Hello from Duluth, MN!

Is it shameworthy to elope or propose with *fake* petals? Nah, you do you, boo.

And by all means, feel free to enjoy our cooler temps (it's barely hit 80°F here; not sorry), our beautiful North Shore Drive, and hell, even take in the views for your dream proposal or wedding!

But know that we are not a people who play this shit. (I am not the photographer who originally posted this nor picked up the 200+ fake petals--and yes, they were confirmed fake).

Poor OP :(

I (26F) have never been close with my BF’s (26M) family. We met online and despite living together for a few years now, I don’t often see his family because they live across the country. Prior to this, I THOUGHT I got along alright with his parents, but I’ve never liked his brother, J. He seems like a really unpleasant, borderline violent guy from everything I’ve seen and heard, and I didn’t think he liked me either.

J got married last summer. The scheduled week of his wedding coincided with a really busy period of work and school for me, plus the cost of travel in order to attend the wedding was putting me under some financial stress. Still though, I was willing to go not so much for the family's sake but to keep my BF company.

Two months before the wedding, we had still not received an invite in the mail. I asked BF what was up with that, and he said J had invited us, just over the phone as opposed to via a formal invite. I asked BF if J had explicitly said he could bring a plus one and my BF shrugged and said he had assumed so, but would double check.

The next time BF and J called, I was in an adjacent room, and I heard BF ask his brother point blank if I could come along. I heard J groan over the phone and say “bring her don’t bring her I don’t give a fuck.” 

Yes I know this is petty but that pretty much removed any lingering incentive I had to go. It was already going to be a financial strain and no one in his whole family had the courtesy to shoot me a text about the wedding. I told my BF that I would have to respectfully decline the “invitation”, and I tried to be very cordial about it. I sent J's fiance a text apologizing for not being able to make it and explained that I couldn't make it due to work conflicts, which was mostly true. I also bought a fairly expensive gift off of the couple’s Zola wedding registry.

The wedding itself seemed to go well. BF sent me a ton of pictures on the day and seemed to have a wonderful time hanging out with the family. I was happy for him.

The day after the wedding, I wake up to a ton of texts from him mom. She sent me like 30+ pictures from the day, which I thought was nice at first, until I realized that these pictures with interspersed with passive aggressive commentary. She would send me a cute picture of the cake or something and then text me like “Cake was so yummy! Too bad you didn’t want to be here to celebrate with us!” 

I just thanked her for the pictures and left it at that. We’ve texted one or two times since last summer and that’s about it. On her annual “end of year family recap” on Facebook for 2025, I was noticeably absent from the caption and the pictures. BF’s new SIL has also stopped talking to me (thought it’s not like we were good friends before). I asked BF if anyone seemed mad that I wasn’t at the wedding, but he swears up and down that no one said anything. 

Obviously, to BF’s family, I crossed some kind of line by not attending, and BF seems totally oblivious for some reason. Luckily, it’s not really a big deal to me since they live across the country and I didn’t have much of a relationship with them before, but I just think it’s a ridiculous situation.

Edit: I mentioned this in a comment but yes, my BF did stand up for me when I showed him the text. He told him mom that her comments were totally inappropriate and it lead to a bit of a fight. Honestly now that I think about it, it was probably that fight, and not me not attending the wedding, that made his family so angry at me. I wouldn't be surprised if she told everyone that I was turning her son against her or something. That would explain why no one seemed angry at me during the wedding itself, only in the aftermath.

Edit 2: A lot of people are saying “actually, you were invited.” I don’t understand. Is this how you all are getting “invited” to weddings? No one in his family said anything to me. No one in his family even said to my boyfriend that he could bring a plus one. The formal invitations (which we did not receive) did NOT have a plus one write-in option. When my boyfriend explicitly asked, he got an “I don’t care.” Sure, no one banned me from coming, but am I crazy to think that is not an invitation? I sent a gift and a very respectful message declining just in case there had been a miscommunication somewhere. And no, the SIL did not respond to my message.

My (26f) best friend (27f), we’ll call her Melissa, has a bachelorette trip coming up in July and I realistically can’t afford to go, but I know my friend is not going to be understanding. The trip is 4 days long at a lake nearly 8 hours away from where we live. The cost is going to be at minimum 1k per girl if you factor in all of the activities we’re doing. Keep in mind already we live IN a lake town, so it’s nothing any of us haven’t already experienced. Each day has a theme requiring new outfits on top of a jam packed itinerary.

