r/AmIOverreacting • u/_PineapplePrincess_ • Jul 27 '25
⚕️ health Am I overreacting for feeling disrespected by my therapist?
I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while now, but we’ve never had a consistent weekly time. The session day and time constantly change according to her schedule, and I’ve always tried to accommodate her availability. She also never sends any reminders or confirmations. This week, I had our session scheduled for Friday at 6pm, based on what I remember her saying in our last session. I’ve never written a time incorrectly in my calendar before and I even had that same slot blocked out for the next few Fridays. I specifically remember her initiating the idea of switching to Fridays for a few weeks, and I adjusted my schedule for that.
Then on Thursday, I received a text from her saying, “Our appointment was at 4pm today”which completely blindsided me. I replied that I had it down for tomorrow at 6, and felt confused, but I still apologized. She then responded, “I have a ongoing client at 6pm on Thursdays, so I don’t know how that could’ve happened.” Which made no sense, I never mentioned Thursday. I clearly said I had it down for the following day. She still expected payment due to her no show policy. I told her I was so confused and that I remember the conversation about switching to Fridays. She has not responded to me at all since and it’s been days now.
This also isn’t the first time there’s been a scheduling or communication issue. A few weeks ago, she told me we might have a session on a Friday, but said she’d let me know at the start of the week depending on whether she went on a yoga retreat. I was already frustrated at the time because she couldn’t give me a definite answer then, but I still kept the day open just in case. I didn’t hear anything from her the entire week. The day before, I texted “Hi, I’m assuming we don’t have a session tomorrow?” to which all she replied was “correct”. It was so curt and came off like it was something I should’ve already known?? There was no acknowledgment or apology for her lack of follow-up, even though I was the one left hanging the entire week. I feel like it’s walking on egg shells when it comes to communicating over text.
She’s also pressured me a few times to pay more than my agreed sliding scale (I’ve been paying the lowest rate, which is still relatively expensive but is what I can afford right now), and when I asked to go biweekly instead of weekly, she told me that “I needed more therapy than that.” That comment felt manipulative and made me question whether it was truly about my well-being or her income.
I want to cut ties with her because of all of this but I feel completely disregarded. I still got charged for something I don’t even think I was fully at fault for and got absolutely nothing but complete silence in return. Am I overreacting?
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u/Substantial_Baker479 Jul 27 '25
You are absolutely not overreacting, this is unprofessional. It sounds like you need a therapist just to deal with this therapist. The better idea would be replacing your therapist.
It feels like and appears to me that they are taking advantage of you, in knowing that you won’t speak up for yourself when the scheduling issues are clearly their fault for inconsistently changing them and not communicating well. To me this seems manipulative, and even if there is a policy in place and even if you were the one misinterpreting the schedule, to show no leeway in that isn’t empathetic. A good therapist is empathetic, kind of the whole point.
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u/Fragrant-Duty-9015 Jul 27 '25
Agreed. It seems very manipulative and like she knows enough about OP to know OP would shift into fawn mode.
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u/FutureBoysenberry Jul 27 '25
Crap. That’s exactly what made my skin crawl from the jump with this post. The therapist knew how to play the patient perfectly… ugh.
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u/becca9d4 Jul 27 '25
Even if the therapist is just crap at running her business - I don’t know how you go back to sessions after this. If it were any other kind of business, you’d cut your losses and move on and maybe tell your network to avoid it, too. So - please, OP - trust your instincts and be kind to yourself. <3
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u/jmdawg15 Jul 27 '25
It sounds more like it's just the therapist than a full office staff, which would explain the lack of scheduling/communication.
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u/Music_Is_Life_BOWA Jul 27 '25
My current therapist is a single person, not a practice, and she has a system tied to her calendar that automatically sends a reminder email to me. My last therapist many years ago always gave me an appointment card. There have been set schedules with both of them that only change when one of us has an out of the ordinary conflict. And yes, both have empathy for mishaps.
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u/jmdawg15 Jul 27 '25
To clarify the statement you are replying to, I'm not justifying the therapists' actions.
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u/ishkitty Jul 27 '25
My hair stylist has a better calendaring and notification system than this therapist.
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u/live_laugh_cock Jul 27 '25
Even then that doesn't excuse the therapist's behavior. My therapist has moved multiple times and every time they have been able to communicate when things change way before my appointment even happens in the month.
This is even without any other office staff members.
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u/sleepyj910 Jul 27 '25
My therapist works alone and can operate basic scheduling software so I get reminders 2 days before.
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u/jmdawg15 Jul 27 '25
Not saying the therapist is justified at all. Just pointing out an observation.
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u/anon-gamer Jul 27 '25
exactly, my therapist was such a sweetheart. in the beginning there was issues with my insurance and she still continued to do sessions with me (like 5/6) even when my mum offered to pay out of pocket. i joked that she was basically just my friend lol
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u/Jardani1228 Jul 27 '25
It is always difficult to make a move from a therapist you may have made some progress with. But a critical component of any effective therapist is establishing trust and stability in the relationship and everything you’ve shared goes against that.
I would recommend that you take with you the insights and wins you’ve gotten from this therapist and find a new one. I would also suggest that you share the issues you ran into with your new therapist and establish clear expectations regarding respecting both of your times and commitments.
Your current situation is likely to get worse as your therapist does not seem to have the level of respect and consideration owed by a therapist to a client.
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u/_PineapplePrincess_ Jul 27 '25
Thank you, this insight helps a lot. Truly appreciate your comment.
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u/KateCSays Jul 28 '25
Yes, in the field of emotional support work, we call the calendar and the room and the system of organization and all the nitty gritty of scheduling and arriving and leaving "the container." If the container feels shaky and like you have to walk on eggshells just to navigate it, whatever gifts the therapist has as a practitioner aren't enough to fix that. You need BOTH a strong container AND a skilled practitioner.
