r/2under2 • u/golden-skye • Feb 24 '26
Advice Wanted What do you wish you had done differently in those last few months before baby #2?
Hi everyone! I have a 21m toddler and I’m due with baby #2 in May, so we made it into the 2 under 2 club 😅 We have roughly 90 days left and I really want to use this time intentionally instead of just…winging it and hoping for the best.
For those of you who’ve already survived the postpartum part of this what do you wish you had done before baby arrived?
I’m especially curious about things like skills you worked on with your toddler (or wish you had), routines that made the transition smoother, any independence stuff around sleep/meals/play that actually helped once you had a newborn in the mix.
Also wad there anything you told yourself “we’ll deal with that when the baby’s here” about and then immediately regret? 😂
Basically just looking for your “if I had a do-over” wisdom. What made life easier or what would you change if you could go back to the first day you brought baby #2 home from the hospital?
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u/meltness Feb 24 '26
OP I am in the same boat and I just wanted to say thank you for asking this question. It has been on my mind too in these last few months before baby 2. Looking forward to reading the responses
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u/scceberscoo Feb 24 '26
I am glad we:
- potty trained
- got her sleeping in a toddler bed
- practiced alternatives to being held or in our laps
- encouraged independent play
- spent lots of time together! Enjoyed plenty of cuddles and really took advantage of our last few months able to give our toddler undivided attention
There’s not much I regret about how we prepared. The things that feel challenging now are mainly emotional and logistical because our lives have changed so much. But I don’t think any amount of reading/planning/etc would have made much difference.
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u/whatsuperior Feb 24 '26
In which way does the toddler bed make a big difference? I am thinking of doing it now because idk how I will lift toddler up for his crib and put him down once I am “big pregnant” (14 weeks now). But I’m just curious how it makes it easier later after the newborn is here?
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u/scceberscoo Feb 24 '26
For us it was mainly that we didn’t want to buy 2 cribs, and didn’t want to deal with a big toddler sleep adjustment after baby was born. Just sounds miserable to be up in the night with the baby AND the toddler! It was also nice to not have to lift in and out of the crib once I was really pregnant. That wasn’t our initial reasoning, but ended up being a nice benefit.
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u/SemperIgni Feb 24 '26
What was your age gap? Did you experience any regressions when baby came?
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u/scceberscoo Feb 24 '26
We are barely 2u2 - they’re 23 months apart. No potty or sleep regressions, but some behavioral regressions. Toddler is definitely pushing boundaries and having more meltdowns. That’s been really tough, truthfully, but we’re just sticking with our routines and rules and hoping time will smooth everything out. She’s still a baby herself and it’s not surprising that introducing a sibling has caused some challenges.
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u/SemperIgni Feb 24 '26
Mine will be 20 months when baby arrives and we've been having the potty training debate. We cloth diaper so our daughter can let us know when she's in need of a change! I've been reading some books about it but now that we're within 2-ish months of baby who knows haha
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u/scceberscoo Feb 24 '26
Ah we do cloth too! Not having double the cloth laundry was a huge motivator haha. Best of luck if you decide to try!
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u/ElementreeCr0 Feb 25 '26
Any tips on independent play? We're in a similar boat as your comments describe, just earlier in it. 23mo age gap coming, Cloth diapers we're potty training out of. Already in a floor bed. The challenge for us is independent play for sure, last couple months our 1.5yo has started a bit of that but for the most part they demand a lot of attention. Fun when we can provide it, challenging/screamy when we can't!
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u/scceberscoo Feb 26 '26
I’m sure that part of it is just temperament, in that she’s always played on her own to some extent to begin with. We really made a conscious effort not to interfere when we caught her playing on her own. We’d also just sit back and “see what she would do” without us actively engaging her in play at least once a day - like when we were cleaning up after dinner or something.
Something that also helped a lot was 2.5 hour nap/rest time. We allow her to bring books and a few quiet toys to bed for nap. If she wakes up early, we let her play in bed for the remaining time. We really saw her imagination and ability to self entertain blossom with the quiet time!
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u/ElementreeCr0 Feb 26 '26
We do try what you described in your first paragraph. The quiet time sounds great. At daycare our oldest naps 2 to 2.5hrs daily. At home naps end around an hour. How did you establish the 2.5hr quiet time? If they wake up early did you just go change them and accompany them until the 2.5hr mark?
We've heard of people using a stoplight in the nursery to show a toddler when it's time to sleep, vs okay to go wake up parents. Sounds comical and unrealistic for us but hearing the quiet time naptime idea reminds me of that!
