Hubby took the day off. I've been reading a hockey romance that is hot enough to melt an entire hockey rink! And I have a brand new vibrator. 🎂💦🎁 I hope I can't walk tomorrow. 😈

How was your week in sex?

I want to get a bullet vibrator. I love using a vibrator during PIV. When doing missionary or cowgirl, it's difficult to get the vibrator to my clit. I've read the bullet vibrators are good for this.

Any suggestions? There are so many to choose from.

Update So I found one I wanted to try. It's from Tracy's Dog (that's the company) The toy is called the "nibble". It has 4 small attachments. I found it on Amazon. My birthday is Wednesday but hubby gave it to me today so I could clean it and charge it. He said it's up to me if we use it tonight or wait til my birthday. I want to wait. I'm so excited!

That's not to say my craving was never there. I had a gnawing, brain scorching sexual drive through my teens, 20s and 30s that relentlessly distracted me throughout the day. But the actual act of having sex with another person was always filled with stress and anxiety and from the first time to the most recent romp I have to say that actually having fun with it or frankly enjoying it at all is exceptionally rare.

My libido has waned substantially over the past ten years and it has been lovely, but it has been pretty awful for my love life. My marriage ended in 2020 and I started dating in 2022 and the women I'm meeting (also 40s/50s) have, to a person, had a much higher libido than mine. Part of me wants to experiment with testosterone therapy (mine's in the mid 300s, so low normal range) but that's just going to ramp up the craving, forcing me to power through whatever is going on in my head about the act itself.

I just started seeing a sex therapist a couple of months ago, but it feels like this is going to be a long slog.

Thoughts?

My girlfriend (58) and I (57) have had an on/off relationship for almost 30 years. When we were first together, we would occasionally watch porn, but she was pretty specific about it and always wanted it turned off before things got physical between us. For her, it was more a way to get in the mood

We also filmed and took pictures of ourselves having sex a few times

Fast forward to now, and her attitude has changed quite a bit. She’s not interested in watching anything anymore, and when I’ve brought up the idea, it’s been a firm no.

For those of you in relationships, have your views on porn changed over time? Did it fade out naturally, or was there a specific reason?

Also wondering about the flip side - has anyone found their interest in porn increased later in life?

How was your week in sex?

My wife (F56) and I (M52) have been married for 25 years come next month. She's never been a sexual dynamo, but, she was willing to have a little fun now and again sexually. But since she hit menopause, she's just blah. We still have sex about once a week, but it's always the same. A little kissing, a little groping, then insert Tab A in Slot B. I can't even go down on her anymore because her clit is too sensitive. And forget toys and lingerie. So, while she was at work today, I threw all of them out. All of our sex toys that have been gathering dust. All the lingerie that been sitting under the bed in a box for years that she's never worn. I'm tired of waiting, hoping she'll get help for her body image issues and low libido. Guess I'll just be resigned to a lifetime of plain Jane vanilla sex from here on out. I'm tired of getting shot down and her shutting down when I try to talk to her about it. Its obvious it's not a priority for her, so it's not gonna be a priority for me anymore. I still love her deeply, but I just can't anymore. Sorry for the wall of text, I just had to get this out there somewhere. Am I going about it wrong? Possibly. I doubt she even notices.

Hi all 50 somethings, opinions sought. I am Friday night contemplative here as I listen to 70s and 80s music that bring me way back. I am 59 and don't feel it, I still have a ton of energy and exercise daily, I feel great. But here is my question/concern, wondering how others think of this. I am in a dead bedroom with my wife so sex over 50 is limited, if not non-existent; the lack of activity goes squarely against how I feel mentally and physically. Thus, while I feel well, in my mind I count down days of potential sexual activity left before I age out; I am not hopeful of a turnaround presently. I know, this may seem odd, but going without makes me try to assess what is left, and count the days, which makes me feel my age. Does anybody else think this way and if so, how do you deal with it? I have to assume others of our age, and after so many years of marriage, are in the same situation? Thanks in advance, appreciate the advice of this demographic.

Do you care about hair, facial hair, height, weight, body style, dick size, eye color, bulky physique or lean?

What really turns you on when you meet a man for the first time?

I’ve always been a “fixer”. I’m smart, good with tools charming and fun to be around. In my late 20s I found this to be catnip in my social groups. If someone single that I found interesting needed help with a move, a garbage disposal replaced or minor car repairs I was happy to help.

