r/AmIOverreacting • u/Wooden-Grade1967 • 10h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for canceling a concert trip after my boyfriend tried to schedule another trip over it?
Back in presale, I spent about $300 on tickets for a concert on July 10 in Phoenix, about 4 hours from where we live. We've had these plans for months.
Today, my boyfriend asked what date the concert was again. After I reminded him, he told me that he had made plans with his friends to drive to San Diego on July 11 and stay in an Airbnb for his friend's girlfriend's birthday (assuming because he's not even sure himself on what the occasion is for).
His proposed solutions were either:
- Leave for Phoenix early, attend the concert, then immediately drive 4 hours back home after it ends so we'd get home around 3 AM.
or
- Stay overnight, spend money on a hotel, leave around 6 AM, and rush back home so he could leave for San Diego by 10 AM.
The problem is that I've already done a concert trip with him where we were on a tight schedule the next day, and it was extremely stressful the entire time. I don't want to spend months looking forward to this concert only to spend the whole trip worrying about getting back in time for plans that don't even involve me.
I tried to gently point out that since the concert was planned months ago, maybe he'd have to decline the San Diego trip. Instead, he doubled down and made it clear that San Diego was still happening.
At this point, I got frustrated and put my concert ticket up for sale. I told him that if he truly planned on still going to San Diego, I would rather not go to the concert at all than deal with a rushed, stressful trip. I wasn’t willing to spend hundreds of dollars for it to end that way. He didn’t really understand why I would cancel, since in his view his trip didn’t interfere with ours and it was just a matter of timing.
We went back and forth about it several times, and I made it very clear that I wasn’t comfortable turning the concert into a rushed trip. Despite that, he still insisted that both plans could work and didn’t budge on canceling San Diego.
Now that I’ve canceled, he’s suddenly saying he’ll skip San Diego and spend the weekend with me instead. But honestly, my feelings are hurt because it feels like his first instinct was to prioritize a newer plan with his friends over plans we had already committed to months ago. The fact that he’s willing to cancel now almost makes it worse, because it feels like he only changed his mind after I decided not to go.
AIO for canceling the concert and putting my ticket up for sale after how he handled this situation?
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u/Trick_Ladder7558 10h ago
NOR did anyone else find it odd that he is willing f to go to san diego for his friends gf but the friend didn't invite his gf? this sounds off and I am suspicious it isn't what he is saying it is
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u/jarroz61 9h ago
Yeah that in itself could be weird, unless OP already can't go anyway because she has things to do after she gets back from the concert. She didn't say either way, but she doesn't sound suspicious, so I wouldn't assume there's anything nefarious going on. But it does make me think they must be very young, because I can't imagine a mature grown adult being unable to turn down an invite to maybe a friend's girlfriend's birthday party when he already has plans. NOR
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u/forgetmenotsnot 10h ago
His San Diego plans probably fell short or he couldn't afford it so now he wants to spend the weekend with you.
Whatever the excuse he is a jerk. I'd feel horrible knowing that I made plans for a fun concert trip and my boyfriend was busy making new plans without me.
Why weren't you invited to this girls bday party? Then maybe you could have gone to the concert stayed at the motel then leave together to another adventure? Idk.
You're not OR.
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u/lantana98 10h ago
His decision making and values are poor. I wouldn’t trust him with any important decisions at all.
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u/DragonflyGrrl 10h ago
Yep. NOR. Shit like this should make people rethink an entire relationship. Besides the horrible prioritizing and decision-making, the fact that the last trip became stressful, rushed and un-fun would be a dealbreaker for me. If you can’t flow with changes and keep it light and fun through inconvenience, that says a LOT about how things would go during difficult times in life and how he would be in a crisis. No freaking way.
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u/No_Broccoli_3979 9h ago
I went to my very first Halsey concert in 2022 and I have been obsessed with her music since her very first EP. I had tickets for the manic tour in 2020 but, covid. So when she toured in 2022 I got front row seats for presale and brought my bf of 1 year with me.
He mocked my excitement the entire time. He was flat out mocking me in a stupid voice because I was just so excited to see her. We saw a limo on the highway near the venue and I was like “omg what if that’s her” just playing around and we stopped and got a bite to eat and he was like “Omg what if Halsey is in this restaurant right now!” And then we went to get large bottles of water because the venue allowed and we’re in a grocery store and he was like “omg what if Halsey is down this aisle”
I broke up with him the day after the concert.
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u/DragonflyGrrl 24m ago
Good for you!! What an absolute drag, such an asshole. Why would anyone want to rain on people's parade like that? I will never understand it. That's a great example of what I was talking about. I wouldn't be happy with a partner who has trouble having fun or at least being chill most of the time.
