Hello beautiful human, unicorn, or anything in-between!

If you haven't been living under the same rock as me, then you've probably heard of -- and most likely seen -- the infamous unicorns-r-us website. Since I've been chronically offline for ages, I only saw it 2 weeks ago when a fellow polyfi throuple linked me... but omg, if I actually HAD read it back when I first met my couple (my beloved "Unicorn Hunters," if you will), that site would have scared me away!!

But 15 years later, I'm still head-over-heels in love with my throuple, and now I'm finally breaking my silence on what's worked so well for us because yes, "Unicorns" do exist, and yes, everyone can totally live this fantasy if they actually follow their hearts... not the haters!

While unicorns-r-us does give a few nuggets of good advice (which can honestly be applied to ANY relationship), it reads like a poison warning label instead of a helpful guide to newcomers. Buuuut that flowchart is even more venomous, treating real relationship problems like a punchline with all paths leading to "Dump Her" and "Discard Her." Ew! I can't tell if they're being serious or satirical, which begs the question: is the entire site satire? Buuuut unicorns-r-us is STILL being handed out to newbies eager to dip a toe, and it's honestly poisoning the well and the minds of beautiful beings, and that's NOT okay.

That being said, I was motivated to write a rebuttal -- my own manifesto, lol -- explaining why unicorns-r-us is more hurtful than helpful. It demonizes curiosity, scares off potential lovebirds, and acts like closed triads / polyfidelity relationships are unethical or doomed from the start.

Well, I'm here to prove to you the opposite is true! And you can absolutely live a healthy, happy life in whatever way (and whatever formation) works best for you! Here's a link to my full article / rant / whatever you wanna call it:

Why the Internet’s Favorite “Unicorn Hunter” Website is Total Bullshit

Of course, every relationship is different, and this is just MY story of what's worked so beautifully in my long-lasting throuple. What works well for one might flop for another, so please don’t assume my story is "the only right way;" it's just what's worked for us! And, if the past 15 years is any indication, my throuple has gotta be doing something right :)

TL;DR: don't let unicorns-r-us or poly gatekeepers scare you away before you even try! There’s no one-size-fits-all for love, and there's no "wrong" way to practice poly if it's working for you and your partner(s). So long as you communicate openly, honor boundaries, be respectful, and follow your heart, you'll discover your own version of love that feels right for you and everyone involved!

Here's to beautiful love no matter the shape it takes ❤️ 💙🩷

edit: Wow! Huge thank you to everyone commenting and sharing your thoughts! And a super special shoutout to u/polypocketpal for going the extra mile and registering this domain as an easily shareable counter-reference to unicorns-r-us:

UNICORNS-R-US-IS-BULLSHIT.COM

Hi PolyFi family! First of all, HUGE thank you for the incredible response to my previous post. 10k views and a 98% upvote ratio is wild, and all your comments / suggestions mean so much to me (and to us)!

Big update: I finished the first draft of my Throuple memoir!! Based on all your amazing feedback, I trimmed it down to a less intimidating 80k words instead of the proposed 150k. Now the fun part begins with endless revisions, crying over syntax, and all the usual culprits writers face in the glow of judgmental computer screens.

In the meantime, I’ve taken a break from editing and started… writing instead 🤭 There were A LOT of great suggestions on Reddit (and from friends and strangers in real life too) wanting to know HOW we’ve made our relationship work for 15 years. Since my memoir is definitely more “storytelling narrative” than a “step-by-step guide,” I wanted a quicker way to answer the most common questions people always ask.

So I launched a ✨free Substack ✨ where I'm writing juicy & digestible articles on all those topics (plus a few other things our throuple’s gotten ourselves into… and out of).