I'd pay the therapist to get her off your back and say you won't be returning. Then find a therapist who has basic executive function skills (or, in my case, a system in place to make up for poor EC skills) so that you never have to worry about your therapist's container. It is there. It works. And you can just work with the therapist on your issues without worrying about flakiness dis-regulating you and making you feel unsettled.
If therapy is too expensive right now, look into group therapy. It can be powerful to heal in community.
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u/TheToonSquad Jul 28 '25
I have had my therapist check in when there is a scheduling issue and make sure I am still doing okay. I can't fathom one who does what yours does.
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u/sgtpepper214 Jul 28 '25
I second this. I have a biweekly re-occuring appointment with my therapist and have for 2ish years. During a time when I REALLY struggled with depression, I had a bad habit of sleeping at all hours and had overslept and completely missed my appointment by HOURS. I was mortified and so embarrassed, in response, my therapist sent me the kindest, nicest email and just wanted to make sure I was okay 🥲
It really helped me establish trust with them and feel like I was genuinely cared about!
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u/reasonablewitchgurl Jul 27 '25
I think this is a situation that teaches you how to stand up for yourself and set clear boundaries. Therapist is completely unprofessional, and the apology on your part for their unprofessionalism is especially unfortunate.
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u/_PineapplePrincess_ Jul 27 '25
Thank you, that really resonated. You’re absolutely right
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u/KittenIttle Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25
Speaking as a psychologist, you should definitely assert yourself here. This sounds like a therapist who has overextended themselves and then blamed the patient. Therapists and any other MHCPs are still human and certainly are not perfect, but they should have owned their mistake. You should absolutely report this. I would be mortified to put a patient in this position.
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u/DrMamaBear Jul 27 '25
Another psychologist here, a big part of therapist creating a safe space is consistency of appointment time and location. I think this is not a good set up
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u/howevertheory98968 Jul 27 '25
My new therapist has me coming in at different times each week. Is this bad?
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u/DeviledEgggh Jul 27 '25
Not bad IMO as long as it works for you. Some clients need flexibility. Additionally, many therapists, especially good ones with full client lists, will ask new clients to be flexible on appointment times in the beginning until a recurring time slot opens up. Think about what you need and want for you, and then ask your therapist to accommodate that as soon as their schedule allows.
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u/Xeryxoz Jul 28 '25 edited Jul 28 '25
Personally, I see this as a form of gaslighting and financial manipulation. Her behavior is intentionally vague, likely designed to avoid responsibility while extracting money without having to work. Makes you wonder how many others might she be doing this to. The key here is to make it explicitly clear that only written agreements are valid, and any changes must also be made in text. Verbal conversations devolve into a “he said, she said” situation, but written proof creates a trail and holds her legally accountable if she tries to say anything otherwise.
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u/KittenIttle Jul 28 '25
Realistically, you’re absolutely spot on. I think this 100% crosses into the realm of medical gaslighting. I would be tempted to take notes of this behavior and if any other red flags show up, reporting this therapist. The backtracking and blame reek of avoidance. Taking notes and asking for written confirmation going forward is a must, but honestly if I were in this person’s position I would be looking for a referral elsewhere.
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Jul 27 '25
I can't believe no one in the comments advised you to REPORT the therapist to the board. Please Do It, You'll be saving many new patients from their lack of professionalism!
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u/Star_World_8311 Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25
Yes, I hope that OP reports the therapist, What the therapist is doing is unethical (telling OP that they need more therapy, not communicating, not reading text messages correctly, trying to change the price without notice.) Please report her so that she can't do this to anyone else. You are the client; she works for you and so you can fire her (aka get another therapist.) OP is NOR.
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u/Accurate_Pizza3829 Jul 27 '25
You need to find a new therapist asap. I’ve never met them but they are completely unprofessional, heartless and crossing the line. They know better and you need to report them immediately. I’m so sorry. You did not deserve that !!!
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u/mesoziocera Jul 27 '25
Don't pay for a missed session due to your therapist messing up her scheduling.
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Jul 27 '25
Some of these people just see you as a paycheck and don't actually care about your well-being. Don't give up trying to find a good one they are out there!
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u/Accurate_Culture7651 Jul 27 '25
At the very least I would have them write down your appt times.. that will make sure you are covered in the future.
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Jul 27 '25
Let us know an update. I think if you like the therapist you should definitely say something before jumping ship.
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u/Haley_02 Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25
I'm sorry for not reading all that you wrote. (Not to disrespect you, it was just painful to read what this person is doing to you.) It quickly became apparent that your therapist is more than a little manipulative and self-centered. I know about complications with paying for therapy, but you might do well to seek a different therapist for your own well-being. 🥰
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Jul 27 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/omurat Jul 27 '25
Most therapist are in or have been in therapy. You can be a good one while still dealing with your own stuff. When you’re an ass to your clients it becomes an entirely different issue tho
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u/TheUgliestCuckling Jul 27 '25
Any therapist that doesn't have a therapist probably isn't very good. At least according to my wife, who is a therapist.
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u/Haley_02 Jul 27 '25
Lots of therapists have therapists. This one needs that, ethics, and professionalism classes.
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u/Big_Maintenance9387 Jul 27 '25
Meh, all therapists need therapy but this one seems to need a personal assistant or an attitude adjustment as well.
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u/TheNavigatrix Jul 27 '25
Eh, they’re required to go through therapy themselves. No one doesn’t have issues.
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u/comp2k Jul 28 '25
Not all therapists are required to go through therapy. It depends on your training, employer, location, etc. I am a therapist and I have been in my own therapy most of my life but I’ve never been required to or known anyone else in the field around me in my area be required to.
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u/TheNavigatrix Jul 28 '25
My neighbor is a PsyD and she told me that they are required to do this as part of their training and that she was responsible for working with trainees. I know she also goes to a regular meeting where she and others discuss cases -- part of this is examining your individual reactions to clients. I guess this is just her situation. Apologies for generalizing it. Seems like a good idea to me!