My issue is the lack of consideration towards other people’s financial situations. A few months ago Melissa completely cut off our other best friend (27f), who was also her MOH, because she is a stay at home mom with 2 very young children that she won’t be able afford care for for the 4 day trip since her husband works 11hr night shifts. Her husband has a stable job, but they’re currently living off of one salary which can be tough for any family in this economy. They can barely afford to take trips of their own. Melissa said that our friend is inconsiderate and is being unreasonable because apparently *anyone* could make it work if the tried hard enough and decided to fully uninvite her from the wedding and cut her off after over a decade of friendship. She does not have any children of her own mind you, so I feel like she has no room to take that stance. Melissa has stated multiple times that being a mom isn’t that difficult and plenty of other moms make time to do things on their own, which I find completely tone deaf because everyone’s situation is different, but whatever. I have a stable job, but I don’t exactly have a bunch of extra fun money laying around. I haven’t taken a vacation more than 2 hours away in years because it’s simply not in my budget. I fully support myself, but Melissa is currently a stay at home fiancé and has been for the past 2 years. Her husband makes a very good amount of money to the point where she’s constantly bragging about it how big his paychecks are, how expensive the wedding is going to be, and how much they’re dropping on their honeymoon. Honestly, it’s been hard even having conversations with her over the past few months because every time we’re on the phone she has to give me a breakdown of exactly how much has been going in their account, even saying things like “he made 8k on his last paycheck I don’t think you can even comprehend how much money that is”, which leaves me feeling a little weird because what is she trying to say? I love her to death, but her personal paycheck is $0, so like why is this all she talks about? Also why is she assuming that everyone else just has a few bands lying around for fun? I sure don’t and never really have and she knows this, just like she knew our other friend didn’t have the money either. The other women going on the trip are just the girlfriends of her fiancé’s friends. One of which is a doctor and the other is a lawyer who seem to be handing over money freely, which is great, but just not realistic for our other friend and I that she’s had for over 10 years.

I’ve known about this trip for about 7 months now and had the money saved for it at one point, but I had to get a series of car repairs that drained my account a few months ago. Unfortunately I have another repair that needs done very soon and it’s going to cost me another $500-$800. I also just moved into a new apartment a week ago that I have to furnish because my old stuff was water damaged. To be transparent I have $29 in my savings account right now. That’s it. Melissa knows about all of this and continues to remind me that I haven’t paid for my portion of the Airbnb yet, but I truly have other priorities that are taking precedence over this bachelorette trip.

This trip is in the middle of July and I’m not going to be able to make it without putting myself in a hole. I know she’s going to freak tf out over this and most likely cut me off based on what she did to our other friend, but I feel like I need to let her know what’s up. I feel horrible for not being able to make it, but I don’t think it should be the end all for our relationship.

PSA: Bring back bachelorette PARTIES. Bachelorette trips are inconsiderate unless it’s optional or fully funded by the couple getting married. That’s just my opinion.

My best friend of 20+ years is getting married this summer. She just forgot my birthday and it hurts extra with this being the year I’m spending a fortune on her wedding. I hate being a bridesmaid and feel like her Barbie doll. “Wear this color dress for the bridal shower, wear these themes for the $1500 bachelorette party, hair and makeup for the wedding “are not optional” and will cost $300+ tip, wear this jewelry I picked out, wear nude heels, only light pink or nude nail polish.” The list goes on. I love my friend dearly and I’m so happy for her but wedding culture is insane. Dang girl at least send a birthday text

EDIT: guys i did it. i dropped out of the bachelorette trip. still doing the other shenanigans though. i really appreciate everyone's feedback here, it gave me a lot of clarity and a lot to think about.

My estranged father passed away a week ago. He abused my mom leading to our homelessness as a small child.

I invited some of his side of the family as a gesture of good will and in hopes of getting to know my younger cousins more.

His sister called me two days prior to the wedding asking me if we can pay the $1,400 for his cremation. So rude. Can’t believe she would ask me that. I haven’t seen the man in 10 years and I spent a total of 3 years living with him as a child before my mom had to get a restraining order due to his abuse.

I really wanted to uninvite her just for asking but I’m planning to just let it go and let her know after the wedding I can offer $100 towards the effort. Thanks for the dna I guess.

Also how rude of my dad to die right before my wedding!! Typical. He died a drunk alcoholic who was living on the streets. Apparently he drank isopropyl which led to a bunch of problems and organ failure.

Ugh! Wish me luck putting all this aside to marry the best guy ever this Saturday.

I work at a marketing firm's satellite office, so there are 15 of us consistently in the office. Coworker ("A") is a VP, and she has one direct report within our office (the rest work within our company's HQ office). She is getting married in 3 weeks, and for the last 3 months, has been dropping hints to her direct-report ("B") that she wants the office to raise money for her. She is one of 4 executives who work from our office, and the rest of us get paid significantly less than her (I work in admin so I have seen pay rates on occasion).

About 4 months ago, A got removed from a big client account after a timing issue outside of her control came up (they came to us with a plan, but not enough time to execute it). This client is known for sending money or gifts to employees who work on their accounts when they get married or have a baby. Since being removed from the account, A has mentioned to B multiple times that she thinks our office should fundraise for her since she won't get a gift from the client now, and she "feels she's owed it."

Our office is small, most employees have kids, I'm planning my own wedding and a lot of us just do not have any money to donate. If this was a one-off mention, I wouldn't be so bothered by it, but B has mentioned that A has brought this up at least 5 different times -- even mentioning that the week before the wedding she made a dentist appointment in the middle of the day so she can come back to her desk being decorated, and a "mini work bachelorette."

