My husband and I are Christians and have been married for 7 years. We have 3 young children, including a newborn who is only 3 weeks old.

I recently discovered that my husband is once again actively searching for naked women on Instagram. I'm not talking about accidentally stumbling across a reel on his feed. He's deliberately seeking it out.

What makes this harder is that it’s not a new issue in our marriage. From the beginning, he’s struggled with pornography. Over the years it became serious enough that it contributed to porn-induced erectile dysfunction, which had a significant impact on our intimacy and on me emotionally. There have been multiple times throughout our marriage where I’ve felt like he chose online women, fantasy, and sexual content over pursuing a real connection with me as his wife. We would go months without intimacy.

Despite all of this, he regularly tells me he respects me. He tells me he loves me. He tells me he is committed to our marriage. But when I see behavior like this, especially during one of the most vulnerable periods of my life, those words feel fake.

I’m only 3 weeks postpartum. I'm recovering physically, breastfeeding around the clock, severely sleep deprived, dealing with postpartum hormones, and caring for our children. This should be a season where a husband is cherishing his wife and helping carry her burdens. Instead, I find myself wondering why he is spending his time looking at other women's bodies.

Our marriage has struggled for a long time. My husband tends to be emotionally avoidant, and I often feel alone even when we're in the same house. There have been many times where I've felt unseen, unheard, and unsupported. Discovering this has brought all of those feelings back to the surface. I’ve had countless conversations about how this is affecting our marriage and ruining our intimacy. It doesn’t seem to sink in his brain.

At what point do repeated patterns matter more than apologies, explanations, or promises? At what point is it reasonable to conclude that someone's actions are revealing what they truly value?

I haven't confronted him yet because, honestly, I feel emotionally exhausted. I think I've reached a point where I'm just numb and disappointed.

For those in Christian marriages, especially husbands, how would you view this situation? Is actively seeking out naked women online compatible with genuinely respecting and loving your wife? How would you approach a conversation about this yet again?

One question I keep coming back to is this:

Given the long history of pornography in our marriage, the porn-induced erectile dysfunction, the repeated seeking out of naked women online, the broken trust, and the fact that this has continued despite knowing how much it hurts me, would you consider this grounds for divorce in the eyes of God?

I know Christians hold different views on this, and I'm genuinely interested in hearing biblical perspectives.

My husband and I have been married for almost 16 years now. He had an affair with my best friend and we have been trying to reconcile. Almost 2 years now we have been trying. Yesterday he told me he hasn’t truly invested and that half of him wants to be here and rebuild us and half of him thinks we could coparent seamlessly. Acts like he could still be around all the time and do things with us but us not be married bc he said he doesn’t feel the romance anymore and hasn’t in a while. I asked him what marriage meant to him and it seems like he believes what movies make it to be. Romance and feelings all the time.
I’m really not understanding bc I feel like his views and thoughts are not who I married. I feel like he is still so much in the affair fog and feels like since he doesn’t have those feelings for me like he did his affair partner that he was supposed to leave. I’m so confused.
To be clear I am not reconciling with the friend. She is out of my life and has been since I found out.

Hi, I’m getting married in October and I’m feeling a little uneasy with my fiancé right now.
We have had no problems, always got along perfectly, he treats me wonderfully, and we agree on all the same core values. I prayed for a husband on God’s timing, and met him 6 days later. I always thought it was God’s plan for us to meet.
He grew up Catholic and I grew up kind of “nothing” until I was 12. My mom became really into the Baptist church and over the years I have grown tremendously in my love for God in a non-denominational way.
Well anyway, with getting married and the prospect of starting a family, I have decided to start reading the Bible more and figuring out some of the specifics of what I believe (I guess what branch, but more so just like things such as baptism, communion, origins of the branches, those kind of things). I was pretty excited to get started and asked him to join me as he used to not be big into learning or his relationship with God growing up, and now that he is I felt like it would be a perfect chance to see what we both believe in Christianity and want to teach our family.
My fiancé became immediately opposed to the idea and insists he’s Catholic and that’s how he’s always going to be. That he likes the aesthetic and teachings and isn’t interested in learning more. We had a conversation where i told him that I’m not trying to convince him to be or to not be Catholic, but instead read the Bible and either affirm or figure out what we BOTH truly believe. So we began.
Now he’s being somewhat rude (which is very unlike him) and not being open minded to any of the other branch’s teachings. I guess I’m a little disappointed he’s not as passionate about wanting to learn more about the Bible and what it truly says (whether that leans in his Catholic believes or not). I see God in everything, and every aspect of my life and honestly having religious conversations makes me nervous with him even though we are both Christians.

