r/AmITheJerk • u/tenouttatwo • 1d ago
AITJ cheating and other strange things
Who’s the jerk
She’s 18 he’s 27 when they meet. They move in together after 2 months of dating. Everything is rosy though she barely sees him because he works all the time and when he’s home he needs to sleep. He sends his money back home. After 4 months he tells her he needs them to get married for him to stay in the country. She says Yes. Months later the honeymoon of the relationship is dying and she’s alone most of the time. He’s busy with work and he has family and friends nearby, she doesn’t. She’s ready to leave the relationship but because she’s promised to marry him she goes along with it.
She changes her job and starts meeting people her own age , starts going out more and her now husband and her are living separate lives , they don’t have intimacy anymore and only see each other between midnight and 6 am. When they sleep.
She meets a guy that she likes and who’s part of the friend group and she starts dating him casually.
Their lives continues like this til her husband ask if she’s cheating and she says yes. But tells him that their relationship is dead but because they are married and because of his situation they can continue living together. He’s not happy. He starts following her , calls her friends etc.
Their finances are not great. Every thing he earns is sent back home.
So she keeps her money to herself.
This situation continues for the next 5 years. She dates other people and he gets mad when on the rare occasion he home that she’s not there.
He tries to find a gf but he can’t. He tries to hit on her friends without success. But she sees him try to undress her best friend while she’s asleep and drunk.
They divorce 9 years of being married.
Somehow they manage to remain friends. But he tells her she needs to apologize for cheating. And she does.
TL DL :Now who is the jerk here ? Him ? Her ? Or both of them ?
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u/just-love-AITA 1d ago
What in the toxic bs did i just read? They both suck. Him for being a creepy ass predator. Her for cheating. Both for marrying for him to stay. Both for staying as long as they did. Him especially for trying to undress her friend while she was sleeping (i hope the friend pressed charges). Ffs people.
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u/Icy_Okra_5677 1d ago
Shes 18
Hes pushing 30
He sucks
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u/NegotiationBig9736 1d ago
They both are. But HE is the worst, She is tempted bcoz of HE
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u/Icy_Okra_5677 1d ago
Shes still a teenager when they met. Teenagers are supposed to be stupid by nature. This girl couldn't even legally drink most places in North America
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u/Spiritual_Oil_7411 1d ago
He's the jerk for dating an 18 year old at 27. Anything she did after that was self-preservation.
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1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Grouchy-Art1170 1d ago
That’s really sure, outcome will be def different. As a woman we need a man who knows how to make us feel love and for someone like me time is enough. I don’t need your whole day but at least give me some and make it special
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u/FFBIFRA 1d ago
She didn't have to marry him. Plus his habits and patterns were well established before they got married. To be honest, I can't fathom why she married dude for any reason.
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u/Spiritual_Oil_7411 1d ago
Because she was groomed as a child by a man who knew exactly what he was doing. 18 is a child, the brain isn't even fully developed until 23-25, and by then, he'd manipulated his way into this. He was 27, right? So, fully formed brain that KNEW dating someone 9 years younger, a literal teenager, was the wrong thing to do. He was the adult. She was a child. It's his fault, all of it, his fault.
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u/Shiny-And-New 1d ago
Infantilizing much? At what age are adult women responsible for their own decisions?
Everyone sucks here.
Him—dating an 18 year old, asking to get married after 4 months for immigration reasons, ignoring her
Her—going along with a marriage she doesn't want because she "promised," cheating for most of their relationship
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u/Lisa_Knows_Best 1d ago
He's the jerk but why did she stay so long?
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u/tenouttatwo 1d ago
It’s to do with them being married so he could get his residency. They had to live together
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u/thebrashanemia 1d ago
this whole thing is messy but yeah he's the bigger problem here. dude was 27 dating a barely legal teenager and then immediately needed her to marry him so he could stay in the country. that's not a love story that's a setup. she was young and isolated and trapped, so when she found people her own age and realized her husband was basically a ghost who sent all his money home, she checked out emotionally. can't really blame her for that.
the cheating part sucks but it's not like she was sneaking around in some happy marriage. they were living completely separate lives and he only seemed to care when he was home long enough to be mad about it. then he tried to undress her friend while drunk which is just gross and disqualifies him from complaining about much of anything. they both wasted nine years but he set the whole thing up wrong from the jump.
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u/Glum_Temperature7356 1d ago
It may be wrong for both of them but I think HE is the worst. He ask her to get married so he can stay in the country, She keep her word even with doubt. After HE have it, He take her for granted and ignore. SHE is a human, she have needs as we all do. She may end up cheating but not because she wants it but because she needs it too.
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u/Important-Dream9748 22h ago
Both of them are the jerk. She should have left him long ago and not cheat while still in marriage. He should have spent more time with her and why is a 27 year old together with an 18 year old? Sounds like both of them have red flags.
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u/bobbyboblawblaw 1d ago
They both suck, but he's the worst.