More often than not she would cook dinner for me and we would watch a movie. Fair to say I was nicely built and ended up nasty and sweaty by the end of the day. I emerged from the shower well groomed in ironed jeans and a cotton shirt and no shoes with wet tousled hair and a nice cologne. If she fixed my hair I assumed there was at least some interest.

Regardless, I never made a move and allowed her to initiate. Looking back my success rate with women was way higher than my friends who took the traditional route. Sometimes we dated afterward. Most of the time we remained friendly.

Now I am in my early 60s and divorced. Just wondering if single women in my age group would respond in a similar way?

I genuinely like women and enjoy fix it stuff but I’ve been told to be on the lookout for women who try to turn you into their personal on call handyman. I admit I get off on “taking care” of the women in my life and that tends to shine through. A night of sweet affection with someone I genuinely like after a hard afternoons work sounds like a decent trade.

Just curious, how would you respond ladies?

How was your week in sex?

We’ve dated five years but do not live together. Sex was a little wilder at first but as our feelings for each other have grown, sex has become more about expressing love than the initial novelty.

We love each other. We love having sex. But she is passive. I initiate. I express what I want. I flirt. I send sexy pictures. I bring lotion to rub her feet. I suggest things we might do together.

I believe she desires me. I believe she finds me attractive. I believe she loves it when we fuck. Her libido seems healthy.

But she isn’t very expressive about her desire for me. Or what she wants — she seems happy with very predictable sex. She says she is shy and not very comfortable talking about sex. And that is where I am struggling.

I guess my question is how do I manage my apparent need to feel more desired while in a relationship with a mostly passive partner?

How was your week in sex?

Ok I just need to vent. Hubby and I always have sex on the weekend. (we have sex during the week too) But he's usually tired on Saturdays so we wait til Sunday. But I prefer Saturday. He doesn't have to go to work the next day, we are always smiling at each other, and we are more wild on Saturdays. The last time we had sex on a Saturday was 3 weeks ago. Holy crap! It was amazing!!! Toys and multiple orgasms for me and just went over the top.

But hubby said he's tired today and can we wait til tomorrow. What can I say? I told him yes but I'm kinda annoyed. I should be grateful that we still have a good sex life but I can't help be disappointed.

Ok I'm done. Thanks for reading.

Did anyone here hit 40+ and suddenly felt the urge to explore all the things you never had a chance to?

My kids are still fairly young (preschool/primary), but it feels like I’m out of the trenches for the most part.

I’ve always been fairly vanilla so I don’t know if this is a mid-life crisis, perimenopause, or just plain no longer GAF, but I want to try everything I never have before.

I recently came out as bisexual and asked my husband for permission to explore. I’ve been looking into kink events, play parties, etc. We’ve started counselling with an ENM-friendly therapist.

I would love to hear other women’s stories, how it started/how it went if you can relate.

(Would have posted to the sexover40 sub but it appears private or banned).

How was your week in sex?

UPDATE: I Did it today! Full Brazilian. Didn’t hurt bad. I do like the way it looks. We will see what H says, it’s a surprise! Wow talk about MLC but hey why not. Thanks for all the logistical info and tips and encouragement

Original post:

I (50 F) have always been au naturel. Like, literally never even thought about any trimming except shave the edges during summer so no hair sticking out of a swimsuit. No guy partner ever ever said anything.

Somehow recently, I started noticing the variety of styles on ladies at the gym locker room. Thinking about getting more creative. Showing more.

I’d like to hear from older women who wax - Brazilian, or all, or wherever - is it worth it? If you shave it all, doesn’t it just grow back fast and I don’t want those ingrown hairs?

Also - a little weird but ok it’s Reddit - do people/women ever get their ass waxed? Wouldn’t that be painful/embarrassing? But the little dark hairs are gross too? Anyone lend their 2 cents here?

I know H doesn’t care. But I’m kind of on a little midlife crisis renewal kick and feeling sexy is suddenly worth it. LMK

I seem to remember reading the following. In fact, I think the comment came from my wife,

who said that she would give her husband a blow job, he would come, she would swallow, and then maybe pause for a moment and then keep sucking until he got hard again? Does anyone recall reading that?

I think we can all agree the athleticism and stamina of our youth is behind us and that our tastes have evolved over time.

I would like the ladies to talk about their most unforgettable lover and/ or lovemaking later in life. What made them stand out above all the others? What stuck with you afterwards that you still go back to in your head. Raunchy isn’t needed but specificity is appreciated.

