap? What's your experience been like, what are some pros and cons to the gap

Is that saying “one kid is one kid, but two kids are ten kids” still accurate? Or does the age gap make it easier?

My daughter is 3.5. We don’t intend to even try for a second until her 5th birthday just due to daycare costs. But we’re still 50/50 on even having the second. This is one of a few things holding us back.

We still have 1.5 years before we really need to decide, but my obsessive personality means my brain can’t let this go.

Follow up question: did you like this age gap? Any regrets on having to go back to diapers and sleepless nights?

How much support did you have in terms of a village? Or finances?

We are considering a third child. We already have a 3 year old girl and a 10 month old boy - I got pregnant with baby boy when the girl was 18 months. I wanted a closer age gap so they could play together, as my own experience was with my younger brother, and this has largely worked out.

For the third, however, I’m wondering if I should do a larger gap and get pregnant when the youngest is more like 2.5 - just to allow for a little more independence in the older two. But then, I worry about creating a weird dynamic where the older two are closer friends because they are closer in age, and the youngest is left out. Basically, should I do another 2.25 year age gap, or have it be more like 3 years?

Would love to hear experiences about uneven age gaps!

My husband is starting to come around to the idea of having another one so if all goes well by the time, the second one would be born my first daughter would be six years old. What are some pros and cons of having such a larger age gap that you’ve witnessed or experienced?

I honestly didn't think I would feel ready this soon, actually was pretty sure I was 1 and done for a bit after giving birth, but I am 8 months PP, our son sleeps great, and I really want my kids to have a sibling close in age (don't think we will have more than 2 kids). A 2 year age gap is what we are aiming for, so should we start trying around our sons 1st birthday? It took 4 months to conceive him. Those who have experience with this age gap, would you recommend it? It excites me to think about but I also don't want to rush things.

Looking for honest opinions. I am a mom of 2, and we have been contemplating a third for a long time. Our girls are 3.5 (4 in March) and 18 months. They have a 2 year, 3 month gap. The gap was hardest in the first year, but then it was good and now that my girl is 18 months it’s great. They are close with some small fights but they have begun playing together for the last 3 months. We want our kids to be friends not just siblings.

Fast forward to now, we have decided to wait to have a third for so many reasons, including an easier time during postpartum since my girls would be 5 and just shy of 3, we are looking to buy and sell our home this year, and we wanted our middle child to have more time being the youngest before throwing her into having a sibling. It was a little hard on my oldest since she missed out on some attention. To be very honest as well, we wanted a little more time to make sure we want a third since we’re not 100%, though leaning towards having a family of 5.

Because we get pregnant via IUI, today was our last day to have a baby in 2025 that would be the same age difference as our girls. I am sitting here with 3 mature follicles (eggs) that could ovulate and conceive but we are choosing to call the clinic and cancel the cycle, to focus on all of these other factors and try again in the summer. I’m a little sad but I know it’s the better decision for my husband and I.

Can you all share what you’ve enjoyed more about the 3 year age gap versus 2-2.5 years? I want our third to eventually feel close and included too.

As of 2025 I am 27 years with two beautiful girls - one is 2.3 years and the other is 3 months old. They are 2 years apart almost to the day 😅

My husband and I are pretty set on a third although sometimes I think the stress now is enough to kill him lol

So my question is as above: when should we add a third? I’ll list my thoughts that are swaying me as in my head I will do another 2 year age gap. I don’t know why my heart is so set on it but it is - but I don’t know whether the stress is worth my stubborn mindset.

So: - I’d like to be done having kids before 30 and another 2 year gap would be perfect - a baby around the same time means they fit all the same clothes and sleep sacks for the right season - this transition, while difficult, has been so much better than 0-1 - my then 4 and 2 year old may play together?? - I don’t have to exit the baby stage only to come back - I only have to work for a year while pregnant and then have another maternity leave. Sometimes I think about having a smaller age gap so I can be pregnant on this current maternity leave 😂 (I work in childcare so it’s hectic and stressful) - my toddler and eventually both girls will go to care 3 days a week - most people say to wait until they’re 3 and 5 so it’s a bit easier and while I agree it probably is, I just can shake the thought that I need another 2 year gap.

So please give your advice and suggestions but also please mostly justify my crazy decision.