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u/funhairdontcare 10h ago
NOR. To put it simply, he wants to rush through a trip with you so he can get to a longer trip with his friends, and when you brought that to his attention he remained inflexible. Your boyfriend doesn't see time with you as a priority. It would be different if you were also invited to the San Diego trip or if the San Diego trip was for a special occasion among his friend group. He is giving you a glimpse at his priorities, and you should pay attention to it.
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u/No_Broccoli_3979 10h ago edited 10h ago
MOR - because personally I would have kept the tickets and brought someone else, like a friend, instead. If he wants to go to SD without you, you should go to the concert without him.
But also, he sucks for overwriting your previous planned trip and prioritizing a trip without you instead of plans with you.
ETA: you’re NOR in your feelings at all, I just would’ve kept the tickets so only MOR there
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u/Trick_Ladder7558 10h ago
also NORv if it isn't him being a jerk (why didn't he include you in SD plans?) it is him being incompatible with you. You need someone who likes order and he is spontaneous and chaotic. It's fine if both people are one or the other.!
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u/No_Broccoli_3979 9h ago
Yeah her not included in the SD plans is weird when it’s maybe for his friend’s girlfriend’s birthday???
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u/Pookie1688 10h ago
Why punish yourself from going to the concert? You could have gone with a friend instead.
But your bf is definitely unreliable, & I wouldn't plan on any more trips with him.
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u/naturalistlifestyle 10h ago
NOR I would have done the same thing except instead of canceling the concert I would have uninvited him and invited someone else
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u/DominaStar 10h ago
Nor honestly it feels like your not reacting enough. He knew about these plans and still made other plans. And why wouldn't you have been going on the trip to San Diego with him. I found it really odd especially if other partners are going to be there. I feel like he is either trying to hide you as his partner or another relationship or even a Boys going wild situation. I would take a long look at your relationship because this is a red flag and I wonder if there are others that your missing or just have glossed over because they didnt seem important at the time.
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u/Some-Face2634 10h ago
I mean I would have just found someone else to go with me. I wouldn’t have cancelled my trip, I would have just cancelled his portion lol
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u/Judsonian1970 10h ago
You're in the right here. Just tell him you'll go to the concert with someone else and he can enjoy his friends girlfriends whatever weekend. Obviously other things are more important than you.
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u/Aggravating-Plum8147 10h ago
NOR his friends are more important to him. Not only did he already have plans with you, he didn’t even know what the plans with his friends entailed. So he would rather ditch you to hang out with friends no matter what they were doing. What he did was extremely rude. Does he always dismiss you so easily? I would never treat someone I cared about like that.
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u/Embarrassed_Wrap8421 10h ago
Your plans and preferences mean nothing to him. You’re expected to run around in circles while Mr. Wonderful obviously thinks his trip is much more important than the concert trip. Sell your tickets and dump the boyfriend. You are very, very low on his list of priorities. He’s Number 1, his friends are number 2, and you? Probably didn’t make the top ten. You deserve better.
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u/Natural_Cricket_2540 9h ago
Jesus Christ.
He's being unfair. You are NOR.
You are dating him, and you should be more important than some friend's girlfriend's birthday.
I hope you feel better soon, OP, and I hope you two can figure out where you want to go from here.
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u/chicagoliz 10h ago
NOR, but why didn't he just plan to fly to SD from Phoenix directly?
And I'd be super annoyed if he then cancels the SD trip after insisting that it was still happening AFTER I'd sold my ticket. Why was it uncancelable before but suddenly is now?
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u/bia834 9h ago
When you pick and find your partner, they become your number one priority over family and friends.
Your partner is not doing this you don't matter his friends matter more. It does not sound like this is the first time he has done this. His priorities are all wrong. You planned this out with him and he fucked it up.
Shame on him. He ruined you concert trip you had planned for you both. Very selfish and RUDE.
I agree with other that when he pulled this you should have invited someone else to go with you to the concert and told him he is out. That would have shocked him and woke him up a little. If you would have done this, you would need to follow through with it. Kicking him out of your trip.
Really, I think you have a bigger problem. Your BF. You are not his number one priority. You could try to talk it out but really you already see how far you had to take it canceling the concert to get his attention. He want's he cake and eat it too.
Wanted to be big shot going to a concert and showing up at this girlfriend's party bragging about it too. Not caring how it made you feel or upset you. Again, it's all about him. You don't matter.
I would dump his ass. Tell him to go to his friend's house and stay there.
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u/flash_gitzer 9h ago
NOR. OP needs to push the bf to go to San Diego then book a solo spa weekend, without telling the bf.
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u/alchemycraftsman 9h ago
“Now that they’re cancelled he says he won’t go to SD”
Right. Of course.
Does he often deflect and out the blame on you for things?
