LOL. Ever tried living with a male narcissist? It's anything but simple. I have to watch my tone of voice and walk on eggshells to not trigger him berating me or flipping the hell out over something petty. Simple creatures my ass. I'm so sick of the rhetoric that men are so easy to please.

I can bend over backwards to please him, I can work non stop to juggle everything flawlessly and as perfectly as possible, and he'll still twist and manipulate me into thinking im this awful person who does nothing right.

Disclaimer: Yes women can also be narcissists. However, women are never viewed as "simple" we're more likely to be viewed as emotional, erratic and complicated to please.

Long story short, mother conditioned me to accept abuse and to mistake it as love.

Yes I have a therapist since 4 years and I also have a meeting with a lawyer soon.

As for my mother: told her my opinion and cut her off not too long ago, also cut my husband off a month ago,no contact since then.

I'm traveling by myself through SEA and I started to wonder if I should go back to see my sisters at least, I feel very lonely. As much as I feel liberated and less scared the loneliness gets to me, I know it's the traumabond but I'm looking for ways to ease the loneliness without meeting a new guy, I don't want this at all.

Every mistake I make is because I have apparently it wired deeply within me that I am a misogynist. She wouldn’t hang up the phone after kicking me out and making me sleep in my office tonight because our daughter peed on the floor (entirely my fault) until I said “I am sorry I’m a misogynist and made you marry me”. I tried to stand up and say I’ll apologize for doing things that were misogynistic I.e. talking to my former friend over the phone while watching our daughter the other day while she was watching our son, or having days where she does the cooking and I watch the kids, , but she said u am a gross misogynist and that my apologies don’t count until I admit that I am a gross misogynist.

I am tired but glad the phone call is over now.

She then added in “why am I married to a stupid uninteresting man like you? Why am I married to a misogynist who slacks off and doesn’t do chores and smells homeless?” She also made me swear to never be on the phone with anyone ever again who is a single guy and misogynist (by her definition) ever again.

I feel like my wife uses her gender identity as an unfair way to make me feel worthless. I tried to refuse to say I am a misogynist, while still apologizing for our daughter peeing on the floor and apologizing for talking on discord with an old friend, but she would never accept that. I just have to fold and say what she wants.

I am just sharing my own path through this nightmare, and I truly hope it can be of some help to anyone currently feeling broken in their toxic relationship.

Knowledge - > observation - > awareness - > clarity - > sovereignty

​My healing didn't start with a big confrontation or a sudden burst of confidence. It started with a quiet evolution.

​It began with knowledge.

I stopped guessing and started studying the raw psychology behind narcissistic behavior. The moment I understood the mechanics of the manipulation, the confusion vanished. Information stripped away his power to catch me off guard.

​That knowledge naturally turned into observation. Instead of being a participant in the chaos, I became a silent observer. When the baiting or gaslighting started, my mind automatically went into analysis mode. I stopped absorbing the toxicity and just watched it play out like a predictable experiment.

​This observation brought a sharp, undeniable awareness of my environment. I could see the traps before they were even set.

​From that awareness came a heavy, cold clarity. I finally accepted the reality of who my partner was. I stopped waiting to be understood.

​This entire path led me back to my own inner sovereignty. Through knowledge and detached observation, I built an unbreakable fortress in my mind before I ever changed my physical reality. He could still control the house, but he no longer had access to my soul.

​The shift from emotional reaction to strict learning and observation is where my true power was hiding.

Stay strong everyone 💪🐺

Tired of wondering if he's mad if hes gonna say something about me being on the computer to long or what im doing on my phone

Tired of being made fun of and blamed for everything or even conversation picked apart piece by piece

Im not a robot I dont need to be told what to say and think and no matter how many times I say I want to break up its to much stress he immediately goes into i love you its been 18 years I want to live in peace I don't want to manage his mood or be the one he gets to abuse while hes nice and acts the big shot to everyone else. Im literally drowning my mind is going crazy then he makes fun of me for my memory loss but hes been mentally abusing me for 18 years

Silent treatment mocking no help mean to the kids classic narc im literally a married single mom and if he does help well you're never going to hear the end of it. I truly think hes evil im scared of what will happen if I leave I know I need to leave but hes vengeful and vindictive he will not go quietly

I’m struggling with what I’ve called a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde dynamic with my partner throughout the entirety of our relationship and I genuinely don’t know what’s reality anymore.