B is uncomfortable with asking people for money on behalf of A, but is afraid if she doesn't, there will be some sort of retaliation. It just feels tacky to constantly ask someone you know makes significantly less than you to collect money on your behalf. We also have a lot of projects activating soon, so most of our office is heads-down or traveling and I'm not sure how many would even be available for festivities.

It's just frustrating that she's begging like this, when she's made it clear that her fiance also has a very high paying job. She also has gushed about how her parents gifted them money for the wedding that they weren't expecting and they don't have to go into any debt for their wedding.

Maybe I'm being oversensitive to this, but god, it gives me the ick.

So i am sharing a house with my friend, her fiance, and our other friend.

Last night in our group chat the single friend drops "oh hey so none of my slacks fit so i was going to just wear a nice pair of jeans, that's ok right?"

The dress code is WEDDING COCKTAIL and the wedding starts a 5 pm. So it's an evening wedding with not formal but not a casual dress code bro. Also you are an adult a$$ man in his 50's, you know better.

My response was "mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm" and i told him "i just made a face, it wasn't a good one". Other friend jumped in and goes "bruh, no, don't do that". I think i might have actually said "sir please do not end up on r/wedding shaming!"

He's supposed to go get new pants. Wedding is Saturday. We shall see if he creates chaos. But like, why is this a conversation in 2026? Unless you are told jeans are ok, assume not! Also I'm not saying you have to be fancy, but we got invites in February and you JUST NOW realized you don't have slacks?

At least there's a Macy's in town i can drag him to if he magically can't find pants and we get there Friday night and he goes "oops couldn't find anything"

Hello!

Warning: English is not my native language.

Context: I am from Argentina, my husband is american, we live in Argentina and in weddings white is reserved for the bride

I am wondering about my mom and her clothing in the weddings.

My uncle married some years ago, I attached one photo. My mom is wearing a 100% white dress with a red belt. I married some months ago and I tought the thing about her wearing white that day at my uncles wedding was just a confusion or an accident. But when she arrived at my Civil Wedding, she was wearing totally white again, I attached one photo...

I got something upset that day but oh well. My church ceremony was about to be celebrated 1 month and a half after the civil wedding. Therefore, I had a conversation with her, saying that I didnt want the situation to repeat at the Church Wedding since that one was the most important for me and my husband. She understood, she said sorry and said that when she goes shopping she finds that the most beautiful and formal clothing are always white, and she likes white clothes the most. She just think white looks better, according to her and thats why she did what she did in both weddings. But she said she would find something appropiate for the Church Wedding to not upset me anymore. I said okay.

I attached a photo of my Church Wedding. There is an improvement, since her pants/trousers are brown! However, I come here to Reddit to understand her blouse/shirt. Its a light beige color, I like to think. But I would like to know your opinions. I told her that the color is slightly pushing the limits but she says that its not exactly white. Idk if I am over reacting but since the Church Wedding more than a month passed and I am still thinkiing about this...

On here, I regularly see people shaming family members and friends for wearing white to weddings and upstaging the bride. And every time I see those posts, I remember what I did years ago, and it makes me cringe every time.

Re-telling below:

Growing up, I didn't have a single dress, but my older sister had a full wardrobe full of formal dresses for school proms, balls, and parties.

When my (male) cousin had a wedding, I had to dress up for the first time, and decided to go through my sister's wardrobe to see what I could wear. I have a horrific build, and most of the dresses either didn't fit, or looked awful on me.

In the end, picked out an off white, empire waist dress, with a layered chiffon floor length skirt, and pearl bead detailed waist and neckline.

My mother said it was fine, my sister said it was fine, and here I was thinking I look great.

On the way to the reception, we passed through a busy street in the city, and some drunk guys yelled out asking where the bride is going off to. I thought nothing of it at the time- I mean I am wearing a white dress so I could be mistaken as a bride, but I'm clearly 16 years old and travelling with my family.

Then I got there, and saw the actual bride.

I'm not close to my cousin so I never met her, but from appearances alone, she was a tomboy type, and for her dress, she picked out a plain, single layer satin dress with no embellishments on the bodice, skirt, or neckline. Aside from her veil, she didn't have any other hair decorations. Meanwhile I'm standing there with a sparkly jewellery tiara I picked from my sister's accessories hoard. (I like sparkly things)

I'm very autistic, so I just concluded everyone being weird and awkward with me during the reception, was par for the course with such a big mix of people from different backgrounds.

The bride probably has never met me before so she must be shy, and her family probably feels the same way. My cousin probably didn't talk to me much because we're not close, and he's got so many other family and friends to talk to.

In hindsight, I probably looked like the biggest rudest (16 year old) idiot.

I haven't been invited to any more family related weddings since, but safe to say, I've learnt from my lesson, and definitely will be picking something green or NOT WHITE next time.

Hi everyone,

Long story short, my partner has spent years trying to establish a relationship with his mother. Despite experiencing childhood neglect and other issues that I won’t go into here, he has supported her financially and acted as her emotional support.