Any advice? I feel like this is something we can work through but I don’t know where to start or how to make it more encouraging?

My bf is a new found Christian, I am an ex Christian. We have a child together.

He proposed 2.5 years ago and in the past 3 months has had a sense of urgency about getting married. His faith is a big driver of that I know, but I can’t help thinking that if we did just go through and get married he would be lying to God with his vows.

We have had a rocky relationship for most of our relationship, where I have begged for companionship, friendship, support, compassion. He has been physically present but absent for most of our relationship. We have not fixed that divide between us and now he is pushing for marriage. Mostly because he has said no intimacy until marriage and then will initiate that intimacy and then be depressed days later saying we need to be married. Then I say, okay we just won’t be intimate if it makes him feel bad. But then the cycle repeats.

I don’t know how we could get married and say vows if there’s no truth behind them. I don’t want to get married just so he no longer has guilt around intimacy. I’ve told him to be married, I want to feel supported and loved and not carry the whole load of the relationship on my shoulders.

It’s been recommended we go to pre-marital counselling but he does not/will not attend a church. I want to work on our relationship to where marriage would be a possibility but he thinks we should marry “as is” thinking the ceremony will change things. So currently we’re stuck in this back and forth and I’m not sure how to convince him that marriage isn’t a fix, more of a goal where steps need to be taken to get there.

Any advice?

Is this how y'all view the world today?

Let me preface this by saying that we already have a rocky marriage, so I don't know if it's him or the situation in general.

My husband has a hard time holding down jobs. A few years ago, he was fired from a public service job because he was not getting the training down fast enough to keep his coworkers safe. Last year, he was fired from a factory job due to several safety incidents. After the second firing, he was very casual about looking for another job. He would 'forget' to apply to jobs unless I reminded him. He might get some hours here and there working a few odd jobs with people we know. His response when I pushed for him to do more or consider our financial situation was that 'it'll all work out.' He does work as a chaplain in the military, but in the reserves, where training is once a month.

This spring, he got a job at a local big box retailer. It's not full time, but it's way more hours than he got anywhere else. Today, when he came home from work, he told me work was good because he had an opportunity to share the gospel with a customer. I honestly don't know the full context, because I immediately got upset and asked what if he lost his job over that. He told me he would rather hear God say 'well done, my faithful servant' than miss an opportunity to share the gospel, and that as a chaplain he can tell when someone needs spiritual support. I just can't imagine many circumstances where it would be appropriate to share your religious beliefs with someone while you are on the clock, and I can see several ways this could go wrong and result in him being fired.

This comes on the heels of another incident with spiritual overtones. A few weeks ago, my husband interviewed for a government job. He told me during the interview he saw one of the interviewers roll his eyes when my husband started talking about his chaplain job and, in his words, got deep into the spiritual side of things. There could be many reasons why, but my husband didn't get the job.

I feel like my husband is prioritizing 'being a good Christian' over his duties as a husband and father. He can live in a way that honors Christ, and share his faith when the time is right, without trying to overtly proselytize in every conversation. When I became upset tonight about the risk to his job he said he 'couldn't look at me' and seemed pretty shocked/upset that I reacted the way I did.

There has to be some sort of balance, right? He's also commanded to provide for his family, but that seems far lower on his list of priorities.

Dramatic title to grab attention, but it’s true!

Hi, I actually have no idea where to start and I’m kind scared to share, but I’m anonymous so. I’m still young, but less than five years ago, when I was a teenager, I got into my first relationship and my first experience ever talking to a man. He was older and pretty much groomed my young and “green” mind. The “relationship” was purely lustful and transactional. I knew it was wrong, but I really wanted to feel “loved” in a way I never experienced growing up. That eventually led to multiple forms of trauma from him, including a CERTAIN kind of assault that lead to HSV-2. As embarrassing as it is to admit, I honestly had no idea what HSV even was. In my fornication, I never stopped to think about things like that until the day I had my first outbreak. Later, I found out the man who gave it to me was actually known for doing things like this to women. I didn’t discover that until after I left him. I’ve since healed from the childhood and even this relationship. Praise God!