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u/scceberscoo Feb 26 '26
We just built up to it. She used to nap for the full 2.5 hours, but once she started waking up earlier we just saw that she was content and allowed her to do her thing. We don’t go in if she’s doing ok. Now she naps for maybe 1.5 hours and then entertains herself for the rest, but it started as 15 minutes.
I have to imagine temperament plays a role too. I can imagine some toddlers will want to be attended to as soon as they wake up, and that’s probably more tricky.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
How close to having baby #2 did she get potty trained? We were wondering if we should bite the bullet now or wait a bit until after the baby is here.
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u/scceberscoo Feb 24 '26
We did it three months before baby was born. Obviously, every kid is different, but I think it was so worth it. No regressions since baby’s been born, and it’s so great to only have one in diapers.
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u/beaniebroccolini Feb 24 '26
We have a 22m age gap and I’m glad we didn’t potty train. Having them both in diapers is really no big deal, but cleaning up accidents or having to rush to the bathroom constantly would be!
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u/Weekly_Click_7112 Feb 25 '26
This is why I’m holding off on potty trying my first. At first I didn’t want to have two people in diapers but I think having to clean up messes might be worse.
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u/golden-skye Feb 25 '26
Yea also I started thinking about the logistics of taking them out in public and I’m already worried enough about going from taking 1 to having 2 babies to have to take out and about. I don’t want to throw public accidents or having to take the toddler to use a toilet into the mix as I’m finding my footing.
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u/PlanMagnet38 Feb 24 '26
Stairs! Toddlers need to be safe and independent on the stairs.
Meal prep! A deep freezer is absolutely your best friend postpartum and for the foreseeable future. Even just doubling what you cook now and freezing it adds up quickly! I like to make things in loaf pans so they can cook in the toaster oven (safer with littles under foot).
Teach your toddler to help you tidy up (ex. put clothes in hampers, put shoes away, put toys away when done). The chaos is about to triple, so it’s time for the toddler to pitch in! Toddlers also LOVE a swiffer mop/duster. For the next few months, half-assed toddler mopping is better than none at all.
Do some dry runs of whatever care you’ll have in place for delivery. Practice everything at least once (ex Nana sleeps over, does breakfast, does daycare drop off, etc).
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
This is such good advice 🙌 thank you so much! I think you have sold me on a deep freezer. I was already wanting to get one for storing pumped milk but now I realize it will have multiple uses making it a necessity for us!
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u/PlanMagnet38 Feb 24 '26
It’s truly a game changer for our household logistics and budget! We actually have two (both hand me downs from retirees who were downsizing), and I vastly prefer the stand-up style over the chest style. It’s much easier to label the “butts” of my loaf pans and see what I have.
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u/cbr1895 Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
20 month age gap.
Worked on holding hands, climbing stairs with just hand holding, and a lot more time with dad and other caregivers, especially with bedtime routine (mainly out of necessity because my hips began to give out, but it helped us tremendously with the transition). Also, me not picking her up in the last month or so (due to hips) was hugely helpful once I gave birth as I had a c-section and she was used to me not being able to lift her. Continued to encourage independent play, which we have been doing since toddler was young, and really leaned into make believe play which she was just starting to get into (her play kitchen is the unsung hero in our lives). Oh, and we got into a good handwashing routine! Any time we come home from daycare or from activities, first step after taking off shoes and jacket is to go into the kitchen and wash hands. She has a learning tower set up, learned how to roll up her sleeves, scrub her hands etc.
What I’m glad we didn’t bother to work on (a lot of this is opposite to what someone else recommended hah, just goes to show every family is different):
- we did not pacifier wean. We waited until she turned two, after we were nice and settled and used to having a new baby around. Went way smoother than I anticipated.
- we did not potty train. She’s still in diapers (28 months) but potty curious and will ask and go on the potty to pee. We are in no huge rush to train her and will likely wait another few months. Honestly, two kids in diapers is way less of a big deal than people make it out to be. I’ve heard if you wait until they are ready it’s a lot easier, so we are taking her lead on this.
- we did not move her from her crib. She is still happily in her crib. No way am I rocking the boat. Far easier to not have to worry about her waking up in the night while baby is also waking up in the night. She still sleeps like a champ. Note that she shows no sign of trying to climb out, so we don’t have to worry as much about this.
What I wish we did: meal prep 😩. Practice with her using a leash backpack (she’s a runner and he’s a fussy guy, and so outings with both are tough even with the double stroller because he wants to be out and held and she wants to be out and then bolts). Practice red light green light (for the running).