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u/comp2k Jul 28 '25
I think it should be required (at least a couple sessions) also! The group you’re describing is Supervision, which we do have to do before we earn higher level licensure to be able to practice “independently.” So not therapy, but a place to talk to a supervisor who has more experience in the field and can support you with cases, which can include your own feelings about cases if needed!
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u/Littlewordsbigplanet Jul 27 '25
Agreed - only thing this therapist would be good for is practice setting boundaries... WITH THEM.
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u/RoriKissXo Jul 27 '25
I wonder why OP tolerated it even at the very beginning, why can’t she just stop visiting her permanently
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u/pink_salamander2938 Jul 27 '25
Not at all. Please look for a new therapist. 1) No appointment reminders is strange. 2) Pressuring you on a sliding scale is unacceptable. 3). Derogatory remarks about how much therapy you need? Not ok. 4) Charging you for an appointment you missed might be understandable if it had happened more than once, but this was clearly a mistake. 5) Her tone in texting you is unprofessional.
Your therapist should not be a source a stress. Really. Good luck.
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u/BrosefDudeson Jul 27 '25
All these points are wildly unethical and unprofessional. Going by the screen shots alone I'd moved on to another one
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u/Decent_Brush_8121 Jul 27 '25
Saw a few examples myself in grad school. Some of the “craziest” (not an official diagnosis lol) chose the therapy track. I switched over to the community practice track (advocacy; political work; foundation admin, etc.) after some “therapeutic” training in grief. Gotta say, none of those I thot had no business as therapists showed the freakiness your example did. She’s licensed, isn’t she? Tell your tale to the accrediting body. It’s not that you have a beef against her, and she sounds a threat to teens, at best.
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u/Decent_Brush_8121 Jul 27 '25
Yikes—I was responding to the post where someone gave specific, horrific examples of a messed-up person who will be working with teens. Cannot even find that now; sorry.
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u/No-Double-710 Jul 27 '25
you need to demand an apology/explanation/refund. cut ties with her, and report her. she is being completely unprofessional. no therapist should be as unorganized, dismissive, or manipulative as her. she definitely doesn’t seem worth the money and obviously, it seems as if she doesn’t care at all for the betterment of others. better your life and cut ties.
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u/xtc234 Jul 27 '25
The label "Therapist" is not actually regulated. OP could be talking to anyone from a Counselor, to a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, to a Psychologist and they all could be referred to as a "therapist".
That's one of the things I hope Reddit gets passionate about like they do Chiropractors. What is this person they're paying money to actually?
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u/remgabby Jul 27 '25
as a therapist, you’d think she’d have better conflict resolution 😭 yea i’d definitely switch therapist
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u/ben12903 Jul 27 '25
Right?? The irony is wild. Good therapists don't ghost their clients when there's a problem they actually work through it.
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u/alvesthad Jul 27 '25
dirty little secret- therapists are some of the most fucked up batshit crazy people you're going to find. the truth is, nobody really knows any of the shit they say they do. can't prove a negative. how perfect huh. lol
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u/genesis49m Jul 27 '25
U got any sources for this? (Not asking in a catty way, genuinely wondering bc lowkey I can see it lol)
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u/SushiGirlRC Jul 27 '25
I have a 2nd-hand source lol. One of my former bosses several years ago was doing marriage therapy with his wife. One evening the therapist somehow butt dialed his office number or something and he had a 45-minute voicemail of the therapist, apparently really drunk, yelling vile things at her husband & throwing/breaking things. I listened to a couple of minutes of it & it was some serious abuse on her part. They never went back to her.
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u/collaredd Jul 27 '25
i think it’s just one of those doctors make the worst patients/lawyers make the worst defendants type things. when you think you know it all sometimes you think you don’t need help
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u/melanochrysum Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25
It’s also that those who are interested in mental health tend to be mentally ill themselves.
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u/Decent_Brush_8121 Jul 27 '25
Look up the concept the wounded healer. Not all are bad; many have admirable intentions. But they should do the work themselves before hanging out their shingle and running through fields of tender psyches.
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u/Briebird44 Jul 27 '25
My mother is an LCSW. She had all my older siblings taken away from her custody in the late 1980’s for severe abuse and neglect. Had me in ‘91 and got really covert with her abuse. Textbook narcissistic parent with paranoid schizophrenia (I saw the court therapist diagnosis from 1987) and likely BPD or borderline as well. My childhood was a fucking nightmare that I have c-PTSD as a result from. I absolutely should have been removed like my siblings were but she got so damn sneaky at evading the system.
Because all these things occurred so long ago, she was able to pursue a clinical social worker license to specifically counsel children abused by their parents
I reached out to my states licensing board over these concerns and they told me they don’t background check from that long ago, which is fucking INSANE to me! It’s like saying it’s okay for a pedophile from the 80’s to be working at a daycare!
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u/alvesthad Jul 27 '25
well, personal experience. i worked in mental health for almost ten years so i had the mis-pleasure of having to put up with a lot of them. most of them aren't super horrible but almost all of them are arrogant and act like they're above others like they have some special gift. by the end i was pretty well convinced that nobody really knows what they're doing and they're just so sure that they do but most patients don't even improve
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u/HoldOk4092 Jul 27 '25
She works for you. If you are certain you wrote down the correct time, and/or don't like that she doesn't do confirmations, you are of course free to get a new therapist.
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u/SaltEducator5442 Jul 27 '25
Ditch this therapist, get a new one. This person is not a good person and they are disrespecting and manipulating you NOR
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u/MuffledFarts Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25
It sounds to me like:
A) You do not feel safe with or respected by this therapist, and you should find a new one, and
B) You should fight this charge with your bank or credit card company
Was this appointment made over the phone? Do they do reminder calls/texts/emails? No doctor or therapist I've ever been to doesn't follow-up to confirm appointment dates/times. This sounds like a really unprofessional circus.