I have been open with him about how I find her disrespectful and selfish, which he agrees with, but he often says, “I only have one mom.” I have tried to back off, supported him in seeking therapy, and distanced myself from his mother.

Yesterday, we found out that she got married and had an “intimate wedding” with her “closest friends and family.” My fiancé was so shocked that he walked out of the room. Later, during a heated phone call, she fumbled over her words and made excuses, saying, “Didn’t I tell you a few weeks ago? I’m sorry. I’m living for me, I guess.”

I’m not exaggerating….those were her exact words. The guy she is married is a nice man and I believe he genuinely cares for her. They've been dating a total of 4 months and reconnected on Facebook. What's also frustrating is that she was extremely angry with us that we are having a smaller wedding (70 or so) and not a large one. She has a fit and told family members we were being “selfish” and might as well have eloped.

I say all this to say, I'm okay but my heart hurts for my partner. He's a genuinely good and deeply hurt by this. Especially because the wedding took place in her house!

Edits: thanks so much everyone for the support. - To answer some questions, we recently started couples counseling and it has been extremely helpful. - He is actively coming to terms that his mother has failed in multiple ways. It’s just a painful reality and difficult to accept. - She is currently still invited to the wedding, BUT that can change. This experience has really shaken him, especially given how much she reacted to our wedding. - We will be discussing going fully no contact or very minimal contact. I’ve already distanced myself greatly over the years and he has reduced his contact.

I was MOH for my friend

I planned her bachelorette with an itinerary. I'm an event planner by trade so I went for it. She asked me to do this and it was no problem for me. Her bachelorette was in a city that is hard to access so flights were expensive, 800 dollars round trip. Her wedding was also gonna be a flight for me, so overall I spent a lot of money.

At her bachelorette we stayed in the house the first night. the second night was our night to go out on the town. I had an idea to see if we could go to a karaoke bar so me and the bridesmaids could serenade her with a wedding song. She seemed to like the idea and we didn't really have a ton of ideas of where to go for the evening, we were open to exploring. For some reason she flipped and said "can't we just do what I want to do" after I suggested it as we were finishing dinner (I had mentioned it earlier in the night as well). I gave her a pass with this, because weddings are stressful etc. and maybe I unintentionally was pushy. In truth, I did not care at all if we went somewhere else. People just weren't giving ideas so I went for it! We went to a brewery instead which is I guess what she had wanted more than anything. cool. So I tell everyone I'm gonna buy a round for them! Everyone says no. I said, I can also get you non alcoholic drinks, it's on me! She snaps again, and says "We're fine. Everything's fine just stop" or something like that. Like, I was just trying to liven up the party a bit because people were being pretty quiet and it was a little dull. Maybe I was being too pushy with my vibe of lets have fun guys? I have no idea.

We go home by 11pm and go to bed pretty much immediately. So, a lot of money was spent on a pretty low key weekend. but no worries. I was slightly annoyed by her snapping at me. But let it go, moved onto the wedding. I have a gluten allergy, and when I arrived at the wedding to help set up everything, the lunch that day was sandwiches. I came right from the airport to help immediately, and that was the lunch after a few hours, but truly: no biggie. I don't expect people to factor this in. But her MIL asked me why I wasn't eating. I had to be honest and tell her I couldn't eat the sandwich. She tells the bride. She comes over and angrily says "well we can't accommodate that" this is after us all working together all afternoon to stage her wedding. I brushed it off.

Fast forward to her wedding. I barely saw her (which I get happens, but it felt a little weird) so the only time I really interacted with her after giving her a heartfelt speech was after the reception ended, I was breaking down the event. They didn't keep the caterers on to clean. So we (bridal party) had to do it. She came up to me and laughed and said "don't forget you have to clean in the morning too!" and went to the bonfire with her husband.

We should have never gotten married, but I held out hope the behaviour I was seeing was isolated to wedding stress. Clearly I was very wrong.

It all started with the venue. Our original plan had to be amended to accommodate his parents, which is fine and happens often. To please them we settled on a more classic banquet hall instead of our intended small Sunday brunch wedding. Once we signed for the venue he blew up at me, claiming I didn't care about him, his wants or desires. As soon as I realized he wasn't a fan of the venue I offered for us to cancel, with me eating the lost deposit. He refused.

Next, when he realized my dress, which was in line with the venue we chose, was quite extravagant he claimed I was trying to upstage him. I offered to pay for half of his second suit to make up for the fact that my dress was a gift and to make up for the fact that the first suit wasn't his desired colour. At the time I didn't realize how important the fabric colour was to him when we were selecting our colour scheme. I didn't have an outfit change or anything so that moment was truly a big outfit reveal for him and he looked fantastic in it!

