It's so scary, all the time while reading this I kept thinking of a friend I broke up with around 15 years ago. We were pretty much attached at the hip from our childhood to nearing our 30's. It was only after cutting all contact (when she didn't accept me telling her that I wanted some space) that I really could understand how disturbing the relationship was. I remember being shocked by a very similar line she said one day when we were 9-10 years old, she was trying to force her family dog to run through an agility course and it was very obvious that the dog wasn't interested at all (it was a working hunting dog, so it already had a job and dachshunds aren't really made for jumping over high hurdles from the start). After I grew really uncomfortable with her pulling the reluctant dog back again and again I finally broke the unspoken "rule" never to speak up (or just casually share a differing opinion on which NKOTB member was the best singer) and said "Minnie doesn't want to, we can go do something else instead, I can ask if xxx can come out (a neighbours dog that loved agility, that I dogsat regularly)" and she turned to me with that really scary blank stare and said:
"She WANTS to. She just doesn't know it yet. I will make her understand"
In a good world I should have been taught to trust my gut and walk away back then, but I was taught to always be "nice" and a good friend no matter how they made me feel, so I was really well primed to be owned by this type of person. OP did the right thing to all parties. Clear communication from the start, willing to compromise and walking away when no solution was plausible.
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u/mouthfullofpebbles 12d ago
It's so scary, all the time while reading this I kept thinking of a friend I broke up with around 15 years ago. We were pretty much attached at the hip from our childhood to nearing our 30's. It was only after cutting all contact (when she didn't accept me telling her that I wanted some space) that I really could understand how disturbing the relationship was. I remember being shocked by a very similar line she said one day when we were 9-10 years old, she was trying to force her family dog to run through an agility course and it was very obvious that the dog wasn't interested at all (it was a working hunting dog, so it already had a job and dachshunds aren't really made for jumping over high hurdles from the start). After I grew really uncomfortable with her pulling the reluctant dog back again and again I finally broke the unspoken "rule" never to speak up (or just casually share a differing opinion on which NKOTB member was the best singer) and said "Minnie doesn't want to, we can go do something else instead, I can ask if xxx can come out (a neighbours dog that loved agility, that I dogsat regularly)" and she turned to me with that really scary blank stare and said:
"She WANTS to. She just doesn't know it yet. I will make her understand"
In a good world I should have been taught to trust my gut and walk away back then, but I was taught to always be "nice" and a good friend no matter how they made me feel, so I was really well primed to be owned by this type of person. OP did the right thing to all parties. Clear communication from the start, willing to compromise and walking away when no solution was plausible.