No matter how this happened, her communication style does not sync up with yours. Also, the part about being pressured for more appointments than you can afford is deeply concerning.
You should never feel like you're walking on eggshells with your medical providers. You are the client. Remember that.
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u/Due_Indication_1719 Jul 27 '25
I don’t love the way you apologized to her, when clearly it was her that had the incorrect date/time. Also, you are in no way obligated to pay a missed appointment fee for an appointment that had no written confirmation of scheduling.
Also, the way she spoke to you was completely condescending. If my therapist said “come straight to the office when you get here” as if you lollygag all over the place-just gave me the ick
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u/Ok-Kaleidoscope9771 Nonchalant Jul 27 '25
The come straight part didn’t bother me as I had a therapist once who most of the time, held us in the lobby ans I was always early and the she’d arrive for us on time. But that’s just cause I had this experience but totally agree with you I dont live any of this for OP
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u/cool_berserker Jul 27 '25
"hey Jane, could you please come straight to office when you get here, thanks"
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u/estoylococontigo Jul 27 '25
definitely switch therapists. NOR. this sounds like a very unprofessional therapist to say the least. and saying “you need more therapy than that” as well as pressuring you to pay more is WILD. check out psychology today to try to find a better fit. i have always found success there.
in comparison, i have had 3 therapists. they have always accomodated my schedule (where it fits within their own, such as them “i have thursday at 1 and 5 open. do either of those work for you?”) and if i ever needed to decrease frequency for financial reasons, they were completely understanding. they also all used systems like SimplePractice which sends automatic reminders about sessions.
i would find a new therapist and stop seeing this one IMMEDIATELY. perhaps even report them to their licensing board or their clinic if they’re not private practice.
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u/virgoitaliano Jul 27 '25
Therapist here, the way they’re communicating with you about the appointment is pretty jarring. Whenever this happens at my practice I reach out with “hi I had us scheduled for an appointment today at x time, did you need to reschedule that?” Usually I get a response that they forgot or there was a mistake when scheduling and we problem solve from there.
As far as the getting you to pay more than the agreed upon sliding scale fee, totally unethical. What you’re paying per session should be clear as day, especially if you’re not using insurance.
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u/Caiterzpotaterz Jul 29 '25
Therapists here also, and I agree. So much of the relationship is healthy boundaries. I ask clients if they would like a reminder or if they would like to write it down themselves (usually as a goal in regard to organization or something similar). I explain my no show fee and every client gets a first freebie as a warning. The comments about how much therapy a client may need, fee for service, and seemingly prioritizing a yoga retreat over client care is disgustingly unprofessional. Sounds like it’s time for a new therapist and a board complaint.
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u/ThrowawayCAN123456 Jul 27 '25
Seriously this is just brutal and she’s a terrible therapist. I’m sorry that happened to you.
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u/_PineapplePrincess_ Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25
UPDATE: She finally messaged back saying “I got the payment - thank you for honoring my time. Meant to text you on Friday but got busy, but wanted to let you know I could see you this coming week on Wednesday at 6 pm. Would be good to see you since we have missed sessions now…”
I’m still set in my decision in ending therapy with her and going to send a closure message. Thank you to everyone who has shared their support.
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u/Kindly-Compote966 Jul 27 '25
Girl respectfully, you need to run from her. She is so manipulative and unethical. Send her a (respectful) text that you no longer want to continue. I know it might be hard and finding a therapist is also hard but I would rather not see a therapist then go to a manipulative one that’s taking my own money. Run Girl
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u/moonlightjellyroll Jul 28 '25
LMAO who does this b*tch thinks she is?? Seriously seems to have a problem with taking accountability
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u/TraditionalRegular88 Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25
Your therapist should be confirming your appointments, it's the standard in the social work world, especially if there is a cancelation fee. I think that she may come off as curt in texts but it's more so not wanting to encourage texting back and forth with clients. (That's just a boundary) And weekly sessions are suggested in the beginning, typically you "graduate" to less therapy. Obviously finances factor in and you should be Having These Conversations With Your Therapist. Clear and effective communication may be something to work on. I don't know you but your feelings and time matter as well and you shouldn't squash them to make everyone else more comfortable.
Regardless, if this is an ongoing issue and she hasn't tried to come up with a solution I'd say that says enough about her own communication skills. If you really want this to work out I would address it during a session, or try to confirm appointments immediately after the session. "See you next week at 6pm on Thursday." Ultimately though your therapist should take away from your pile not add to it.
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u/Fit-Inevitable-5268 Jul 27 '25
I’ll reiterate what everyone else is saying and advise you to seek therapy elsewhere. I would also report her to the state licensing board because she is manipulating you and taking full advantage of someone she is supposed to be helping. She is using your challenges to her benefit and that is unethical. Not confirming appointments is unprofessional. Charging a no show fee for her inconsistent behavior is illegal. Her lack of concern for your financial situation and using “more therapy” for her financial gain, also illegal, unethical and unprofessional.
I’m a mental health counselor myself. Sadly, I have worked for agencies that move like this. I didn’t stay long because that type of behavior does not align with my core values. You deserve a therapist that has the same goal as you, and that is to heal and live a better life. She is not that! Call your bank and file a dispute for services not rendered. Let the therapist’s office know you will not be paying for the therapist double scheduling and canceling your appointment. Then tell them you will not be back. Go find someone that genuinely cares for your wellbeing. I’m praying your next therapist is as great as mine because she’s absolutely amazing and I hope my clients feel the same about me. Good luck to you.
