r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 7h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO by saying it’s selfish to not let me golf?
[deleted]
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u/celticmusebooks 7h ago
YOR You are having a fight over your honeymoon and you aren't even engaged LOL.
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u/Attentions_Bright12 7h ago
There we go! Agreed.
When something blooms up out of nowhere like this, that’s telling you to maybe slow your roll.
They’re having this argument over a hypothetical round of golf. Imagine when they get to “How do we discipline a kid in this situation?”
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u/StealToadBootes 4h ago
Also the accusatory tone.
OP, it's okay to feel hurt.
But when you accuse your partner of being selfish to get your way, what you're doing is poking holes in the relationship.
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u/MoonbeamLotus 6h ago
The next argument will be over how to discipline their child if they get called into the principal’s office for defending themselves.
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u/Attentions_Bright12 5h ago
Sad as that would be? It would still almost be less emblematic of a pained relationship that this tiff they’re in over playing imaginary golf on a nonspecific Japanese course.
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u/JustHereForCookies17 6h ago
Agreed. This is a textbook example of "borrowing trouble".
Get engaged, plan & book the wedding, then see what your finances look like to see if 2 weeks in Japan is even still feasible.
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u/DogsDucks 5h ago
Yeah but this is such a tell for what life will be like with this guy.
That’s your honeymoon. first of all, it’s never just four hours, second of all the first thing he’s thinking about is a solo hobby and himself, third of all if you never go and read about what it’s like for your mom have a golfer husband every weekend, who are like “you knew I loved golf” . . . Bleghh this is truly just, not a man who is ready for a relationship, and it has to do with golf. I personally love golf.
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u/dstarpro 2h ago
I had the same thought. I thought 4 hours sounded awfully short for a round of golf, too.
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u/AggressiveOsmosis 7h ago
So, in your post history, it shows a couple things.
First, you New at this golf thing,
Second, you posted that you don’t even want to golf with her because she’s too green and your stroke play was superior to hers.
So not only is it something you aren’t overly invested in long-term, it’s also something you’re actively gatekeeping from her.
On top of that, it’s a honeymoon, which is about a union of two people.
And what you wanna do is something all by yourself that you don’t want her to participate in and yet you can’t seem to understand how that’s selfish?
Bro, time to grow up. You’re an asshole, and I’m not even sure you really love her. People that love, really love, wanna share their passions with the people they love.
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u/TheBakeForReal 4h ago
Damn at first i was completely with him but you’re right he is a insecure pussy for this.
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u/toddatog 2h ago
Totally agree...and I'm a guy, married. I agree with OP's girlfriend that a honeymoon is about doing things together that you both enjoy. If OP can't figure this out, he's not mature enough to get married yet or needs to find a partner that is into golf as much as he is.
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u/Slayre- 6h ago
I was in Japan for two weeks and I would not have had any time to go golfing
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u/QueenLevine 6h ago
yeah this. OP is classic Tell Me You Think You're Bougie when in fact You've Never Traveled and are a hick.
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u/sagew0lf 7h ago
I'd be so hurt if I were discussing honeymoon options and my boyfriend immediately wants to plan an hours-long solo activity without me.
Maybe if you were further into planning and you were like "hey, would you mind if I played a round of golf?" it might've gone better. But golf courses are golf courses and I don't understand why you'd want to do an exclusive activity without her on your honeymoon. It's not like there's something special and different about golf courses in Japan. I actually just googled it and found that golf in Japan actually takes longer and requires a long, multi course meal, so you're actually looking at longer than 4 hours away from her.
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u/belle-no-princess 7h ago
When does golf ever even only take 4 hours
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u/sagew0lf 6h ago
Idk I don’t golf so I took his word for it 😂
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u/belle-no-princess 6h ago
I know a friend's whose spouses (ex) played and it was one of the things that absolutely destroyed their marriage 🤣 they were fecking off for 6 or 7 hours at a time every single weekend. This is why I wouldnt date anyone who plays, just wouldnt be for me lol
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u/Top_Technician_7034 6h ago
Plus getting to and from the golf course. Might be more than 6 or 7 hours.
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u/sagew0lf 6h ago
According to what popped up on Google, Japanese golf takes 6 hours minimum, and that's just to play, not to travel to and from the golf course.
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u/squeaky-to-b 5h ago
So not to be dramatic about it but that's basically an entire day.
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u/sagew0lf 5h ago
yeah, 6 hours, plus travel time in a foreign country. That's going to be 8+ hours. OP should at least be honest in what he's asking for....
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u/No_Celery_8071 6h ago
Right? You can spend 4 hours at the 19th hole. OP's fiancé should say 8 hours so that 4 hours doesn't seem that long.
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u/squeaky-to-b 5h ago
That was my first though but maybe I've just read too many AITA/AIO posts where couples are fighting about golf... 🤣
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u/greatgatsby26 5h ago
Right? Like he can't even spend the entire time with her during a hypothetical honeymoon.
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u/Fluffy_Yak_9562 7h ago
If the marriage works they'll be together til one of them dies, 4 hours of time to himself to reflect and relax is not the end of the world. She could go get a massage or go to the spa or something and do the same.
MOR - Only because y'all are jumping the gun completely. She's your girlfriend, not fiance, so that whole conversation is ridiculous and pointless to have right now anyways. Not because you're wrong about wanting 4 hours to yourself.
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u/sagew0lf 6h ago
Like I said in my comment, if he'd brought it up in a better way, it might be different. It's less about the 8+ hours he will spend golfing (it's going to be way more than 4 lol) and more about the way they're just having fun, speculating about a possible future together to celebrate their marriage, and his immediate thought is "I want to do this hours-long activity without you."
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u/Nurs3R4tch3d 6h ago
Exactly this. He takes four hours to play golf, she goes and does something for herself. Maybe it’s just the way I’m wired, but I don’t feel the need to be glued to partner’s hip 24/7, even on special occasions. Including a honeymoon. Especially when it’s a once in a lifetime trip for both.
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u/sagew0lf 6h ago
idk I'm happy to do separate activities with my partner, even on a honeymoon. But like I said in my comment, it would be hurtful that his first thought is an activity that excludes her (and let's be real, it's going to be way longer than 4 hours).
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u/Numerous-Republic204 7h ago edited 6h ago
Would she entertain the idea of a combined trip to a course? At least with what ive seen on social, there are some nice resort courses where spa's are on-site. Buy her a nice spa day and only golf 9 holes.
YOR if you expect her to sit alone on her honeymoon waiting for you to get down with a round. If you can’t compromise on together time then you should probably drop the golf idea.
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u/Oregonizers 5h ago
My husband schemed a way to go off on his own during our honeymoon. Picked a fight so he could go see a show he'd secretly bought tickets to & gamble until 5am.
Sorry, I should have said EX husband. Marriage barely lasted 3 years.
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u/Enough_Passage7926 7h ago
Dude's getting married and the first thing he suggests for their honeymoon is 4 hours of "me time" away from his wife...
Good luck my guy.