She was enamoured from the moment she met him, and almost 7 months later she still loves her baby brother more than anything on the planet. I know it’s different for everyone but for us the transition could not have gone more smoothly.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
This is so helpful! Especially since you listed a few things I thought I absolutely have to do are not deal breakers if we aren’t able to do them before the baby is here like the crib & potty training! Definitely helps take pressure off of trying to do “all the things” so I can prioritize the bigger things that will have the most impact.
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u/cbr1895 Feb 24 '26 edited Feb 24 '26
Honestly if something is working for you right now (diapers, crib), imo don’t change it! I cannot emphasize this enough - protect established sleep routines at all costs. As for potty training I couldn’t even imagine having to panic find a washroom while out with both kids when my second was a newborn, and have to wait for the disabilities bathroom so I could bring the stroller in, and set up a little portable potty seat for my oldest. So much easier to not have to worry about it because they can go in their diaper, or do a quick diaper change if absolutely needed (which rarely is for my toddler anymore when we are out and about). I feel much more used to having both kids out and about now, and think I could better handle potty training issues outside the house now that we are 7 months in. Plus, my gal is now able to communicate things like ‘I need to pee’ or ‘I’ve had a poo’, and is able to pull up and down her pants on her own. All of these things help with potty training. Make your life as easy as you can 😊. Anyways, wishing you the best of luck, and for what it’s worth, I much preferred having a newborn and a toddler to being pregnant with a toddler. All i seemed to stumble across online before I gave birth was chaos and doom and gloom stories but it has honestly been wayyyy more fun and joyful than I anticipated!
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u/MGLEC Feb 24 '26
I second this! I know every family is different but we've kept my toddler in her crib, in diapers, and have maintained her bedtime routine. She still had a wicked (blessedly short) sleep regression so I'm glad we weren't also doing potty or bed transitions at the same time.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
Thank you SO much for this! 💕 Seriously! I am so nervous and your comment about if something is working right now for specific things don’t change it & I think I’m going to try my hardest to get my newborn more acclimated to my toddlers sleeping routines even though the newborn will be sleeping a lot more. I was wondering if we should hurry and potty train but I think I’m gonna hold off now.
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u/vataveg Feb 24 '26
Emotionally there was very little we could have done to prepare. We read books about becoming a big brother and my toddler liked them, but he was still an emotional wreck for a couple of months after his baby sister was born. I will say he didn’t take it out on the baby, he was and still is SO sweet to her, but he got extra clingy with me and my husband. Every toddler reacts differently - he has two little friends who also got baby siblings in a similar timeframe and they all had different experiences.
Skills-wise, stairs are super important for your toddler to master. I’m often walking up and down the stairs with my toddler while holding the baby and it’s important that he’s super comfortable and knows not to play around. I also can’t always get up and redirect him so making it super clear to your toddler was is and isn’t allowed in a given space.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
I am so thankful we have a single level living home with just a finished attic playroom. I don’t usually go up and down the steps during the day and my husband has a game room upstairs with the playroom so he will take my toddler up there to give me a break but other than that we don’t have to tackle the steps thankfully! 🙏🏻
I got him one book about becoming a brother but was thinking I should get a couple more. After reading your comment I think I will skip that and spend the money on something else for him 🤣 that’s so good he didn’t take it out on the baby!
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u/Technical-Leader8788 Feb 24 '26
I’d make sure you’ve got good mounted, not pressure, baby gates up at the top and bottom of the stairs anyway if you don’t already. You’re eventually going to the trapped under a newborn and toddler is going to dart for the stairs even if they never do that normally. And in general I’d go through and reinforce or amp up baby proofing in general. The less your toddler has to get into, the more time you can focus on playing near the baby safely or can tend to baby without stressing and rubbing after toddler as much
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
We have a normal looking door that leads up to that space & the gate at the top but I need to get door handle locks covers for everything! I almost forgot about that so thank you! 🙏🏻
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u/PlanMagnet38 Feb 24 '26
Don’t forget about steps outside your home too. For example, stairs at the library or on the playground.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
Oh that’s good to consider! I know my husband has him going up and down the stairs to the playroom super well but I need to start working with him on the steps too so he’s used to using the steps independently with me also.
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u/hgewd Feb 24 '26
Commenting to follow this thread because I’d love to hear advice as well. We’ll have a 14 month old and a newborn by the end of May.