Here’s what I’ve covered so far:

• How to talk to your partner about opening up, adding a third, or exploring a threesome… without nuking your relationship: https://open.substack.com/pub/velourialamour/p/explore-throuple-non-monogamy-guide
• The story of how the three of us all met (the #1 question, not surprising) and a quick poly vocabulary crash course because I embarrassingly thought “swingers” were jazz dancers when I first met my couple: https://open.substack.com/pub/velourialamour/p/throuple-101-top-10-questions-part-1
• Jealousy, equality, hierarchy, and the relationship death spiral: https://open.substack.com/pub/velourialamour/p/throuple-101-questions-jealousy-equality-relationship-goals
• Group dynamics and raising a child in a ENM household… and maybe having a baby together?:https://open.substack.com/pub/velourialamour/p/throuple-101-group-dynamics-raising-children-enm-family 
• Coming out to family & friends (omg the drama is very real and very raw; go grab some popcorn) and the daily life logistics of 3 adults, 1 bed, and 1 home: https://open.substack.com/pub/velourialamour/p/throuple-101-coming-out-and-daily 
• NSFW / sexy sex stuff with stick-figure drawings because words only go so far:https://open.substack.com/pub/velourialamour/p/throuple-101-nsfw-secrets-and-how

More coming soon — no pun intended!

If any of these pique your interest, or if you've got a question you NEED answered, let me know! Feel free to AMA / ask us anything… because I might just end up writing an entire article about it after commenting compactly, lol!

Thanks again for being such a welcoming community and supportive space on Reddit, and I'd be honored if you subscribed to my free Substack 💖

edit: fixed broken links

A little over a month ago, I shared that I asked my boyfriend to join my forever family and he said yes.

Here: https://www.reddit.com/r/PolyFidelity/s/0T8EEy3CcI

Monday was our first date anniversary. (We met on feeld 5/14/25 and had our first date 5/18.) well he returned the proposal and gave me a ring too! 😍🥰 I’m swooning.

My husband is so supportive. They have become great friends.

We are having an average to long engagement before the ceremony and moving in together. I really want to be cautious because we have 4 kids between us and I just love him so much, I want to make sure we are prepared and talk a lot of things through.

I’m so over the moon and crazy in love with this man. I never expected to find something like this in the over 10 years I’ve been poly. 🤯🥰

I went into it open and willing to learn, but what I experienced was inconsistent communication, unclear boundaries, and a dynamic that just didn’t feel stable for me.

I don’t think poly is the problem. I think it really depends on the people involved and how well everyone communicates and shows up consistently.

For me, it ended up feeling more confusing than fulfilling, and I realized I need something that feels more secure and steady.

So no hate toward poly at all, it just wasn’t a good fit in this situation.

How do people find partners in the poly world? We're taking a break from it.. but it's something I feel would've been more enjoyable with somebody emotionally stable and available. Are triads always this hard and complicated?

My husband and I (both M) have been chatting with and going on dates with a wonderful new fella, and so far all the flags are green 😁

We've been poly for several years, tried dating solo of each other and didn't like it, and then had a year-long quad relationship with another duo that ultimately fell apart due to jealousy (on their part, not ours). It's been just the two of us for a few years now.

We know that what we are looking for (moving from an existing duo into a trio or quad, etc.) is challenging / rare to find. We've been patiently working on ourselves and finding contentment in our lives, and this wonderful guy just kinda appeared in our lives.

It's early days, and we've learned to be cautious and not rush into anything, AND I'm really enjoying this magic moment in our lives.

We are having a "defining the relationship" conversation this week, and I'm excited for the possibility and anxious that it may not be the result I hope for.

I’m (47F) married to my amazing husband (46M) for 18 years next month. I’ve been dating my incredible boyfriend (39M) for 1 year next month. The two of them get along famously. Loads of respect and kindness and genuine friendship.

I took my boyfriend on a bit of a surprise trip. He didn’t know where we were going, just what to pack. As we took an after dinner stroll on the beach, I asked him and his boys to be part of my forever family, with a ring and custom box.

He said YES!

I’m over the moon and can’t stop smiling. We plan to have a commitment ceremony at some point, pick new rings together, and eventually all live together. I’m in politics and he has little kids in a different school district, so we have some logistics to figure out, but I’m thrilled.

We have such an amazing relationship. After being poly for 12 years, I found what I’m looking for!

So, last night we (me, husband, new fella [NF] -- all men) had a conversation where we all shared that we have romantic feelings for each other and want to keep dating and growing closer.

