r/FormulaFeeders • u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 • Apr 28 '26
Advice / Question š” Contemplating exclusive formula feeding for mental health
I'm 12 weeks pregnant and I've been thinking about how I want to feed my baby. I'm a first time mom. My husband likes the idea of breastfeeding but is supportive of whatever I want since it's my body. I'm really physically put off my breastfeeding. I have an in person job I'll need to return too when the baby is 3 months and pumping also seems impossible under those circumstances. Yes, legally I should get a pump room but I don't physically see anywhere in my workplace for that physically to be. Another thing is I have bad anxiety. Good quality sleep is very important to me and I'm getting really sick of everyone saying I'll never sleep again once the baby arrives. The thought of being the only on demand feeding machine is not attractive. I've read lots of stories of women who can't leave the house for more than 2 hours without their baby because the baby refuses a bottle. It's kind of ruining my pregnancy. My husband and I will be 50/50 on baby duties so breastfeeding doesn't seem realistic for us. I'm hopeful we can establish a regular rotation between us so we're still regularly sleeping. I guess I want to know if the sleep issues were better for people who just formula fed vs breast feeding or pumping? Was the return to work easier? Etc
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u/someonesxwife Apr 28 '26
Hello! I couldnāt breastfeed my first baby and was forced to formula feed and that made my mental health plunge. We switched to formula and my husband was able to help me and share the load of feeding baby and nighttime wake ups.
I didnāt need to worry about returning to work because baby had the bottle and that meant his babysitters could feed him no problem.
I am now on my second formula fed baby. Heās 5 months old and this time around PP has been so much easier. Husband was able to help me feed and soothe baby starting at the hospital. My family was able to come over and help me feed/take care of baby while I slept or showered or took some time to myself.
No judgement here, you need to take care of yourself and fill your cup in order to care for baby. Your body already did the hard work creating the baby and itās totally okay if you decide not to breastfeed.
My oldest is now 5 and a happy, healthy, intelligent little boy. My 5 month old is thriving as well. Happy to answer any other questions you might have š
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u/OwlInevitable2042 Apr 28 '26
Are you on social media often? Iāve noticed a lot of BFing gets pushed especially if you stumble across those videos itāll continue to show you them. I had a bad spiral while pregnant too and forced myself to BF until three months. It was hard to have a good latch so I switched to pumping but my supply was low and I could not keep up with how much my baby ate.
I wasnāt well mentally either. Honestly, speaking from experience, if you already know yourself and it seems like itāll be a hard battle for you then embrace formula. I wish I did from the start. Iāll be having my second this week and am going straight to formula no guilt or remorse.
Think of it this way: do you want to be there and well for your family or a shell of yourself and turn resentful? Might be harsh to say but thereās truth to it. Also newborn tired is rough but I much preferred it over pregnant tired. People love to say it so you can be suffering with them. My husband and I laughed at the notion once we were caring for our baby. Sleep still wasnāt great but man could I finally breathe again and sleep on my stomach! Not rotate like the last rotisserie chicken of the day.
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u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 Apr 28 '26
I am on social media way to much lately. I've been in somewhat of a doom spiral. Everyone just likes to act like having a baby means your individual life is over. I've literally had people say I'll never go out to eat again, play a video game etc. It does seem like a lot of people have terrible husbands so I guess ymmv. My husband knows I'm not doing all the baby stuff alone. No way.
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u/ttwwiirrll Apr 28 '26
The terrible husband is a big factor.
Formula is awesome because it's the great equalizer of parental labour. From Day 1 there was literally no baby chore or mental checklist that my husband had an excuse to ignore. That can help shift the mindset from fathers "helping" to this truly being a team project that we pass back and forth as needed.
I see a lot of families where one parent takes on the incomparable burden of BFing and, even after weaning, the habits and expectations of them being the "primary" parent stick around forever. It doesn't have to happen like that but it's an easy trap to fall into.