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u/AccomplishedDish9395 6h ago
Not even getting married, just vaguely thinking about getting engaged 🫢🙃
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u/PositionStandard6089 4h ago
wdym, what's vague about this? 😏 "I think it’s very likely that we do get married in the next couple years..."
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u/sagew0lf 3h ago
this is what makes it even worse to me! Even in the "fantasy" stages of planning their honeymoon, his first thought is "I'm going to spend a day apart from my new spouse," lmao.
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u/Unc_B_3 5h ago
Golfer here, and got married in the last five years.
At no point during the planning of our honeymoon did the idea of solo activities come up. It's completely out of the question.
If she enjoys drinking in the cart and watching you play or playing herself, then for sure, plan a golf day. But planning to spend a day solo on your honeymoon is absolutely selfish, bonkers, deranged, unhinged, etc.
Tell her you weren't thinking clearly and you've changed your mind or find a new mate.
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u/belle-no-princess 7h ago
You are.
You golf weekly for hours.
Maybe take a 2 week break for your honeymoon.
If you plan on having children will you still prioritise golfing weekly? Because if so, you need to re-evaluate.
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u/stuntastic1414 6h ago
how did you take a hypothetical honeymoon Convo into a having kids Convo LOL. He's overreacting but so are you
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u/belle-no-princess 6h ago
Because it comes up quite a bit where new fathers are irritated they cannot be spending 5+ hours at a time on their hobbies when babies arrive. Yet expect their partners to drop everything to mother.
If you plan on having kids, expect it to impact your hobbies for a short time.
And if you cannot fathom a 2 week break from the hobbies at a honeymoon.....definitely do not have kids
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u/WatermelonSugar47 7h ago
Yes, YTA. The entire point of a honeymoon is to spend time TOGETHER, doing things TOGETHER.
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u/6poundpuppy 6h ago
Came here to echo this. Yes..you would def be selfish to play golf on your honeymoon. The fact you even brought it up is a red flag.
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u/Irisheyes1971 7h ago
Okay so let’s make sure she doesn’t do anything that’s just for her either. They have to spend every single minute of that two weeks glued at the hip. Sound good?
You people are so weird. You can tell who’s been married and who hasn’t. I would be more than thrilled to let my husband have a dream golf trip that takes four fucking hours out of a two week trip that will be a memory for him for the rest of our lives together. I can certainly find something to do with that four hours for myself. I realize it only leaves them with 332 other hours to be together, but hopefully the relationship is strong enough to survive being apart.
Absolutely ridiculous.
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u/Hedgehog_Capable 6h ago
Married twelve years, and while it wouldn't be absolutely horrible, my feelings would certainly be hurt if my spouse wanted to take time away from our honeymoon. Especially since from the description, this isn't the "dream golf trip" you mention, just another place OP would golf when he golfs anywhere he goes.
Gotta say to OP: YOR
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u/sagew0lf 6h ago
It wouldn't even be as bad if they were ACTUALLY planning a honeymoon (not just speculating) and he was like "hey, what do you think about me golfing one day while you go do xyz activity?"
Rather than just immediately jumping to "I want to do an activity that excludes you on our honeymoon." Like, why is that your first thought?? And it's not like it's a special activity you can only do in Japan. Golf is golf.
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u/AntiqueLetter9875 5h ago
This isn’t a dream golf trip. According to OP he’s new at golfing. It’s also not 4 hours, it’s 6 hours minimum. OP hasn’t even looked at how long the courses there take, and he just thinks it’ll be cool to golf there.
No one here is really claiming couples can’t do their own thing. They’re saying it’s a bit odd to want to be away (realistically 8 hours) from your partner on your honeymoon. Also that it’s weird to have this convo when you’re not even engaged and don’t know if a 2 week trip to Japan is even possible after the wedding.
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u/Gynthaeres 6h ago
Did you miss the "honeymoon" part? Yeah for a two week trip normally, absolutely split up and do your stuff. But when the point of a honeymoon is to celebrate your marriage and your life together, planning 4 hours to golf alone for it is a little silly.
Now, it's very possible they'll get there, and then discuss like "Oh I want to do this," "I don't want to do that" and maybe agree sure, for an afternoon let's do our own thing. And that's fine. Play it by ear.
But the problem is when you're discussing your honeymoon and one of the first things you think of us "I can't wait to do this activity without you!" That's where the issue arises. That's why the person is overreacting.
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u/thatsasaladfork 6h ago
That’s not the counter argument you think it is lmao. Most people don’t want to go plan solo excursions in a foreign-to-them place, and would choose to “be glued at the hip” the entirety of their honeymoon.
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u/barnyardvortex 7h ago
Thats what im saying. and if you love golf, then going to another country's golf course is likely a once in a lifetime experience. This is a lesson for them in compromise.
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u/Strict_Definition_78 6h ago
I think how much he’s golfing at home is the real issue
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u/Toppoppler 6h ago
Once a week?
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u/Strict_Definition_78 6h ago
That’s a lot for an all day activity, especially if he’s working 5 days a week. That leaves one day for spending with his partner, which is not sustainable if they decide to have kids
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u/Toppoppler 6h ago
Damn 5 hours of hobbies a week is unaccapable because your partner needs that time
Bro. Idk about you but I refuse to live like that
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u/skeletonl0ver 6h ago
Yeah I agree, I went to Japan on my honeymoon (also for two weeks) me and my husband spent a full day apart doing different things because we have different interests that we'd enjoy doing more on our own. They have 13 other days together, she'll be fine. NOR
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u/RoughDirection8875 7h ago
YOR. Your honeymoon is literally to spend time with your new spouse, not go off and do the same shit you do all the time at home.
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u/barnyardvortex 7h ago
But you cant golf on a japanese golf course at home? Im not joking, its a once in a liftime opportunity and i think a good couple would compromise here.
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u/Flat-Detective2814 6h ago
Golf courses are golf courses…
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u/Rare-Sky-8673 5h ago
beaches are literally the same everywhere and yet people go to hawaii over Alabama.
just because you think it's dumb doesn't make it true.
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u/Strict_Definition_78 6h ago
Maybe the compromise should be that he’s not spending one out of every 7 days on a golf course at home
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u/SoftValuable8910 7h ago
A regular vacation - NOR. It's something you love to do and its fair to want to do it somewhere else in the world for the experience.
A honeymoon - YOR. The point of this trip is to spend time together, and taking 4 hours of that time to NOT be together is sort of definition selfish.
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u/mh89595 6h ago
NOR - I think you both have valid points.
My partner is a HUGE golfer and, from what I have learned, pretty decent. He'd never admit it, but I will on his behalf. We've been on TONS of trips together, some where he does go off and golf and leave me to do something and some where it is established we are spending time together.
There are boundaries you two need to establish and figure out what you are looking for during travel so you both get what you want out of it. I know if we went to Ireland, it would turn into a golf trip and I'd be on my own. But! He and I have a dream to go to Japan together and share that experience. There is no way he'd golf there, if he did, I would be incredibly hurt. That is a dream we both share together. Maybe pick somewhere you are both passionate about and want to share the experience together. Seems like Japan isn't a together adventure.
