r/Separation • u/eversolo8 • 4d ago

Discarded like yesterdays trash.

I should probably stop trying to make sense of this but its been 2 months since my SO kicked me out and I just can't stop. I just cannot understand how after 30 years of marriage one can just decide "I don't want to be married anymore" and toss you out like the trash. Didn't shed a single tear, didn't care if I was dead or alive, didn't care that I had no place to go, clearly was fine with me being on the streets. Just didn't care about me in any way what so ever. How? How can anyone be capable of this? I don't know who she is anymore. Did she only show her true colors after 30 years? The worst part is there was no warnings, everything seemed fine right up to the day I woke up and she was gone. Later to be served papers telling me to leave my home (yes I know legally she can't do this) but I didn't want to be where I wasn't wanted, it hurt way too much. She just said she wasn't happy anymore, and yes, I get that, I wasn't either and I was suffering from depression and anxiety. But wouldn't normally a discussion take place? Like talk about wanting a separation etc etc? Or heaven forbid, even trying to fix things? I will forever be stunned that a human who told me she loved me right up to the day she was gone could do such a thing. I don't think I will ever want to love anyone again. Shattered.

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u/Scary-Plastic-4108 4d ago

I was recently discarded a few weeks ago by my husband in which we were together for 13 years. I am 7 months pregnant and I knew he was struggling with self esteem by not being able to provide for our family but I thought our marriage was happy. He never once indicated he was unhappy with me. He left on a 3 week trip for his job and was having an affair which I didnt find out until later. He came home and shut me out completely and lied about wanting marriage counseling, he didn't try whatsoever because he already knew he wanted a divorce. He stated he has been unhappy for a long time but didn't know how to go about it and didn't mention our issues once. He told me he was no longer attracted to me because of my weight and that he has not been in love with me for a long time. This pregnancy was completely planned and he wanted it too. I am traumatized by this whole event, my life feels like a lie. I now feel completely disconnected with this pregnancy and feel extreme guilt over it, but I only have fear when I think of giving birth and raising our daughter and 1.5 year old son mostly by myself and managing all the finances and the household alone. I don't know how this could suddenly just happen to me, I feel like I have been a good and loving wife. I feel betrayed and confused and I don't think I will ever understand. He didn't even want to try and when I cried he was just cold and distant, he didn't care about me at all. He is not the man I thought I had known all of this time, I never would have thought he would abandon me and separate our family but I guess maybe we don't truly know those closest to us.

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u/PeanutButterNChocFan 2d ago

Man, I thought mine was bad for saying those exact same things to me, but to do that when you are pregnant?! What a scumbag! I'm sorry you are going through that. I had those same feelings the first month my husband walked out on me and our kids. It's been about 3 months now and I'm starting to realize that someone that cheats is selfish and has no integrity. It's one thing to be unhappy, but you talk it out. Cheating is what a coward does. You won't be managing finances alone. If he thinks he is going to skip off into the sunset with no obligations, he has another thing coming. You will have financial assistance. Do not let him get away with not helping with his kids! What helped me start to realize what I had been tolerating, was writing down in a notebook all of the things he said and did to me over the years. Reading it over made me realize that I should not have been putting up with that for so long and that he was not a good husband. It at least helped me stop crying over someone who didn't deserve my tears. You will always be able to hold your head up high, knowing you were loyal and there for your kids. His karma is knowing that he had poor character to cheat and that he was the type of man to walk out on his pregnant wife. Only a low life does that. Even if he stays with that affair partner, more than likely it will not last because a good relationship doesn't start off with deception. Take care of yourself and your precious babies!

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u/Scary-Plastic-4108 2d ago

Yeah the whole situation is really messed up and I am trying to not let my self esteem be ruined but it has been hard for sure. Journaling is starting to help as I am realizing all of the things I let slide or accepted over the years because I loved him. It is crazy that one person can put up with so much and the other one can just throw it away like nothing. He showed had no respect for me, our family, or our marriage when he chose the path he did. I don't care how unhappy a person is, he had many opportunities to talk about it and I am always an open book. But we are getting through day by day, I am terrified for when the new baby comes but it is just another thing I will have to figure out.

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u/PeanutButterNChocFan 2d ago

I feel ya, I would have never left.  Now that I'm starting to tell friends things he was doing, they are making me see that I was just tolerating too much.  I just didn't want my kids to have to go through this.  I'm doing the same, just taking it day by day and continuing to do things with my kids and focus on them.  I hope you have family that can help and give you support when you need it!