After leaving, I went on a journey trying to “cure” myself and forgive myself for being so “stupid” and lustful enough to lose my Virginity to him. I spent about a year researching and came across many others trying to do the same and some have “succeed”. I won’t get too deep into my beliefs regarding that part or if it’s really possible cause that’s not the point. Shortly after, I met my now husband. He taught me so much about the Bible, baptized me, treated me with kindness/love, spent thousands trying to help me heal because the medications don’t help the nerve damage it caused me (yes, HSV can cause nerve issues), prayed with me through everything, and has been an amazing man overall. So much much more I can say about his amazing qualities.

So what’s the issue? Why won’t he sleep with me if he’s amazing?..

Well….when we got married almost four years ago, we both agreed that God would heal me first and then we would come together sexually. We said we would have faith and look to the miracles in the Bible. I don’t think we fully realized what we were agreeing to or that however the Lord chooses to heal someone is completely up to Him. It was hope, but also ignorance. It was conditional when I really think upon it. We’ve been together about 4 years or almost and only came together about 4 times.

Now, I’m sure many will automatically assume someone must be cheating. But honestly, our fear of the Lord goes beyond anything in this world when it comes to breaking this covenant in lust. It’s not on his or my to do list at all. We both hold very strong beliefs about marriage, faithfulness, and adultery. (We don’t even believe in divorce either)

Over the years, though, my perspective has shifted a little regarding healing and miracles. I wholeheartedly believe God is capable of absolutely anything despite what the world says, but I also realize His timing and methods may not look the way I imagined. Healing could simply be my spouse never getting the virus.

At this point, I honestly feel foolish because the only reason we haven’t fully come together is fear. Fear of the virus. My husband said no it’s faith cause we are waiting on a miracle. I’m unable to take antivirals because they caused liver issues and dangerous allergic reactions. When outbreaks happen, I use lysine, but I know that doesn’t fully remove the possibility of transmission. So, it’s only good for me to feel better physically.

I know this may sound dramatic to some people, but I’ve been deeply afraid of passing it to him, and truthfully, I still am. But I’m Willing to trust in the lord and let him lead us to coming together as the Bible states instead of acting like it doesn’t exist. We don’t even kiss, and he won’t lay down with me because he’s afraid of contracting the virus since I can’t take antivirals. He’s also seen me in a great deal of pain during our marriage and I know that’s also scary for him. Which i understand.

Do you see why I finally reached out to the internet for thoughts? we don’t have a pastor or anything. Some close friends have even told us that maybe we don’t truly have faith in this situation.

There’s honestly a lot more I could say, especially about my desire to have children and how heartbreaking it feels not knowing how that can happen if we never fully come together. But I’ll stop here...

Hi, my husband and I have been married for almost 5 years and are living with my parents until we can save up for a home of our own. Unfortunately, we have struggled with a good sex life before, but even moving in has made it more difficult. I have always struggled to feel like a sexual being and my husband has always struggled with confidence in himself. We both love each other very much and have an amazing friendship but we do not participate in intercourse, unless we are trying to get pregnant which is not anytime soon. My husband does not know how to really “perform” and the act of trying is devastating for both of us, so we have a sex life that is always predictable and always the same outcome. I usually orgasm first and he does last, but I feel like we are really missing out and I feel sad because I do not know where to begin. We use a vibrator to help me get in the mood while we kisses and touches me, we enjoy the foreplay but we do not do anything else. Is this still considered sex? And are we supposed to be having intercourse in order to have a healthy sex life? One of the biggest fears my husband has is accidentally getting me pregnant..we both don’t put alot of effort into buying condoms because deep down I think it’s the fear of failure to perform rather than get pregnant.

I know someone who doesn't work very hard, never has money, and his wife loves him madly. His wife doesn't work much at all, has constant problems, and he loves her madly.

What is wrong with them? Why can't they be more negative like me?

Consider working on changing negative thoughts about your spouse to positive ones. First, repeat often the good things that are true about them. If you are like me, you already repeat the bad things often. That is bad.

Second, are they pure and good in some ways? Consider increasing thoughts about those things to replace wrong thoughts.

Third, what are they really skilled at? Think about those things.

Fourth, what do they do that other people think is praiseworthy? Think about those things.

The Bible says: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

This verse applies to our marriages as well.

I am working on a humble prayer designed to get my head together with marriage.

“Father, I have more faults than they do. Help me to love them.”