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u/Awkward-Exercise1069 Jul 27 '25
Making client wait for arbitrary irregularly schedule for the therapy is diabolical. Switch the therapist
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u/Ok-Kaleidoscope9771 Nonchalant Jul 27 '25
no idea what time your apt was but this was all I needed to know this is not a fit for you. RUN
“She’s also pressured me a few times to pay more than my agreed sliding scale (I’ve been paying the lowest rate, which is still relatively expensive but is what I can afford right now), and when I asked to go biweekly instead of weekly, she told me that “I needed more therapy than that.” That comment felt manipulative and made me question whether it was truly about my well-being or her income.”
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u/Poop_E_Pants Jul 27 '25
Ew I really don’t like this. I would probably move on, mostly because of the manipulative vibes.
That being said, if she’s a decent therapist that you connect with and feel like you’re making good progress with her/she’s your only option financially at the moment, you could try and work things out. You have the right to discuss these issues with her if you want to maybe resolve it/improve communication. You could also literally tell her it felt unethical for her to prompt you to pay more/schedule more than you can afford. If she insists the frequency is important for your well-being, ask her what therapeutic reasons she has.
I’m not sure why she would offer a sliding scale if she doesn’t want to adhere to it. Also, in my experience with therapists, they’re supposed to be neutral esp in scheduling conversations/issues. They’re literally TRAINED not to take no-shows, late arrivals, ghosting, etc personally. If anything, they should bring up scheduling issues in session if it maybe indicates a pattern or something you can’t communicate (for example I was missing a lot of sessions because I was avoiding therapy and didn’t want to even face it, and she brought it up gently as something to just think about together).
Anyways, I don’t think you’re overreacting! If you feel like her actions have been unethical, I would report it to a state licensing board or whatever, or a supervisor if she’s under one.
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u/Fragrant-Duty-9015 Jul 27 '25
Ask for your money back and find a new therapist. I don’t see how you can work productively with someone who treats you like that. You shouldn’t even have apologized if you know she was in the wrong. It’s also wild that she has a client she sees every Thursday at 6, but can’t give you a regular day and time. NOR
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u/Strict-History-3802 Jul 27 '25
Your not over reacting in fact you are allowed to fire her, and don’t let her come at you with any bogus charges like separation fees or some nonsense like that what you need to do is report her to your insurance company or the medical board because it might sound like flakiness on her part but it might actually be her scamming patients by messing up their schedules so it seems like you messed up and she can charge you for it. I’ve had this happen to me before and it didn’t end well for them because I wasn’t the only one they were doing it to and even if shes just genuinely that sucky with her scheduling the simple fact is that she’s rude, flaky, and condescending and you deserve a better doctor
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u/MetalMonkey93 Jul 27 '25
This woman doesn't seem good at her job at all. She's supposed to help you mentally, and she just seems to add even more stress for you.
Therapists are still people, and as humans, we don't always click with others. I would look for a different therapist, Op.
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u/OliverPupfriend Jul 27 '25
If you want to cut ties with her, do it. You don't have to be right or wrong. You just have to be comfortable with her, and you're not. Acknowledge that and move on. Time to get a new therapist. You're never going to feel safe opening up to her again, so don't waste your time or money.
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u/jmdawg15 Jul 27 '25
I would definitely look elsewhere. I would also stand my ground on the payment for the "missed" appointment. If you know that you were supposed to meet on Friday, I would stand your ground.
I hate when medical professionals do this. I've had several doctors cancel appointments because something came up or make me wait an abnormal amount of time due to mismanagement of patients' appointments, and I didn't get a refund for the cancellation or paid for the time I waited to be seen.
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u/schwendigo Jul 27 '25
I've been in therapy for twenty years , and am currently in grad school to become one.
One of the things that not a lot of people talk about (or at least I was ignorant to it) is that many people get into the counseling profession to effect their own healing. Which in many ways is good - you want to work with someone that understands suffering - but it also introduces a bias into the profession where a lot of people don't really have their shit together.
I am a disorganized, ADHD, avoidant person, I've struggled with work and relationships .... but I know that when you are showing up for someone as a therapist, you need to fucking show up.
I've had terrible therapists that tried to squeeze me for more money after getting laid off, I've had terrible therapists that propositioned me romantically. I've seen a great deal of variability.
I'm fortunate enough to have found a good one. Once, after a few years of seeing him, I lost my job, and he cut his rate in half for me. Likewise I missed a session once (my calendar reminder didn't go off) and he didn't charge me a no show.
Likewise, a couple times he's gotten sick, and had to cancel the night before. It goes both ways.
It's very easy to set up a reminder system that will text or notify your clients x hours or days before a session. Considering that she doesn't like a fixed schedule, she should be doing this. You deserve better. At least a courtesy forgiveness for the "no-show" fee.
It's important for therapists to firm with billing and stuff because this profession is so intimate and there's so much help happening, but it is a business and the therapist also needs to provide a degree of stability and professionalism. It doesn't sound like she is granting you the same flexibility she is feeling entitled to.
I don't disagree with the "fire her ass" sentiment in the comments here, but I think you should send her a firmly worded message about the hypocrisy and imbalance here, and if you want to give her another shot do so.... but if you're going to bail, then give her the full picture, so she has a chance to course correct - at least for the sake of the other clients. This is an interdependent profession, it goes both ways.
At the very least it could be a great exercise in standing up for yourself. Some modalities (like psychoanalysis) even intentionally (and skillfully) antagonize the client in a way, in order to bring them back into their power and agency.
But yes - based on what you shared, you deserve better. It's in your hands though... You're the one in control.
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u/spyrowo Jul 27 '25
I'm a therapist, and I'd advise you to fire her. Her behavior is highly unethical. The only clients I see weekly are ones with high need that have requested it. I would never pressure them to keep seeing me weekly if they decide they don't need to be seen as often. Pressuring you on a sliding scale defeats the purpose of having a sliding scale. It sounds like she is failing at keeping clients and is trying to manipulate you so she can get more money from you. The fact that she requires you to work around her schedule says a lot and is probably part of the reason she can't keep clients. All my clients have a regular, recurring appointment. The only time we have a variable schedule is if we need to work around a day either of us won't be available or if they prefer weekly appointments at a time that is only available every other week. You should feel disrespected. I'm sure she'd change her tune if you told her you planned to leave her a negative review after this. But the most important part of therapy is that you get along with your therapist. Do yourself a favor and find someone that knows how to be professional.
