Today I learned that I have been standing/walking with my knee hyper-extended (as shown in the picture above). My physical therapist explained that there are many reasons someone might do this, but it's pretty common for people with neurological conditions.

In my case, it seems to be a habit I began as a small child and it has just gotten worse as I've grown up. I'm in my early twenties, so I'm lucky that it was caught while I'm still young. My physical therapist saved me from years and years of pain in my legs and back. (I'd already been experiencing pain for a while, which is why I started PT in the first place).

Anyway, the reason I post this is to help anyone who is hyperextending without realizing it. So check your knees next time you're standing and make sure they aren't pushed too far backwards. If they are, see if you can get referred to PT!! I know that if you live in America it can be hard to see a doctor but this could save you from lots of physical pain!!

Once I bought drugs from the street called "Xanax" and it fixed everything. It's like I was no longer autistic. I could actually speak, make eye contact and connect with people. I wasn't afraid to open up. I could handle stress. I could handle confrontation.

I tried to get Xanax legally the next time, but I guess it was considered drug seeking behaviour to ask for the medicine that fixed my life, so no doctor wanted to help or take me seriously. It's pretty controlled in Australia.

Ended up buying second bottle from the streets and they made me black out, crash my car into a pole and send crazy messages to everybody with no memory of it. So embarrassing and pushed away a lot of people.

The reality is they probably both weren't even xanax, could've been anything. Just get so desperate to change the way I am sometimes.

I dream about that first bottle of drugs because I feel like it "fixed" my autism, it probably just cured my anxiety though. I'm aware there's no real cure for the way I am.

I do wish doctors would be more trusting with me though and let me try different medication legally to see if anything helps me.

EDIT:

Thankyou for all the replies everybody! Thanks to those who were supportive and non-judgemental. Means a lot! I thought that this post would just disappear into the void lol.

I wanna state that I am not endorsing the use of xanax. It's a controlled substance for good reasons.

I should have mentioned that this all happened about 5 - 6 years ago. I suppose I agree, in a sense, that doctors should NOT have trusted me, especially because of the way I was approaching the situation, it was obviously drug seeking behaviour, even though I felt like it wasn't. In my head I was like " I'm not seeking it, I've already found it, any they won't prescribe it to me".

I also want to clarify that the first bottle of drugs, was a completely different drug to the second bottle, even though it was sold to me as "xanax" both times. And the pills looked identical to the pills in the first bottle. Turns out the black market is pretty inconsistent!

Also, I never mixed them with alcohol, and never took enough to become physically addicted. (1/4 bar, 1/2 bar at the most in one day) I definitely still feel mentally addicted though because even though it's been years since I took that "xanax", I can't deny that I still want that original drug. The second bottle scared the shit out of me though so I haven't touched it since.

These days I have a prescription for marijuana, and I love a good scotch, and that's it!

P.S. I'm so glad doctors exist!

The incident happened earlier today in Hong Kong. Since I’m doing a school project on autism and its impact on teens and young adults, I’d like to dive deeper into topics like this.

Based on my research from different websites about autism, I’ve understood that autistic individuals tend to have a more “literal” thinking process, and that usually solve problems in a very direct and practical way. However, doesn't safety issues/hazards come into play as well? If “practical” is the keyword here, shouldn't this method be considered the least practical? Is there something I’m missing?

I’ve been looking for answers on this topic and haven't had much luck on search engines (a surprise), so I’m asking you all for help. Thanks in advance!

Just wondering

Did you know the average lifespan of autistic people is only about 38 years? That’s because of the high suicidal rates. Autistic adults are 9 times more likely to die by suicide, autistic children even 28 times higher! 2/3 of all autistic adults have contemplated suicide, me including.
That’s why I wanted to help everyone out there who might end his life soon. If this post helps at least one person, it’s worth it.

Suicidal thoughts often come from mental health issues such as depression and anxiety caused by the higher rates of bullying, abuse or trauma. This can lead to social isolation and make it harder accessing support.

I know what you’re going through. In my (first) middle school I got rejected from most of my classmates. I had 2 friends (also neurodivergent), but they were so different from me that I masked and hid my real personality until to the point I forgot who I truly was. That’s why suicide occurs more often in autistic women than men because they mask more often. But also because they stay undiagnosed more frequently.
Even today I sometimes feel like, it would be better if was gone. It just seems easier than being here. And that’s exactly what it is, but it doesn’t mean it’s worth it.