“Father, I have more faults than they do. Help me to respect them.”

But, what if everybody tells you that they have more faults than you do. In that case, you should listen to them and have a bad marriage. Or... try some things to change the way you think, and have a better marriage.

Brothers and sisters....... my wife wants to file for divorce but I'm not giving up not one bit.....I need as many people as i can for prayer....please

Brothers and sisters, I'm really struggling and I do not know where to go from here. My heart is broken, my soul is shaken.

My husband (31M) and I (39F) have been together for 8 years, married for 4. We have a child (11M) together that I adopted in infancy, so my husband is his stepfather. About two months ago, during a moment of closeness, I was looking a my husband's app download history, and saw he had been downloading flight apps for Indonesia and Singapore. The most recent download was February 13. He said it was during "a bad time", where he saw the marriage wasn't going anywhere due to his needs not being met.

This is the part I need you to please be gentle, because I know what I am, I know what I'm not, and I have an extensive childhood trauma history, including (TW) sexual trauma in both childhood and adulthood. My husband does a lot for this family, and due to depression and other issues, I haven't pulled my own weight the way I should've. I asked for couples therapy in 2024, but he declined, saying, "talking won't change you." I was transparent with my husband and told him I wasn't very domesticated before we even met in person (we met on a Christian dating site). I wanted him to have that opportunity to make a decision based on that, and he still chose to date me, get engaged to me, and make me his wife. Years later, he has listened to content creators on TikTok, YouTube, and podcasts that shill the "passport bros" lifestyle. He listened to influencers who say, "western wife bad, eastern woman good", generalizing that eastern women are more traditional, and thus make better wives. My husband felt a sense of entitlement, and decided instead of telling me he was considering leaving me, he would plan a new life, hand me the divorce papers, and fly out to make his dreams come true. He said he decided in February to give us one more shot, and things got better between us. Then, his download history was exposed, and I've been shattered ever since.

I have unmet needs in this marriage too, particularly around how I believe the spiritual head of the family should lead, but I never searched online for a different life, a different type of man who could meet my needs. He showers me with love and adoration, and presented himself as my husband, while still being seduced by what his life after me could be like - moving to Indonesia, getting married in Singapore ("the only Orthodox Christian Church in Asia"), and paying cheap rent out there so he can afford to pay me spousal support. I don't understand how someone could show love while secretly planning to end that love.

This situation has touched on deep wounds from my childhood. My father cheated on my mother and left our family, and my mother stayed with a man who molested me when I was a kid (they're still together to this day). I didn't feel chosen as a child, and now I'm not feeling chosen as an adult. My son is aware of what happened and now feels like the world isn't safe. He doesn't understand why his caretaker and father figure would want to abandon him. I cannot even express into words how much that hurts me.

My husband wants reconciliation and wants the marriage to work, which baffles me, because up until February (at least) he was planning his exit. We are in both individual and couples therapy, we go to church more, he acts very remorseful, etc. but I dont know how to tell the difference between real remorse and someone just being afraid of losing the marriage. I don’t know how I’m supposed to trust that he is faithful now when I didn’t know before until it was too late. I also feel angry that I am now the one forced to choose between the pain of reconciliation and the pain of leaving.

I'm absolutely devastated. It's the first thought I have when I wake up and when I go to bed. I thought my husband would honor our marriage covenant. He always told me that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, that I'm his dream girl, etcl. He even told our therapist today that he's "obsessed" with me (what?). If I'm his dream, why was was he looking for someone I'm not? Why would an Orthodox Christian look into where they can marry their next wife - while still married?

He also masturbated to porn "once" during our engagement in 2021. I wanted to end it then, because I consider porn cheating, but I didn't know he had masturbated to it until this month. Back then he told me he felt "disgusted" with himself and turned it off. We weren't intimate before marriage, because we both agreed not to have sex before. I wish I'd been given the opportunity to make a decision based on the full story back then.

This is also so upsetting because we were about to start TTC, so I feel like not only am I losing my husband but he is taking my dreams of a biological child with him. I'm 39, I don't be able to get to know someone in enough time after this to have kids. It's shattering to have to say goodbye to the children I'll never get to meet. :'(

For people who have been through betrayal in marriage:

How did you know whether reconciliation was truly possible?

What actions showed real remorse and change, not just regret over getting caught?

How long did it take before you had any sense of emotional safety again?

Are there red flags that mean reconciliation is probably not wise?