Then came the guestlist. My immediate family, which includes parents, step-parents, many siblings, etc. made it challenging for us to have exactly the same number of guests since he is an only child to parents who are still married to each other. I didn't care how many guests he invited or the total number of guests, as long as my immediate family and closest friends could attend. He made it clear in front of both of our parents that we would under no circumstances go over x # of guests. When I tried to suggest we do a 60/40 or 55/45 split on the guest list to keep things equitable he claimed I was trying to control him. He later looped his parents into our discussion stating that all of the guest space was now mine and so he wasn't sure if they'd be invited anymore. I should have seen this as a sign that compromise would be hard from then on in.

Add to all this him blocking me when we were negotiating our prenup when my lawyer did her job trying to protect me or him calling and harassing the lawyer's office because according to him she was taking too long to process the documents and I feel like the rest of the story writes itself.

The day of the wedding I thought went super well, but he shared that he felt otherwise. Particularly in relation to a girlfriend he was trying to isolate me from. She took leftovers from the meal and he claimed she was stealing... He also feels I drank too much while he was drinking straight out of a bottle and having me drink from it as well.

Anyway things continued to escalate from there and I left shy of our two year wedding anniversary. He became physically violent with me...and you guessed it! To this day he claims victimhood. When I first left I thought the escalation only started after the wedding I was so confused by every outburst. The truth is the signs were always there.

Days before I left I opened up fully to his Mom. She told me that his father was exactly the same way. She told me that she had left once, gone back and that the mistreatment and violence never stopped. She told me to leave and not go back. I'm sure she thought her son was different.

I should have taken my financial, psychological and physical safety more seriously...that's the true shame.

One of my closest friends cancelled on my wedding the day before, but the lead up to the cancellation was the worst part.

He missed the RSVP deadline entirely. I gave him extra time after the deadline because I figured something was going on. No texts or calls from him came, so I waited a week and finally had to call him because it was the day before the final catering count was due.

Then began a long conversation about money and travel. I told him in no uncertain terms it was totally ok if he couldn't come to the wedding given the cost and logistics and that I would not be upset or angry, which was completely true. He assured me that no he was definitely coming and that he would RSVP that night, which he did.

The next day he texts me. “I cannot afford a hotel.” This kicks off a request that I find him a friend who will let him stay with them for a few days so he doesn't have to pay for a hotel. Keep in mind this is now 3 weeks before my wedding.

I struggle with that to do (and in hindsight I hate that I did this), but figure I can give it a try and send an email to a few friends asking if they would be willing, but clearly clearly stating that it was completely fine if they couldn't help with this request. A friend very kindly offers the extra bedroom in their house. I text my friend that I found him a place! No text back.
More time passes, and over the next week he and the hosting friend try to connect to make a plan. Now is he not only inconsistently answering my texts, he's not answering hers reliably either. Days of complete silence and ignoring messages from me and my friend who offered to host.

Instead of just saying “I don’t think I can make this work,” he kind of kept the possibility alive while making me do emotional and logistical labor around it.

Meanwhile I’m in the final week before my wedding trying to finalize literally everything. Seating charts, rentals, catering counts, family logistics, my outfit, all of it.

A few days before the wedding he says he’s getting a cold. The day before the rehearsal dinner he says he can’t come to that because he’s sick but he's absolutely coming to the wedding the following day. Then the literal day before the wedding he cancels the entire trip because he’s “too sick to fly.”

The entire month of chaos, avoidance, emotional dumping, and inconsiderateness leading up to it- he made me carry all the stress and logistics while showing almost no awareness that this was maybe not the week for the bride to be doing extra work for him.

Then after the wedding the first text I get from him is: “Was it a nice time?” Not “I’m devastated I missed it.” Not “I’m so sorry.” Not “tell me everything.” Not even one specific question about the wedding. Then immediately after that he sends me a random photo and story about his child like nothing happened.

Hello hello,

I guess I just needed an online output to vent to someone other than my SO.

My MIL has been making both of our lives a living hell for months now. She has always been difficult to deal with since the beginning of our relationship. I was never good enough. My partner comes from a strict religious background and my way of believing has never been real or good enough in her eyes (we're all christians, I was raised catholic and he has been raised protestant) which brought a lot of tension and pressure into our relationship.

Luckily, over time, I voluntarily adapted to their believe system as I felt a connection to the church, but it was still never enough. The way I dressed to church was wrong (We're talking sleeve length, while everybody else in the church was wearing the exact same dress), I am unpredictable and a wildchild, how am I ever going to be a good mother with such lack of believe etc etc etc. What also breaks my heart is how she speaks of her own child daily. Telling him he's untrustworthy, lazy, undisciplined, someone who doesn't has his shit together and with a deeply faulted personality and how "nobody ever will be able to put up with him/live with him because he's so difficult." He is honestly the most kind, sweethearted, gentle and emotionally intelligent soul I've ever met and I'm trying to give him all the love that she's actively breaking down.

Fast forward, ever since she smelled our engagement and upcoming wedding, all hell broke loose. She increased her manipulative tactics to divide and conquer. I am a very sensitive girl and I broke down multiple times over the mean things she said about me behind my back while playing good cop in my face and about the constant tension and walking on eggshells that I need to deal with. Telling my SO that she will never support us while then telling me that I ‘for sure will fit into her wedding dress, unlike her (bigger) daughters who are too big’ and then telling me that I should eat more and why do I not eat. I also think she adds extra oil to my dishes to fatten me up (I wish I was joking)

My SO still lives at home (we will live together after marriage) so it has been very difficult that we cant fully kick them out of our lives for now. It has been fight after fight between my SO and his mom, because he's protective over me and us.