You don’t just end pain when you leave, you end everything. Including all the good stuff that didn’t happen yet. Every laugh, every stim, every cuddle with your animal friend. All this could disappear.
And I know my death would make everything worse for everyone else. I don’t want to transmit my pain to all the people who love me. I don’t want to be just a name people speak of when everyone else gets older. I don’t want my parents to bury their own son.
So, if you think the world is a better place without you, you’re wrong. You matter, you really do. Even if you don’t think so. Please don’t go from us.

Nobody should feel bad for having suicidal thoughts, especially not autists that have to go through so much. Feeling yourself overwhelmed by life and neurotypicals, being lonely and longing for closer relationships, or even falling in a depression, all this is absolutely nothing bad. You’re not weak for feeling like this. You’re human. And it’s okay for humans to feel bad.
And it’s not permanent, there is a way out there. Most people who survive their attempt end up being very glad that they made it out. There is a version of you behind all your pain that is happy because they survived their killing attempt.

If everything seems hopeless, please try to get professional help. Normally you only see hotlines like the suicide crisis helpline 988, but phone calls may be horribly difficult for an autistic person. So, you can get help from a therapist or something. Therapists are specialized in helping people with mental health. Or even if it’s not a therapist, just talking about it can be very helpful too.
Seeking help isn’t weakness. It’s strength. And I know you’re strong. Just look back at everything you’ve done and achieved. In a world that isn’t even made for you.

And if you know from someone that he wants to kill himself, show them that they’re being loved and it’s worth to live on.

Stay safe ❤️

🎵 THIS IS THE PAIN-STIMMER! 🎵 *Judas Priest intensifies*

I can't help myself... whenever I feel a pimple or anything like this I gotta scratch and can't stop even after it started to bleed. Once I felt it, I can't even think of anything else.

Also I stim by scratching myself on the head. Nowadays I manage to only do this on the left side, since I wear a left-hanging mohawk so I can cover the resulting damage. I'm kinda ashamed of it but on the other hand it's comforting me during night times after stressful days.

Even less socially accepted is that I tend to eat up the skin. People usually are disgusted after finding out - but the chewing has an even bigger stimming effect on me.

Someone with the same issue?

I’m a 29 yo woman and in 2025, after 3 years going to a psychiatrist, I was diagnosed with level 1 autism. I failed in everything. My job is a joke, I have no friends, no assets, no future. The only thing holding me here in this earth is the thought that I have to take care of my mom when she needs me. I’m in so much pain. This excruciating pain that I feel all my life. I’m so tired, it feels like a bad dream that I can’t get out. Please, I have to know if this will ever get better. I can’t endure this suffering anymore. I’m so lonely, so miserable. I just can’t live like that anymore, I can’t take another decade of this torture. Someone please tell me if it gets better, I can’t do this anymore.

I take my meds, I go to therapy, and it never gets better. I’m so tired!

Edit: thank you so much for so many beautiful words, everyone! I didn’t expect so many people to reply, I was in so much pain and just wanted to vent. Just after posting it, I went to sleep and didn’t check Reddit again. Thank you so much, and I’m so sorry for everyone that feels the same way I do. I hope we can find the peace and happiness we deserve.

I also wanted to clarify that I’m not my moms caretaker since she’s completely well, sorry if that wasn’t very clear. I meant to say that when she gets old and needs someone to take care of, I wanted to be there to do it like she always did to me. I love her so much!

Once again, I would like to thanks everyone and I will reply all of you! You truly made me feel better in ways I couldn’t even imagine. I felt understood, and that matters a lot. Even in pain, I feel we are here and we belong.

CW: self harm

When I get really into a state, I slap my upper legs or bite myself, sometimes hard enough to leave bruises. I don’t know why I do it other than it scratches the itch to do something worse and it sometimes stops the spiral. I don’t know if it’s endorphins or just venting something that can’t be expressed any other way. It’s like a nonverbal scream.

I’m curious to hear others’ thoughts on why you guys might hit yourselves in the head, do what I do, or whatever else. Is it a form of self harm like any ND or NT might do? Do you think it’s specifically something to do with being neurodivergent? I feel like hearing others weigh in might help me process it and maybe even give me something to bring to my therapist.

Any info dumping or trauma dumping is more than welcome. Go off all you like. Just… be nice, please. I’m not sober and I’m having a terrible night.

