r/AmIOverreacting • u/Special-Paper-5802 • 4h ago
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws aio? both my parents said they I should live with the other parent when they divorce
I (15f) have two siblings, 17m and 11f. as much as parents say they don't have favorites, it's obvious mine do. My mom favors younger sister and dad favors older brother. Both my parents used to blow off things I wanted to do and just promise they will make it up to me but never. My older brother is like in sports and i feel like my dad is living through him. Then my younger sister is just babied by everyone because she was born premature but like shes fine now so i still dont get the fuss. So I just do things on my own and it's whatever. Sometimes, it's like I need to get seriously hurt or do something bad for them to notice me.
Anyway, my parents are getting divorced and my siblings were like saying who they would rather stay with. I was with my dad and older brother, my dad is teaching my brother to drive, and then my brother said that if my dad does move out, then he'll go with him. My dad smiled really wide then when I said I'd live with him too, bro just stopped smiling and said it'd be better if I lived with my mom. later, i told my mom I'd live with her if we had to pick who to stay with and then she looked at me for like a minute before saying she's cool with just staying with my younger sister.
So I got upset and walked out the house. I went to a friend's house and turned my location off so they couldn't come get me. Only started getting texts about where I am around like 9pm. I swear my parents forget I exist sometimes.
Parents came to get me around 11pm, when they asked why I left. I explained that I feel like a forgotten child, that no one wants to take me in. Then they started saying they were joking and then they said I overreact and I'm not their only child so I need to stop being this selfish for their attention.
Mind you, I got my septum pierced in February. My dad only noticed in April. I'm literally on the cross country and swim team because they're busy with my older brother and younger sister.
Anyway, am I overreacting?
•
•
u/Better_Platform_7794 4h ago
nor at all, this is really shitty and i'm sorry you're going through this :(
•
u/drazil17 4h ago edited 1h ago
Your parents are jerks and now in the midst of divorce, they'll notice even less. Are you close with either of your siblings? Have you mentioned this to either of them and did they say anything,? I'm wondering if your siblings see it and what they think of it.
Is there a parent you think would be better for you overall (if you can put aside that they are both being jerks). Is there a sibling or household you'd prefer to live with/in on a day to day basis.
Put the parents aside and try to figure out which environment would be healthier and better for you to finish growing up in. Try to get some therapy, maybe that will lead to some family therapy to ease the process and remind both parents that they have THREE children. Concentrate on what's good for you. It totally sucks and your awareness of it will help you take care of yourself and don't let anyone else make you feel this way in the future.
Edited to fix a couple typos and weird autocorrect choices.
•
u/Me2309 3h ago
Sorry to jump on but this was a really lovely comment. You are clearly very eloquent and give really good advice
•
u/drazil17 3h ago edited 1h ago
Thank you.
It's incredibly sad to me. I'm the middle of nine children and I get the feeling of being invisible. The big difference is that my parents said they had no favorites and acted as if they didn't.
We all suspect that my brother is my mom's favorite because he was born after my older sister died as an infant. We also suspect I was my dad's favorite because our mostly chill temperaments aligned. I think my youngest brother is even with me because my dad was disabled when he was young and did much of the childcare while my mom went to work. BUT neither parent made any of us feel like we were or weren't favored. If they actually had favorites, it was only by a tiny margin or they hid it well.
Edited to fix a typo and a word tense error.
•
u/cedar_pulse 1h ago
yeah that’s actually solid advice, just focusing on which home is healthier for you makes way more sense than trying to get picked by them
•
•
u/Melodic_Policy765 4h ago
I am so sorry your parents seem to think this is a joke. It is not a joking matter. They sound very self centered and thoughtless. NOR.
•
u/JustWordsInYourHead 4h ago
NOR.
And welcome to the middle child life.
I moved all my stuff out of my mom's house when I as 19 (even the mattress). My room was EMPTY FOR A WHOLE MONTH and she did not notice.
•
u/wovenbasket69 4h ago
NOR. They need to be more sensitive and less jokey asshole during a sensitive time in their kids lives. They’re your parents not comedians. Tell them straight up you know they have their favourites but they don’t have to be so obvious about it.
•
u/RedHolly 4h ago
NOR, maybe look into being an emancipated minor. Are there any other family members you can live with?
•
u/KireiDatte 4h ago
NOR. Do you have any other relatives you coud go live with? Maybe a grandparent. Your parents are absolutely neglecting you. If they expressed remorse it'd be a different story, but they clearly know what they did, so they'll deny deny deny. I am sorry you're going trough this.
•
u/hard_tyrant_dinosaur 3h ago
This. The lack of remorse and the deflection makes it very hard to believe that either of them meant it as anything other than what they said. If they really were joking, regardless of how insensitive and tasteless those jokes were, they would have taken at least some accountability for it upsetting OP.
OP moving in with a relative that actually wants to take them in would seem ideal. Sadly, I could see one or both parents fighting it. And not because they've had a change of heart, but simply because it would make them look bad.