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u/dsmith3265 Jul 27 '25 edited Jul 27 '25
Therapist here (well former) a few things:
- She could have and should have handled that scheduling mix-up better. No need to be a tool if a client misses an appointment by accident.
- My clients always got an automated text the day before. There are services for that. I understand not using them as they aren't necessarily cheap, and just texting the client yourself, but it doesn't sound like she's doing that either.
- She should communicate better, but you may be reading a little too into the style of text communication.
- She should not pressure you to pay more than an agreed upon amount without prior notice. That is unprofessional.
- There are legitimate reasons for a therapist to be resistant to stepping down the frequency of appointments. It's based on the level of acuity of the client. I don't know why you are in therapy or for how long so I can't speak to why she is resistant in moving to bi-weekly sessions, but I just wanted to tell you there are non-nefarious reasons.
- No-show fees are there to protect the therapists time. Often times, the only money you make is from the therapy session, not the time spent on the administrative work. If a patient no-shows and there's no fee, then the therapist doesn't make anything during an hour that could have been filled by somebody else. Speaking for myself, I usually just waived the no-show fee on a one-time basis. I understand things come up last minute, you get sick, the automated text doesn't send for whatever reason, etc. If there was a pattern of frequent no-shows then I would charge the fee and discuss the no-shows with the client.
I would always tell my clients that there is no such thing as a perfect therapist and that I'm not for everybody. If you feel that this no longer a good fit, then I think you should seek out another therapist.
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u/loveu4lyfe Jul 27 '25
Switch hun, u might just be a paycheque to her, don’t be discouraged tho, it took me going thru 4 therapists to find the right person for me
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u/Separate-Donut-7800 Jul 27 '25
NOR, this is highly unprofessional and does absolutely seem manipulative. It seems like this specific therapist cares more about her income than doing her job correctly. I've also never been to or heard of a single therapist or therapy office that doesn't send reminder texts, emails, or calls/voicemails. I've been in therapy on and off since I was 13, so almost a decade now, and I can say with certainty that you need a new therapist. I have a friend who works for a national hotline and has access to resources for affordable therapy to share with anyone who needs it, if you're in the US and you'd like any info regarding what's available in your state just let me know and I can ask him for you.
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u/NormalBeautiful Jul 27 '25
My therapist has a private practice from her home and does all her own admin. She also has ADHD (as do I - it's why I chose her!). She uses a software program that sends appointment reminders by both email and text, and any time an appointment needs to be changed for whatever reason, we specifically confirm the new timing. I can also log into an online portal to check my upcoming appointment schedule.
I've accidentally missed an appointment with her before, and I've missed one with another therapist I was seeing as well. Both times, they sent me an email asking if I was okay - not a rude text to make me feel bad! I did pay for the no shows, which is a totally reasonable policy...but in those cases it was fully my own fault!
Your therapist is extremely unprofessional and if this is how she runs her business and talks to her patients, I'd be very concerned about whether she's actually a competent therapist. It doesn't seem like she's concerned at all about developing a safe and trusting relationship with you, which is pretty critically important. You're not overreacting and I agree that you should cut ties and find a new therapist!
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u/Silly_Dragonfly_3565 Jul 27 '25
No your not wrong. Maybe time to find a new therapist. Did you do a background check on her??? SHE WORKS FOR YOU she's very unprofessional and obviously only cares about money. Don't pay her if you didn't see her!! Call me ill listen to you and offer help if I can lol… Iv never been able to find a honest caring therapist. I feel better venting to my friends.?
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u/Adventurous-berry564 Jul 27 '25
Even my PT has better management than this! Email confirmation when I book the next session and then reminder email the day before. And we rarely change the day!
Find a new more organised therapist.
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u/cotton_candy_kitty Jul 27 '25
I'm a therapist and it is unethical for her to talk you into paying more than what was agreed upon, unless it's in a written agreement before the session starts. It's okay for her to change the sliding scale amounts, but not after your session has already happened. It sounds like she isn't prioritizing things correctly, and perhaps forgot what day it is, it happens sometimes, but she should have apologized if it was her mistake. Find someone else.
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u/PutridLog2179 Jul 27 '25
Whoever you are seeing may run a business, but they are NOT a therapist.
Ditch them immediately, down not send them any more money, and find someone else who is professional and can operate like a normal therapist - including notification reminders/confirmations, regular scheduling (the lack of regular schedule is absolutely mind boggling absurd, and seems very likely they does that to many people) and no more insulting remarks.
You deserve better, amd wish you the best.
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u/alvesthad Jul 27 '25
i highly doubt it but hey, nothing surprises me anymore. might she be purposely trying to mix up your appointments to rack up no show payments on you? it seems unlikely but it really is weird what she's doing to you.
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u/gh0stlygal_ Jul 27 '25
This gave me anxiety just reading it. I’m sorry you experienced that. I hope you can find someone who is a better fit
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u/Overall-Pause-3824 Jul 27 '25
You're not over reacting. Mistakes happen and no bloody wonder when she's constantly changing your session days and times. She never stopped to think that maybe it was a mistake on her end.
I can't believe she charged you as well. I know there's the cancellation policy but a one off miscommunication, for most therapists wouldn't require payment. She also speaks very harshly over text. All round dud, find someone better, hopefully someone who can give you a fixed time.