We talked about our past poly experiences in terms of open vs closed (we've done both; NF's last triad relationship was technically open but none of them acted on it / rarely acted on it). NF also shared that he had moved here to start something with another guy, whom he intends to keep dating while also dating us, and asked if we were cool with that. This other guy happens to be a friend of ours whom we had asked out in the past but things didn't end up going that way (still friendly, though, and no ill will). So, essentially NF is asking for kitchen table poly.

Hubs said "yes"; I was more hesitant but said ok. NF said we could keep talking about it as things come up.

After sleeping on it, the part I'm struggling With the most is the idea of "sharing" NF with someone I am not also with. I'm having a lot of impulses to try to "win" NF away from this other person.

I also need to get clarity from NF, because I'm not sure if he's saying “I want both of these relationships” or“I’m not sure which one I want, so I want to try them both out and see which one suits me better.”

Hubs and I are going to talk about our respective feelings after work today, and we will see NF again this weekend. I have a therapist appointment Monday to work through things more.

I am very open to advice from y'all who have more experience than I do.

Good morning! New to the community but not necessarily the idea or experiences. My husband and I recently entered into an MMM closed triad. We are still a new triad (1mo) but we went into this completely on the same page that we all want a closed triad and that we will focus on the three of us as a whole but also on developing the individual dyads through solo dating. Everything has been really great and we have been talking so much among the three of us to really figure out the dynamic and how to ensure that we take care of each other and do our best to be there for one another when needed. We are looking at this as a completely new relationship and the plan is to always treat the three of us as complete equals, no hierarchy, no favoritism, etc. There is shared romantic and physical attraction among all three of us and the chemistry has been wonderful. The three of us definitely feel a deep connection and love for each other.

Basically, we're taking things one day at a time right now. We have our first trip coming up this weekend that we will be taking together to Vegas. My husband is primarily going due to a friend inviting him for an event she didnt want to go to alone but we figured we'd make a good time out of it and we'd all go. He'll be spending a good portion of Saturday with her so our partner and I decided it would be a good time to squeeze in some solo date time! Everyone is on board and we should all have a really fun time in Vegas.

Here's to a bright future with my boys. ☺️

Our husbands supported us all the way through. It was a wonderful poly family day.

We decorated the space into something magical, full of flowers and fairy lights. We wore fabulous wedding dresses. Our husbands helped with everything, and held our bouquets during the ceremony.

It was ceremonial rather than legal, of course, but it meant everything to us. We exchanged rings, so I now have two wedding bands - and as we don't live together the ring is a wonderful daily reminder of her.

All of us - me, her, our husbands and a couple of other close friends - are having a holiday honeymoon together next month and I can't wait.

Hi! This is a mixed bag of a get it off my chest journal entry, sharing about our little found family, and an invite to the community for advice or just ways to challenge my thoughts and, internalized shame about being in a triad. I’m so happy in this triad, but community stigma sometimes makes me feel shamey.

I (f/23) feel so supported and safe, and like they are my people, and my home now. We are young (early 20’s), flying by the seat of our pants, and all fully aware of the pitfalls that lead to power imbalance, resentment, avoiding triangulation.

If it falls apart I will forever be happy that I was privileged to experience being deeply in love with 2 people (Edith f/22 and James m/21). It’s probably part of the internalized shame, but I wish I could balance educated, realistic expectations and terrified bracing for disaster.

None of us set out to do this, none of us saw it coming at ALL, but when it clicked, it slid so naturally into place it was like he had been there all along. There’s been moments of adjusting to new (agreed upon and mutual) boundaries, new adventures, and transition. I’m sort of shocked by how little jealousy has been present given the cultural narrative about relationships like ours. We’ve all experienced it at different points, largely around moments you’d expect for a couple transitioning from monogamy to poly—sex, figuring out schedules for one on one dates, etc. We’ve all seen each other at not our best, and honestly I’m proud of how we’ve communicated and worked through it so far.

Edith is autistic and one of the most brilliant, talented people I know—She has her quirks, and people tend to infantilize her or treat her like she’s stupid due to struggling with social cues. Our brains work very differently, and I love how her brain ticks. Other people are not so kind. Edith had known James for almost 2 years before he became a daily person in my life. They became increasingly close, and after meeting him and hanging out on a regular basis, I realized that I deeply trusted him, the way he understood her, practically reads her mind, gently challenging her while being supportive and accommodating about the things that make Edith herself. He loves her for the same things I love about her. That means the world to me.

