r/ChildSupport • u/AGirlInTheCityy • 5d ago

Connecticut Child Support fairness?

Hi,

I am separated almost 4 years (not legally so technically married but not living together). It has taken a long while for dad and I to come to an agreement on child costs. The last two years he’s given me $225 a week for two kids and he makes more than me. This is not thru the courts.

Recently he’s been asking me to let him keep $100 if the kids spend more than 2-3 nights with him. It’s rare that it happens. I have the kids 90-95% of the time. They spend the night once a week but that’s also not every week because his schedule for work constantly changes supposedly. On those weeks, he’ll see them after school or bring them to work half the day.

I have relented on some occasions when he switched his work schedule knowing that I needed him to watch the kids because I was going away for work. Meaning that he originally had worked his schedule so he would be off, but once the date got closer, he no longer has the days off and he needed to call out if I needed him to cover child care. So he then has to take off work using sick days at a lower pay, so I gave him the $100. The request has come again and I am uncomfortable with giving the money back because the costs do not go away just because they spend a few nights consecutively away from home once every few months. He’s been badgering me and calling me ungrateful because he pays for expenses into my home and his. I remind him that he’s not paying for my expenses, he’s paying for support for his kids. He’s also not even covering therapy costs for our kids which I am paying $300 every week or two. The costs are adding up and his passive aggressive remarks are getting to me.

In this situation, should I be giving back funds when he’s asking because he has the kids? I really don’t know. When I bring up therapy costs, he says the kids wouldn’t even be able to go to therapy if they weren’t on his insurance that he pays for. He has state insurance through work and he pays $$50 a month for the kids to be added so I don’t see how this can even compare. I know it’s only $100 here and there but I feel like it’s becoming more and more frequent.

Guidance please for people dealing with similar situations. Is this a normal thing to happen during child support agreements? Thank you!

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u/Few-Degree1903 5d ago

Please do not call Child Support “ child costs”. There are times when correct legal terms matter.

Recommend you seek a divorce and have the child support obligation properly calculated based on the state statute.

Open a child support case to enforce the obligation per the divorce decree.

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u/AGirlInTheCityy 5d ago

I hear you! Is it not for child costs? The only reason we haven’t divorced is because of health insurance and we have almost been married for 10 years. If we divorce before then I lose retirement benefits from his state job. We are a few months away.

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u/PianistNo8873 4d ago

I’m sorry, you lose retirement benefits from his job? No wonder he’s acting this way.

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u/AGirlInTheCityy 4d ago

What does your statement even mean? He’s the one who told me this a year ago as why he doesn’t want to divorce yet. I had no idea and it does not effect what he is paid when he is retired. We were together over 20 years. Just not married as long.

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u/PianistNo8873 4d ago edited 4d ago

It’s not yours, what did you do to earn it??? You did not work for the benefits, technically it’s not your retirement benefits.

It is his benefit he worked for his entire career & you will end up getting a portion of his total monthly amount every month, it’s like ongoing spousal support. It’s a bs benefit & every woman or man I’ve known who gets awarded retirement benefits is just spiteful and petty but hey maybe your not because they’re YOUR retirement benefits right, lol. My mom still gets her check every month, from her second husband & it’s been nearly 40 years and they were married 10 years. My husband’s ex will get portion of his after he retires they were married 12 but he hadn’t been employed there for the entire 12 and he’s been there nearly 25 now.

And you’re misinformed or don’t understand but yes it does reduce the amount he gets monthly, you will get a portion of his total monthly check until he dies. It is honestly not right to give that to someone who didn’t stick with you until retirement. Fortunately, my ex didn’t want part of mine because he saw it as something I was working for, not his & can take care of himself. ETA: I am a retired state worker, I do understand my benefits & because my ex didn’t attach to my retirement I was able to retire before the national retirement age I.e: I worked hard so I could retire early.

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u/AGirlInTheCityy 4d ago

Sounds like you’re super hurt still and I hope you heal. My situation is not the same as yours and I don’t need to explain it to you further.

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u/PianistNo8873 4d ago

Lmfao. Hurt by what? I have my retirement that I actually earned. That’s my point you didn’t earn it it’s not “yours”.