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u/-charlatte- Jul 27 '25
That is extremely unprofessional, if possible I would definitely look into switching to a new therapist. I’m sorry OP, that’s super frustrating. It’s really strange to me that she’s tried to pressure you into paying more + telling you that you need more therapy… I mean at the end of the day, she works for you, and if you want to go biweekly, that’s your choice, you know? She seems super shady and you deserve a better therapist than her for sure
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u/LittleMissBraStrap Jul 27 '25
If she has a client with an ongoing appointment at 6 PM on Thursdays but she can't make a regular schedule with you then yeah, she's disrespecting you. NOR.
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u/PageFew6374 Jul 27 '25
If my therapist would talk to me in that tone I'd be gona ASAP, it's absolutely unprofessional!
You're paying a service for mental health, not to be treated like garbage. You just pay for the missed hour and you move, as these things can happen.
NAIOR
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u/Expert_Tree_6023 Jul 27 '25
SUE THIS THERAPIST! No therapist with genuine credentials would do this. She cannot just refuse communication with you because if you were to go and commit suicide, it would be on her.
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u/MsSmknMirrors Jul 27 '25
My therapist doesn’t confirm appointments. My therapist ALSO doesn’t switch my day/time around so it’s not hard to remember when I go.
The most important part of a client/ therapist relationship is trust. She has broken your trust and you don’t feel comfortable communicating with her. Girl, bye!
You’re gonna need a therapist to untangle your feelings about this therapist.
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u/Beneficial-Way-8742 Jul 27 '25
Is she that good that you want to keep her? She sounds disorganized.
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u/BookVivid5369 Jul 27 '25
I think it might be healthy to switch therapists, someone new could offer a different perspective
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u/Alibocas Jul 27 '25
This seems really unprofessional to not send you reminders through the office secretary but instead pressuring you directly to pay up, I'd block and ghost 'em cuz why would you want to go back to a therapist who probably exacerbates your anxiety lol
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u/MorningHelpful8389 Jul 27 '25
There’s 0 rationale for this. I run a clinic. My EMR has reminders built in via text and email at 24 hours before. She can absolutely add this in and if she is going to charge a no show she needs to do. I would find someone else.
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u/punkrockcrocs Jul 27 '25
oh my god i’ve never heard of a therapist that runs like this wow. picture being in the profession to heal people and ur just causing more stress.. run as far away from her as possible it sounds like she’s just in it for the money and to put people down. how long have u had to put up with her like this?
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u/TropicalDragon78 Jul 27 '25
It sounds like you're an ongoing client as well. At your next appointment let her know you want a set day/time for your appointments going forward so there's no confusion or miscommunication. This seems like a simple thing to ensure that you're benefitting most from your time with her. That should always be the priority.
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u/Leila_101 Jul 27 '25
I'm a psychologist. I would not communicate in this way, nor not follow up, let alone insist that you need more frequent sessions or try to get you to pay more. Fire her, and find someone new, and if needed, keep looking until you find a therapist who you feel you are a good fit with, you trust, and who actually helps you. It is fine if you need to have one or two sessions with a few different therapists, don't waste your time with the wrong one.
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u/crazynadine Jul 27 '25
you are not overreacting. this behavior feels unprofessional to me. and with something like a therapist, you need trust. i don't see how you can get that with this person.
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u/soycerersupreme Jul 27 '25
that comment felt manipulative and made me question whether it was truly about my well-being or her income.
you have your answer, I think
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u/DesotoVice Jul 27 '25
I’d report this experience to whatever governing body oversees licensing in your area. Rude and unethical and most importantly not helpful.
I hope you find someone better suited to this line of work, you deserve better.
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u/Conscious-Draw-5215 Jul 27 '25
Definitely switch therapists. That person is awful! I can't believe there are no schedule reminders. That's really unprofessional!
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Jul 27 '25
Never apologize when you're right. It gives the person in the wrong the opportunity to blame you. I learned this the hard way as someone who usually auto apologizes to make things "right". Sounds like she messed up. Own your scheduling, you've never messed up before. And yes cutting ties with a therapist that messes with you this way is the right decision
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u/butterflycole Jul 27 '25
I would not be comfortable with this therapist. She doesn’t sound very organized.
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u/Sorry-Climate-7982 Jul 27 '25
Sounds like your therapist is just doing this as a side gig, and could use some therapy herself. Extremely non-professional and very likely not overly helpful.
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u/Accomplished_Use4579 Jul 27 '25
I have a therapist, my daughter has a different therapist, neither would do some mess like this. Even if we miss an appointment or are running late they have accomodated or even waived the fee . You are NOR, I'd definitely look for a new therapist.
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u/AncientAd7274 Jul 27 '25
if this isn’t the first time this has happened, they’re definitely doing it purposely to make money off you while doing no work… I would personally never pay for an appointment that I didn’t schedule and didn’t attend. sounds crazy
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u/Living_Plant3916 Jul 27 '25
I work for a psych clinic and specialize in intake and bookings. This is unprofessional and disorganized. Truth is, you probably didn't mishear in your session, she likely forgot and scheduled her usual client and didn't adjust your booking. You can ask for text confirmation and/or a confirmation card.
Have you ever missed an appointment before? If its the first time, its customary to wave the first incident. Also while she can recommend bi-weekly she can't pressure you especially knowing your financial circumstances.
As for the sliding fee, how is she pressuring you? It's normal for them to raise their rates or have a timeliness for upping the fee, but pressuring is not acceptable.
If you need help outlining this to her and setting some good boundaries and expectations, please feel free to DM me for advice. I do this on the daily.
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u/imtheSHITZUduh Jul 27 '25
My therapist always confirms appointments at least 2 days before. Your therapist shouldn't have bad communication issues..
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u/Separate-Donut-7800 Jul 27 '25
NOR, this is highly unprofessional and does absolutely seem manipulative. It seems like this specific therapist cares more about her income than doing her job correctly. I've also never been to or heard of a single therapist or therapy office that doesn't send reminder texts, emails, or calls/voicemails. I've been in therapy on and off since I was 13, so almost a decade now, and I can say with certainty that you need a new therapist. I have a friend who works for a national hotline and has access to resources for affordable therapy to share with anyone who needs it, if you're in the US and you'd like any info regarding what's available in your state just let me know and I can ask him for you.