I've been playing volleyball for a while, and today I ended up making a lot of mistakes in our weekly practice. I've always had the habit of hitting or pinching myself and groaning when something went even slightly wrong. But today I I hit myself really hard, like, it hurts SO MUCH, and I scratched the inside of my mouth until it bled. I started to lose control when I missed some serves and went off to cry, but It still hurts and i wanted to die when it happened. I just want to stop hitting and hurting myself over extremely stupid things, I want to stop hurting myself and worrying people. I keep wondering if my friends would still want to hang out with me If I lost control and started crying and hurting myself, I think they would abandon me, thinking I'm a weirdo, and they would be embarrassed to hang out with me. I also don't want to worry my parents, I don't want them to hold me like a baby every time I get upset and hit me. I don't have an autism diagnosis, but I have a real (NOT SELF-DIAGNOSED) suspect. Well, my psychological report papers say so, at least. Since there's a flair for "undiagnosed," I guess I can stay here. Thanks, fellows.

As for me, i frequently hit my head, bit on my fingers and knuckles, and i also pulled my hair a lot. And i sometimes held my breath, hoping to pass out. These all happened below age 12 i believe.

One thing that stuck with me to this day though, is picking on my lips with my fingernails. I am very ashamed of this, but i do it through multiple hours a day. When i was a child, it was like an everyday thing that my lips were bleeding from ripping and peeling all the skin off, and nowadays it still happens, but i reached a point where most of the time i can stop myself before it starts bleeding.

Edit: — Your wording helped me describe my lip picking habit a little bit better: its sensory seeking in a harmful way

— Through your comments i would also add that i loved (and still love) touching hot things with my hands, and i would often clench my jaws together really tight so i could feel my gums hurt from my teeth. I also broke A LOT of pens and pencils in half out of anger from school setting and just told my parents that i lost them.

I don’t really know how to tag this.

Do you get depressed or even suicidal often? I get this way a lot and people are like you don’t need to harm yourself or whatever just because this thing happened. And I feel like no one gets it and I’ve tired therapy and meds and nothing helps me.

I could be totally wrong, but after going through ABA for around 10 years I noticed something in my camera roll. In 2003 all the photos of me were of me smiling so much the stars could fall down. Same in 2004 and 2005. But in 2006 ABA started and I noticed my smile began to fade. In 2007 it only occurred when I was asked to smile - but there was another thing I noticed. In 2007 I all of a sudden began to look more and more like a skeleton. The following years after (2007-2019) I stayed looking like a skeleton. I barely remember any of my life when ABA started - but I do remember two things. Attention intentionally being taken away when I would stim and treats being taken away. I don't have this problem with fluids. I will get water or whatever and drink it. But for some reason, unless someone has told me that it is ok to eat - I don't. Does this make any sense? Any advice?

i've had this habit since i was a kid, and recently (4 years ago i think) i've started biting my nails, but i'm working on this one

UPDATE- I called my PCP's on call line and just told her I fell and was honest about all other symptoms and everything. She said I was ok to ice, rest, and watch. Thank you to everyone for the support and care. I wasn't expecting that. I didn't know I wasn't alone in this. It's a new symptom for me. Thank you, everyone ❤️

I have three big bumps on my head. Messed up my face. Everything hurts. I have a headache, obviously. I might be nauseated? Idk. I don't want to drive 20+min to the ER. No urgent care offers CT scans. When I called an urgent care, the lady and her coworkers started laughing at me because I was stuttering. Makes me not want to go anywhere. How do I explain what happened? I don't have friends or family. If they tried to lock me up, I'd lose my shit and I have my animals to worry about. If it weren't for my cats that are like my children, i would just hope id fall asleep with a concussion and not wake up then.

I've been having an awful day and because I'm around my parents I'm not allowed to decompress in any way.

I ended up smashing a glue stick into my hand as many times as physically possible until I doubled over in pain.

I can't move it and it looks like that after 2 hours of icing. I'm in the ER.

This is a really hard cheese made from Yak milk called CHURPI…i discovered it on a trip this year. Instead of chewing gum, u can chew on it and it doesn’t have microplastics, has 65% protein, lasts way longer(one of these pieces last 4 hours or more), has an earthy smell instead of those chemical strawberry flavours….it’s life changing if u have a habit of chewing and biting on random substances or hurting ur skin. It’s good for gums and teeth and used as dog chews too. So, when u buy it, make sure that u get human food grade ones.