As a final attempt, she also said that "It's better if we postpone the engagement/wedding because once I know the real him, I for sure do not want him anymore" (who says that about their own child???) and that she + dad can't bless our marriage and "that it's better if the engagement lasts longer, because you know, X (my bf) has never been the type to keep to his decisions so he might bore out of you and you will have to divorce." Luckily, my guy has a spine of steel, picking my side 100% and he's giving her 0 leeway. He told her "that’s your opinion, goodluck with that, but I know my path, and whether you’re pro or con, I really do not care."

I have a narcistic mother myself so I'm aware of all her antics and how to grey rock her, but it's still really rough to keep up with this shit storm AND plan a wedding. I'm afraid we might not even make it to the fall. We're so dead tired, full of cortisol and don't know what to do with it. This should be a happy time, and I should feel pretty, but I do not at all, I feel so depleted and ugly, also due to how she makes me feel. I’m honestly so sad over it.

It has honestly gotten so bad that we are hopefully eloping soon. The church wedding in the fall, and what we want to do with it, is still a struggle though. All our other guests aren't the problem, but we don't even want to know what sort of storm we're attracting over us if we only do not invite his parents. I'm so tired over all of this, I can cry.

Grooms brothers GF Worn a white lace outfit with matching white lace head peice. Rude!!!!

As I said in the title, I was hit by a car four days ago, I'm okay, but have lots of bruising and have broken my left leg. I'm now in a wheelchair. I know that both the church and the venue are wheelchair accessible, as another guest is an ambulatory wheelchair user, so she may have to use it throughout the day. I obviously will have to use mine as well, I can't move onto crutches from another 5 weeks and that's only if my healing goes as well as expected.

In a phonecall this morning, the bride suggested it would be best if I didn't attend because and I quote "you and *other guest's name* would be stealing all the attention, especially with your cast and bruising. Maybe you just come to the reception and buy a new dress to cover up all that mess"

My bruising will have hopefully gone down by then, but I was already planning on hiring an mua to help me better cover them too. I've already tested the dress I was planning to wear in my wheelchair, only my ankle and foot are visible. I'm still trying to think of ideas to hide it the rest of the cast the best I can, but it's always going to be somewhat visible, especially due to the size of it and how bulky it is.

I have known the bride since we were in pre school, we stayed friends throughout primary, secondary, college and even through being at universities 400+ miles apart. And honestly, if a leg cast and a second wheelchair user is what is going to ruin her wedding and our friendship, I think I'm better off not going and cutting contact.

My fiancé and I are getting married at a venue in the middle of nowhere Florida (30+ minutes away from any major city) and there aren't a lot of great Airbnb options except one or two. We planned on staying in the same Airbnb as our family and we were very excited because it's an historic Victorian home with 5+ bedrooms and it's giving wedding vibes unlike any of the few other Airbnbs in the area which have the very basic Florida vibe and aren't big enough for everyone to stay in.

Then, we noticed that it wasn't listed anymore and did some searching online. We then found out the owner of our wedding venue bought the place to have it as an option for couples marrying at her venue. We were so excited!! Until we talked to her... we learned that she's upping the nightly rate from $600/night to $2000/night. TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS PER NIGHT. There our plans go out the window. There is absolutely no excuse to charge that much. Maybe in Los Angeles or New York City, but not middle of NOWHERE Florida. It's bonkers. We planned on staying 3 nights for $2000 and now that would be $6000 which we can't afford because we're not rich or willing to go in debt due to capitalist greed.

I voiced my opinion but I highly doubt she'll care unless others decide to voice theirs. It's disheartening how the wedding industry preys on couples and families. I'm trying to stay excited about getting married at that venue but it's difficult knowing what we know now about the owner.

Edit: just wanted to clarify a couple things:
• “Why didn’t you book it earlier?” We found the Airbnb months ago and the previous owner told us we had to wait because they don’t accept bookings 12+ months in advance. As of May, it is 12 months which is why we were going to book now. Either way it doesn’t matter because the new owner canceled all exiting reservations anyway. They’re all void.
• “20-30 minutes away isn’t in the middle of nowhere” I realize that, but it felt out of the way and inconvenient after a super long day. We will likely rent a party bus to take us and our family so thank you for that suggestion!
• “Why did you book a venue with no Airbnbs or hotels nearby?” There are hotels and Airbnbs within 10-20 minutes and we have room blocks for guests, but we wanted to stay in a big airbnb with family. There aren’t many with 5+ bedrooms near the venue but now we have the bus option so it’s fine.

At the end of the day the main reason we’re angry is the fact that someone would exploit couples and families to that degree. I don’t care that it’s good for business. It’s morally bankrupt and I would never do that to another person, plain and simple. It says a lot about you if you’re thinking “that’s just smart business!” hmm, wonder why the economy is so bad? Right. It’s because of people who have that mindset.