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u/ElectricHurricane321 7h ago
I'm somewhere in the middle on this one. Yes, it's your honeymoon and you should want to spend the time together. But also, it's not just her honeymoon, but yours also and you should both get to pick activities that you enjoy. Could she go with you and just ride along in the golf cart? I don't golf, but my husband used to enjoy it, and when we had a short getaway, he wanted to golf. I rode along and had a good time, even though I didn't golf. I feel like there should be a way y'all can compromise on this.
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u/SuspiciousDoughnut32 6h ago
This. People are too stuck and either or when it can be both. I used to disc golf with my husband because he liked it and and have fun
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u/AccomplishedDish9395 7h ago
Japan has SO MUCH to offer, and if it’s a destination she brought up, she’s likely dreamed about going. To remove a day (or half a day) of adventuring for you to play golf would be selfish, what is she meant to do while you golf? I can understand why someone might not want to do a solo day as a woman, even in a country like Japan which seems pretty safe. Did you offer up something she could do solo? Is she someone who would want to be in a foreign country alone?
I’m a pretty seasoned traveler and have done a lot of solo international trips, but even I would not be interested in a solo day while on my honeymoon, both for safety and because I want to have as many shared experiences as possible. You say it’s a once in a lifetime trip for you… when you should be saying it’s once in a lifetime for BOTH of you.
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u/lolalovehoney 6h ago
Well, if it’s a dream of hers then surely she’s planned out some things that she wants to do while she’s there. So why is the entire honeymoon only about what she wants and what she wants to do. Is that not selfish? Is it not selfish to only go where she’s decided she wants to go & her to plan the entire trip around herself? And is she so unable to function without him that she can’t plan an activity for herself for half a day?
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u/AccomplishedDish9395 6h ago
You’re making a lot of assumptions about her based solely on her boyfriend’s position.
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u/Ok_Ambassador25 7h ago
NOR If we could have afforded a 2 week honeymoon to Japan & my husband wanted 4 hrs to play golf or go game(hes a gamer) I feel like I could find a way to entertain myself for 4 hrs. Or how ever long he would be gone. Even if its a 4 hr trip to the spa or just chilling by the pool or in the room for some quiet time. A once in a lifetime trip is still a once in a lifetime trip. Or talk to her about learning to play golf so she can go with you.
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u/ZealousidealCity2395 6h ago
Is there an issue with you golfing weekly? I personally wouldn’t mind given it being a once in a lifetime opportunity, but if there were previous issues with it I could see it being a problem.
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u/Far_Wave3163 6h ago
As a golfer and the daughter of a golfer I can completely understand wanting to golf in Japan! Maybe she can join you? Even just ride along if you use a cart. Maybe just play nine holes instead of eighteen? Get out onto the course really early so you can finish before she has even dressed??? Compromise is what relationships are all about. One round in a two week trip sounds reasonable to me…but then again, I really like playing golf so I get OP
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u/Free_Midnight_5643 6h ago
If we went somewhere cool and my honey wanted fish for a day out of 2 weeks, I would not care. I’d go do something on my bucket list. Marriage don’t mean you do literally everything together. It means you build a life together. You guys can still have different interests and hobbies and friends etc. and find fulfillment in activities away from each other. Since it would be a once in a life time trip, I think it would a perfectly acceptable compromise to do your own thing on one day. She could go to a tea house or something. My only caveat would be if she doesn’t wanna be stuck in a hotel because she’s not comfy going anywhere alone while you golf. That’s a different issue
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u/ProbsnotCooldude 6h ago
You can’t give her your undivided attention for your honeymoon? The one time that it’s actually about the two of you? YOR, and sound a little self involved tbh.
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u/Character-Nebula4798 6h ago
Yeah I think YOR. Why would you want to leave your new wife alone in a foreign country for half a day right after getting married? That’s weird IMO.
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u/Weekly-Practice-8614 7h ago
Nope. It’s a honeymoon not a golf moon! You can play golf another time. Trust me, if you insist it will haunt your marriage until it (inevitably) ends.
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u/Ok_Smile9222 7h ago
YOR. If this was your weekly dialysis appointment I'd say yeah, make time for it. You can't go 2 weeks without golfing? I do hear you, it's only 4 hours. But like... Really? This is still in the hypothetical phase and you're arguing about taking time to play golf? Girl
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u/MotherNeedleworker60 7h ago
Unless you can make golfing a couple activity (that she will enjoy) yes it's selfish. YOR
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u/shortcake517 7h ago
NOR. Woman here. I think if that is something you want to do, a once in a lifetime experience to play a golf course in Japan, do it. It wouldn't kill your wife to sit in the golf cart or walk with you to do something you would love to do. I see no issue. You should also accompany her to do something specifically for her.
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u/lunazane26 7h ago edited 7h ago
YOR specifically because this is a HONEYMOON. This is not a vacation. This is not a fun trip. This is you and your wife spending time together. You can't even go 2 weeks without golfing? You can't spend 2 weeks focused on the most important person in your life? If I was her, I would be rethinking the entire relationship.
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u/SuspiciousDoughnut32 7h ago
How on earth is a honeymoon together not a shared vacation and fun trip... together? You're all making it sound like a ball and chain where you only do what the wife wants. No, you do things you'll both enjoy. You compromise. You enjoy the country you're visiting.
Hell, you even take 4 hours and laugh and golf together. You both compromise. I enjoy trying things my husband enjoys even if I suck at them because we share laughs and have fun.
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u/Chance-Click-3670 7h ago
i've always found it weird hearing people go on honeymoons together but doing separate things.
but with that said, if it is a once in a lifetime destination and you really would like to at least play one of their golf courses, maybe you could find a compromise where she gets to spend 4 hours at a spa getting pampered, getting a massage, getting her hair and nails done etc while you play golf? then afterwards you grab a nice dinner together.
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u/Lov3I5Treacherous 7h ago
YOR
A honeymoon is 10000% about you and the spouse. No exceptions. Like at all.
Unless she'd want to golf with you, which it doesn't sound like, this shouldn't be an option.
Look at how you're talking, btw. "This is a once in a lifetime trip for me." IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT YOU.
And don't be so dramatic. Maybe save your money on golfing for a year and you can afford to go to Japan just for a golf trip.
4 hours is a literal half day of activities and spending time together. The big deal is that someone loves you so much she's willing to consider marrying you and wants to spend a honeymoon together, because never in the rest of your lives will you have that time like that again; freshly newlyweds with no work, no family, no home responsibilities. EVER AGAIN.
Stupid. Selfish. Dumb.
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u/BulldogMikeLodi 6h ago
I’d say ask her what she wants to do while there and see if any of it is something she can do alone. (Spas, shopping). Or do they have to be glued at the hip to enjoy their time?