When he’s in “Dr. Jekyll” mode, he is incredibly self-aware. He acknowledges almost everything. He can explain his triggers, his defensiveness, his shame, how he hurts me, why his behavior is unacceptable, and he genuinely seems like he understands and wants to change. Then something triggers him.

It’s like a switch flips. I’ve always described it as watching his face physically morph/change. He becomes cold, rigid, stoic. His posture stiffens particularly in the shoulders, his hands come together like a typical movie villain, his tone is stale and the energy is incredibly hostile. The empathy disappears and suddenly everything he acknowledged before is negated.

We are currently approaching what would be our third breakup. We’ve been together 2 years, lived together 1. I’m at the point where I have a storage unit, a plan to stay with family, and I feel like I’m finally preparing to leave for good this time. I feel so calm when I’m not around him but I’m stuck in the loop.

Our psychiatrist (we’re both patients of) and his own therapist (who has validated my experience and truly finally has made me feel understood as I join his sessions with my boyfriend) have suggested not making drastic changes immediately and trying things like separate bedrooms first. But my issue is sleeping separately doesn’t stop the abuse.

The other day I recorded a 30 minute video during one of his episodes because I was crying on the floor while being berated and I needed proof for my future self. I literally made a message begging future me not to fall for the remorse cycle again.

What’s confusing is that the remorse and self-awareness feel genuine. I don’t think he intentionally wants to be this way. It almost feels like he recognizes the “loose screw” but can’t actually keep it tightened once he’s triggered.

I suppose my question is: Have any of you experienced someone like this who was truly capable of long-term change? True, actual, sustained behavioral change. Or am I holding onto potential because I’m trauma bonded and need to accept that understanding ≠ capability?

Today he started the lawnmower up on Sunday so he could run it past the bedroom that our son and his family sleep in . Everyone works 40+ hours a week and the baby slept in 4 months old so they were having a sleep in, he feels they should all be up so he does things that I find dick moves, I protested today and he told me he will do whatever he wants . I’m stuck with him as I’m at an age I don’t feel I can start over. He is just like his Mother who we quit talking to as she had serious mental issues but he’s acting just like her. Is mental illness hereditary? How do I cope? There are so many layers to this . I’ve been with him since I was 18 it’s been 40 years . I’m stuck !!!!!!

Does anyone here have experience of their spouse passing away, whilst in the midst of a narcissistic relationship. My friends Narc Husband died quite a few year ago after a 15 Year relationship full of lies control and financial abuse. She won't talk about it, but she won't take off her wedding ring, and she won't date other men. She is stuck as stuck as she was within the relationship. She has shown signs of anger which is unlike her, but not directed at him. I just wish I knew whether, finally now that she is out of it, she has clarity. I know shortly after he died she literally said it should have been her not him!

I had an ex who is a narc & his mother too seemed like the mother in that movie. One time he did ask me “I want you to do…” this and that & my dumbass followed it. Until I realised he played me unapologetically. He did give me vibes as he would punish me or lock me up in a room if I didn’t obey him. Few weeks later I realised he & his parents might be too controlling of me in a psychotic toxic way like this.

So has anyone truly experienced something similar to that movie till locking up in a room type? I want to know.

Live in bfs son wants to try out for football. He has a heart condition when he was 3. It was fixed then and there. All doctors say it’s not an issue….but sometimes to bf it is. Not when the son is drinking three-four sodas a day, playing his video game 12 hours a day, or being 70 pounds overweight. Only when I told son I’d help him get ready for football try outs. The kid is 13, and can barely walk. Falls over if the wind blows (kidding not kidding). So I had him run three laps around the house and between each lap do ten burpees. Normal house size lap. Nothing extraordinary. Bf says-you gotta be careful cause your heart. I question why it’s an issue only sometimes. But yet you’re gonna let him try out for middle school football that he’s clearly not ready for. He goes into a narrative that he’s had a hard day, and that he doesn’t feel like going to the hospital. But also that the heart condition is fixed, and then that the son has to learn on his own the consequences of not exercising for years. ☠️☠️☠️☠️. I go inside to deescalate the situation, and get this text. Comments, questions, concerns all welcome.
Biomom is currently out of the picture for extra context. And-I can parent if I’m cooking, or reminding them to do their chores.

