AITJ for leaving a work meeting early without telling my manager because my kid's daycare called?

[u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69]

My son is 3 and last Wednesday I was sitting in a two hour team meeting when my phone started buzzing. It was the daycare - he had spiked a fever and they needed someone to pick him up within the hour, that's their policy. I stepped out quietly, texted my manager "sorry have to go, family emergency" and left. Didn't wait for a response, didn't ask permission, just grabbed my stuff and went.

When I got there he was pretty miserable, took him home, fever came down by evening and he was fine the next day so nothing serious in the end. But when I came back to work my manager sat me down and said leaving mid-meeting without proper notice was unprofessional, especially because there were people from another department in the room. He said I could have at least waited until a break or asked someone to cover for me somehow. I honestly don't know what "cover for me" even means in that context, I wasnt presenting anything, I was just sitting there. He's been a bit off with me since and my coworker mentioned he brought it up after I left that day which made me feel worse. I don't regret leaving because there was no version of that situation where I stay in a meeting while my kid is sick and alone, but now I keep thinking maybe I should have handled the exit differently at least.

[u/HausDePotat]

NTJ. Your manager is weird.

[u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69 → u/HausDePotat]

That’s how it felt, I was honestly confused what else he expected me to do with a sick three year old.

[u/Rabt_FTS → u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69]

This is one of those situations that will never be equal in a corporate setting for mothers. If you were a dude he'd just expect your "wife" to deal with it.

[u/smilineyz → u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69]

I emailed my manager & team lead at 3:30 pm saying I needed to pick up my sick child from school. My normal working hours were until 4pm … 30 min. early … no meeting.

I got TWO terse emails back: you should plan better and give advance notice.

What part of “sick child” did you mis-read?

I was in my boss’ office in a heartbeat, with my backpack & laptop. I said: sick child … can’t plan for that. See you tomorrow.

[u/here-for-the-_____ → u/smilineyz]

I'm a manager and I was in a meeting when I heard one of my employees talking quietly on their phone before poking their head in my office. They said "my kid..." and I just waved him away and said "go, don't worry about it"

[u/MimZWay]

NTJ - you texted your manager you had a family emergency. That’s all that’s required in a situation like this. Family comes first.

[u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69 → u/MimZWay]

That’s what I thought too, I gave notice as soon as I could and didn’t just vanish.

[u/Oracle410]

NTJ. I can’t stand jobs that treat adults like they are in 6th grade. I own a business. If your work gets completed and you aren’t having a family emergency every third day, at that point we are all adults. If you have to leave or handle something then do it. Obviously, I’d prefer if I had notice but unexpected stuff happens.

[u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69 → u/Oracle410]

That’s what bothered me, it felt like he wanted school-style permission for an actual family emergency.

[u/CampaignVast1830]

You DID tell your manager! NTJ - family emergencies permit us to break protocol, and the fact that he doesn’t get that (and that he thinks there’s such thing as “proper notice” when it comes to an emergency, which is usually unanticipateable) is stupid and dumb. And stupid.

[u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69 → u/CampaignVast1830]

That’s exactly what confused me, I did give notice, I just didn’t wait around for permission.

[u/Pretend-Video-6621 → u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69]

You don’t need permission to attend to an emergency

[u/KrimSon972 → u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69]

So, considering the text was apparently not proper notice, did you the manager tell you what would have been proper notice (or did you ask)?

If he tells you what is not enough, he should also tell you what would have been acceptable.

[u/Intelligent_Boot6068]

I hate when corporate supervisors or the like act like you're a soldier and not human and like human things don't happen to you. All that's required is a text or sticky note saying you're leaving because of a personal emergency and clock out.

[u/The_cool_bird]

Honestly if he’s talking about you leaving work for a family emergency with other employees then that’s something that needs to be brought up with HR.
That’s completely unprofessional for someone in a managerial position.