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u/OwlInevitable2042 Apr 28 '26
Ya itās normalized and jokes about. I thankfully donāt have a pos husband either. The first few months might be difficult to do your usual hobbies but once you get a handle on things itās feasible. My husband took night shifts and played video games while baby was sleeping. I read during the day with naps. Had to force myself to not try to clean and do other stuff every nap it drove me crazy.
Iād take a break from social media or block those types of things. The more you interact with it the more youāll see of it.
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u/alchemistmh Apr 28 '26
For me personally I exclusively breastfed with my first and it really caused me extreme anxiety and PPD. My son was attached to my boobs and had to be fed all the time. I have twin girls now who are formula fed only and itās been so relieving to not be the only one to feed them. Some people can call me selfish but it greatly helped my mental health.
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u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 Apr 28 '26
Exclusively breast feeding twins sounds awful imo. I don't even know how someone would produce enough milk.
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u/alchemistmh Apr 28 '26
Yeah I knew from the start and after my experience with my first I was not going down that path again š
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u/Normal_Soft_2148 Apr 28 '26
Why would someone call you selfish for formula feeding!?
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u/alchemistmh Apr 28 '26
It happens a lot shockingly , they always say I should breast feed because itās healthier and if I just tried it would work out. Youād be shocked the comments weirdos have told me.
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u/thisismynewaccountig Apr 28 '26
My nipples are sensitive af. I have sensory issues and adhd. There was absolutely NO way I was gonna breast feed. EFF from the start. A happy mom leads to a happy baby
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u/SeniorSleep4143 Apr 29 '26
Same!!! Nobody touches my nipples. The idea of them being pulled on all day long is my personal hell on earth lol
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u/j_natron Apr 28 '26
We combo fed (never more than 50% breastmilk) for the first 5-6 months, rapidly dropping off at the 4 month mark when I went back to work - I even had a private room to pump, but itās just such a hassle. My husband was able to bond very closely with our daughter because we shared feeding duties, and I got to sleep more. Iām all for exclusive formula feeding or combo feeding!
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Apr 28 '26
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u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 Apr 28 '26
God the beginning of what you're describing sounds like a nightmare to me. I want a baby. I want to be a present and involved mother but I also want to still be my own person.
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u/shouldacouldawoulda3 Apr 28 '26
I always assumed I would breastfeed but it very quickly became too hard on all of us. Our pediatrician helped us start on formula right away and I ended up combo feeding by pumping and using formula. I just stopped recently after realizing my baby does not care at all which one he gets, and I like to be able to be gone all day with him and not have to worry about pumping.
What worked really well for us was I pumped 2-4 times a day so he would get breast milk as his bedtime bottle, and did formula for the rest of the feedings. It made me feel like I was bonding/providing how I envisioned I would, but without the stress.
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u/ellenthymelon Apr 28 '26
We decided to EFF from day one. No regrets. We always split the nights into two shifts. I did 8-2. And then the first time baby woke up after 2, I'd wake my husband up and he'd take over until at least 8am. Usually I got to sleep until like 10am. I was hardly ever sleep deprived. We slept in separate rooms so whoever was off shift got good sleep.
I think if I have another baby in the future, I'd consider combo feeding. I could breastfeed during the day and on my shift and my husband could formula feed on his. Not sure if your supply would just regulate to not feeding for a chunk of like 6 hours overnight? I honestly don't know much about breastfeeding besides the fact that it's supply and demand. I have strong family history of breast cancer, and breastfeeding reduces risk of breast cancer. So I'd mainly consider it for that and the convenience of not having to pack bottles when we go out. But also my boobs really didn't change much besides my nipples being slightly darker now. So I might be completely vain enough to EFF solely because I don't want deflated boobs. I'm also seeing people in my due date group dealing with clogged ducts and mastitis. That sounds super annoying and uncomfortable.