Don't mind me, I'm just here getting nothing right.

This has been one heck of a weekend.

I just can't seem to get anything right.

Including her not getting her car's inspection tag (that she's been without & getting tickets for months now).

“I’m sorry for the names I called you. I shouldn’t let myself get pulled into that. It’s a mistake…”

My partner damaged my car and said nothing. When I confronted them, asking them about it they didn’t apologize but laughed it off. When I asked them why they didn’t apologize they became enraged and laid into me with a verbal assault calling me everything under the sun. I reacted and said things Im not proud of but throughout them talking over me accusing me and saying I was the one treating them badly I just continued to repeat that they damaged my car then didn’t apologize then attacked me on top of it pretending to be the victim and not allowing me to speak or raise any issues, to silence me. That takes a very specific kind of lack of empathy or care. Loving someone who is incapable of communication is very difficult. I keep trying but I wonder if Im just going to have to completely disengage to survive at this point.

Honest evaluation of the situation over the course of the previous 6 years:

Beginning - Loving understanding and affectionate relationship with very high levels of intimacy 

Anytime there is a miscommunication I look to resolve and acknowledge her side. Expecting the same back so we can agree to disagree or meet in the middle. 

She will go through phases of being affectionate and kind and complementary. 

Followed by long periods of the opposite. 

Doesn't hesitate to criticize regularly. 

Openly acts like I am stupid, clumsy and a liability.

Only seems happy or positive when I cooperate on plans or endorse or help.

Appears to be very self-centered. 

Shuts me down and invalidates me. 

If I am unhappy with her in any way or annoyed, more shut down cold shoulder and withdrawal. 

Used to block my number whenever we had a disagreement. 

Affection care and sex is hyper-conditional. 

Has high highs and low lows, mood fluctuations I struggle to work with.

Doesn't have any space or consideration for me if I'm feeling down, tired or upset.

Regularly comments on her beliefs about relationships, Men and women's roles.. the male dynamic of providing. 

Carries herself like an entitled woman who deserves everything, has a belief that a man should fulfill the role of provider and protector and all the in between ... Whilst a woman should just be allowed to bare children and stay at home and be taken care of.

How's me walking on eggshells and afraid to bring anything up. Due to her reactions. 

If she doesn't agree or doesn't want to talk about something, she will shut down and become aggressive. 

I have to strategically plan the perfect moment when she's on a high or happy to bring anything up. 

Making plans with her is very difficult, as if it's not something she's interested in she will shut it down, she'll give me vague answers leaving me unsure. 

She will randomly accuse me of things which in the moment feel like she's looking for an excuse to argue.

Sex began and remained for a year or so incredibly frequently. 

It then became a tool that was taken away when she was unhappy. 

It's now become almost non-existent.

Will bring up marriage and kids one day.. on other days talk about how it's not a good idea. 

Only seems genuinely happy with me when I agree to plans she has or purchases 

Seems unhappy with me if I cannot fulfill certain requests 

Spends beyond her means 

Gets frustrated if I say I can't spend on a trip for can't justify paying for something big. 

I almost feel like an accessory or a side kick

I've definitely felt the idealization and the devaluation on regular occasions 

She has double standards and always plays the victim.

For context, she has always been unique and very different to anyone I've ever met. We seemed so aligned and similar but the longer I've been with her the more I see she's not the same person she showed me in the beginning.

She used to claim she was all about traveling and yoga and spirituality.

I can count on one hand how many times she's been to yoga in the past 4 years.. she gets wild spontaneous ideas and then gets disappointed and frustrated if I cannot collaborate. She wanted to spontaneously go and buy a camper van a month ago and I simply told her I don't have the savings.