It mostly originated in the Bhutan, Nepal, Kalimpong and the northern regions of India and areas surrounding the Himalayas. In the locality, it is mostly used as a replacement for people addicted to Areca Nuts(addictive carcinogenic substance used as drugs) but also because they r nutritionally dense.

Anyways, i highly recommend to try this at least once. Coasts pretty less, 50gm for $2.5 if im not wrong.

I hope this helps someone. ✌🏼

I have a long history of a self harm problem, and I’m trying to stop it. I’m coming to realize that extinction might not be a realistic goal for me right now, so I’m looking for good alternatives. Currently I have a spiky stress ball like the one pictured, but the spikes aren’t really that spiky and don’t provide me with enough pain stimulation. Any recommendations for safe pain stim toys?

It's horrible. I'm 52. Been picking my nose my entire life. I hate the feeling of boogers and there's this part of my nostril that always feels like a booger. I pick at it until it bleeds and then it scabs and now there's actually something to pick at. I just did it. Was trying not to. With a massive amount of will power I can ignore it for a few days and then it gets better and I'm right back at it.

Hi. Son is 6 and he frequently sucks on his lips, eventually creating red marks - probably hickeys - around his mouth. We’ve been reminding him not to but he does it without realizing I guess.

Today I suggested he chew or suck on his rubber-Lego fidget toy we got him (to replace him biting us). Any other ideas?

Son - diagnosed

Me (dad) - self diagnosed

hey everyone, as the oldest sibling in my family, things have been pretty hard for me for the last couple of years, especially after my sister was born. My parents couldn’t accept it for a couple years and that frustrated them, which led to them taking their frustrations out on the rest of us, and the harshest on me since I’m the oldest. When things didn’t go their way, I’d be the first to blame. They would go on a whole rant about how I’ve ruined their life and wished they never had me. Which didn’t really affect me at the time since I mainly just focused on school and getting into a good university. But when I graduated, I started to pay more attention to the people around me and just how different my life had been from theirs and I from other people. I never felt like I belonged, not outside and not at home with my parents always arguing. I felt empty, so I resorted to other ways to relieve the overwhelming emotions I’d feel about everything, and I began self harming quite frequently. It gets pretty hot where I live, so I began wearing short sleeve shirts and I slowly realized that nobody noticed the amount of scars I had all over my arm. It wasn’t anything crazy, but I’d say it was still noticeable, and that hurt. I honestly just wanted to be seen, and I guess that was my way of asking for help, but nobody, and I mean nobody, noticed or said anything. But I moved on from that. One day I’m laying next to my non verbal sister with autism, and she notices my scars and runs her hand over them. I was shocked. I tried to hide them from the embarrassment, and she looks at me and says "bandage!" and runs out my room and looks for maybe 5 minutes to get me one and puts it gently on my arm, and looks at me and says "bandage!" one more time. In that moment I just sobbed, like I sobbed for maybe 20 minutes almost immediately. I always feel so invisible in my house, and I just had never felt so seen before. Somebody actually cared enough to do this for me and in that moment i realized what i had been missing all this time.

I have a history of cutting. It has probably been 16 years since I have done it but I have still had frequent urges.

A couple of years ago, I decided to try out hand flapping, just because I was curious what it felt like, and within a couple of weeks it became very automatic to the point it was hard not to do. At some point it occurred to me that doing this had completely eliminated my desire to self harm during the day, I guess by providing a release for my tension. I do still struggle with the desire to self harm at night when I’m curled up and trying to sleep, but that’s kind of beside the point of this post.

Recently I have spontaneously started hitting myself in the head. It’s usually a matter of remembering something embarrassing I said or did. I wondered why I was doing this and decided to Google it because I wondered if it was always an Autism thing, and what popped up was stuff like “if you’re suicidal call…” followed by lots of pages about self harm.

So, am I self harming? I’m not even trying to do this, it just feels like an automatic response, and it doesn’t hurt or cause me injury. I just pound the heels of my hands into my temples a few times. It feels more like deep pressure, not pain. I get how it might seem that way from the outside but to me it’s very different. But now I feel like if my therapist asks about self harm and I tell her this she will see it as a regression. I guess I’m trying to figure out if it’s really harmful if it doesn’t even hurt?

ETA- Thank you to everyone who responded. I was struggling to see how it was that serious because it didn't hurt and I wasn't making a conscious effort to hurt myself. It never occurred to me that it could damage my brain, but knowing that now, I will try to stop and I will communicate this to my therapist.

mine is head banging, it hurts really nicely.