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u/Lov3I5Treacherous 6h ago
I mean, she's already said she doesn't want to be apart. And 4 hours? I could understand a couple, but literally the point of a honeymoon is a duo trip. Massages together. Golfing together. Eating together. Etc.
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u/tropicsandcaffeine 7h ago
You are right. I swear some people think they need to be stuck at the hip for the entire honeymoon. She could go to a spa for the day while you are golfing. You are married. You do not need to spend every second of every day together.
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u/Ok_Smile9222 7h ago
While that may be true, I don't think I'd love for my potential husband to bring up going golfing when we're discussing a hypothetical honeymoon...
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u/anonymousmouse9786 7h ago edited 3h ago
The fact it’s the first thing he thought of to bring up is kind of inappropriate though
Edit: a word
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u/xShockmaster 7h ago
Sure but if the first thing that comes to mind when thinking about a honeymoon with your partner is being away from them then it’s a red flag lol
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u/TheW1nd94 6h ago
I think it could potentially be a red-flag.
But what could also potentially be a red-flag is not wanting your partner to do an activity they enjoy because you can’t bear the thought of spending 4 hours by yourself.
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u/Flat-Replacement4828 6h ago
NOR. Like, this isn't MY honeymoon when we went to freaking Gatlinburg and hanging out was the majority of activity available. You're talking about JAPAN. Like, how often do people get to go to freaking Japan? You're asking for very little time to do something you may never get the chance to do again. She can't "celebrate" by going to the spa while you're out?
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u/Grcdogsandcats 6h ago
Interesting variety of views on this topic. My opinion is coming from someone married for decades. It’s not like we’re in the 1950s and this is going to be your first trip together. I don’t think it’s wrong for you to want to experience a round of golf in Japan. Your girlfriend blowing up about this hypothetical event years in advance is telling you she’s insecure and a little controlling. She could do anything during that time, shopping, going to the spa, relaxing by the pool, going to a museum.
What else does she freak out about?
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u/Affectionate-Gap-614 6h ago
If i couldn't even go for a hike on my honeymoon, I'd have an issue, too.
Hobbies are part of us - why would she not want you to play golf once while there. She could do a spa day or whatever, super chill.
Maybe a sign she's not for you? Thank goodness she shows it now!
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u/EmptySun9834 6h ago
I think it’s selfish of her to not allow you to do something you’d like to do there TOGETHER. It’s not like you’re leaving her by herself. I’m sure there are things that she wants to see/do for her own interests and I don’t think that’s selfish as long as you do them together. That’s literally a MASSIVE part of a relationship. There are compromises to be made. For example, maybe she really loves this very specific store or something that you have zero care for in the world. You will most likely compromise with her and go anyways because you want her to be happy, right? EXACTLY. Considering the overall length of the trip and the amount of time it takes to play a round of golf, she is 100% being selfish and I would actually be upset about it if I were you knowing how compromising I am with everything. This is a once in a lifetime trip for 99% of people. The time it takes to play a round of golf is negligible compared to the amount of time you guys are staying in Japan.
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u/AntFirm4593 6h ago
Aside from golf, try not to over-vacation Japan when you go, when I say that I mean try not to go to a new place to stay like every day, it will burn you out. Choose a solid like 3-4 areas to stay in and take a few days at each to embrace all the culture available there!
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u/Infamous-Salad5043 6h ago
NOR — Is everyone in the replies okay? “I’d be so hurt” seek therapy expeditiously. I get that it’s a honeymoon but you can’t take a nap or go explore/shop/get a spa treatment while your husband golfs for a few hours?! That’s weird.
It’s JAPAN. It’s not like he can just take a quick trip back out to golf. Ofc he’d want to do it while there. And I’m sure she has things she’d like to do that he isn’t super excited about and is going to do it for her! So she should either buck up and go with or idk be a whole person by herself for a few hours and do something nice.
(Also I’m a woman for all the women about to say I don’t get it. I’m just well adjusted and not codependent 🙄)
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u/Guardian-Boy 6h ago
Honestly my honeymoon barely involved pants, and the times it did was mostly spent thinking about getting them off again, much less thinking about golf.
And you aren't even engaged yet. Like what the Hell lol?
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u/ComfortablyNummmm 6h ago
I’m a woman who does not golf and I’ve been married to a golfer for 35 years. Telling you that you can’t play 1 round of golf during a two week trip to Japan is ridiculous. I don’t care why you are there that is bucket list golf. I’d compare it to going to Paris and my husband telling me I can’t set foot in a store. Marriage is long and it’s a lot of give It’s not selfish to have things that bring you joy that don’t involve your partner. Reexamine this relationship!!!
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u/deathshr0ud 5h ago
It’s like if I told my fiancée that I’m going to play Warhammer on our honeymoon.
It’s not about you. It’s about you two together.
She’s correct.
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u/LostLemon007 5h ago
Golf in Japan is almost an all day event.
Look up some videos.
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u/shroomiedoo 5h ago
Ehhh YOR. If it wasn’t a honeymoon it’d be totally fine. A honeymoon off the bat comes with defined expectations. You going on a solo golf trip during a honeymoon is, by standard context, selfish. There’s no reason yall can’t talk about/define your expectations for a honeymoon and meet in the middle, cause it wouldn’t be fair to her if she’s just going to be sitting around waiting for you.
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u/SnooBananas1194 4h ago
NOR
Does Reddit hate alone time? Lol. My husband and I went on solo adventures multiple times on our (1 week) honeymoon. It was great! Part of what makes us work as a couple is that we both can enjoy our own things then come back to each other and share a little about our experiences.
Everyone here saying "how dare he do something on his own for an afternoon during a 2 week vacation" seems smothering to me.
I guess everyone has their own desires about how attached at the hip they want their partner to be, but if it's me and someone is giving an "absolutely not" to an afternoon of solo fun on a two week vacation, I'm ooooouuut.
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u/Purple-Chef-5123 2h ago
I know I’m going to get downvoted for this but on a 2 week honeymoon you do not have to spend every hour of every day together. When my husband and I went to Hawaii for our honeymoon, I really wanted to swim with sea turtles and he was just not interested. So we did different activities for 3ish hours that day and it was fine. He knew it was something I really wanted to do and I was fine with him not wanting to. Not even a bit of argument about it. Just being adults and acknowledging that we have different interests and wanting each other to have a great time and be happy. A few hours out of 2 weeks is not a big deal.
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u/BlazingSunflowerland 7h ago
The honeymoon is supposed to be about spending time together and you want alone time to golf. I don't know if you'll even manage to get engaged with your attitude. Isn't a honeymoon more important than golf?
Your girlfriend is hearing you say that golf will always come first. Now she will start wondering what else will come second to golf. If the two of you have kids would you leave her alone one day of every weekend to play golf while she watched the kids.
You are showing your priorities.
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u/EducationalDoctor460 7h ago
Yor. It’s your honeymoon! If my husband brought up golfing on our honeymoon right away I’d be pretty annoyed. Maybe if you came at it like “hey is there anything you’d want to do by yourself like a spa treatment or something? Cuz if so I could play a round of golf” but standing your ground on this is pretty selfish.