Another factor is before I met her. I used to have plenty of savings but the cost of maintaining and keeping up with her lifestyle and ideas has drained any of that.

You're probably wondering why I'm even on this chat and why I'm with her if I'm so sure... I've been fighting with myself for years looking for any justifiable reason why she may not be and why it just may be miscommunication.

But the reality is, at this point I'm not getting any younger and I feel like no matter how many boxes I take, trying to be the best partner. I can then sticking to the rules that she sets and expectations has exhausted me and I'm no further on.

She's ambiguous and coy and doesn't want to have conversations these days. She's very dismissive. I can see she's clearly not happy as she probably thought at this stage of her life she would be married. Have lots of money and kids and a good career.

She's never had a proper job since I've been with her, worked consistently.

She works from home so she's indoors 24/7 now working freelance as a marketer and struggling with that. I've been incredibly supportive and do my best to help support her, but I don't seem to get the same Grace back.

I know this is long but if anyone would read it, it would be great for me to understand what I can do. I'd like to believe she's not a narcissist and I'm misunderstanding.

My husband is served. I'm drafting my final demands. I'm scared.

He is so good to me when he is good. SO GOOD. The epitome of a "good man."

Then, he told me in December of 24' that I had never done anything for him, in 24 years, bc I never got my body back from having kids. So cruel to sum me up to that.

I lost weight last year. I had a mommy make over, and I'm tooting my horn that I feel good about myself, finally.

Now, he's "changed." He started an anti depression med that has chilled him out but they don't change, right? I think he only wants me now bc I look good again. He doesn't want anyone else having me, I honestly don't think he loves me for me.

I've yelled from the roof tops to anyone who will listen to leave, get out, they don't change, yet ... I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision.

Anyone have any advice or encouragement? I could use it. 💜

 Not the person that got cheated on but I am involved and making this post in hopes that the coworkers fiancé will find it.

This girl I work with cheated on her bf with me last memorial day weekend, I didn't know they were still together until he started blowing up her phone while she was at my apartment. She winded up telling him nothing happened but something did happen but was scared at the moment for my safety cause she told me he gets crazy and was scared to go back to him because they live together. He was mad and said things like "you can have her" but could tell he has an idea of how she operates. Because she immediately switched back to bad mouthing him calling him a racial slur, after assuring him nothing happened.. SMH

I was under the impression they broke up but looking back I feel stupid for believing her, I think she has mental issues maybe some autism and def bipolar but didn't think she would get this crazy, I also know she has an obvious crush on me but I don't like her like that.

She seems to want to continue the cheating with me, she'd tell me they are breaking up and how much she doesn't like him but has to act like she does and she's moving out when she saves up enough money, but I don't believe this at all and it's clear she's playing him.

I know a lot of people use reddit and he seems like the type who does and feel he should know and hope by some chance he see's this and realizes she's only going to hurt him far worse.

Sadly this is not a joke. I like the rolls and they come
with honey butter.

narc exes have some nerves.. mine casually popped back up asking life questions and favors like we’re old friends. Do they forget how tumultuous they are?

he discarded me, ran a smear campaign, flaunted his new relationship(s) a week after we broke up, decided he was gonna “marry” a SW, had the SW harassing me saying it’s my fault he cheated because I don’t know how to satisfy a man (he’s still with her), to now acting like it never happened lol.

It’s hilarious because it’s all coming around full circle.. so now that he’s randomly reaching out after all this time, my first thought is there’s trouble in paradise. I ignored it of course, my life is great and you made your bed now hump in it!! that door will never open again.