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u/Suspicious_Salt145 Feb 24 '26
For the toddler, there isn’t much you can do to prepare them of the reality. Mine was just shy of 19 months and became very clingy towards the end and after baby arrived. We were just diligent about setting aside specific time for just her so she didn’t feel rejected… she probably still did, but they learn quickly. Things I wish I did: 1. Get out the baby stuff now and let toddler get use to seeing it around. Especially anything that toddler may think is “theirs”. The stand up baby table and the baby chairs were hard for my toddler to stop trying to climb into. Toddler will still try and climb in top of baby when in those. 2. We read books and still do. I would point to “mommy, daddy, <toddler name>, and baby” in the pictures to help her learn that there would soon be 4. If your oldest is a girl I highly recommend “Little Miss Big Sis”. Toddler still requests that book multiple times a day and I’m 6 month PP. 3. Take more naps and give yourself grace. I pushed myself to be the same mom I was before pregnancy with the toddler. I was sooo effing tired. And now I’m more tired with no time to rest. It will all come back and I still get tons of quality time with both. 4. Go out to eat as often as you can and take a trip if you can. Sending one kid to the grandparents so you can have time away with spouse will be gone once #2 arrives. We went to Spain for a week for our anniversary/babymoon. We went big because we knew it would be the last big trip for a LONG time. I was only about 20 weeks pregnant at the time. I would still try to carve out time to do stuff just you and husband now. I finally feel like we have time together again. There was a long period of time I felt like we were just ships passing in the night. 5. If you are considering potty training knock that out before #2 comes. Mine showed interest right when we brought the baby home. I’ve put it away as long as I can, but I do think she’s ready… I’m not because it’s still so chaotic lol.
Enjoy the time and just remember it’s hard before it gets better. And it gets SOOOO much better. We are 6 months and oldest is almost 25 months. It’s a blast now. Crazy and exhausting, but I’m loving it more than I can even describe.
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u/MGLEC Feb 24 '26
Just chiming in to say, this is a great list but we (20 month gap) intentionally did NOT try to potty train even though my daughter was interested because multiple people suggested it would likely backslide. We're slowly doing it now (planning on a pantsless weekend when it warms up) but I'm glad we weren't mastering major new skills right before a new baby came into the house.
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u/Suspicious_Salt145 Feb 24 '26
I partially wish we did and partially glad we didn’t. She didn’t show interest before the baby came c but as soon as baby arrived she was very interested. If she was an only child I could have definitely potty trained her at 19/20 months. Every kid is different though. Trying to figure out how to potty train now seems overwhelming. I guess it’s tough either way you decide!
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
I am glad you said this because we are considering just holding off on the potty training for now since we have a long list of other things to do it will help being able to prioritize the other most important things and me not guilting myself into thinking I should be hurrying to try to potty train him like yesterday 🤣
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
Thank you SO much for this list! All of these are such great ideas, most I hadn’t considered yet besides making sure to set aside specific one on one time for our toddler once baby is here. I’m glad to hear it gets better around the 6 months PP timeframe! It will get me through the hard days in the beginning knowing there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.
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u/queenpastaprimavera Feb 24 '26
mine are 13 months apart and my oldest had just started walking when we had baby #2. weeks worked on crawling up and down the stairs safely, getting up and down from the couch, taking her diaper to the trashcan, independent play, being gentle, and sitting next to me so she could get used to me holding the baby on my lap.
we also practiced the logistics of getting both kids in and out of the car. that was honestly the hardest part.
the thing i wish we would’ve done was decluttering the house completely. not just cleaning but going through every single room and getting rid of about ¼ of everything.
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u/Mountain-Summer1475 Feb 24 '26
I’m so interested! Why the declutter piece?! Generally we are pretty clutter free but we’re about to move (on top of all this new baby change 😅) and I wouldn’t mind the extra motive to purge even more than I planned to haha
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u/queenpastaprimavera Feb 24 '26
mostly because our oldest was still so little it was harder to keep up with the house. there was a lot of things we could’ve easily done without that we thought we would need one day. we just went bare minimum with everything and it made it easier to clean especially since i always had one or the other kid in my arms!
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
The decluttering piece for us is important because we didn’t do it with our first and the mess piles up so quickly when you are in survival mode that the clutter makes it so much worse! Like at one point all of our table surfaces were stacked with random things. I am making it a priority to purge & make sure everything has a place it belongs this time around because it will save me my sanity
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
I have been wanting to make sure we declutter but have been putting it off! This is making me get it together and have a solid decluttering plan in place the next couple months so I can tackle each room before baby boy is here.
