Breaking generational patterns when your parents are also believers — has anyone walked this road?

[u/Emou123]

I'm a Christian, married, with a baby on the way. Both my parents are also believers — high-visibility in their church, scripturally literate, the kind of people other Christians look up to. But behind closed doors, there have been decades of manipulation, guilt-tripping, control, and using Scripture as a weapon (1 John 4:20 to enforce closeness, "honour your parents" to override any boundary, etc.).

A few months ago, I had to step back from the relationship for the protection of my wife and our coming son. They've responded with everything from spiritual lectures to legal threats. My sister, who lives in another country, just cancelled a visit and burned £500 on flights because they "forbade her" from seeing me when she comes (btw she's 41, married with 3 yo son). That sparked a huge fight between them — so this isn't just me.

What I'm wrestling with: even after stepping back, I see micro-versions of their patterns showing up in me. Hypocrisy. Religiosity over relationship. The instinct to control. I don't want my child to inherit what I inherited. I want the cycle to actually end with my generation.

If you've walked any version of this road — parents who are believers but unsafe, breaking generational patterns from inside the church, holding boundaries with parents while honouring God — I'd love to talk in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING. Just trying to understand how people actually do this faithfully.

[u/Leather_Local9177]

Growing up I had the best childhood, thought the world of my family until I found out they were all the same. My grandpa cheated on my grandma, my dad cheated on my mom. Now here I am as a married man with a choice to make. Will I break this pattern or will I succumb to sin like my fathers did. Only time will tell. It’s one of the reasons I pray and read every night because I don’t want to become another strand in the pattern.

[u/Emou123 → u/Leather_Local9177]

May God give you strength, brother! I was the same with alcoholism. My father's dad was a huge alcoholic. My dad was an alcoholic as well. But I remember I thought to myself, I'll never do that. However, when I went away for uni, I started drinking. Never got drunk, but I remember after a conversation with my sister, I decided never again. And God give me strength to do it. Funny enough, 5-6 months after that, my dad got supernatural health from alcholism and he is sober for 3 years now, I think. Is it him that broke the generational curse or me?