Just FYI u don’t have to respond to a narcissists breadcrumbs, starve them out and make them stand on how they treated you. narcs rarely check old doors when they’re satisfied with what’s behind the new one

one of the lovely things my CN used to say to me was- "who are you...you are nobody". such a sweetie. another lovely comment - "you are worthless"....I dont suppose it can get much worse...another time when I had back trouble and had to stay horizantal, I was thirsty and as she was going out, I asked her to buy me a coke....she was 20m from the shop on her way out with our daughter, going for a walk, she refused to do it, saying she needed to relax...I could go on, but it's such a telief to get away from her finally. Constant abuse for 3 years, but when I read here, people saying 15 years, 29 years, I couldn't even imagine....but I understand in a way as the narcissist is so controlling and lacking in any real feelings, you're just an object to use, or maybe my wife is just a complete bitch, jk - she a severe covert narcissist

My now ex, seems to like calling me a narcissist. We had a conversation 5 months ago. He doesn’t like when ppl talk over him and when he points it out to me, I apologize and stop talking. He does it to me constantly and tries to justify it as ‘l have to get this out’ or something along those lines. I said “how come when I do it, I have to stop but when you do it and I point it out, it’s okay for you to continue talking over me?” Then he immediately says ‘I’m such a narcissist’. I immediately hung up the phone.

We were engaged in 2021.

Fast forward to today: I told him today (because he brought this convo up) of why we can’t be in a relationship anymore. He got engaged to me in 2021 with zero plans of the future. If you’re getting engaged to someone, wouldn’t you want to think of next steps ? Is it wrong to assume that? But then he claims he didn’t because I wasn’t treating him well. I will admit I have had a lot of trauma from a past relationship and I took therapy for it. I have apologized to him numerous times because I thought I was ok mentally, before I got with him. I even told him I would understand if he wanted to end the relationship.

He said he tried to save the relationship. I said how can you save something if you don’t like the way someone is treating you? Wouldn’t ending the relationship be the option? But you made a choice by continuing to be in it. He said I wasn’t taking accountability. (I have taken accountability for my behavior several times - that’s why I took therapy)

I’m called a narcissist because I told him he had a choice to either deal with someone not treating him how he likes or ending the relationship. He also proposed! If I was treating you so bad, why propose?

I may be harsh in the messages but I’m honestly tired of being called a narcissist.

He was pious, seemed ambitious, conservative like me and we really got along. We had a short courtship and married very soon. He would discuss everything about us to his mother who would then call me and pass on the message. I had to pretend I didn't know he was talking poorly about me to her. If he ever wanted to get out of something He would say I was the one asking him to back out of said plans. He always had a hard time getting intimate with me,.when I asked him about it worried it was me he suggested a threesome. I was very confused and we fought but I tried to move on.

I knew something was off because it felt like after we married he was just done and didn't want to take any effort, we didn't go for our honeymoon.

And then I discovered a barrage of porn, only fans, tinder I don't think it was active, but just accounts on all kinds of bizarre websites and hundreds of google searches for girls he knew or knew of. He admitted to masturbating to them as well. It was all just too confusing because of what he projected himself to be. But he apologised and promised he would never do it again. That was a lie, he just bought VPN. I just always felt I wasn't good enough, like he just didn't like me, if something would embarass me he would snigger and just never had my back, he never complimented me, I'm embarrassed to say I literally asked him to. I'm complaining too much.

I don't know, I could never get over it. But I guess I'm the narcissist for just becoming hyper alert and constantly having to go through his phone to feel safe? He really did have to watch himself but he kept watching the porn and bought subscriptions, even when I thought things were good with us. Is that normal? He's painted me as a villain for having anxiety and reactions and wanting reassurance. He assured me we would work on it, but then just flipped the script. I don't think I'm blameless, of course I reacted a lot after I saw all the extreme porn abuse, maybe had I been more patient it would have been better. Can you become a narcissist by being with one? I'm in therapy now, I needed to get diagnosed as I'm worried I'm not who I used to be, I just stopped looking in the mirror.

Be aware that if you come to know a narcissistic woman, do not have children with her. She will use her own children to cause emotional distress that will be worse than cancer

My relationship has really torn my self esteem down (dead bedroom for years, partner sleeps with other people, being dismissed and treated like I'm silly a lot, the gaslighting).

I got obsessed for a while thinking about what I could do to make myself more attractive to my husband, because he's told me he doesn't feel attracted to me anymore. I imagined how I'd be this best version of myself, but then as I was thinking about that I realized, "I don't think that woman would choose him." The version of me that's nonchalant about these things, that doesn't "pester" him about them as he says, that's really physically hot, like yeah he'd probably be into her, but she wouldn't be into him.