I am always looking to make our sex life as interesting and fulfilling for her as I can but being trapped in a man’s body and mind my imagination is somewhat limited.

Thanks in advance!

I saw a similar question on another sub asking whether couples schedule sex or if it’s more spontaneous, and thought I'd ask about it here

My lady friend and I don’t live together, and our schedules don’t always line up, so we’ve fallen into a rhythm where we have weekly sex time together - it's a way to make sure sex happens instead of just assuming we’ll get to it later. If she has Wednesday off, she’ll come over to my place, and if she’s working that week, then Sunday is our day. We still spend time together in other ways, but those are generally the days when we have sex

How was your week in sex?

Ladies::: Has one taken one of your husbands Viagra ? What did it do for you any side effects? And if not why are we not asking? Is there something like this for ladies?

I am F(54) he is M(55) and we’ve been together for 3.5 years. We’ve been through a lot together. When I met him Summer 2022 he had a manic episode, spent a bunch of money but has worked his butt off and is doing great. I have been divorced but couldn’t get a good job for a year 2023/2024 but got a good job, sold my house and tried to be a great single Mom. I was stressed as F and he stood by me. I just moved in with him, even though our sex life has been non existent since summer 2025. (We traveled to my Dad’s, been with my kids, so it didn’t seem like a big thing because family stuff.) I have tried a few times to initiate things, but it’s like he can barely kiss me. He used to be crazy about sex, talking dirty, pushed me out of my comfort zone. Finally, yesterday I gave him a BJ and he enjoyed it. But nothing to me.

I’ve tried to communicate numerous times, he just says “it’s me, I’m not happy with myself.” He has made “jokes” that my breath smells but insists he is joking and I said that’s not funny. Honest-I’m cute, shower everyday, brush my teeth 2x/day, teach fitness, and always smile. I try to be fun but I feel like maybe he’s gaslighting me? Says I always talk with an attitude-but honest-it’s in response to his demeanor.

If I ask him again he says, omg When you bring this up all the time it ruins it and makes everything worse.

Is something wrong with me? Do I smell? Is it a bipolar thing? He used to talk about how amazing sex is with me, so many things. His “future wife” now it’s like I’m the roommate that just moved in. Makes NO sense and I guess moving in was pretty stupid on my part.

I don’t want to waste my life not being loved how I deserve to be loved. I feel like I’m losing my mind.

No AI, this is genuine. I'm 58m, she's 47f, we have been married 15 years and both came from terrible previous marriages. We are each other's best friend, we are definitely each other's soulmates, we completely live for each other.

Here is what I mean by perfect, and this is just for us and will vary with different couples. We love spending time together, dining out together, boating and fishing together, exercising together and relaxing together. She actively encourages me to spend time with my friends as I do with her. We tell each other "I love you", probably 20 times a day or more. We trust each other implicitly and we would never risk what we have together. When we both go out separately, we both get hit on and love to tell each other about it, but we never act on any of the advances from others. We love each other and would never risk losing what we have together.

As for intimacy, after we first got married it settled into 2 or 3 times a week, but our connection just kept getting stronger together, then covid and we were stuck at home. We now both work from home, kids have left, we rarely wear clothes around the house and our sex life for the last 6 years has been twice a day and up to 4 or 5 times a day. We would average easily between 14 to 20 times a week now. Before you ask me how, I rarely cum ( bloody annoying actually) and take a low dose daily Viagra pill, I would cum maybe twice a week if I'm lucky, thus I'm always ready.

My wife absolutely loves me touching her body, actively encourages it, thus I get the pleasure of feeling her breasts or v, many times a day. We both live FreeUse with each other, meaning we never say no to each other. When I have to go to the office or work seminars or functions she will text me naughty photos and videos of herself to tease me.

Nothing is off limits with her, except neither of us want any other parties involved in our sex life, we are completely exclusive. I introduced her to anal sex and she loved it, and it now forms a large part of our very active sex lives together. I will be on zoom meetings at home and she will crawl under the desk and blow me. We make many explicit videos together and take heaps of photos.

Now what I'm asking is, I know that I'm extremely lucky to have such a beautiful wife who is very adventurous and also has such a high libido. A woman with whom together we have the most incredible connection and love for each other. So what I'm asking is who else out there has such a complete on all levels, long term relationship or marriage like ours ? I would imagine it is quite rare.