Thank you to everyone for the good advice and support ❤️

Edit: A sincere thanks for all who commented and commiserated with me. I felt solid in my decision to not go to this wedding and to go no contact, but a little bit of validation does not hurt especially when I'm being told I'm in the wrong.

TL;DR Version: Decided not to attend my brother’s chaotic wedding in Italy, and now I’m the villain.

• The Chaos: Despite hiring a wedding planner, no formal invitations or save-the-dates were ever sent virtually or otherwise, and incomplete details were only spread via word-of-mouth or a password-protected website shared 5 months out. The detail about the wedding being child-free was not on the website or in writing anywhere.

• The Disrespect: I (postpartum mom to a newborn) discovered via the website that I was the only sibling excluded from the wedding party. My brother's logic was that I wasn't included because I am of the opposite sex, however, the bride's brother was included as a groomsmen even though he lives states away and is over a decade younger. I'm three years younger than my brother and live 20 minutes away. My issue is that I was never approached and had to find out the way I did.

• The Final Straw: After being told last year the wedding wasn't childfree, I was blindsided 4 months out when my brother revealed my baby actually couldn't come. My brother's excuse was that I previously mentioned my kid wouldn't come so he didn't think it was relevant to disclose to me. I never committed to going because I was pregnant with my first child and only said it was likely I wouldn't bring my son. I would've been able to commit to by standard RSVP deadline standards had there been any set by the bride and groom.

• The Fallout: When I politely declined to go on the basis of not wanting to leave my six-month-old for a week, my brother gaslit me, called me a liar about trying to find childcare, and accused me of making it about myself. I am at peace with staying home and am now going no contact as my brother's behavior fits a pattern of disrespect, gaslighting, and crossing boundaries.

  ---

My younger brother (29M) and his fiancée (29F) became engaged about a year ago and landed on having an international wedding in Italy. We (brother and future SIL included) are all based in U.S. and never have traveled out of the country before, so a trip to Italy is no small thing.

This couple have always been very 'fly by the seat of their pants' and self-involved. A lot of family have suggested that they have a wedding celebration stateside as most of our family can't attend a wedding in Italy, but they have declined to do so. Instead of requesting RSVPs, they talked to family and friends to ask if they would attend or not. If someone wanted any details on this wedding, they had to ask my brother or future SIL because nothing was in writing until recently. I had family asking me previously if I thought the wedding would still even happen because details were not being shared in any considerate, uniform fashion. From the start, this wedding has been poorly planned and tacky.

The wedding is in September and my future SIL only shared a password-protected wedding website last month or five months before the wedding. This is a small gripe, but I seriously have no idea why the website is password-protected as no personal details are listed. Some hard-to-remember Italian word is the password. I got the password wrong multiple times myself and I know my older relatives who are going likely struggled trying to access the website too.The picture shared with the website's QR code states that "formal invitations are to follow." However, invitations, physical or virtual, were never sent. Save-the-dates were also never sent.

The wedding is less than four months away. Invitations for a wedding that will require international flights, passports, multiple days of travel should be sent much, much earlier. I told my brother as much but he didn't heed my advice. This whole wedding has been communicated through word-of-mouth despite them hiring a wedding planner. Guests wanting to go to this wedding have to also book their accommodations and travel arrangements. There's no hotel block. No travel agent to help coordinate the travel. Nothing was done to make an international trip easier on the guests.

Despite this, I was going to try to make this work up until recently. Last month I go on the wedding website after my future SIL shares it with me. There aren't addresses or phone numbers on the wedding website, just references to the wedding planner, venue, and accommodations that *could* be an option. That's a choice, but whatever. While browsing, I check out the wedding party page. Lo and behold, I am the only sibling amongst the bride and groom not listed as part of the wedding party.

My future SIL's two sisters are maid of honor and bridesmaid. Her brother is a groomsmen. My youngest brother is the best man. I was never even approached about it. My brother and his fiancée either assumed I could not be there because I just had a baby two months ago or were more worried about how their wedding party would look with an extra bridesmaid than their relationship with me. To be fair, it likely never occured to them that they were being exclusive because that's how they are.

On top of this, back in August when I first told my future SIL that I was pregnant, she told me the wedding would NOT be childfree. Because I was never told anything differently, I have been operating under the assumption that bringing my entire family was an option. The past several months, I have told my brother that I needed time as a new mother before I could commit to who would be going, but when pushed, I said my husband and child would likely stay home.

Around two months postpartum or four months out from the wedding, I decided I would try to bring my husband and baby to this wedding because I thought it would be doable. I did not want to leave my family behind on my first international trip or leave my husband taking care of our baby for a week with no help. I brought this up casually to my brother because I was in the planning process and again, I was acting in good faith that the wedding was not child-free. My brother never indicated any deadlines for guests to commit to plans by.