And if you left, how did you know you were done?

I know strangers on Reddit can't decide my marriage for me, but I would really appreciate outside perspective. I feel heartbroken, overwhelmed, and stuck between two immensely painful paths. I even reached out to the 988 crisis lifeline the other night, because I could no longer handle the pain. I'm drowning, I feel like I'm dying. I don't know where to go. I still love my husband, though I cannot associate him with safety like I once did. We have been everything for each other all these years. I want the pain to end, but both paths lead to more of it.

Edit: Now I found out today he was looking into the sexual habits of Southeast Asian women. He refuses to show me what he said to ChatGPT, but he said it involves him asking about traits like submissiveness, domestication, and whether they decline sex or not (I got diagnosed with vaginismus during our marriage, and since that was never an issue before him, it was really painful to deal with it). He lied to me again today, and refuses to be transparent. I told him I can't beg for transparency, but I cannot reconcile while he's choosing to be dishonest. He wants the marriage to continue, but I said I cannot heal from deception if he isn't willing to build trust. I told him if he refuses to show me what he said to AI about other women while married to me, I will have to take that as choosing secrecy over rebuilding trust with me. He refuses to show me, so it seems he would prefer to make satan happy with the breaking apart of our family unit. I will pray for him that he will follow Christ, and remember 1 Corinthians 13:6 says, “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth."

Edit: He deleted his ChatGPT history regarding Indonesia to hide it from me, but put his hand on the Bible and confessed that he was using Taoism practices to study the face of Indonesian women off Google to find out what their vaginas would be like, how they'd be in bed, etc. Based on Matthew 5:27–28, this would be looking at a woman lustfully and therefore commiting adultery. Based on everything, I think I've made my decision. Thanks for all your replies. Please keep my dear son and I in your prayers. My son loves him. So do I. Please pray for us. Thank you so much, brothers and sisters. 🙏

Hey I’m here to vent and get others opinions on this, it is long but there’s alot to unpack. To preface I have something called religious OCD, I had very abusive parents growing up that hid everything during church. When I was 18 I left in the middle of the night to escape my alcoholic parents, I had no where to go but my boyfriend’s house with his family. The OCD guilt of living under a roof together unmarried terrified me daily to the point I became physically ill. We slept in separate bedrooms but I still felt like I would be judged. He was enthusiastic to get married young and I guess so was I so we could become physical and I thought marrying would cancel out my OCD fear of living together so we got married at 19. Fast forward a few years later into marriage and my husband decided to have a girlfriend (emotional affair) for about 4 months. When I caught him and read all the texts he was slandering my name to her,sharing my private information, and even complained that I was distraught that I had to put my soul dog down. When I caught him he apologized to her first that I blew up her phone. He said I dont put out enough ( I have SA trauma and pelvic floor disfunction … and he’s aggressive and very coercive). He also stated that im mentally ill for not wanting to have kids with him, that I should ask a doctor for hormonal pills to make me want children. His mom called me to say any man would’ve left me by now, and porn from a young age did this to young men so he isnt to blame for these actions. I asked him to quit and get a new job since it was a coworker he cheated with … he said she doesnt work there anymore. Months later I found out he was still working with her. He also committed video voyeurism against me literally behind my back.. on Snapchat 😐 When I turned around I freaked out and said he didn’t have my consent … he said I’m overreacting and consent is not needed in marriage. Unrelated but to top it off I was listening to him and his buddies on the VR headset game.. they were in an open realm where you meet new friends. He was talking to literal CHILD forcing him to say the racial slurs and doing inappropriate hand gestures asking the kid if he’s ever seen a grown man while laughing with his friends. I am DISGUSTED and creeped out. There is no love left , I despise his tongue and the way he acts. I want a divorce I am thoroughly creeped out .Why does it feel hard to leave though? As a Christian divorce is a hard topic… but he committed a crime against me and has creepy behavior ! The thought of divorce makes me feel like I’ll be seen as overreacting.

This may be a little long since I want to write out my perspective and my thoughts on the topic of sex.

First, my husband and I have been through a dead/dying bedroom and now we currently have a healthy bedroom. We are getting ready to celebrate 5 years of marriage this year God willing. We are 23 and 25 and childless. With this short information, you can see that we are in the prime time for our sex drives and we don’t have a lot of obstacles like children getting in the way.

