The hellth sub and elsewhere on Reddit is blowing black smoke up our arses, signalling that the Election Year Virus has been selected!

Although the selection process was suggesting that Hentai virus might be the winner, it turns out that this election cycle's winner is: Ebola virus! 🥂📣🎂🎇

Get your two 🎭Just Common Sense🎭 mask totems ready, and start making up out of your minds rituals for everybody to perform!

Massive vibe shift in my local shop this morning. Plenty of folx wearing masks (love to see it) and social distancing. Got the nod from a few of them as I scurried round in a blind panic, my shopping cart almost buckling under the weight of all the toilet paper I'd crammed into it. We're all bravely terrified. Even the MAGA looking trucker who was there just to buy Budlight cans for target practice did his best to follow the floor arrows hastily put down by the shop assistant.

Once I got home and out of my giant hamster ball, I doused myself in Lysol and slammed open my upstairs window, shattering the glass and breaking the frame in the process. I took a deep breath, almost inhaled my N95, and howled out "PROTECT THE FACKIN' NHS, YOU CUNTS!!" whilst banging my pots and pans together. With that out of the way, I slipped into my Baby Yoda onesie and began baking an enormous amount of banana bread for some reason. I was like a man possessed.

I'm now curled up all cozy and warm inside my fort made out of Amazon parcels, FunkoPops and toilet paper, my hands clasped firmly round a piping hot mug of hotty hotty choc choc. I've already deleted my entire friends list on Facebook and all 12 of my Bluesky followers for not taking this pandemic seriously enough. It's like they don't even care that I'm scared.