I would say keep an open mind for whatever you want to do. If they put baby on your chest and you think yeah I wanna breastfeed, then do it. And if 3 days later you hate it, then stop breastfeeding. I was in the delivery room and they asked what my plan was. I said probably formula, but we'll see how I feel when she's born.
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u/DumbbellDiva92 Apr 28 '26
I think the concern is that reduced supply can also lead to less milk at the other feedings, so that you would also maybe have to do formula top-ups after some of those. Or, baby could develop a bottle preference, especially if lower supply means more time to get a letdown. But, the effect there is probably overstated, if itās really only a single 6-hour stretch, and youāre nursing or pumping for all other feeds during the remaining 18 hours (including at least once overnight, somewhere from like 12am-3/4am, as long as baby is still waking up overnight).
The big hurdle is probably logistics, if you are trying to mostly nurse rather than pump. You would really want to empty your breasts right before going to sleep, but what if that doesnāt line up with when baby happens to be awake? But if you pump instead, then thatās now more total time baby is getting bottles instead of nursing.
Iām still deciding if I want to combo feed or EFF my next baby (currently pregnant)! I previously combo fed (like 70% formula/30% breast milk) with exclusively pumping for the breast milk part for like 3 weeks, before going EFF. I really disliked pumping (only did it bc baby hated nursing/had a bottle preference), but not opposed to combo feeding with nursing in theory if this baby will nurse?
But thereās still logistical challenges like I described, that make me consider also just going EFF. My husband also preferred eventually moving to an every-other-night shift system rather than splitting the night, which doesnāt really work with breastfeeding.
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u/be-still- Apr 28 '26
Hi, Iām 21w this Thursday and Iāll be exclusively formula feeding. Iām very excited with this decision because my husband can be more hands-on, itāll be great for my mental health (Iām on medication for chronic anxiety), family and friends can feed baby when visiting over the holidays (I wonāt have to sneak off to another room and miss out on family time), Iāll get more/better sleep, and I can really focus on healing. I did two rounds of IVF in 2025 and now of course happily expecting, but Iām ready for my body to take a break!
Iāve seen the intensity (or insanity) of constantly pumping, feeding, tracking how much baby has eaten, etc. with breastfeeding and I donāt want that at all for my/our life. With formula Iāll know exactly how much baby gets, and my days wonāt be consumed by everything that comes with BF.
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u/Another_gryffindor Apr 28 '26
Here's the fantastic thing about living in this day and age - we have the choice!
As one of my friends said, the entirety of parenthood is one large game of would you rather.
Would you rather A have sore nipples for approximately 8 weeks (if you're lucky) or would you rather B wash 10 bottles every day for a year. There are genuinely people out there who have would happily take option A, I am not one of them lol.
I will say that social media presents the worst of breastfeeding, yes it's hard, and for some of its impossible, but when you write out the pros and cons of both, it's very much of a muchness. For example, one of the top fears in breastfeeding is being the sole source of food. In formula feeding the fear is equal and opposite in that you have effectively zero control over the production. I watched the 2022 formula crisis in the US unfold from across the pond in absolute horror, and my second baby was effected by the cerelide recalls earlier this year. Despite this formula still wins for me, for others it wouldn't.
From what you've written I think you would definitely prefer the cons of formula feeding Vs breastfeeding, but do yourself a favour to do the work to write an unbiased list out, because as your milk dries up you're very likely going to feel guilty because hormones.
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u/Secure-Resort2221 Apr 28 '26
Iām still on mat leave at 15 months postpartum so I canāt speak to that aspect but what I will say is try not to make your mind up until your baby arrives, you may feel differently once they get here. I was also put off by the idea of nursing so I ended up exclusively pumping and I wish Iād tried nursing more once my baby was actually here and I wish I wouldnāt have had my mind set against it if that makes sense? Fed is best however you want to feed your baby is amazing but I would just say see what feels right for you once baby is here, because you might feel differently than you do now.