When my husband and I met, we were both virgins however We did not make it to the alter virgins. We got married 5 months after meeting. Short to say for all of ya’ll out there who think “test driving” will help you determine if your bedroom will be dead or not, I have to say no, it likely won’t tell you anything.

For the first few months of dating, we could not keep our hands off of each other and I believe the first few months of marriage. After a couple of months of marriage we started heading towards a dying bedroom that would stay that way for several years. It was not until the last year ish that our bedroom has finally transitioned to a healthy bedroom.

During that time I was struggling really bad as the low(er) libido personal because I knew from puberty onwards that I had a “high” sex drive. I struggled with lust/porn/erotica from my teen years till honestly recently. For someone who struggled with that stuff to suddenly have no drive for their husband, it was confusing and scary. I found him attractive but I had NO drive. I would come online to forums such as this one looking for help but often times the advice was just plain bad. As the low(er) libido person you can see the resentment and anger that the higher libido partners sometimes have and then you also see sometimes other low(er) libido partners who are living in lala land that don’t see it as an issue.

My saving grace during this period was that I hold to my core that sex is important and vital to a healthy marriage, barring health issues that make it harder. Even though we were in a dead/dying bedroom, I still kept trying to find out why I was struggling, especially at 19/20/21 which are supposed to be the higher libido years of your life. Something was wrong and I did not know what and I also did not know how to tell my husband. It was not a husband issue either because my husband at various times was fully employed, in school, and the primary chore person / cook / grocery shopper. I virtually had none of the issues that you see a lot of dead bedrooms have on the low(er) libido partners side. It was not easy, I can’t remember much but I probably cried over it and stressed over it a lot. Viewing subreddits like the dead bedroom subreddit didn’t help and all the doom and gloom didn’t help.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that around that time a few months after we married, I became depressed. Depression is a libido killer. It does not discriminate to just post partum depression. You can have a worry free easy life and still be depressed if you’re not taking care of your mental health.

So a few years go by and I got sick and tired of being what I felt was a loser and being sad so I started doing something about it. I started leaving the house instead of being a shut in and prioritizing talking to new people and working through my social anxiety. This was something I had to do on my own time and realize that I was sick of myself. My husband was supportive but until I was sick of myself, these changes likely wouldn’t have happened. I started looking for a home church. Getting to a point where I was no longer depressed was not a fast process, it took about a year and a half honestly to get to where we are now.

During that time I found a home church that had an amazing support system, I was able to become a housewife, I found friends to play video games with, I explored more hobbies and trying to make healthier life choices like quitting soda and being more intentional about my friendships and actually partaking in hobbies I enjoy.

Once my depression went away, my libido returned. Wow. Almost like depression kills libido? And what’s sinister is that it was a symptom, you couldn’t fix my sex drive until you fixed my depression and my depression was caused by a lack of friendships / support in my life. On my husbands side, how could he see the connection? Especially if I’m not communicating much, but also I didn’t see the connection until I got on the other side and realized that my sex drive corresponded to my mental health.

Now that I’m aware of that, I remain proactive to not allow myself to go down that road again and my marriage has been way better / happier for it too.

All that to say, that sometimes it’s not the dishes or the trash or that you’re not massaging her enough, it could be her mental health and she may not know it either. Also, your partner has to also want to improve. My husband could not do this for me, this was a journey I had to do for myself because it was important to me. My husband made it easier by being supportive though. A supportive spouse means so much.

And just so I’m clear, her cause of depression may be an unsupportive spouse, so you’re not in the clear either just because it’s “depression” and just wipe your hands of the issue and emotionally disconnect from her. You need to emotionally connect with your wife and try to find the issue, especially if she’s struggling to find the issue.

God bless.

I really didn’t expect this and honestly it seems a bit weird to talk about it but it’s constantly on the back of my head. So I wonder if anyone else experienced it.

Since I became a stay at home mom, there’s been a new spark in my marriage. It almost feels like my husband found purpose and truly enjoys the idea of being the only provider.. like he grew some wings or smth. I REALLY enjoy it too and happy to let him lead and fully disconnect from being a breadwinner.

Even intimacy wise he is so much more interested than before! We’ve had minor issues in the past and tried many things to fix that aspect of our life but nothing worked until becoming a stay at home mom!

I’m definitely more in tune with my femininity, and actively making our house more homy, enjoying making meals for the family etc. It’s been wonderful to spend this precious time with the kids and be the mom I always wanted to be.