[u/Beautiful_Bike_1823]

My manager is like this. No clue. One time my kid had an accident and needed to be rushed to emergency. When I said “I have to go, I have an emergency” he said, “ this will just take 5 mins” and proceeded to share his screen. Some people just don’t care about anyone but themselves. I had an emergency again last week and he tried the same thing. I just said, “sorry this is an emergency” and he backed off. You have to be firm with these types as that’s all they understand.

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[u/MeowMeowCollyer]

Your manager can get bent.

[u/Pretend-Video-6621]

You literally notified your manager. It’s an emergency, you couldn’t have given an earlier notice. You did everything right, your manager has issues.

[u/WhichTale6747]

Is your manager young or new to management? That’s what it sounds like to me.

[u/ExtraSideOfKetchup]

Email HR and get ahead of it so he can't use it against you

[u/This_is_the_day_40]

I could be misunderstanding but did you tell the people at the meeting you were leaving? Your post didn’t say that. Maybe that’s what your manager is upset about? You did the right thing leaving straight away.

[u/Clean_Citron_8278]

Nope. I am not even reading more than title. Family first. Your job will replace you if you die. Your body will still be at the funeral home. That is how important we are to them.

[u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69 → u/Clean_Citron_8278]

That’s where my head was, my kid needed pickup and the meeting was never going to matter more than that.

[u/Brief-Composer-6663]

NTJ

I think you handled it well. You did not create a scene or a distraction. Your manager is being weird and on some kind of trip.

[u/Stonks_Enjoyer_69 → u/Brief-Composer-6663]

Thank you, I tried to make the least disruptive exit possible under the circumstances.

[u/Fun_Butterscotch9110]

Over 40 years ago, my mother told me if your child is sick. Do not ask for permission,tell your boss you are leaving. I have heard why can't your husband, mother or sister pick them up. I simply said no and left.

[u/jimmyjammy6262]

Yes you are a jerk for assuming anybody else gives a damn about your kids, I would do and have done the same myself but daycare is your responsibility and you didn't have a back up plan

[u/Beautiful_Bike_1823 → u/jimmyjammy6262]

This issue doesn’t have a thing to do with daycare availability. Did you even read Ops post? Was daycare supposed to take the kid to the ER?

[u/Away-Specific5361 → u/Beautiful_Bike_1823]

Yes. If the daycare is a good daycare and they felt that the life of one of their clients was in danger, the daycare should have either taken the child to the ER or called 911 for an ambulance. Frankly if I were in a meeting and my child spiked a life threatening fever, I’d be really upset if the daycare called me and not 911. Like I would have sterile saline and IV tubes on me?

[u/Beautiful_Bike_1823 → u/Away-Specific5361]

That’s great. But it still doesn’t have anything to do with a boss that won’t let you get away to be with a sick kid. Lots of words you got there but none of them are germain to OPs post.

[u/she_makes_a_mess]

If you get fired or put on a pip, it's your fault... does it matter if you're a jerk?

Why couldn't you just wait until the meeting the was over and communicate the situation? That's the proper way to handle this. 

[u/Away-Specific5361]

YTJ. You shouldn’t have left the meeting. Your kid was not “sick and alone”—he was at a daycare and if there was truly an emergency, they would have called 911. Your manager needs to know they can depend on you. Don’t do that again if you want to be someone who can be relied upon a work. If you are uncertain that the daycare can take care of your son, find a new daycare.

[u/Qorazon → u/Away-Specific5361]

Damn manager got here quick

[u/Away-Specific5361 → u/Qorazon]

While it’s true that family should come first, unfortunately OP’s manager’s family will also come first to OP’s manager. That means that OP’s manager needs to look good at their job so they can take care of their family. OP made his/her manager and department look bad. It’s fine for OP to put their family first. But OP cannot later complain that s/he is not being promoted and given more responsibility at his/her job. Sadly no one can have both at the same time. This is not a recent thing—in cave man days, a hunter going after a bison isn’t going to abandon the hunt if his/her toddler has a fever.

[u/Max_Powers- → u/Away-Specific5361]

I wonder how many times the OP has had to leave or miss work because her kid was sick.