“Well you’re the one who cancelled the tickets”
I would have cancelled also. Unless you have a friend that you would want to go with but that doesn’t always pan out. You did the right thing standing your ground.
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u/Interesting_Play_578 9h ago
Rather than deal with any of that or give up your concert ticket, why not just make your own travel plans and let him have his rushed headache of a weekend
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u/Feisty-Cloud5880 9h ago
NOR you'd be under-reacting if you didn't have his bags packed or you're gone when he comes back!!!
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u/TankThisOne 6h ago
My schedule doesn’t change just because somebody else plan did. If I have plans already, I’m going to stick with it. Sell your boyfriend‘s ticket and go by yourself. Or if he still wants to go, he can drive back himself.
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u/Dragon_Bidness 5h ago
NOR
Why do so many people get into relationships with people who don't like them?
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u/MurberBirb 9h ago
NOR - you shouldnt sell the tickets, you should go with someone else and uninvited him.
My husband used to try this shit all the time, but it was with his mom or family because he was a spineless mommas boy amd I got with him before I also had a spine and wisdom enough to see what was what. When I did smarter up, I would just leave his lame ass behind. He really fucking hated that because it was always for stupid shit his mom wanted him to do because she is a possessive incestuous emeshed lunatic. It only took one or two times of leaving him behind for him to realize we would be leaving him behind with her permanently eventually if he kept making these choices.
Don't cancel when men make these idiotic choice. Don't defer to their plans. You go and have fun without them. You keep going and having fun and you leave them behind when its pattern. You find people who choose you and take your relationship seriously. He is not a serious man.
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u/CeleryBandit2 10h ago
I dunno cancelling your tickets altogether seems kind of dramatic. Couldn't you have still gone or gone with a friend?
And is the first option he suggested even really that big of a deal? You get to see the show. There's no rushing involved...he's driving...you just go home after the show. I don't get it.
I mean he probably should have been a little more observant how you were taking this news and pulled a Classy Boyfriend move and declined the San Diego trip, sure. But it seems like there were still valid options in the middle between that and outright cancelling the concert tickets.
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u/Pristine_Main_1224 10h ago
MIR. What was your original plan for after the concert? Drive home that night or stay in Phoenix? If you were staying in Phoenix did you have plans for the next day.
Look, I think it’s a jerk move to ask you to rearrange your plans so he can go on a trip that you are not included. The kicker is that he doesn’t even know the reason for the trip.
Keep your ticket. Give his ticket to your bestie. Go live your best life in Phoenix while he goes to San Diego.
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u/H0neyB33Bunches 10h ago
NOR - the concert was planned months in advance and since he’s not good with time management his “options” he gave to make it work aren’t actual options as they only look good on paper. I, however, would’ve went to the concert but also would’ve been petty and told him I’m not figuring out a way for him to be back on time and I’m not driving back. So that’s all on him and if he makes it back on time while I slept in the backseat for 4 hours then great for him. If not, sucks to suck maybe be better with planning and time management!! 🤷♀️
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u/Cold_Ice9915 10h ago
MOR, IMO.
Recommend you guys start to use a digital calendar with reminders (Google calendar works great for us) to schedule important events, appointments, etc. It helps prevent miscommunication, misunderstandings, and forgetfulness for both of us (55M / 55F - married 28 years). Prevention > cure.
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u/Turbulent-Midnight70 10h ago
Just because it will get “stressfull” because you are on a tight schedule you know ruined his trip.. he told you he would go with you and even gave you 2 options still you guilt trip him
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u/Holiday-Fuel-99 10h ago
No he shouldn't be making other plans when he already has plans. It's rude
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u/CeleryBandit2 10h ago
But the plans don't overlap. They're on different days.
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u/Holiday-Fuel-99 6h ago
They are driving to somewhere else to go to the concert and spending the night. Maybe she'd want to go to breakfast and have lunch as she expected they'd be spending the concert and the next day traveling back together. He shouldn't have made other plans
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u/CeleryBandit2 4h ago
Probably not, but things happen. The events are still on different days. Surely a compromise is a better solution than dramatically cancelling the concert tickets. It would have been easy enough to be able to do both things.
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u/Hot-Can3615 10h ago edited 10h ago
Well I guess she could have only sold her ticket and still let him go to the concert (sounds like she paid for both tickets), but it is completely reasonable for her to personally decide she no longer wants to go because it wouldn't be fun.
Honestly, though, the way his weekend opened up after the tickets are gone feels suspicious to me... Like a manipulation or control tactic. I would be watching carefully for patterns of abuse.
Edit to add: NOR
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u/Holiday-Fuel-99 10h ago
NOR, but I would have just found someone else to go with and told him you're never making plans with him again. That's so rude of him.