I used to manage a lot of our finances, bills etc because I had trust issues but decided to let go and trust him. It’s been going very well! I still have a say but not trying to control him too much and encouraging him to make the right investments for our family.

He’s very much a type A, leader personality and I’m type B.

This is the happiest we’ve been since having kids!!

My husband and I have been married for 8 years.
A month ago, I realized that he has been controlling me. Also he has been sexual abusing me and r***** me.
He still doesn’t see what he has done wrong. He still thinks this is about my feelings and not his. But I am standing up for myself for once. I think he may be a narcissist. Also with our children, it’s always he is right, no one else is right.
His favorite phrase is, “ I’m not always right but I’m never wrong.”
We did start marriage therapy and therapist told me alone that either he gets on board with fixing it or I keep fixing myself.
I think in my head I want to leave. I have to have a plan. I can’t even stand him touching me. I’ve had to have the same conversation over and over again.. he doesn’t see it.
What should I do?

Reject and fight negative thoughts and turn them into positive thoughts. My favorite Aunt was broke, divorced, and raised two kids on her own. But she always insisted on being positive, and she always had joy. Consider studying “Positive thoughts” verses if this is hard for you.

Proverbs 17:22 ESV A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Satan has the right to help you mess up “If” your thoughts are allowed to linger in anger, self-pity, discouragement, fear, and a list of 100 other negative emotions. We must think the way the Bible says to think. Satan loses his right to overwhelm you when your thoughts consist of love, purpose, praise, thanksgiving, and 100 other positive thoughts.

Second, the Bible says: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Your words and thoughts have power over your life. If I tell people how rotten my life is, I have started down a wrong road. If I tell people how great my God is and how He will help me through my problems, I have started down a great road. My Aunt always chose the great road in my experience.

Third, pray over the armor of God passage (Ephesians 6:10-18). Pray about truth, righteousness, peace, and faith. Consider asking God to teach you how to put on the armor of God.

Finally, fight the frustration that others cause. We can argue with others for hours or for seconds. We can be upset with others for hours or for seconds. We can pray consistently that God will help us decrease in anger, help us to stop arguing, and help us to focus on other things instead of being upset with others.

A person who is determined to be positive is more well-liked by everybody, including their spouse.

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How long should a Christian couple date before getting engaged, and then married?

I’m (19F) not sure how much detail I need to go into but I recently I have found I haven’t been respecting my boyfriend through my thoughts or my behaviors. I haven’t done anything physically but I’m worried that if I continue like this it might lead to issues. Is this something I should talk to him directly about, or should I reach out to my youth pastor or leader about this first.

I’m a 24-year-old Christian woman, and my husband is 29. We’ve been together for 5 years total and married for 2 years. We have two children together, and he is the only man I’ve ever been with.
Over the course of our relationship, I’ve gone through a lot of hurt, and I’m honestly feeling stuck and confused about what to do next.
He has:
Cheated on me multiple times (both in and out of the country with different women)
Tried to pursue my friends and even attempted to cheat with them
Used Facebook dating apps multiple times while married
Told me he is no longer attracted to me on multiple occasions
Watched porn in a way that has damaged our relationship and my self-esteem
Cursed at me and called me names during arguments
Put his hands on me while I was pregnant
Left the house for hours when he gets angry instead of resolving issues
Threatened or implied he would sleep with other women during arguments
Does not touch me or show physical affection anymore
I also went through postpartum periods where I felt very unsupported and emotionally hurt.
At this point, I feel mostly resentment, emotional exhaustion, and confusion about what is healthy anymore and what I should do next.
I’m looking for honest advice:
How do you know when it’s time to leave a situation like this? Has anyone been through something similar and either worked through it or decided to walk away?

My husband is going through a phase where he says I don't attract him like I used to, that he doesn't like my modest way of dressing, my reserved personality, the fact I'm christian... He says he doesn't know what to do, that he's lost interest.
This afternoon he left the house for a few hours to run some errands, and when he got home we went for a walk to talk a bit about the matter, and a divorced friend called him. She called insistently, three times, until my husband finally answered. I couldn't hear much because she was speaking very quietly, but the conversation went something like this:

Girl: .......
My husband: What did you say?!!!?
Girl: .......
My husband: How can you say this?!
Girl: ......
My husband: Listen, I can't right now. You're putting me in a difficult position.
Girl: .......
My husband: I can't right now, I'm with (my name).
Girl: .......
My husband: To cheat? Should I tell I saw you at such and such a place?
Girl: .......
My husband: You're getting me into trouble, you know? Well... I'll try.