Our situation is a bit unique, too. I haven’t really heard of stories exactly like ours. I started dating Edith coming up on 4 years ago. We were lesbians and very monogamous. It was a safe and comforting identity and I’m glad it was part of my journey. It taught me a lot about my self and communication.

About 2 years ago, we both had a Bisexual Crisis, and we now live our best lives being bi lol.

The relationship progressed like any one dating once we all started hanging out together last year. Platonic hangouts went from 1-2 times a week to bagel dates every Friday and any excuse we could to hang out. That also taught me that the balance of together time and alone time is stupid important.

Point being: I’m usually pretty good at not giving a shit about what people think. This cuts really close to home in an odd way (PNW, US, ironically probably the most accepting of all the places I could be). It’s just.. Romantic relationships are deeply vulnerable for me, and it hurts to know that the community that is supposed to have our backs are judgemental about it. I 100% understand that it’s because people have been burned before—but it’s deeply discouraging and sort of a self fulfilling prophecy if your answer is always failure or worst case scenario.

I know ultimately the best solution is being cautious and just not giving a fuck about what others think, but I’m still learning that skill. How do you remind your self that if it’s working and you’re happy, it doesn’t matter what others say?

So sorry for the brain dump, I made this acc specifically to just get it out there. If you read the whole thing, I really appreciate it :-)

Some positivity in polyamory… After thinking it was not going to work and the many hurdles we are about to make a year. Me F31, F36 and M46 have been happily together in a closed triad for now a year. I first started to explore my sexuality by having an occasional threesome and eventually it let me to them.

They have been married for 15(crazy) and open for 5 years. Never did I think we could get to the point in which we are as this is a first for me. Although they had other partners never a steady “girlfriend” let alone one person that was equally into both (in the past was not quite fitting). Although is not perfect this is probably for me one of my most fulfilling relationship. They have only made me happier and I would like to think I have done the same for them.

I often read posts about polyamory and they always seem quite negative and feels like more often than not there is one partner that is not fully content with the relationship, and being new into the lifestyle it is scary to look for support and find a very negative mindset and everyone getting hurt on the inside. So for the person who is unsure if you are stepping into something scary and new, it’s okay.

Give it a try worst-case scenario it doesn’t work out. At least you have tried. It’s scary but it can always lead to some great memories…now I constantly amaze myself at how well we all go together and the effort we all put into all being satisfied emotionally and physically. I hope our time together only grows longer… So bottom line is yes you can be happy in this lifestyle as hard as it seems sometimes…

My wife and girlfriend are falling into each other and it's the most amazing thing to watch. I love that I'm not part of it. I love that they have this whole ass relationship that I get to feel but never experience. I love that they are feel so safe with each other that the masks are completely off.

I love that we all made a place where joy is both a currency and language, and they speak to each other with an accent I can just kinda make out

Compersion is the best feeling ever.

I’m (46F) so happy with how things are progressing in my relationship (39M). I almost gave up on polyamory after my last LTR, who lived with me and husband (45M), ended. I’m so glad I didn’t give up.

The man I’ve been seeing about 5 months introduced me to his kids last weekend. Big step. He hasn’t introduce anyone to them since he and his wife separated 2 years ago. His kids are a lot younger than my kids. He’s very nervous about calling me his girlfriend, showing affection or eventually explaining why I have a husband… but we spent an afternoon together and it went so well, they are great kids!

Then last night when I was with him, he told me his parents now know about me. 😱 He said he didn’t go into details, but they know he has a girlfriend now. His mom of course wanted details. He is going over to see them Saturday and expects to tell them everything. Who I am, that I am polyam and married, etc. I’m so nervous. He thinks it’ll be fine. But this is just really a huge step for us it feels like. He’s very private and doesn’t share a lot of life things with others.

My husband’s family all knows. And accepts it. My family is VERY Christian conservative and I’ve not shared it with them, despite being poly for over a decade. (We live several states away from anyone in my family.)

