Discarded like yesterdays trash.

[u/eversolo8]

I should probably stop trying to make sense of this but its been 2 months since my SO kicked me out and I just can't stop. I just cannot understand how after 30 years of marriage one can just decide "I don't want to be married anymore" and toss you out like the trash. Didn't shed a single tear, didn't care if I was dead or alive, didn't care that I had no place to go, clearly was fine with me being on the streets. Just didn't care about me in any way what so ever. How? How can anyone be capable of this? I don't know who she is anymore. Did she only show her true colors after 30 years? The worst part is there was no warnings, everything seemed fine right up to the day I woke up and she was gone. Later to be served papers telling me to leave my home (yes I know legally she can't do this) but I didn't want to be where I wasn't wanted, it hurt way too much. She just said she wasn't happy anymore, and yes, I get that, I wasn't either and I was suffering from depression and anxiety. But wouldn't normally a discussion take place? Like talk about wanting a separation etc etc? Or heaven forbid, even trying to fix things? I will forever be stunned that a human who told me she loved me right up to the day she was gone could do such a thing. I don't think I will ever want to love anyone again. Shattered.

[u/Nikki_Jane_1]

I’m so sorry. I’m in the same boat and tonight I’m not coping very well at all. I don’t know how long I can hurt like this for 😢 I’m exhausted. I loved him with everything I had and we were so happy. Seeing memories pop up on my phone is killing me. I know he’s found someone else but he gets angry at me for thinking it and it’s breaking me. Life is getting too much, I need him so badly at the moment but I’m feeling so alone 😢

[u/eversolo8 → u/Nikki_Jane_1]

sends you hugs. Ive had a bad night too, seeing memories is the worst, I can't take it most of the time.

[u/Nikki_Jane_1 → u/eversolo8]

I wonder if this feeling will ever go away 😞 I’d have done anything to make things work and he knows that so it makes me question myself 😢 I hate myself now

[u/eversolo8 → u/Nikki_Jane_1]

i'd have done anything too, i am still fighting for us even though I know it won't make any difference. Her mind is made up. Why do you hate yourself? feel free to IM me if you need to talk.

[u/Nikki_Jane_1 → u/eversolo8]

I’m struggling not to think it’s me. If things were really rocky for a while, I’d get it and accepting it would be easier but he treated me like I was his world and then became cold with me. He says he hasn’t found anyone else but the signs and from other people’s experiences, the way he is with me is like there’s a new interest and there’s no place for me in his life anymore other than an being an employee. He doesn’t show any emotions. I was never an overly emotional person but this has all sent me the other way 😢 We were really happy and everything that happened last year made me have no doubts on our marriage whatsoever up until he suddenly changed. I was so incredibly proud of him, everything he had overcome and achieved. We were a great team and I could be my silly self around him but I’ve lost myself. I’m grieving the loss of so much. I know it probably sounds silly but because he suddenly changed, became obsessed with going to the gym and bulking up, changed his whole appearance, has lost his humbleness which everyone loved, it’s made me think this is all for the benefit of someone else he’s trying to impress. It makes me feel like the way I look isn’t good enough for him anymore. It’s heartbreaking to see the change in him. He’s happy now, I know his friend will be happy as he has never accepted me and I’m sure his family are happy for him so I no that I have no choice but to try and accept it but all I can do is wish I was good enough to be able to remain his proud wife 🥺I wish I was good enough for him so my family don’t feel the loss they’re feeling. And I wish I was good enough so I didn’t feel like i’ve lost my in laws who have been in my life for 17 years. Up until the point I’m at now, the hardest point in my life was my father-in-law passing away. It broke me as it was the biggest shock I’ve ever had to face and to see what my husband and was going through absolutely crushed me more than I have ever admitted. That’s the strongest I’ve ever had to be in my life but I knew I had to be strong. I have such fond memories of my FIL and some laughs we had on a little break many years ago. Sitting with all my happy memories tortures me now 😢 I’m trying to work through all this with my therapist at the moment but it’s not easy at all. I’ve lost my best friend💔

[u/eversolo8 → u/Nikki_Jane_1]

You and I are in very similar situations. I too had no doubts about my marriage, I thought it was rock solid, she changed too, in much the same way your SO did just doing different things to improve her appearance and such. Also, 3-4 months ago my FIL passed. We weren't close, but my wife was a completely different person after this happened. Then 1 month later she just left me one day. She mentioned at one point the passing of her dad made her realize how short life is and that I wasn't making her happy, and she wanted to be happy. She never discussed this with me, never gave me a chance to try and fix it. Just left. I would have done anything, and I know I could have fixed it. I will never get to. I too have lost my world, my best friend, and what feels like my life. I am also in therapy, but really it doesn't help all that much.

[u/Nikki_Jane_1 → u/eversolo8]

Oh my! Your story sounds so similar! 😩I’m so sorry. Putting on a brave face everyday is hard. I had never imagined I’d have to. There’s so much I still wanted to do with my husband 🥺 I have a pathetic little bucket list of things I want to do but I don’t think I’ll end up doing them now. I really really hope things get easier for you. But I know how you’re feeling and if the pain is anything like I’m feeling, I know how tough it is to have to deal with it everyday and the constant wondering when it will go away if that ever happens.