After hanging up, my husband tells me that this divorced friend of his (who I don't know) is seeing some men and wants my husband to send her a message as proof that she saw him somewhere at some unknown time, so she can show it to that man.

Then I asked him why she was calling so insistently, and he replied that he assumes she was impatient, looking for a friend to do her this favor, hence the persistent calls.

By the way, my husband had his phone's brightness very low, as usual, and at first, he turned the screen so I wouldn't see the woman's name that appeared on it. In fact, he got very nervous and almost bumped into another car's rearview mirror to prevent me from looking at his phone.

The problem is that during his explanation, he was quite calm, as if he were telling the truth. And this makes me think that either nothing wrong happened or he's a professional liar.

An update for this, which I now realize probably should have been posted here originally. https://www.reddit.com/r/Christian/s/ZesLVrONtG

Our pastor was really receptive and helpful. It helped that my husband and I had mostly made up before we went, so we were able to talk without blaming. We talked a lot about the things that we experienced as children, and how the everyday stresses of life, as well as returning to church, has brought out some bad behavior in both of us.

It surprised me how much my husband was able to open up under guidance. He poured his heart out about things that we haven't talked about, or dealt with, in over 20 years. I cried, he cried, the pastor was even tearing up. It was like a big pressure release valve, letting out all the pent up feelings. People, don't let your trauma linger. It won't ever be resolved. We thought we could avoid it as it would die a quiet death, but it really wont. Then ask if a sudden, you become your trauma, slowly over time.

I'm always amazed at the things He gives us. This happened at the right time. It might be hard, but it happens for a reason, and we can grow. Grow with love.

We're both going to be praying together before bed, asking for guidance through our past experiences and learning new fresh moving forward. We're going to sit and talk about our experiences, and how we would have liked our most traumatic incidents to have gone. Allow our inner children to find peace.

One moment I didn't like, but I probably needed to hear... the pastor might have inferred that dress in question wasn't appropriate. I'm not sure, but it felt like it, "we do have a community that prefers modest dress. It can be ostracizing to stand out".

Ladies, be honest with me please? Did I screw up? I didn't want to embarrass myself.

I’m engaged and struggling to figure out whether my fiancé and I may just be incompatible when it comes to boundaries with the opposite sex.

We’ve been together for three years. Throughout our relationship, he’s always enjoyed forming friendships with female coworkers - texting, Snapchatting, sending Instagram reels back and forth, joking around and playing pranks at work to them, hanging out in groups, exchanging small birthday gifts, or bringing each other little souvenirs from vacations.

But as our relationship became more serious and we got engaged, I realized I’m not comfortable with certain dynamics. Personally, I don’t believe married people should have close friendships with the opposite sex. To me, frequent communication, Snapchatting, and close friendships can create unnecessary problems or blurred boundaries. I’m okay with opposite-sex friendships existing, but I feel they should stay more casual and surface-level. And the spouse should also be friends with them.

My fiancé sees it very differently. He enjoys those friendships and doesn’t view the behavior as inappropriate or threatening to the relationship.

I don’t think either of us is “wrong” , we may just have very different values and expectations around boundaries in marriage. I’m also unsure whether there’s a realistic middle ground here or if this is a deeper compatibility issue.

Am I wrong for feeling this way? My discomfort with these friendships has unfortunately led to bigger issues between us. Because he knows how uneasy it makes me, he’s started hiding some of the friendships and even deleting messages. Ive seen the deleted messages, and the conversations themselves have been completely platonic, but the secrecy has now created a layer of mistrust in the relationship. All stemming from this misaligned view.

I love the advice this group gives, so I'm here for some clarity.

I'm currently in my 3rd marriage at only 37 years old. I was a wild, reckless person before becoming a mom and getting saved. We have one child and when she was ~9 months old I was saved by Jesus, born again, washed by His blood, and started my new life. I'm sure you guys understand what I mean by this.

I am just struggling to forgive myself for treating marriage the way I did in my youth. Getting married and leaving twice feels yucky, especially knowing now what I do about the Lord's valuation of marriage. I'm not proud of this at all, of course. I just need some biblically grounded perspective of this and if it's possible the Lord has forgiven this and blessed my current marriage ?

Any insight is much appreciated.