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u/DonnaNoble222 7h ago
NOR
How many opportunities will you have to golf in Japan? Unless you have an unlimited or pretty hefty travel budget, imma say not many.
Spouses are supposed to support each other. How many times will you go shopping with her because that's what she wants to do? She can come with you to golf if she wants or spend that time doing something she enjoys.
Just because you are on your honeymoon doesn't mean you need to be together 24/7
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u/SirBigMan 7h ago
I think youre getting flamed too hard in the comments. The only thing I would suggest is that she joins you for the golfing. If this is a passion of yours and golfing in Japan is a once in a lifetime opportunity for you then I believe you should be able to do that. My wife and I went on our honeymoon last year and we both had days where we chose what we wanted to do, the only difference is the other person came with.
No one is being selfish, there is a middle ground, you two just need to find it. Which is what marriage tends to be about. GL!
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u/wazoof01 6h ago
Golfing is for the bachelor/stag trip not the honeymoon my friend. I'm 13 years married and I log about 75 rounds a year. No way in hell would i have tried to go golfing on the honeymoon. There's a time and a place.
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u/Strict_Definition_78 7h ago
YOR
I think the issue is that you have an expensive & time consuming hobby that you’re doing every week.
If you weren’t doing that my guess is she wouldn’t be so irritated by you doing it in your honeymoon for 4 hours. Why don’t you ask her if she feels ignored by your weekly golfing, or if she feels like she has to pick up your slack
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u/BobTheInept 7h ago
I don't know about "selfish" but if it's a whole 2 week trip, and you are going to be reasonable about it spend a half day, I think you are in the right. NOR
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u/SuspiciousDoughnut32 7h ago edited 6h ago
NOR - IF you two could totally do the golf thing together. I don't think golf is fun, but being married is compromise and it IS fun doing things with my husband that he enjoys. So if you do this together, you both win.
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u/CompoundPasta 7h ago
NOR - It's your honeymoon too- Japan is a great destination for golf. Just be reasonable, do a short course and make sure it's somewhere she can enjoy herself too ie a spa. Compromise, it's a honeymoon but it's still a holiday!
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u/ThrowRA032223 7h ago
You’re crazy as a loon lol.
Question 1) did you “plan” anything else? For both of you? Or is this all you’ve looked into? Because that’s what a honeymoon is for…celebrating a new marriage TOGETHER.
Question 2) why is this even an argument when an engagement hasn’t made it past the “may happen in a few years” stage?
YOR.
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u/barnyardvortex 6h ago
This thread is psycho. its a once in a lifetime opportunity, people dont often travel to asia multiple times. yall need to find a way to compromise, and you should DEF make sure she has something amazing to do that youre paying for. NOR / ESH until you compromise
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u/Popular-Web-3739 6h ago
My husband was a very good golfer and I loved walking courses around the world with him - unless he had a really early tee time! I can't imagine demanding he miss an opportunity like that. Personally, I think she's the one being selfish.
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u/dogwomancali 6h ago
Why can't she do a spa morning or afternoon while you are golfing? Being joined at the hip to anyone for two weeks straight would make me nuts (even you my lovely hubby!).
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u/lolalovehoney 6h ago
You’re gonna have a lifetime together. What’s the big deal about one day apart so that you can do something you’ve always dreamed about? I think she’s selfish. Women act like the wedding and the honeymoon is the end all, be all to everything and it’s not.
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u/lolalovehoney 6h ago
For everyone saying- oh you can golf anytime. He can’t golf in Japan on one of the world’s best courses anytime.
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u/eatshitake 6h ago
4 hours? Are you playing mini golf? It’s your honeymoon and the first thing you do is plan an all day solo activity.
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u/BubbleLady6 7h ago
NOR but you are going to have to figure out how to get through these kind of issues. Compromise. Maybe she goes to a spa or cat cafe for 4 hours. I doubt you two will agree 100% on everything. There will be things that one of you likes and the other doesn’t. You are allowed to have interests that your partner doesn’t share.
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u/enreek615 7h ago
YOR. The honeymoon is a once in a lifetime trip. You can survive 2 weeks without golfing; especially in Japan wtf lol Go spend time with your partner. Also, y'all aren't even married yet and arguing about this lmao
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u/RandomNameRandomly 7h ago
YOR Youre calling someone else selfish because you refuse to skip golfing by yourself on your honeymoon? You cant be serious. The only way golfing on your honeymoon would be ok is if shes wants to golf with you.
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u/QueenLevine 6h ago
He doesn't LIKE to golf with her bc she's not GOOD ENOUGH. Check bro's comment history.
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u/Legitimate_Glass_306 7h ago
Play with your WIFE on the honeymoon… golf will be there when you get back.🥴
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u/GreenStuffGrows 6h ago
INFO Have you asked her if she still thinks you'll be getting married in a few years?
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u/ForeignCamera2971 6h ago
lol yes. We’re not mad at each other at all. Just a conversation we had the other day.
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u/BulldogMikeLodi 6h ago
Does it matter? If you DO get engaged and then married, you’d have to agree to her rules before all that, which means she wears the pants in your relationship. LOL. You’ll probably have to cave to appease her, and it won’t be the last time about other subjects. Good luck!
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u/Emotional-Health-717 6h ago
Meh, I can see both sides here. I would not be hurt if my wife wanted to do something on our honeymoon were she knows I wouldn’t want to do it. She’d most likely ask me to go with her and I most likely would. I’d say that a half day out of 14 to play around of golf isn’t to bad you could always offer to bring her. I mean what is really the difference with this compared to giving your wife a half day at spa or in a shopping mall if you yourself didn’t want to do it? Nothing really.
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u/Ka1mb4th3st0rm 6h ago
I don’t think you are OR but I think how you presented it may have come off AH-y. I see where you are coming from, you are thinking about it a little off though. This isn’t a vacation, this is your honeymoon, two VERY different things. This is time to spend with your “new wife” together alone from work and family, it’s a very intimate time! NGL two weeks is a long time so you are VERY fortunate to spend those two weeks!
BUT
Your wife/girlfriend should not be threatened by your hobbies. Your hobbies make you and keep you happy, and like everything requires moderation. Once a week is a lot, again you are very fortunate, but it’s not something you will or should keep doing once your family starts growing UNLESS it becomes a core component of your family (as in your whole family goes family golfing on Sunday Mornings kind of thing). If anything your GF should take an INTEREST in your golfing if she wants to spend time with you. I’m a huge nerd, I play D&D, my wife is ABSOLUTELY NOT A NERD, she likes more female oriented things. We both partake in each others interest, she will watch Star Wars and play D&D, collect Pokemon cards she doesn’t know squat about, and I will watch those true crime docuseries, and watch Sex in the City for the Millionth time, do I absolutely like/love all the things she does? NOPE, does she feel the same way about my stuff YUP. It’s not about loving the thing your partner does it’s about enjoying it enough to spend time with your partner and make the other person happy! All this to say is that if Golfing is so important to you, you should encourage her to try it/participate with you and she SHOULD try to find some joy in it so she can spend quality time with you. All this is BEFORE the honeymoon so that you can plan those 4 hours to do TOGETHER as part of the honeymoon!
