r/Christianity • u/Emou123 • 7d ago
Breaking generational patterns when your parents are also believers — has anyone walked this road?
I'm a Christian, married, with a baby on the way. Both my parents are also believers — high-visibility in their church, scripturally literate, the kind of people other Christians look up to. But behind closed doors, there have been decades of manipulation, guilt-tripping, control, and using Scripture as a weapon (1 John 4:20 to enforce closeness, "honour your parents" to override any boundary, etc.).
A few months ago, I had to step back from the relationship for the protection of my wife and our coming son. They've responded with everything from spiritual lectures to legal threats. My sister, who lives in another country, just cancelled a visit and burned £500 on flights because they "forbade her" from seeing me when she comes (btw she's 41, married with 3 yo son). That sparked a huge fight between them — so this isn't just me.
What I'm wrestling with: even after stepping back, I see micro-versions of their patterns showing up in me. Hypocrisy. Religiosity over relationship. The instinct to control. I don't want my child to inherit what I inherited. I want the cycle to actually end with my generation.
If you've walked any version of this road — parents who are believers but unsafe, breaking generational patterns from inside the church, holding boundaries with parents while honouring God — I'd love to talk in DMs. NOT SELLING ANYTHING. Just trying to understand how people actually do this faithfully.
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u/Emou123 7d ago
She lives in the UK with her family, and the plan was to come for 2-3 days. My parents make an hour-by-hour plan, where they'll be and what they'll do, not including me because we are not having a relationships atm, and I told them before to not to include me, and I'll talk to my sister when she comes. However, when we planned to see each other for 20 minutes before her flight back, they snapped and told her that.
P.S. They planed a party and visiting the zoo for myy nephew not asking my sister and then making us feel guilty that they put sooo much work into planning. Which lead me to believe that they made all this plans to make them feel special not for my sister and her family