Hey all. I’m kinda interested, what are your unpopular opinions about autism related topics? I genuinely wanna hear different thoughts etc. Lemme go first.

1.  You can’t go nonverbal. I am not saying that you can’t lose the ability to speak temporarily out of stress, or exhaustion. You totally can. I do that! It’s called a verbal shutdown (for exhaustion) or selective mutism (for times of stress). Being non verbal is a constant state of not being able to speak due to brain being weird. I am semi verbal. For me, non verbal language is natural. It is how I communicate. I have to mask in order to speak, and even write to a degree. I have been in verbal shutdown/selectively mute, and it is a completely different feeling. I can’t explain it but it feels like words/sounds are stuck. I cannot communicate, even with my usual noises.
   
2. I made a whole post about this, but ER’s and even psych wards aren’t equipped/helpful/trained to deal with autism, especially higher support needs presentations. I have ended up in restraints/sedated so many times, and even escalated, in part because of the staff’s response to my meltdowns.
   
3. Listen, I understand how being restrained for no reason is awful and abusive. I am genuinely sorry for anyone who experienced it. But sometimes I wish that I could ask to be put in restraints prematurely. Like I feel a meltdown coming on, and I’ll be at least safe from bolting/hurting myself or others because I am in restraints, and someone can kinda talk to me in this state. Also if I do require medication, it skips the part where it’s a giant crowd, and I’m being dragged around by grown adults twice my size. That bit is pretty traumatic. Until I can figure out how to get better, this shit is gonna keep happening, and I want things to be the least traumatic as possible.
   
4. Autistic people can have low empathy, and devalue people, and some others can be hyperempathetic. Both are valid.  There are three types of empathy. Affective, cognitive and compassionate empathy. Affective empathy is the ability to share and feel the emotions of another person, leading to an emotional response in yourself. Cognitive empathy is understanding where people are coming from, and understanding other people have different perspectives. This is called Theory of Mind. Compassionate empathy is wanting to help others. In the DSM, under section A1, which covers “deficits in social‐emotional reciprocity; ranging from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back and forth conversation through reduced sharing of interests, emotions, and affect and response to total lack of initiation of social interaction”, an example of this behaviour is listed as using people as tools. This is not done in a malicious way, it is just simply forgetting this person has needs and feelings/not really bothering with them, and acting without consideration for them
   
5. I wish they would develop effective treatments for some parts of autism. Eg violent meltdowns, sensory overloads etc. I do not want a cure for autism. I don’t know how to separate my autism from myself. It is a huge, core part of me. You know those islands in Inside Out? I have an autism island. Removing it would be A. Impossible. B. Probably involve gazillions of hours of therapy which I don’t want, because I want to live life too. C. The equivalent of slapping my memories into another person.  
6. Shawn Murphy is an overrated example of autism representation. His meltdown scene was exactly like some of the meltdowns I’ve had. It was so fucking real for me. How he sees the world sensory wise is so relatable too. Do I wish we could see more different types of personalities in autism rep? YES. Is Shawn still better than the majority says? YES. 

I went my entire life without knowing I'm autistic (in my 40's). I've been diagnosed for close to a year, and it's helped in a lot of ways. However, I just can't stop picking or chewing on my knuckle. Just that one knuckle. I started doing it many years ago. Before that it was a spot on my scalp for many years. Before that it was a spot on the upper palm of my hand for probably a decade... You get the idea.

I think it is due to anxiety, although I don't really internalize emotions unless they are very intense.

Should I buy some fidget toys? Do they really help prevent stuff like what you see here? I know as a child I used to get yelled at all the time for fidgeting, but would love doing it. What's recommended to help this? It's kinda f-ed up how doctors just give you a diagnosis, but there's no real support for high functioning 40 year olds?!?

I'm totally fine stimming in public and during MS Teams calls at work if you think that'd help. I also wear sunglasses and a hat everywhere now. The best things that have helped me thus far is: exercising daily, KETO, and working from home. However, I'm open to other suggestions for improving my life, but would preface that with I don't want to be normal or neurotypical, I definitely have no shame in being autistic.

I want to die so badly...

Edit:

If you wonder here is why:

https://www.reddit.com/u/Everlasting_Noumena/s/YAqrWOgIgH

Edit 2:

If the link doesn't work Just go on my profile and see the only public post