You should both be able to choose activities to do on your honeymoon that you both can enjoy even if one person enjoys it more than the other. That’s how a relationship and marriage works, compromise. Compromise isn’t always 50/50 and you won’t always be Happy with the outcome but you both walk away feeling content with the solution.
Also this wasn’t something me and my wife figured out right away, took a lot of arguments and getting bad advice from unmarried/single people and people in marriages who are unhappy. This advice came to us from a therapist! So hopefully this saved you a couple hundred bucks and hours of deep emotional conversations lol!
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u/Ok_Condition3334 6h ago
My husband loves to golf, he’s not great at it but enjoys it.
If my husband wanted to take 1/2 a day and golf on our honeymoon I’d truly be ok with it.
Especially when he has booked me a very relaxing spa day for the morning that he is golfing and planned a fabulous dinner for us that evening. Just saying…
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u/Hot_Sherbet_1603 6h ago
YOR - She is hurt that you requested time away from her during your honey moon. It is not just a vacation to celebrate getting married- It is the time you have after being newlywed to live in the romance before getting back to your regular life.
Instead, you could have said “They have really cool golf courses there, would you want to check one out?” Inviting her, and asking if it would be okay to include an activity (that specifically you like) in your honeymoon plans. You could even offer to find an activity that she might enjoy more than yourself.
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u/recordgenie 6h ago
She’s being selfish by not offering to go golfing with you, even if just riding in the cart so you can both “celebrate your marriage together” while you pursue one of your great hobbies. I mean, if she wanted to do some things that you’re not into I’m sure you’d gladly accompany her.
Please carefully consider your future before committing to marrying this person.
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u/Efficient_Sail_8586 6h ago
YOR (both of you) for getting hung up on these details when not even engaged yet. However, I’m fully convinced that it’s healthy for couples to have and keep their own things and enjoy time apart as well as together. And that it’s super important to MUTUALLY sacrifice to a reasonable extent to make that happen for each other. Yes, honeymoons are about the couple, are meant to be romantic, intimate etc. but you’ll find, it’s also just life, living life together hopefully with some novel and fun experiences. You still need to eat, sleep, and likely have some space sometimes to enjoy your own things for a bit. Personally I wouldn’t see any issue if my new husband wanted to golf and if it were me would be happy for the chance to read uninterrupted, sit in a coffee shop, go for a walk etc etc and hear/share all about it later! But everyone’s different though. Just make sure you don’t pull this card if you ever have decide to have kids or if you do still want to golf regularly you give her as much time for her own things and prioritize spending your suddenly very limited time together! That’s where shit gets real and resentment sky rockets super quick lol
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u/myster1ouspapaya 6h ago
Yeah, it’s pretty selfish to want to go golfing on your honey moon. It’s supposed to be a couples thing and she doesn’t seem into it. Save the golf for when you are home or plan a trip specifically for that.
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u/Sunburnt-Eyes 6h ago
yor, Your honeymoon is for spending with your girl and enjoying a new place together. If your addiction to weekly golf is THAT intense that you can't go one week without it, that's weird.
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u/over-it2989 6h ago
You don’t have to do a full round in one day. You could do two 9 hole rounds and just request the front/back nine so you still experience the whole course. The only difference would be that it could potentially occur during the same amount of time a massage or treatment could be going on with her without leaving her on her todd afterwards.
I think YOR right now as there are tons of other options, but she might be getting a little fed up with your love of golf seeming to be at the forefront even for the potential honeymoon.
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u/Maleficent_Town_9150 6h ago
NOR Hey groom, a few thoughts on your situation… Once she relaxes (if that’s possible), a four hour aromatherapy massage, a beautiful facial, an hour of having your feet rubbed, and one of the best naps ever, she will be fine and the golfing will be forgotten. There is an inordinate amount of energy buildup placed on the ONLY honeymoon ever, and some women equate you not spending your entire time with them (playing golf) equals you don’t love them…total crock. She seems a bit immature and if I were in your shoes I’d have a think about the ridiculous emphasis that one round of golf may have on your marriage. Rant almost complete…if you do end up in Japan you must play golf. If you choose not to, in order for your wife to be happy, the only thing you will bring home is a big bag of resentment. And it will slowly leak into your life. So, I’m going to Tokyo in October for a month with my son and my brother. I’m going to play golf and go to the spa. You only live once. I’m 70, you can believe me. Good luck.
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u/jstbnice 6h ago
Really? You are over reacting. Hopefully have one honeymoon and the rest of your life to golf. Get your priorities straight.
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u/SignificantClaim5605 6h ago
NOR. The entire 2 weeks doesn’t have to be allllll about your marriage… she could go to a spa or find something that she could do for 4 freaking hours. Call it a week for honeymoon and a week for a normal vacation.
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u/Equal_Push_565 6h ago
You play golf once a week in your everyday life.
You cant skip over ONE week so you can celebrate your marriage instead? How selfish are you?
Yor.
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u/Prestigious-Bite- 6h ago
YOR
It is your honeymoon you should be planning to do things together.
Let’s be honest, golfing would be a full day of her being alone since she doesn’t golf. My father in law was a huge golfer (had a hand injury so he can’t anymore) and it was a strain on their relationship - but even he would never dream of golfing on a honeymoon. That’s is pretty selfish. But might be ok if she was ok being alone for a day. But she isn’t ok being alone for a day.
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u/gingersquatchin 6h ago
Nobody is overreacting, but you're probably not compatible. If my partner wanted to do something during our honeymoon on a once in a lifetime trip, and it's something I chose not to participate in, I'd happily support his choice. I love him and support his likes and interests. I've made my choice to not participate. The next choice is what I want to do with that time instead.
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u/Ok_Scientist1618 6h ago
I’ve been married for 28 years. I don’t golf never have. We recently watched an old home movie of our honeymoon. He was golfing and I was in the cart watching, filming and being playful with my commentary. I had a great time. My husband still golfs. Once a week he brings me along. Says my job is to just sit and look pretty. I may not love golf but it’s something I really look forward to weekly. We put music on, I bring a little snack, have a few beverages, smoke a little weed, look for golf balls, celebrate his good shots. and we simply have a blast! Go golfing, bring her with you, make it fun for both of you. You both deserve the honeymoon of a lifetime!
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u/Actual_Blackberry723 5h ago edited 5h ago
Bro wants to golf on his honeymoon and is confused why gf isn’t with it?! Def no where near ready for marriage my guy 🤣 next post by OP will be aio saying it’s selfish to not let me golf while wife is in labor?
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u/Naerven 5h ago
So you want a short side vacation from your honeymoon without your wife? I'm sorry, but YOR. I personally understand the sentiment, but I'm this case you really need to let the honeymoon phase dissipate first. I mean next time you have the opportunity you can golf and maybe she can hit up a dayspa or something. This time it's about your marriage.