**Also I am aware that I’m freshly postpartum and thinking of a third, that’s how well my mental health is this time!! Crazy!! And realistically we will assess when my second is 1 and see how we feel then when she’s mobile etc

Me (30) and partner (31) have 1 kid (3). We LOVE being parents, but have battled internally all three years on whether or not to have another - first because we just felt so complete and then because of finances. We love to eat out, travel etc and have enjoyed doing so with our 3yo but know we will live significantly less comfortably if we have another, and we weren’t really ready to give up that lifestyle for another kid.

Last night, my 3yo climbed into our bed because she had a bad dream. And all of a sudden, as I was cuddling her I just felt like someone was missing! Like my bed felt too empty with just the three of us in it. I’ve always heard people say that but I’ve truly never felt that way before. My partner said something similar after coming back from an amazing family trip in NYC last month. Finances are still a worry and we won’t try for a baby until we meet our projected savings by the end of the year. But wow, it’s so different finally feeling emotionally ready! Just here to say, if you’re still on the fence, the decision (for me) came at the quietest, calmest time. It just felt right. I feel guilty though like we waited too long to make the decision and now the age gap will be too big (~4.5 years).

Anyways, tell me why you love your similar age gap and how did you manage traveling? Japan and Italy are next up for us - how was traveling to either of them with two kids?

Title pretty much says it but I feel so on the fence. We already have a 4 year old, 2.5, and and 8 month old (20 and 21 month age gaps). My husband is 100% on board with a 4th and that’s what we’ve both wanted for a long time. But things have been hard for probably the last year.

My third pregnancy was ROUGH. Morning sickness for the first time, so many aches and pains I felt like I was 40 weeks pregnant by 30 weeks. Just pain with every movement, every time I got up or down off the floor with my toddlers, etc. Honestly it was awful. By the end we hired babysitters to take care of the kids (I’m home with the kids solo normally) because I was having absolute meltdowns from the intense pains of it all, honestly it was mentally pretty difficult too just having to take care of the older kids while also being pregnant.

Then, early postpartum was bad too. Our oldest wasn’t sleeping well, we got multiple stomach bugs from daycare, my husband started having panic attacks for the first time ever which meant I was really lacking on help plus going off terrible sleep. It was tough but finally evened out once the baby was about 3 or 4 months. Things are still tough, especially because our oldest very likely has ADHD and is just generally difficult.

But…we’ve always wanted 4. And when I think about our family even 5 years from now I’m picturing 4 kids. I think my biggest hiccup is the pregnancy, I’m so worried about having another tough one. Financially we’re fine to have a 4th. Our youngest is now 8 months so we’re approaching when we’d start to try and I just don’t know what to do. I think we do want to have a 4th (even though logically it would be so much easier if we just stopped now).

Sorry for the rambling. I guess my question is did anyone have a similar experience and go on to have a 4th and are happy? If so, what was your age gaps? If we have another similar age gap we’d have our 4th in the fall of 2025, which puts late pregnancy during summer but newborn stage in winter (both of which suck in my opinion lol especially thinking about illnesses in fall and winter) or we wait a bit and have baby in spring 2026 and puts late pregnancy in winter/cold but newborn in spring/summer. I hated being pregnant in the cold months because it was tough with our toddlers, I’m less worried about the newborn stage but there’s definitely less illness in spring vs fall.

Part of me wants to rush and just have 1 more baby and be done with this stage (I’ve loved the close age gaps so far) and the other part thinks maybe we should wait a little longer and things might be easier. Ugh I just don’t know what to do. Are we crazy for having a 4th? When should we have one if we do? I need someone to tell me what to do haha

Is a 10-11 age gap crazy?

Will try to keep the background brief: last year had the urge to try for a 3rd (I was 40 at the time). Had a chemical pregnancy, then a real pregnancy followed by a missed miscarriage. I was devastated, and now not sure how to proceed. Now I'm 41 and my older two daughters are 9 and 10. If I got pregnant today they'd be 11 and almost 10 at the time of birth. I'd be 42. Is this just insane considering their ages; plus all the other risks that come with advanced maternal age (hate this term)? I have made it over to this side of parenting where my kids are very independent and becoming actual people. Am I risking and sacrificing too much?

My husband and I are in the middle of deciding whether we want to try for a third. Our current kids are 5 and 3. While in a perfect world I’d love to be having another now to keep the age gap similar, that is not going to happen for us. After nearly a year of discussing, we are considering trying for a third in a year or so. That would put our current kiddos at 5 and 7 when the baby is born. I am worried that, that big of an age gap will mean the older 2 are really close while the baby is kind of on his/her own. Does anyone have experience with kiddos at similar ages? I’d love to hear your thoughts!