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u/Bubbly-Narwhal-56 Apr 28 '26
I had trouble nursing both of my two girls. For my first I exclusively pumped for like 6 months or something. It was so exhausting. For my second we tried very hard to nurse for a good 5 weeks until I decided to switch over to formula. It was the best decision ever. She is 9 months now and although washing bottles all time is annoying, overall it's wayyyyy better for everyone involved.
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u/porcelain_owl Apr 28 '26
I felt the same as you but tried to BF anyway because of external pressure and I hated it just as much as I thought I would.
Iāve consistently gotten at least 5 hours of sleep every night since I gave birth because my husband and I can take shifts. While thatās not amazing compared to what I was getting before I got pregnant, itās a hell of a lot better than 1-2 hours at a time, which is what you get if you EBF/pump.
Iāve been very fortunate to have an easy baby and my husband is just as hands on as I am, but EFF has helped so much in ensuring I havenāt lost my identity.
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u/Existing-Pumpkin-902 Apr 28 '26
5 hours with a a daily nap I could probably handle. It's the hour of sleep at a time stories that are freaking me out.
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u/Similar-Western4377 Apr 28 '26
It sounds like you already know what you want to do. Iād be realistic with yourself though, having a baby will disrupt your sleep. Even as 50/50 parents using formula you will still struggle initially
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u/gochujangcookies Apr 28 '26
I was EP because I just didnāt like the feeling of breastfeeding (baby had a good latch and I had good supply, but she was starting to bite). We did it for 7 months till I went back to work and it was just too much to actually do all the things so we switched to exclusively formula.
It was definitely one of the best decisions I made, because I felt like I could reclaim more of myself back. Our baby is thriving with formula. Iām glad we made the switch because she was drinking 30+ ounces at her peak and I cannot even imagine producing that much milk. Cow life.
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u/Lanky-Principle-8407 Apr 29 '26
I had my baby 5 days ago, I had an absolute horrible time with my first. Weāre 5 days into formula feeding, and this is the best decision I could have made for myself and my family. I had existing mental health issues, and being able to actually sleep has helped my recovery in a way that I could have never done last time.
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u/Lanky-Principle-8407 Apr 29 '26
Also my second baby now sleeps so much better than my first. I wish I formula fed my first and didnāt fight it so long.
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u/Dangerous_Tune312 Apr 29 '26
I wish I had done more research about the benefits of exclusive formula feeding before I had my baby. I am 6 weeks pp and MISERABLE from lack of sleep and weaning off the pump. I breastfed for 3 weeks because I literally thought I had to, and it became so painful I had to stop. So I started pumping and that made me even more unhappy. Having to plan my day around pumping 8 times?? I could have used that time to spend with my baby but it was impossible with bulky plastic parts strapped on to my chest. Now I am trying to wean but it takes forever and is also painful. I will 100% be EFF with my next child. You are doing the right thing and will be such a better version of yourself for your baby with more sleep and not being a slave to the pump.
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u/Outrageous_Peach_212 Apr 29 '26
I switched to formula because of low supply and baby losing weight. At first I was sad as I tried everything to get my supply to improve but I was in so much pain from pumping that I fully stopped around week 3. I have to say switching to formula was the best decision I couldāve made and I wished I wouldāve done it from birth! My husband can help with feedings and I feel free to go out and have time for myself. Iām typing this as I just came back from watching a movie with friends. I also feel free to take my medication for my chronic migraines which was impossible while breastfeeding. Also I noticed when my milk supply completely stopped I started to feel Better mentally, more stable and calmer to care for my baby. Itās been a game changer.
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u/Front-Cantaloupe6080 Apr 29 '26
you do you mama, no issues. enfamil AR and quark baby bottles... best advice I can give. We had loads of issues. Quark's nipples are similar to pigeon/lansinoh but better flow rates. Enfamil's formula just sat right her ours.
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u/Just-Yesterday4159 Apr 29 '26
Do it! I'm 4 weeks EFF, I do have postpartum Depression but it would be far worse if I couldn't share the feeding load. Important tip: if you are certain you don't want to breastfeed ask for meds at the hospital to prevent your milk from coming in. You can still take the meds after to dry up the milk, but it hurts alot less if the milk doesn't come in the first place.
