Child Support fairness?

[u/AGirlInTheCityy]

Hi,

I am separated almost 4 years (not legally so technically married but not living together). It has taken a long while for dad and I to come to an agreement on child costs. The last two years he’s given me $225 a week for two kids and he makes more than me. This is not thru the courts.

Recently he’s been asking me to let him keep $100 if the kids spend more than 2-3 nights with him. It’s rare that it happens. I have the kids 90-95% of the time. They spend the night once a week but that’s also not every week because his schedule for work constantly changes supposedly. On those weeks, he’ll see them after school or bring them to work half the day.

I have relented on some occasions when he switched his work schedule knowing that I needed him to watch the kids because I was going away for work. Meaning that he originally had worked his schedule so he would be off, but once the date got closer, he no longer has the days off and he needed to call out if I needed him to cover child care. So he then has to take off work using sick days at a lower pay, so I gave him the $100. The request has come again and I am uncomfortable with giving the money back because the costs do not go away just because they spend a few nights consecutively away from home once every few months. He’s been badgering me and calling me ungrateful because he pays for expenses into my home and his. I remind him that he’s not paying for my expenses, he’s paying for support for his kids. He’s also not even covering therapy costs for our kids which I am paying $300 every week or two. The costs are adding up and his passive aggressive remarks are getting to me.

In this situation, should I be giving back funds when he’s asking because he has the kids? I really don’t know. When I bring up therapy costs, he says the kids wouldn’t even be able to go to therapy if they weren’t on his insurance that he pays for. He has state insurance through work and he pays $$50 a month for the kids to be added so I don’t see how this can even compare. I know it’s only $100 here and there but I feel like it’s becoming more and more frequent.

Guidance please for people dealing with similar situations. Is this a normal thing to happen during child support agreements? Thank you!

[u/Cubsfantransplant]

Go file for child support through the courts and stop playing this song and dance. You’re asking him to take time off work to accommodate your work schedule? You want your cake and to eat it too. SMH

[u/AGirlInTheCityy → u/Cubsfantransplant]

I’m not asking him to take off work to accommodate my schedule. I have the kids 90-95% of the time. I have a work trip once a year that is for 3 days that he knows about for the last 5 years. Same weekend every year. We agreed that out of the 4 weeks off he has for vacation time, he would use 3 of those days to take off so I can go to work. All other times he does not use his vacation time for his kids. He goes away on vacation while I’m left to take my vacation time during the kids school breaks. This year, he cancelled those 3 days of vacations without letting me know at the last minute to force me not to attend as I would be unable to find child care last minute. I still went and told him he needed to figure it out. His remedy was to take sick time off for a lesser pay and tell me (not discuss) that he’s taking one from support that he gives me because he had to call out. I hope this makes sense. He has to get his vacation time approved well in advance. But sick pay he can take but it’s at a lesser paycheck than what he normally brings in.

[u/Cubsfantransplant → u/AGirlInTheCityy]

Go through the courts.