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u/Enchiridion5 Feb 24 '26
We have a 19 month gap. Things I'm glad we did:
- Get a huge freezer. Full of freezer meals, toddler snacks and plenty of space for pumped milk.
- Set up the baby furniture well in advance, especially the stuff that went into toddler's room (they'll start sharing a room soon, baby's bed has been there for a while now).
- Created safe spaces to put baby, all over the house, and taught our toddler that she can't play there (for example, a playpen in the living room).
- Worked on taking the stairs.
- Encouraged independent play by reducing the amount of toys (this weirdly works, we rotate the toys every few weeks now) and by being present with our toddler while while doing something else ourselves. For example, I would crochet while toddler played, so she got used to me being "distracted".
Things I wish we had done:
- Worry less! Overall the transition has been pretty smooth. Our toddler loves her baby sister, our youngest is an easy baby, and we have much less chaos than I was expecting.
- Potty training. Our toddler showed signs of readiness at 17 months, but I was exhausted. It would be so nice to have only one kid in diapers. Now we really don't have the energy to try to potty train, and toddler is getting frustrated because she gets upset at poopy diapers. I feel guilty about this.
- Taught toddler to put away her toys at the end of the day. We only recently started doing this and toddler is genuinely helpful.
- Be more strict when our toddler draws things out unnecessarily, like not wanting to give an item back or not wanting to put on her coat. I used to lovingly coach her until she did what I wanted. It took ages. Now I simply don't have the time, so now I'll give her two warnings and if she doesn't comply, I just grab the item or hold her firmly so I can put on the coat. Works much better.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
This is such a great list! I think the one thing I might not be able to fit into the things will be potty training. What is the main reason you regret not doing it before your new baby was here?
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u/Enchiridion5 Feb 25 '26
I definitely get it, potty training takes a lot of energy which is an especially finite resource while pregnant.
I regret not doing it because my toddler right now really seems to want to be potty trained. She dislikes (and fights) diaper changes now, especially when there's poop in her diaper. I think both of us would be happier if she could go on the potty instead.
We have actually recently started a program to potty train her but it's going very slowly because it's difficult to give toddler the right amount of attention at the right time while caring for a baby. I think we need to wait a couple of months until the baby is on a more predictable schedule. It is what it is, but looking back I wish I'd at least given it a try before baby was added to the mix.
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u/Responsible_Cut_9923 Feb 24 '26
23 month age gap and baby #2 just arrived. Here is what I think we did that helped made transition easier and what I wish we would have done:
REST AND NAP!!!! Most important!!
- Independent play
- Helping Mom (laundry, trash, cleaning) doing anything to help engage him in the chores. We aren’t playing all day every day lol.
- Safety - Hold mom’s hand in parking lot, climb in and out of car seat, get out of car on own, climb stairs, use step stool at sink, etc.
- Sleep - Don’t change a thing 2 months out, get toddler used to both or only one parent putting them to sleep
- Baby - Bring baby things out and give toddler a baby doll to practice being gentle etc.
- Meal prep - the one thing we didn’t really do and wish we had!
- Don’t start home renovation projects a month before baby is due lol!
- Set up diaper changing stations around house and have safe place to put baby in each room or floor of your house.
- Set up postpartum items in all your bathrooms
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
Thank you so much for commenting this list!
But I completely agree about the home renovations! Funny enough we were in the middle of a huge renovation my first pregnancy and we procrastinated around waited until I was past 35 weeks to finish everything. It was the biggest mistake of our marriage to date and I was so worn out by the time I made it to 40 weeks + 1 day because I didn’t take any time to rest beforehand and postpartum was a wild ride from the start.
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u/MGLEC Feb 24 '26
Things I'm glad we did:
-Talked extensively about what would happen when the baby arrived and mom went to the hospital
-Set up baby stuff in advance (e.g., building the crib in my daughter's room even though her brother won't move in there for many months) so the house felt "normal" and the only thing changing was the baby
-Got the older kid really accustomed to bedtime with dad or our nanny
-Started to manage breastfeeding and be more restrictive (still nursing my older but we went from on-demand to scheduled feeding when #2 was born)
-Meal prepped DF/SF foods after my first had MSPI (and my second has it too so it was a good choice!)
-Practiced independent play, reading, and bought a yoto player so the toddler has options when adults aren't available
-Baby proofed out the wazoo to minimize needed oversight.
-Worked out! I was exercising until 34 weeks and babe came at 36+5. It really helped me in the postpartum period to be able to jump back up pretty quickly.
