r/EctopicSupportGroup • u/rose_feet_life • 9d ago

Advice?

I had an old friend message me after seeing my post about my ectopic pregnancy and she responded with oh it will happen one day, you will be a mother one day. And I couldn’t help myself but blow up on her. She had a chemical miscarriage within her first 2 weeks. Which I understand miscarriages are also hard to handle. But she compared my adnexal ectopic pregnancy to her chemical pregnancy and was acting like I wasn’t a mother. Am I in the wrong for blowing up on her and educating her the difference between the two? I was actively bleeding out and the baby had a heart beat of 130bmp and the doctors told me I would have died within a week if I continued to carry.

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u/DecentEggplant11 9d ago

I am sorry you have to go through this.

I had a similar situation with someone comparing my ectopic pregnancy with a miscarriage. I had the same reaction in return and don't feel bad about it. It's difficult for some people to understand who have never gone through ectopic, it's not the same feeling.

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u/rose_feet_life 9d ago

Thank you, I’m having such a hard time processing it. Between her and how my grandma is acting too. My grandma believes there was another way. After my surgery the first thing she asked was how the baby was and if it was alive instead of asking if I made jt safe out of surgery. I’m only 25 and this was my first pregnancy and it all came by surprise and I was overly excited and had names picked out.

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u/DecentEggplant11 9d ago

I hope you feel better soon. 🫂❤️

My in-laws stopped talking to me once they found out about the ectopic pregnancy and their behavior was weird for days. It makes you feel alone because not everyone understands.

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u/rose_feet_life 9d ago

I’m lucky my in-laws support me but my family doesn’t. I’m pretty lucky with my in-laws. That’s the one thing I am happy about is my fiancé’s family is very loving and understanding. They seen me right after surgery and gave me gentle hugs and comforted me. I actually had to put my foot down with my grandma cuz she tried to say I was coming home with her instead of going back home with my fiance and our fur children. She didn’t want to give me a choice. And the last thing I wanted was to be stuck in a home where I took care of my great grandma when she was hospic and she passed in that house. I hope one day my grandma comes around to understand the situation better. But I feel like with her mind set on her religion she might never for give me for my emergency surgery. On top of all this, this month marks the one year of me getting out of mental treatment from my crashing out due to all the abuse I dealt with from my mom growing up.

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u/DecentEggplant11 9d ago

In my case, it was the reverse. My family was more understanding and supportive. We often expect everyone to understand us, but really, we just need a few people by our side to get through the tough times. ❤️‍🩹

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u/rose_feet_life 9d ago

That’s very true. I’m still trying to learn who my support system is. Usually it’s my best friend and his wife but they are also dealing with a loss of a grandparent so I’m trying not to overwhelm them and give them the space and time to heal like they need. They were going to take shifts to take care of me while my fiancé works but I told them to take care of themselves first and to take all the time they need and I would be okay til they are ready. It’s a bit hard not having those two rn since they were my rock for the last 3 years. I appreciate you so much. Thank you for comment.