Feel like I’m in way over my head

[u/Abyssal866]

I knew this would be hard. I knew it would be even harder as a single mom. But my god. I have a 6 month old and 2 year old. I found out I was pregnant again 1 week after me and their father separated. I still wanted another baby so I thought “I can do this!”.

I’m so, so burnt out. Physically from managing the 2yo’s tantrums, and the 6mo needing to be held all the time, ripping my hair out, crying at me. The constant sleep deprivation. Mentally burnt out from their father dragging out a custody process, saying he wants more custody and then immediately going back on it whenever it’s offered to him. Plus his threats of withholding our children from me over any. little. thing.

I’m counting down the hours every day until I can go to bed and restart the process the next day. I’m heavily relying on family and support services just to get through each day. I feel like a bad mom for not being as present for my kids as I could be if I wasn’t at my witts end. I feel guilt for how much attention the baby demands from me, and takes away from my 2yo.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel where both kids are older and won’t be so physically reliant on me and can play together, but it feels so far away. I’m trying to enjoy my 2nd’s baby stage since he’s a much happier, easier baby than my 1st was. But it’s so f*cking hard. You don’t realise just HOW hard until you’re already in it.