•
u/creatively_inclined 4h ago
NOR. Sweetheart I'm so sad for you. No caring parent makes jokes like that and makes their child feel so unwanted. Especially not when divorce is blowing up that child's life.
You seem very smart and aware. Your parents know exactly what they're doing. In a healthy co-parenting relationship both parents spend equal time with all their kids. They don't split the kids up.
If there's any way you can get therapy, I highly recommend it. Obviously you're fighting right now just to get basic attention, so it may be tough to do. Do you have other adults in your life that can advocate for you like teachers, neighbors, aunts, uncles, grandparents etc.?
Ultimately with a family like this, you'll need to stand on your own two feet and motivate yourself to move forward. Work as hard as you can in school and make plans right now for how you can be independent when you become an adult. You can't depend on your family.
I grew up with parents who openly played favorites and it was toxic. My younger brother and I had to do a lot of work to build our relationship after that experience. My brother did confront my mom about her obvious favoritism and she did apologize and make attempts to fix the damage. We have older siblings that didn't even feel like they belonged in our family. My dad had passed away at that point but he played a big role in the way they felt. Us siblings are much closer as adults so that's a positive.
•
•
u/Not_AMermaid 4h ago
NOR. I’m the middle child and feel forgotten still at 29. Things got a little better after moving out, I’ve blocked my dad and my relationship with my mom improved. I’m glad you have a friend who’s able to be there for you during this, sometimes chosen family is better
•
u/Maybelurking80 3h ago
Op, I grew up in a similar situation. I was an afterthought between my siblings. My mom to this day (I’m in my 40s) is still obsessed with my sister who ironically hates her.
Here are a few things I started saying.
When someone tells you that you’re being too sensitive, I respond with, “actually you’re being too insensitive. “ or I remind them that my feelings don’t need to be justified and I shouldn’t have to ignore them just because it makes their actions look bad.
My mom loved to say that I was acting out for attention. One day I looked at her and said, “YES; I AM. What does that say about you!?” She never said that again. In my opinion, when a kid is trying to get attentions, it’s because they NEED IT and everyone deserves to have their needs met.
You’re going to have to learn ways to “Uno Reverse”their bullshit. So many people would rather hurt others than take accountability for their own actions. Don’t let them.
•
•
u/ermahgerdreddits 3h ago
Im very sorry this is happening to you. I don't have any kids but I am your parents age and this doesnt sound right. It sounds so wrong i started thinking what could make them this way. If they've been tired of each other for a long time they might be looking forward to freedom and not planning on being home much. Then again your mom might have only hesitated because she heard your dad was your first pick. If they are breaking up because she just got caught cheating on him she would be desperately looking for validation and it would make finding out you asked your dad first 5 times worse.
•
u/AutoModerator 4h ago
In order to prevent spam and bot posts, this subreddit temporarily removes some posts until OP proves that they are human. Please reply to this comment and answer the question: if you could have any superpower, what would you choose?
Mods will manually review submissions and approve posts with a correct response. Please be patient, especially during overnight (USA) hours, as our mod team is not online 24/7.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
•
u/Special-Paper-5802 4h ago
to talk to animals
•
u/Anygirlx 4h ago
?
•
u/fiendishlikebehavior 4h ago
She’s answering the bots question of “what superpower do you want if you could have one” to make sure the poster isn’t a bot
•
u/Now_Acceptable 3h ago
Your parents should not have reacted that way, I'm sorry you are going through this. All the best.
•
u/Sea-Ad9057 3h ago
do you have grandparents tell your parents you will stay with the grandparents and they can both pay child support to them to help with the costs
•
u/z-eldapin 3h ago
Middle child here.
Here's what I did. Dig hard I to school, get those grades. Three season athlete. Part time job. Lots of time at the library. No one really noticed I was around until I graduated with scholarships and all of a sudden I was the product of their raising. Didn't talk to either for decades.
You are your only way out of this. It sucks, but believe in yourself, lean on your teammates, friends and teachers and be the best you in spite of them.
It's a lot now, and the resentment really never goes away, it just simmees low underneath my successes.
•
u/tamreacct 3h ago
NOR!! WTH is wrong with your parents!?? I would never say anything like that to my child and then say it was a joke only after several hours passed and it was brought up.
I would joke after high school graduation and say time to move out…jokingly and not make them worry that they do have to leave.
What about grandparents, aunts and uncles and even best friends homes? Start asking them about it and you can bet they would want you to stay when realizing they would lose dependent tax benefits and child support.
What a shitty thing to tell you and if you have friends parents say come on over to live, I would voice their comments in court and ensure it was on the record for all to see their conniving ways.
•
•
u/sosociopathic 3h ago
This sounds like an adult pretending to be a 15 year old. 15 year olds don’t write or talk like this
•
u/chronic_ill_knitter 3h ago
Kids who have to grow up fast because their parents treat them like crap talk like this.
•
u/Jealous-Rush2430 4h ago
Are you their child? Why would they say you are not? Middle children are often overlooked.