The second time I mentioned my plans, we were all at breakfast with some extended family in town. At this breakfast, my brother and his fiancée failed to correct me when I said I was bringing my child. My brother called me hours after the breakfast to tell me that actually my child could not come.

I livid over the phone as I was blindsided and was starting to get excited about my whole family going. I told my brother I would get back to him with our decision. My brother's excuse was that I told him previously we wouldn't be bringing my child so they thought the wedding being childfree wasn't relevant to me, however, I know I never committed to anything. Even if I did, it is the bride and groom's responsibility to communicate any detail that would affect their guest's ability to attend early on regardless of whatever assumptions they have.

The child-free rule was essentially a ghost and wasn't even listed on their website when I looked. They never thought to mention it during the multiple conversations we had about the wedding this past year. I filled out third party paperwork for them needed for the wedding. My brother previously revealed to me that they are $20k overbudget. I talked to my future SIL about her plans for a florist. It blows my mind that during all these exchanges, they didn't think to tell me my kid couldn't come.

After becoming a mom, I knew I likely wouldn't be comfortable leaving my six-months-old for a week. Even so, I asked my aunt if she'd be willing to watch my child and she couldn't.

After my aunt confirmed she couldn't watch my kid for a week, I tried to have a civil conversation with my brother to communicate I would not be going to the wedding and wish him well. While I made it clear my decision was not rooted in anger or spite, I also told my brother I was hurt by the lack of communication pertaining to the child-free rule and being excluded from the wedding party. Both occurrences made me feel like an afterthought and should have been handled better, hard stop.

My brother proceeded to gaslight me, tell me I never communicated with him, and called me a liar (about contacting our aunt about childcare) among other things. He said my child was not the real reason why I decided not to attend, and I was making his wedding all about me. He couldn't wrap his head around why I felt any kind of way about being the only sibling left out of the wedding party.

I am still processing and even obsessing over all this because it's all incredibly disappointing, but I am very, very at peace with my decision to not go. I am also going no contact with my brother primarily because of how he responded to me.

Context for people who don't know; it basically the couple throwing a party you pay to attend and pay for raffles and such to generate funds for the wedding. You buy a ticket to go and can buy other things inside the party itself to support the couple. Its common in parts of Canada (why shes having one is beyond me)

My sister is throwing one. I live in new england and she lives in the south. My mother would be paying for me to go and attend but i cannot imagine the price of getting us there, hotels, food outside the event, the tickets, and the activities inside it for a party none of us even want to go to. It's purely politeness. Shes also requested my mother helps cook so shes essentially paying to work.

In my opinion, its so tacky. Why are we begging our loved ones to fund our wedding? i understand they are so very expensive but its still so tacky to me. The fact she feels shes special enough she belives people should to pay to attend basically a bridal shower which people normally dread going to. Why cant she have a wedding she can afford? She's already married, even! She just wants the party.

Also, i cant imagine she will make much money. She has to rent a venu, buy enough food to pay for however many people shes inviting to the point she will profit, get decor, activities, raffles, etc. It feels like such a tacky waste of time. My mother gets very mad and frustrated when i upset this, but it annoys me terribly.

To be clear, I'm not asking advice -- just wanting to hear your stories.

Pastor here, and to be honest, I don't particularly enjoy doing weddings. They're a ton of work! Once the event finally happens it's usually glorious, though. My theory is that unless the minister/officiant says something wildly inappropriate, nobody remembers what we said.

With that, I'd love to hear stories of when the officiant/minister went off the rails.

I’m finalizing RSVPs for my upcoming wedding and I have to say I think less of some of my friends after how they responded. We sent our invites out in March, asked for RSVPs this past Saturday (5 weeks before the wedding because our catering numbers are due next Saturday) through link or by mailed pre-stamped RSVP card. On Sunday morning, we followed up with the twenty or so straggler parties to ask them by text to tell us if they were coming by Monday night and what meal preference they had. For a few older relatives, we called.

However, I have several friends (all late 20s/ early 30s) who didn’t reply to the invitation or the text follow up and it’s genuinely making me question our friendship. For context, I definitely have the right phone numbers for them (in some cases they sent me memes even a few days before) and these are people that know about the wedding. I have to say it hurts? Not that they aren’t coming (I understand that people might not be able to make it for a variety of reasons), but the sheer rudeness of the lack of reply. Like, I thought we were close enough that I wanted you there to witness my vows to my future spouse (and was willing to pay several hundred dollars for you and a plus one to eat dinner). I asked for your mailing address, prepared an invitation, mailed it, and then followed up for you personally. You couldn’t even be bothered to send a single “thanks for following up, I’m not coming” text.

My takeaways:

RSVP’ed yes: Amazing, thank you for coming!

RSVP’ed no: No worries at all, we’ll celebrate when we catch up another time!

Missed the RSVP deadline, but replied yes or no in response to my follow up call/ text: Things happen, deadlines get missed, we’re all human!

Missed the deadline, did NOT reply to my follow up text, and you are a person that is under the age of 40 who otherwise has no issues texting or using social media: You’re trash and I think less of you.