Things I wish I had done:
-Mentally prepared for a toddler sleep regression, which happened around 8 weeks pp and was BRUTAL--it would've been great to anticipate that and talk through how to troubleshoot in advance before we were exhausted and stressed with a newborn
-Been stricter about not picking up my toddler/maintaining clear body boundaries--I hurt my back in late pregnancy and have had to work hard to get toddler to give me space when I'm holding/nursing the baby. I love snuggling! But we are playing catch up on personal space now.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
Thank you so much for this comment! I didn’t know if our baby will understand if we talk much about what happens when baby arrived & I go to the hospital but now I know it won’t hurt to talk about it a lot with him because it really can help. We also plan to have a few practice runs of him spending the night with my parents so when the time comes it will feel like his normal every few weeks grandparent spend the night party 🤣
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u/MGLEC Feb 25 '26
Just in case it feels useful, I made a custom book for my kid called “When Baby Brother Comes” that went over what would happen. Just mocked it up in word and printed it out. It included pictures of the hospital, the people she would be with (grandma, the emergency backup neighbor, etc), the midwives who would be with me, and the supplies we would bring home as well as lots of repetitions of “Mama will be gone for several days” and “lots of people will help keep Mama and the new baby healthy and safe”. We’ve found that she likes social stories with real photos so I just mimicked that and we read it a few times. It might have been helpful to her, and it definitely helped ME feel better!
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u/MumbleBee523 Feb 24 '26
I have an 18 month age gap, I don’t know that I wish I did anything differently , what I did do that I found quite helpful was a few months leading up to my second being born I did similar to a lot of people commenting on here I doubled up my cooking and froze portions so when he was born I had about three weeks worth of food precooked and then once I ran out, I continued to do that so I could give myself a breaks a few times a week. I also got my daughter her own special baby so when I was doing stuff with my son like changing diapers and feeding she was doing it with her baby . I made sure that I kept telling my daughter that it was her baby brother who is coming instead of saying mommy’s having a baby so she wouldn’t be jealous and it seemed to work when he came she was super excited, she was so happy that she squealed when she first met her brother.
Honestly, I found the newborn stage of two under two not as challenging as I thought it was going to be , it was once my son started walking that things got a lot harder because my daughter was still only 2.5 I definitely have to be on top of managing the environment and always have activities ready with these two.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
We have a son but I actually took him to target last week and let him pick out a boy baby doll and he got a little grey stroller and play diapers. He’s been pushing his baby around all week. It’s his favorite thing right now. I’m helping it helps some when I’m busy with the baby because he can do what I’m doing with his baby. I’m glad to hear it worked out that way for you! And the freezer precooked meals are a must for us this time. We didn’t do that with our first and spent way too much money on DoorDash, uber, eating out those first 90 days and kept justifying it since we weren’t paying for formula and I was EBF. Spoiler alert - formula cost doesn’t even come near what we spent eating out those first 3 months
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u/MumbleBee523 Feb 25 '26
Thats awesome. My mom did the same thing with my older brother with the doll when I was born ,it’s where I got the idea . Good luck, I hope everything goes well for you!!
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u/lolaloveslife Feb 24 '26
Newly 3 under 3 and everything people have said is so true but also, talk to your toddler/s about what’s going to come. Mainly, mommy will be with baby more but only for a short time, etc etc. Getting them mentally prepared is just as important as getting them physically prepared.
Make a routine for yourself ahead of time, like truly regimented so you can look at it during those blurry days and know exactly what minimally needs to happen (laundry, dishes, meal prep, whatever).
Speaking of meal prep, DO IT. i recommend 30 days of frozen meals. Even prepping sauces, and buying meat as needed is helpful.
You got this! It’s so joyful and stressful and everything but totally worth it!
Cheers!
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
Thank you so much! Yours is the second comment that mentions talking to our toddler about what’s to come. I didn’t know if he’d understand or not so I haven’t really spoken with him about it a whole lot besides telling him baby brother is in my tummy but now I’m going to start being more detailed with him because I know it will help!
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u/loosecannon17 Feb 24 '26
I’m only 4 weeks into 2u2 but… I’m so glad we worked on independent skills with my 17 month old! We practiced her getting on/off couch and chairs and going up/down the stairs. She was already sleeping and playing independently so no worries there. She was 17 months old when baby was born, so we weren’t as concerned about the emotional transition. We set up a new play tent for her (as a “gift” from the baby) with a few new books and toys in the baby’s nursery. That way she had a new special place to play while I breastfeed and can’t entertain her. It’s worked out super well and she really looks forward to tent time lol.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
The play tent/special place is such a great idea! The main thing that I’m worried about is our toddler does not have a solid independent sleep routine down for his afternoon nap so we def have to work on that one.