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u/sayf25 5h ago
People in these comments are crazy. It's not even that big of a deal, people questioning your marriage over this?
I'd just find a day where there is nothing planned or something that would take place at night and use that day to go golfing. If she has nothing to do by herself (In one of the largest cities on earth) buy her a nice spa day, two week vacation is a long time and I always love a day where you can reset like that.
It's a honeymoon, sure, but if my wife came to me and said she wanted to do an activity she loved that I wouldn't be there for I'd tell her to go ahead. The thought of her reminiscing that experience for her entire life fills me with more joy than spending half a day with her. Especially when it's just a half day on a two week vacation.
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u/Big_Throner 5h ago
Buy her an all inclusive spa package or tickets to something she would like to do while you golf. 4-6 hours alone would probably be refreshing for both of you.
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u/gr_rn 5h ago
My husband golfs and I don’t mind. He never misses anything important and his part of the house chores are always done. He gets up early to golf. I sleep late. When our daughter was little he gave it up for a few years because she took 💯 of our time. Now that she has graduated high school yesterday he has picked it up again and some of his work trips involve golfing. For example this Saturday me, my daughter and the girls in my family are doing a mosaic art class then lunch (all paid for by hubby) and he will cut the grass then golf. Sunday he is driving us to another city to see a show. My ex spent many solo nights in bars with supposed guys night but cheated on me. So it could be worse. My husband only goes to golf without me and alone because he likes to keep his own pace. I have always encouraged him to golf on our vacations but doesn’t want to miss out on us or family time.
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u/Snoo_24091 5h ago
NOR. My husband golfs and golfed on our honeymoon. It wasn’t a full day and I went to the spa while he golfed. Win win for us because he didn’t want to go to the spa and I didn’t want to golf. He’s golfed on other vacations we’ve been on because of courses that he’s wanted to try out. I’m an adult and can find something to do so he can do something he enjoys. It’s not like you’re asking to play multiple rounds daily throughout the vacation. It’s one day.
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u/judgeeveryonesbiznes 5h ago
NOR - its natural to say when we do this I want to do this even if its far off to the future. There is a saying absence makes the heart grow fonder. So to me, a person who has been in the same relationship for over 30 years, I would be fine to do separate things for an afternoon if they wanted to do something I didn't want to do even years ago when we first got started.
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u/OttsOddities 5h ago
Have you considered offering her a 4 hour spa treatment while you golf? That way you both get spoiled?
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u/Barfotron4000 5h ago
It doesn’t sound like either of you reacted poorly. This is one of those “unspoken expectations” things where there isn’t a right or wrong answer - see all the people saying “omg he doesn’t care about her!” Or “omg she’s clingy”.
Personally. I would feel upset that the only thing / first thing was something without me on a honeymoon. Because of the cultural expectations of being different from a regular vacation.
10/15 years ago if I was in your gf position I would have said “fine. It’s fine.” And then been silently fuming like “I can’t believe he would ditch me on our honeymoon”. I’m lucky that I have the husband I do because he’s the one who makes me feel safe to tell him my actual feelings. I’m not saying you are ditching her or anything but it is how I would feel. Maybe she would feel lonely, or abandoned, whatever it is you need to talk about it. In depth.
You guys just need to discuss shared expectations
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u/Julien_Ishida 5h ago
Can you just? Stay a little longer after the honeymoon and golf then if it's so important to you?
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u/brooklyn735 4h ago
YOR -- I don't have an issue with you wanting to play a round of golf on your honeymoon like many others do. But the issue is in you not respecting her side of it. You asked, she gave you her side, end of discussion. This is not a big deal, life or death type item. You want to push back on where to live, big monetary purchases, big relationship and family decisions, then sure, those aren't one sided decisions. What to do on a honeymoon is small stuff. If you both can't agree, then you don't do it. If she wanted to go snorkeling, and it was a 4 hour excursion, and you didn't want to go nor did you want her to go alone because you'd prefer to spend time together, then, same as your golf, your both move on and find another activity. If you're OK with her going alone and she wants to, then you both are agreeing that's OK. In this case, she doesn't agree with golfing, move on.
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u/Mindless_Complex_910 4h ago
I would tell her that playing golf in Japan is a rare opportunity and a bucket list item for you. Ask her if there is a way you could get out to course early enough to not ruin the entire days activities. For example, if she plans on sleeping in a bit, ask if you can out there and play a round from 7am-11am and you'll be back for lunch. That way it doesn't take up the entire day.
If that is still too much, ask her if you can play 9 holes as a compromise. Chances are if you go out early enough it won't be a big deal so that she doesn't feel like you are taking away from shared time.
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u/OddGeneral8262 4h ago
MOR. Strange question? Are you a middle-aged small business owner from the seventies?
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u/Miserable-Wafer14 4h ago
Mate nice gold courses aren't specific to Japan. You-time on holiday? Fair. Maybe less so on honeymoon.
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u/Silent-Return-3591 4h ago
YOR. she is right. its one thing to split up on a standard vacation but to do that on honeymoon is pretty weird.
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u/Longjumping-Code7908 4h ago
NOR Another poster commented on managing expectations. I will admit that my first experience with guys' golf trips was in my first marriage when 18 holes equaled him being gone for the entire day and coming home (eventually ) completely smashed drunk. No surprise that that partner was a selfish dick who only prioritized pleasure & instant gratification. We broke up within 5 years when his cheating caught up to us. All that to say, it took me some time with other partners to not be traumatized when they'd suggest golfing with the fellas. And also learn that a wholesome, healthy round doesn't have to be a marathon day on the course.
As long as you two have common understanding of what 'playing a round' means (approximately 4-5 hours, back to meeting her in time for lunch and a full rest of the day together, etc) then it seems like you should each be able to handle the solo time amidst a two week vacation. Especially since it's a once in a lifetime trip/opportunity. And no fair claiming to be too tired from golf to uphold the rest of the day after you get back.
Maybe as you guys both work together to build your itinerary, she'll be able to see & trust that doing this one solo activity doesn't equal you ditching her or not being into it.
Also you need to get this cleared up, otherwise you going to golf anytime throughout your marriage is going to be a sticking point.
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u/beas_mode1 4h ago
NOR the girl is being a bit dramatic, you should be allowed to do at least one thing you enjoy on your honeymoon. I'm sure there are plenty of things your girlfriend would want to do and is she going to not do any of those things while on your honeymoon? I think she is being a bit selfish
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u/Economy-Camp-7339 4h ago
YOR It’s a fucking game. Get over it. What will you do when you have a baby and are supposed to golf and the wife just needs a fucking break?
I live by a golf course and see groups of men out every day of the week. My wife has friends whose husbands golf, and that’s their holy them time because apparently some men think they’re entitled to me time but their spouse isn’t.
