How to replicate paternal support ?

[u/nurplewurple]

Hi All, sorry if this childish and been asked maybe before, but when giving the advice to find support systems how do you find one that’s actually enough ? i have plenty of friends and a boyfriend of nearly two years and a sister i’m really close with , but none of it seems to be enough. i keep crying lately and im filled with such anxiety and i dont know how to feel better. my grandpartents fostered my sister and i 5 years after we went into foster care and we stayed there until i moved out at 19 for college because my government pays for those who were in the systems accommodation during college. these past 3 years (im 22) have been so lonely and my grandmother specifically said when i was leaving “im so ready to be done taking care of people“ and it hurt a lot. i want to reach out to them and ask if they can treat me a bit more similarly like when i lived with them (like a child i guess ?? god i feel ridiculous) but im so anxious of putting myself out there and realising maybe they don’t want to. Im rambling cos im crying typing this so im sorry for how this is formatted and i dont really even know how to ask the question to find the answer i need. i just feel so lost and alone. how do i feel better

[u/iamthegreyest]

Hey, im 31 year old woman and have been out of foster care for a while now, sometimes the longing gets better, sometimes worse.

Don't try and find people to fit those roles. They usually do not have your best intentions in mind. Find hobbies, things to work out the pain of longing for a bit.

There are some YouTube channels, I cant recall their names, where they act like your dad and teach you stuff. There's also some fake mom/dad subreddits on here too that provide you that sense of comfort/accomplishment you may need for a little bit. But dont get too wrapped up in them. Find a way to be your own comfort, your own person. I know it sounds harsh, but that's the best advise I can give.

[u/nurplewurple → u/iamthegreyest]

thank you for your advice, i know realistically no one can fill those roles, i just feel so desperate. i dont know what to do

[u/iamthegreyest → u/nurplewurple]

Find your creature comforts, cherish those little things. Find hobbies, group activities, something that gives that sense of longing a rest.

Go dig a hole in the dirt somewhere and scream and cry into it, then go for a long walk in nature. It tends to temporarily heal that longing.

[u/nurplewurple → u/iamthegreyest]

i like the dirt idea, maybe i will do that tomorrow. thank you for replying quickly, i appreciate you ❤️

[u/iamthegreyest → u/nurplewurple]

Of course! Im here for you if you need it, im sure a few people in the community are as well, times are tough, but it doesn't mean you need to be