Anyhow, I’m just so happy I needed to share! 🥰

Me (41M) and my partner N (45F) have been in a fantastic relationship for 16 years. We have built an amazing social group that happens to be loaded with poly people. I have been polycurious however N hasn't been and it had never been an urge strong enough to push for a poly/mono relationship. I have been incredibly satisfied in my relationship with N.

Enter P (45F). Someone in our social group. She explored poly but found it quite confronting. 6 months ago P and N had a drunken pash. It was the first foray out of monogamy in our relationship. N told me she really liked it. I was quite excited about that.

We started to explore poly a bit. Some dance floor kissing with other people. We failed to establish boundaries. I kissed the wrong person and it hurt N. We decided that poly wasn't the right choice for us and not to damage what was already good and risk the pain of jealousy. However some flirting between P and N continued over the months.

6 weeks ago we all got sloppily drunk for my birthday, we helped her into a cab and ended up at her place having the hottest sex of our lives. We all agreed it should continue. This wasn't at all planned, but all admitted to thinking about it a lot before it happened.

Since then, it's just been wonderful. Due to various travel commitments it's been a text relationship until a couple weeks ago. Once we all were in the same city is been on like Donkey Kong. We've been dating her and getting into a relationship, spending every non work hour together. We all care for each other a lot and we are starting to come out to our friends as a throuple.

We made it clear there is no expectation for P to be exclusive to us. However P told us she had stopped seeing a few people as she is falling strongly for us and we satisfy her urges for a relationship.

We've had a lot of open communication, and shared a lot of articles. We all want it to be ethical and nobody to get hurt. We're aware of couples privlage and trying to minimise it and trying to have equality. However obviously the dynamic is somewhat unbalanced due to the differences in relationship length, but when we're together, it's the 3 of us, not 2 and 1.

Having looked at r/polyamory it seems our type of relationship is too close to unicorn hunting to be the right community. I feel like we're doing everything we can to avoid the negative perception of unicorn hunting, however I'm picking up a strong bias against our type of relationship and strong stereotypes.

Is this the right place? I would love some help navigating this and help finding the right community. It's all very new, but very exciting.

We've got a few:

• The frivolous threats of adding another partner:

"I don't think it's all going to fit in the car."

"Well I guess we'll need to find another boyfriend with a trailor"

• The dispossession when one person is being inconvenient.

"Sorry babe, we're going to be late, your girlfriend is taking forever to put on her make-up."

• Where I'm from the informal plural of "you"- "youse" is avoided and considered really bogan, but it has become pretty special in tender moments. May be similar with "Y'all" in N. America.

"I love youse" "miss youse"

I'd love to hear your in-jokes.

Needing to vent. A friend of a friend added me on social media a few months back when I was in a low point and struggling to make new friends. We hit it off pretty fast and became close. In the beginning I did develop a crush on them and they also told me they don't date poly people so I shut off those emotions and accepted that we'd only be friends. No big deal. I am in a mostly closed relationship with my romantic partner (we are only romantic and sexual with each other and they have a platonic spouse) and a mostly queer platonic relationship with my spouse. If I wanted to have a relationship outside of them, it could potentially be an option but at the end of the day, I realized I just didn't feel comfortable with the idea of even adding another person to my life in that way.

So, months go by. I continue to be good friends with this person. They have a mental health crisis. I support them through it. The other day, we're talking on the phone and they start telling me about how they have feelings for me and I mention that if things had been different (distance, them not wanting poly, etc) I would've considered dating them but I'm not currently interested. I then explain again why I am not open to new partners(toxic ex, bad experience with past dating, sexual trauma).

The next day, they start blowing up my phone telling me how it was unkind to tell them this. I try to apologize but thought we could be honest with each other since we were so close. They stop making sense and are messaging non stop. They keep asking if there's any way I could re develop feelings for them and that we don't have to date but we could be emotionally connected in more than a platonic way. I keep trying to explain that I can't just turn on feelings and they spiral. The conversation gets worse and worse and goes on for a few days. I finally call them and go off on them, explaining how they've been stressing me out and how I don't have feelings for them in that way anymore and my family comes first. They then tell me they don't remember half of what they said and they were in a state of psychosis. I ask for space after that.