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u/Salty-Break-7541 Apr 30 '26
We had to combo feed our son u til he made birth weight. He was jaundice and lost too much weight. So I breastfed then topped off with formula and pumped to try and get my supply up. It was exhausting. I hated it and was so miserable. I then tried pumping only and while it was nice to have my husband be able to feed our son.. I felt like a cow being milked every 2hrs. Now I was also an under producer so it was so hard for me to keep up. I finally broke down one night. My husband encouraged me to do what was best for my mental health and we switched to just formula. It was night and day for me. I couple sleep more, my son was getting all the calories he needed and I knew he was. Itās so easy to preplan having formula ready for when you are out and about. My son is healthy and happy and he gets to have the mom he deserves because I am so much happier!
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u/Competitive-Ask5659 Apr 30 '26
Girl do what is best for you. There will be naysayers tube them out. I gave up on breastfeeding and pumping by two months and felt so much better. I was able to connect more with my baby and be a better mother to her. I wish Iād listen to my inner voice sooner. Good luck!
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u/bochop88 Apr 30 '26
I have bad anxiety as well - been on meds for about 10 years now. I tried to BF due to social pressure on my husbandās side - funny enough my entire side is pro-formula. My husband was like yours though - completely supportive of my choice. I only made it a week and ended up in the ER from severe sleep deprivation. That night, my mom and step-dad fed him formula and he was a new baby. Stopped crying, slept great, and was FULL! He is about to turn 1 and I could not have been happier with my formula feeding journey. My son is thriving (99th for height and 94th for weight). If I knew how bad my PPA/PPD would have been, I would never have tried BF. If I have another child, he/she will be EFF. Formula is amazing whether you are a working mom or stay at home.
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u/neijy003 May 02 '26
baby is 4 days old now. I have been firm since day 1 of pregnancy i would only formula feed. I tried colostrum expressing at 37-38 weeks to give baby just for something, with no luck. I was going to try again when she was born just to express some colostrum and put it in syringes and mix into her formula but the midwife said if i do that, itāll make milk come quicker and harder to get rid of.
So far - baby feed amazing and has already reached her birth body weight. I love that if I am exhausted, husband can take the reins.
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u/Historical-Cancel157 May 03 '26
3 weeks postpartum and went right to exclusive formula. Donāt regret it for a minute!
I have no āgood reasonā as to why I didnāt breastfeed besides I never really thought about it at all during pregnancy which I took as an unspoken sign that it wasnāt something I was really interested in? Iām really in to equitable parenting and also wanted to share the load with my husband. I was concerned about the pressure of being the only source of food, wanted to sleep, etc. I was not breastfed as a baby so I knew it wasnāt a big deal (I think I turned out okay lol). My recommendation is to not over think it! My hospital, OBGYN, and pediatrician didnāt give me any grieve over the decisionā¦asked the question, confirmed formula feeding, and that was the end of it. I was never sent lactation consultants in the hospital even which was great as I was not looking forward to them pressuring me further.
My baby is thriving, I am sleeping, and really attribute the formula feeding to why Iām doing so well and staying so sane postpartum.
Good luck!
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u/ProudCatLady EFF from birth!! Apr 28 '26
Iāve done exclusive formula since birth and itās been kind of funny actually. People love to make jokes and commiserate about the lack of sleep āhaha isnāt it terrible?ā but my husband and I just kinda give each other a knowing glance because weāre both sleeping well.
Because of formula, weāre able to do shifts so we are both getting at least six hours uninterrupted plus naps when the baby is down! Bonus - formula fed babies generally tend to sleep better than their EBF friends because they feel a little fuller.
I could go on and on about the positives, but TLDR itās been amazing for our family and I wish people didnāt feel so guilty about choosing it from day 1!