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u/grizzlybearberry Feb 24 '26
For the first month, our toddler (22m) was more jealous of my husband holding baby than me. We think that’s because he had told her beforehand that the baby would have to drink mama’s milk and hold the baby a lot. She eventually didn’t want to accept that anymore but we did get 4 weeks like that!
Put things where your toddler can get them on their own: dishes/cups/spoons, clothing (including for baby if they want to help out), toys, diapers. The they can participate more regardless of what you can get to.
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u/AMoMmy22 Feb 24 '26
I potty trained my first, got her settled sleeping in her new bed, went on a beach holiday with her and took her to to the playground on my days off. We had so much fun
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u/rArethusa Feb 25 '26
Watch a lot of shows with siblings, and talk about them. Read books with siblings. Daniel Tiger, Berenstain bears, Bluey. Focus on the change. Emphasize that things are going to be different but that you still love your oldest. Talk about the ways that they can help and be an active part of the new addition. We had a gift waiting from the baby for our oldest. Daniel Tiger and Margaret dolls.
Get your oldest a baby doll and have them practice holding the baby. Model carrying the baby carefully and supporting the head and laying down slowly. Show the older child what they can do to interact with the younger child. Soft pats instead of hard swats.
I was really glad that we completely got off breastfeeding and even bottles well before the second child came along. I didn't want our oldest thinking that our youngest had "stolen" the bottles or Mom.
We also got bedtime 100% in the crib. We made it as independent and hands off as possible, even if I was still in the room singing I wasn't holding on to my older child. Then, when the younger one came along, I could still sing to my older child and do all of the bedtime routine after she was in the crib. That actually worked out much better than I expected. The younger child fell asleep to the older child's bedtime routine.
One thing that I didn't anticipate was the older child got really jealous/sad for a few nights once she realized that everyone else was going to sleep in one bedroom and she was alone in her room. The baby was in the bassinet in mom and dad's room and she was in her own room. There was some definite regression to the bedtime routine for a while until we got her settled again.
In general, just talk up the baby a lot. What the older child will be able to do, what the younger child won't be able to do. Emphasize that there are things that the older child can do because they are so big, and the baby is still so small. So we have to be patient with the baby and show the baby we what to do.
It's a lot, but if you just take it one situation at a time and give each moment a chance to breathe, it's not terrible. Lots of amazing moments. You've got this!
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u/golden-skye Feb 25 '26
This is great advice! Thank you for commenting on here. He loves bluey and Daniel tiger! I just realized there are a few Daniel Tiger episodes about him getting a new baby sister and then baby Margaret being born.
We went last week and I let him pick out a boy baby doll so he can practice being gentle and I will definitely have a gift from the baby for him.
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u/Old_Stranger8111 Feb 25 '26
ooh following! also have a 21 month old and she with #2 in may and wondering the same thing?
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u/Shay1251 Feb 25 '26
These may be already said, so sorry in advance…We moved our 1 1/2 yr old into a toddler bed (actually a queen with a bumper) before our second was born and worked out great. Also, bought her a doll to play with, and get used to. Meal prepped a bunch of burritos lol.
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u/golden-skye Feb 25 '26
Even if they are already mentioned when I see it mentioned multiple times it helps because then I know what I need to add to the top of my priority list in case I run out of time for everything. Which I absolutely will 🤣
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u/Slow_Opportunity_522 Feb 26 '26
Don't stress too much -- whatever you do or don't do will work out in the end. If I could go back I would just snuggle and love on my first with all of my undivided attention for as long as I could. Don't get me wrong, things are MAGICAL with two and it's so much fun but at this point (10 months in, 19mo age gap) the only thing that comes to mind is spending more one on one time with my first.
Congratulations and good luck :)
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u/National_Pangolin_33 Feb 24 '26
This is extremely child dependent. You should make a list of everything that you do with your toddler throughout the day and then research how to improve those things. They may not be difficult tasks but just time consuming things that you can't always do once a baby is here. I'm probably not a good person for this since I'm still pregnant and will have an 18 month gap. Try to make any changes 3 months before or after the new baby. Too many transitions at the same time will make it harder for baby 1 to cope and might increase jealousy if they associate the changes with the baby.