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u/Radiant-Television39 Jul 27 '25
I had a therapist that was flaky with times and she’d be late and change our appointment at the last minute. Very unprofessional. I had to ditch her.
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u/ShellChellNG Jul 27 '25
I vote not over reacting at all. She sounds bad at her job. There are apps for the intake process now and you get automated texts or email reminders regularly. Literally no excuse for her. Follow your gut and break up with her. You deserve better.
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Jul 27 '25
Dealing with all this and being pressured, when I am financially stressed would have me all kinds of anxious and frustrated. I wouldn’t need that on top of my current issues. I think you have more than enough reasons to cut ties… You don’t have to give her specific explanation as to why, but you certainly could.
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u/Affectionate_Tour309 Jul 27 '25
you need a new therapist and a refund cause yeah no 👎🏾. her responses was irritating me too. Like she could’ve at least said hey!!
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u/Jcaseykcsee Jul 27 '25
So unprofessional and rude. If possible find a new therapist, your therapist shouldn’t be giving you stress.
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u/dsm5trcore Jul 27 '25
Did you sign a ‘good faith estimate’ for your sliding scale sessions? That’s the contractual agreement regarding the cost of sessions. If she is trying to manipulate you into paying more, it is unethical and in some cases illegal. I would complain to the licensing board. This is very inappropriate behavior based on the text.
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u/TabuTM Jul 27 '25
Maybe she is therapying you with this nonsense to try to teach you how to stand up for yourself. Or maybe she just sux.
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u/redddiculous Jul 27 '25
NOR. Cut ties and find a new therapist. Self respect and proper boundaries are some of the reasons we seek therapy in the first place. The fact that you are on here about this issue is telling me that you know she is treating you poorly which isn’t a healthy foundation for further work together. I’ve had to leave a therapist before, it was difficult bc of my people pleasing tendencies and having shared many vulnerable things with them. Also receiving real help from them. But they are human and it’s ok to need to move on. I wish you the best in this challenging situation.
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u/tex-murph Jul 27 '25
Good lord, this person sounds unintentionally malicious due to disorganization. My guess is they gave you a hard time on sliding scale is because they forgot your rate, and similarly any scheduling conflict is due to they themselves being just confused.
The only thing I would agree with the therapist on is that bi-weekly is often not that useful IMO, if you're actively dealing with a problem. I've seen the opposite - a therapist with a sliding scale will *want* bi-weekly, because it gives them more slots for their parents who will pay them more money!
So overall yeah they might be well intentioned, but could use a therapist themslves on staying organized.
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u/Learning-20 Jul 27 '25
Is this my former therapist?? 🙄 I legit felt like I had to build the courage to break up with them just for them to gaslight me and tell me they were thinking of dropping me hahahaha but yeah- real quick to charge those late fees, no show (I had norovirus and was passed out from dehydration) but when she didn’t show up, she laughed.., craziness
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u/Bidwaf Jul 27 '25
Therapy helps us reduce stress and feel safe and work towards feeling better about ourselves. Your situation isn’t meeting any of these and in my opinion you should find a new therapist
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth Jul 27 '25
YOU pay her, not the other way around. Find someone else who is more respectful!
STOP seeing her! She is behaving as if she owns you FFS!
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u/Objective-Flight-290 Jul 27 '25
There are so many therapists, this one sounds ineffective and hard to work with. Just keep hopping until you find a decent one.
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u/Minimum-Love Jul 27 '25
Lol. Brings back memories of all the chicks I dated in college that were studying to be therapists… Can’t recommend them more highly!
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u/Alt_Life_Chiq Jul 27 '25
Nope. Definitely not overreacting here; I’ve worked in mental health for over a decade and this therapist is too unreliable and casual about missing appointments which, big surprise, is YOUR loss financially. If this is the first missed one, a) she should have reached out AT the time of the appointment if you are consistently on time, ten minutes in at the very most, b) being your first no-call, no-show it sounds like, her policy is ridiculous. Even other professionals who book regular clients (like tattoo and piercing artists, hairstylists, etc) usually have a one mistake policy where any deposit rolls over if you reschedule so that’s another red flag for her. Her pressing for more money is also very telling on where her priorities for you are, let alone telling you that bi-weekly wasn’t really an option because you “need more therapy”? Her wording is completely disrespectful and again, very telling. If this is what you can afford, SHE needs to work YOU into her schedule, because you’re the one coming to her for help, not for a guilt trip. If she has all these issues on top of not being able to commit to a regular schedule for you, one of her clients, bar emergency situations? To be honest, I think it’s time you start looking for a new therapist.
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u/Software_Human Jul 27 '25
Wow. I've missed an appointment with my therapist before. She NEVER implied blame even after I told her it was my fault (it WAS my fault and I apologized and was totally fine paying). She later explained she would never assume it's a patient's fault, even if it WAS their responsibility, because it would be disrespectful.
So yea. That's unprofessional.
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u/chonkycats24 Jul 27 '25
If this was my therapist, having a therapist would stress me out. New therapist asap!! Sorry this happened OP.
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u/cyanidelemonade Jul 27 '25
You should not be walking on eggshells for your fucking therapist of all people
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u/toobasic2care Jul 27 '25
I've been to about 5 different therapists and none of them have ever treated me this way. You cand find better. I hope you know this isn't on you.
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u/ANOLE_RETENTIVE Jul 27 '25
Then she should be texting with a confirmation. Every therapist I've been to either gave an appointment card or had an electronic system that texted a little confirmation.
This is unethical.
I'd tell her she's incorrect, and she can take you to small claims if she feels you have a debt. (She won't be able to prove one, since a judge will ask what I just did -- why didn't you start texting your patient with the information so there is no future ambiguity)