And fyi, I’m a guy who knows how to be a partner in a marriage. Your shit comes second. Or third, fourth or fifth if you have a wife, kid(s) and a dog. Carved out me time doesn’t exist when kid needs help on a project, wife needs help cleaning out the garage, dog needs to go to the vet.
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u/idAhoLovee 4h ago
It would be selfish of HER to not let you have that opportunity. You two can go together. You can do things you both like
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u/GeneWorried9228 4h ago
Yeah if you’re gunna get married to her then get used to that. This was actually a good insight to how it will be.
If she won’t spend 4 hours doing something alone in Japan while you’re spending 4 hours golfing then that’s how it’s gunna be, you won’t win even if you win the argument. She will just build resentment and it’ll come between yall. Either learn to compromise and by that I mean to give in, or just move on. It’s a losing game.
If she was emotionally mature, she would allow you to spend a few hours while she’s getting her hair or nails done or something she wants to do for a few hours during the long trip. But it seems more about the fact she wants you to want to spend every waking moment with her. Not to just do it but want to do that. Not that either of are you are wrong but clearly have different vision for the relationship.
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u/Academic_Grapefruit1 3h ago
Book her a spa treatment during your round and plan a nice dinner together for that evening. Never fails
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u/Electrical_Tale_2621 3h ago
I would ask her if she is already feeling resentful / insecure about the time you spend playing golf. It’s rarely about ‘the golf’ and most likely about some deeper fears about what you spending longer periods away from her means.
I would say it’s good to have this conversation before marriage. For eg, how would you feel if I spent one day a weekend golfing every week? How would you feel if I did this when we had kids? You may have different expectations of all that.
If she’s fine with all of that, maybe it’s more about her being nervous in a country where she doesn’t know anyone and she’s not comfortable in that environment?
Fwiw it’s really not unreasonable or selfish for you to want to spend a single morning away doing something you love. However, if it makes her uncomfortable, you may choose not to do it whether you think that’s reasonable or not. Sometimes it’s better to be kind than be right. NOR
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u/Stevehenn83 2h ago
Whenever me and my wife head away and there’s a course I wanna play. I go early get her a spa treatment and I’m back in the hotel before she’s outta the spa.. win win
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u/Ok_Step_2359 2h ago
So what is her idea of celebrating your marriage? What does that entail? Is there anything during that two week timeframe that is of interest to her more than it is of interest to you? Like there's something specific she wants to see while you're there? Like visiting the Tokyo Tower, or the Hiroshima Memorial Museum, or visiting one of the castles? If so, that would be a a way to compromise. Do something that isn't of a lot of interest to you and do something that isn't a lot of interest to her (golf). Everything else, you decide together and enjoy together. You're celebrating your marriage by each doing something that is a chance of a lifetime and compromising and supporting your partners dream of doing that something special they always wanted to do.
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u/Ridder1201 2h ago
YOR
“Once in a lifetime trip for ME”. There’s your problem! If you want to golf in Japan so bad start saving. Don’t take time off her honeymoon.
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u/breetome 2h ago
As a lady that took up golf 8 years into our marriage, I encouraged my hubby to play golf on our honeymoon. I went horseback riding while he played. We both had wonderful days and had a lovely evening telling each other about our great days.
Taking time out of two weeks for one round of golf is just fine! She is wrong to not encourage you to go and enjoy. Who knows if you will ever get that opportunity again. It's not like there's nothing for her to do in Japan for 4 hours, send her to a nice spa while you golf.
This type of thing does not bode well for your future to be honest. Respect each other's hobbies and private time is key to a healthy lasting marriage. Being attached at the hip 24/7 is a recipe for disaster, don't care if it's your honeymoon or not. Just not a great start to married life.
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u/cheesypuzzas 1h ago
A honeymoon is something that's there to celebrate you two getting married. So I so get her view. I also get that you're there only once and you can't do it another time.
But I'd compromise by going there with her and only play for about an hour. So you'd be together and it wouldn't take that long. If she's really enjoying it, you could stay longer, but if she is like "meh", it's better to leave and enjoy another activity you could do together.
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u/notyourstranger 1h ago
YOR - I think sometimes men forget that it can be very dangerous for a young woman to be by herself in a foreign country - even for a few hours. Even though chances are she will be safe, she will likely not feel safe while you're gone.
Because women are always at greater risk than men, I think you are being a little selfish. I understand the reason you'd want to go but the US also has quite a few golf courses and since golf is not a passion of yours, I think you need to prioritize your wife on your honeymoon.
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u/KOM_thief 1h ago
I’m a big MTB guy, last year my wife and I took a 2 week trip to Europe and I stayed at some of the best riding destinations in the world. I didn’t ride at any of them mainly because I didn’t want to leave my wife alone in a foreign country but also because the trip was for US not for ME. Sure along the way there were things she wanted to see that I didn’t and vice versa, but we stayed together and overall had an amazing time. Logistically squeezing hobbies into a vacation or a honeymoon is more of a headache than it’s worth. The only way I could see sneaking away for a few hours work for you if she scheduled some long spa day, but then again she’d probably wanna do that with you if it’s a honeymoon.
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u/LeaveLost1885 1h ago
I wouldn't mind if my husband asked to go golf for 4 hours even on our honeymoon. Especially if it's at a place we aren't likely to get back to. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Peaceful-harmony- 1h ago
This is a great thought exercise, and a great one to have before you marry. People have different ideas of “togetherness”. I’d be happy to support 4h of a once-in-a-lifetime experience for my spouse. There are probably things that I would enjoy that he would “go along with” and not really deeply enjoy. Like a hike or a spa day or whatever—would be a good time for the other spouse to do those things while you do your thing. For my mom, being in the same room is “togetherness”. For my dad, it doesn’t count unless they are touching. Oftentimes, humans think that their expectations are the only reasonable one.s—often because they haven’t considered that other expectations don’t even exist. Like yeah, duh, everyone knows that this is how this thing is done. The word “should” can be carefully examined when it comes up in life. Really should? Per whom? Does this work for me and my family? Or is this how people think that I should behave for no good reason? Your questions and feelings are reasonable and valid. Successful couples will discuss where they diverge on these things, respect the POV of the other, and come to consensus instead of shoulding all over. This is all assuming in good faith that you want a 50/50 partnership and plan on spending the energy to do 50% of the work. Which honestly feels like 70% effort sometimes. If you get 4h per week to yourself, she absolutely gets 4 protected hours too. Doing this with kids is not unreasonable. It just wouldn’t be fair or just for you to be the only partner with protected me time. If she isn’t willing to even discuss these ideas, then you may consider whether or not this is your person. You will inevitable be on different pages about a lot of different things. Parenting, family engagement, savings, spending, life goals, etc. neither partner “should” (LOL) have the right to say “this is the way, end of conversation”. Good luck. I’m just going to say info here—because you two have a lot of info to exchange.
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u/TTHS_Ed 6h ago
During my first marriage, I had a chance to take part in a golf outing that happened to fall on my then wife's birthday. She said it was OK with her if I went golfing that day.
Gentle reader, it was not, in fact, OK.