They continue to blow up my phone begging me not to ghost them which starts to scare me. While this is going on, they keep vague posting on Facebook about this situation, making me out to be the villain because I didn't help them through their psychosis when I had no idea what was actually going on.

I finally text them saying I can't do this anymore and I will still talk casually but I can't handle this craziness. They text back saying if they can't talk about what happened, we can't talk period. My response: that's fine.

Needless to say, I am emotionally spent. I will never tell anyone about any crushes they have on them again, and this is the entire reason why I refuse to even attempt dating. I'll just stay happily with my partners that I have. 😩

Success stories?

Hello all,
My wife of 10 years and I have talked openly and optimistically for 4 or 5 years now about expanding our relationship to include a third woman. My wife isn't necessarily looking for a female to be sexual with, but she isn't against it either. She also is not at all opposed to my being sexual with another woman so long as it's within the confines of our relationship. We like the idea of adding another person for a variety of reasons, most of which have to do with companionship and burden sharing. If we found someone similar to us in the ways that my wife and I are similar, it would be the kind of compatibility that would easily lead to a relationship rather than just friendship.

After lurking on this and other places for a while, it seems like one of (if not *the*) hardest part of expanding a relationship is actually finding the person. I know there is the Modern Polygamy site, and some apps, but I'm just looking for what your experience was like when you were / are searching. I'm mostly hoping to find some edifying success stories, but if you have cautionary tales then I 'd love to hear those too.

I'm not sure what else to say, so I'll wait for any clarifying questions in the comments.

After living together for the last eight months, navigating three people sharing a living space, adapting ourselves to each other, learning how to comfortably be a triad and managing the highs and lows of any new relationship, it finally happened.

An impromptu threesome on the sofa after work turned into the first time we all came at the same time.

It was crazy and I didn't realize how much it would hit me, because the first thing we talked about this morning was how amazing yesterday was.

What's higher than Cloud 9? That's where I am

I don't know why, but group gaming sessions make me unreasonably happy

me(20NB) and my husband(20M) both realize about 2 years ago we're both Polyamorous and feel more confortable with a polyfidelity triad.

recently we kinda started dating this girl(19F) and i really hope it works out.

she started to have a crush on me after i said i was married at a party, after the party we started chatting and she dropped she was poly and i ofc said i was too, and from there it just progressed!

Hello, I'm very new here, and here based on a reccomendation. I'm essentially an exile from the polyamory subreddit where i made 2 posts. The first one led to be absolutely torn apart. The 2nd was a long, detailed apology for the first post, where I basically stated that I did not realize how awful I was being, and it and my replies to both posts has my absolute self-hatred on full display.

That's all I really want to say for now, as its a lot to sort through, and still very much an open cut.

I am happy (and slightly drunk, it must be said), on my way home with a wedding dress.

My girlfriend and I had an amazing day trying on wedding dresses, and we ended up with the most fabulous floofy princess dresses. (we are having a ceremonial (not legal) event on a sunny beach later this year)

We are now heading home to our husbands, who were sending us supportive and loving text messages throughout.

I've never owned a white wedding dress (my husband and I did something different that was right for us). But right now I'm slightly drunk (we went to the pub after lol), overflowing with love and so happy. I couldn't imagine my life without either of them. I'm committed to both of them.

For context, I (22 NB) joined a triad (FFM) about just over 2 years ago, my first poly relationship. The past year, me and Lena (24 F) have been having a lot of issues, not just between us of course but a lot was between us. One of the biggest is that she wants a romantically open polycule (like secondary partners and all), while me and Via (24 F) want to keep it polyfidelious. It has caused a lot of friction among other things. Paul (23 M) doesn't really care either way.

Today, Lena decided that it was best for her and us if she left the quartet. Things still don't feel real. I want to cry but can't, I want her to stay but recognize this is probably best for all of us. I don't know what I need, I just feel so conflicted in every which way.

Originally posted to r/polyamory but it sorta seems like polyfidelity is a bit shamed there.

We moved in together as a triad six months ago. Definitely some new people in the same living space issues that we worked out, but six months 🥰

NGL I'm proud of us.