My daughter is 14 months old but she plays independently, can feed herself her meals besides foods requiring spoons, let's us know when she wants her diaper changed or to take a nap (completely eliminated wrestling diaper changesand screaming during naps), she hates being held and contained, she walks completely on her own (can walk almost the entire way around the block), etc. Her "problems" that we want fixed before baby 2 arrives is for her to be stable in the bathtub so only one parent needs to do baths, walk well on her harness, use a spoon, give up the pacifier, graduate from speech therapy (already finished physical therapy and infectious disease for CMV but audiology and opthalmology will be lifelong).
Now other random preps include getting our dog spayed last week so I'm not dealing with a newborn, toddler, bleeding dog, and an elderly dog with possible dementia. We installed a doggy door, auto feeder, and an auto waterer. We have like 8 different bottle brands that are all 100% dishwasher safe so we never wash bottles. We are getting air purifiers and a robot vacuum to reduce the frequency of cleaning postpartum. We are going to get my car tinted since the baby is due in summer in south Florida. We also use rotating carseats and you can rear face up to 50 pounds with them. Our daughters bedroom is the largest room in the house and is a childproofed playroom so no toys or clutter around the house. Sorry none of this was probably helpful but look at every aspect of your life to figure out how to reduce your load
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u/National_Pangolin_33 Feb 24 '26
Oh and I got a bidet so I don't have to mess with peri bottles postpartum. It always felt like I was tearing my stitches and a lot of times 1 bottle wasn't enough to get all the blood off and I can't reach the sink from the toilet. The bidet has heated water, oscillates, a heated dryer, heated seat, etc.
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u/golden-skye Feb 24 '26
How did you get her to the point where she will ask about the diaper changes & naps? Wrestling my son for both of these things takes the life out of me now that my belly is bigger!
Also the bidet!! YES! I forgot but the hospital I delivered my fist at had bidets on the toilet with toilet seat warmers and I swore I would get one for home for my second time around postpartum but had completely forgot all about that. Thank you!! 🙏🏻
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u/National_Pangolin_33 Feb 24 '26
I would just narrate telling her it's time for a nap/bed or diaper change and I would walk over to her crib which has the attached changing table and make her walk to me and put her arms up before picking her up. Eventually it got to the point that we could be playing in her room or I could pop in and tell her it's nap time or time to change her and she would walk over and raise her arms before I even got over there. Now she just does it on her own randomly while we are playing or if we pop into the room we don't even have to say anything and she'll stop playing and running over to the crib and put her arms up.
It took about 2 months of training and I told her dad to do it as well. We also turn on her sound machine the moment we walk into the room for bedtime only and that signifies to her to stop playing and go to the changing table.
She no longer wrestles for diapers and she no longer screams and cries when going down for bed or naps. It's a lifesaver and the greatest thing we taught her and she seems much happier now that it's her choice (still up for the same amount of time). She also tells us when she is hungry by walking over to her booster seat and lifting her arms up. I assume when she can actually say words life will get even easier.
No idea if that training will work for anyone else and some nights when the sound machine comes on she'll run a few laps for a minute before going to her crib. Once we started to teach her things to be independent and make her own choices she became so much easier to manage and really cut back on tantrums. She chooses when naps are, diaper changes are (hates being in dirty diapers), when she eats, picks out her outfits and helps dress and undress herself, feeds herself, etc. She is very independent and wants to do everything herself. She also knows what lift your butt means during diaper changes because I've been saying that since she was born
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u/golden-skye Feb 25 '26
Thank you for going to in depth with everything! I’m going to start trying this with my son because he gives me a really hard time about diaper changes and naps but that’s really the only problems we have throughout our day. I think it will be much easier if he’s doing this by the time our second gets here.
My son makes me chase after him for diaper changes right now and then realized once my belly started getting bigger that he can lay flat on the ground and I have a hard time getting him up that way. I dread diaper changes when my husband isn’t home 🤣
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u/National_Pangolin_33 Feb 25 '26
Yeah the months my daughter was horrible during diaper changes I told my husband numerous times that I can't do it anymore on the verge of tears. It was so difficult and I feel like it wore me down worse than the random hours long newborn screaming
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u/golden-skye Feb 26 '26
It really does! I even told my husband when the new baby is here I will change all the newborn’s diapers if he handles all of the toddlers when he is home 🤣
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u/National_Pangolin_33 Feb 26 '26
Yes, it's so freaking miserable! Hopefully your son gets easier soon and my daughter never has a regression
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u/Fantastic_Force_8970 Feb 24 '26
Wish I worked on not holding my toddler as much because the abrupt “mommy can’t hold you right now” increase absolutely sent her in the first month