Exactly that line alone is such a red flag. It’s like she was living in a what if world instead of dealing with the reality of your relationship. You did the hard, mature thing by stepping away instead of getting stuck in that loop. It’s rough now but you’ll look back and see it saved you a lot of headache down the road.
EDIT: so after reading through all the comments i decided to reach out to her best friend and told her everything. and honestly her friend found the whole thing just as ridiculous as you guys did and immediately went and talked to my girlfriend trying to knock some sense into her. now my girlfriend is mad at both of us lmaooo. but hey at least her friend and i are on the same page. will update if anything changes.
EDIT 2: Did not expect this to blow up like this so here is a quick update. GF is currently giving me the silent treatment. But the wildest part? Her best friend texted me again apologizing for the collateral damage. She said she explicitly told my GF to drop the ridiculous condition. Instead of listening, my GF lost it on her and accused her of “betraying their friendship”, "not supporting her dream" and “choosing a guy over our friendship.” So now the two of them are fighting. After reading all your comments about codependency and projecting the red flags are glaring. Im taking a few days of space to seriously re evaluate this relationship. I dont think this is just about a wedding anymore. Will update if anything changes.
This is so insane.. This girl send like she never grew up and is expecting her life to be like a Barbie dream house version and not real life. OP dodged a bullet anyway. I day that as a woman too, imagine kids with this person? She's not right
Don't you understand the daughters they were going to give birth to on the same day are destined to be best friends so everything has to work out perfect. Also their husbands must be friends too so they can all go on family vacations together.
It's so scary, all the time while reading this I kept thinking of a friend I broke up with around 15 years ago. We were pretty much attached at the hip from our childhood to nearing our 30's. It was only after cutting all contact (when she didn't accept me telling her that I wanted some space) that I really could understand how disturbing the relationship was. I remember being shocked by a very similar line she said one day when we were 9-10 years old, she was trying to force her family dog to run through an agility course and it was very obvious that the dog wasn't interested at all (it was a working hunting dog, so it already had a job and dachshunds aren't really made for jumping over high hurdles from the start). After I grew really uncomfortable with her pulling the reluctant dog back again and again I finally broke the unspoken "rule" never to speak up (or just casually share a differing opinion on which NKOTB member was the best singer) and said "Minnie doesn't want to, we can go do something else instead, I can ask if xxx can come out (a neighbours dog that loved agility, that I dogsat regularly)" and she turned to me with that really scary blank stare and said:
"She WANTS to. She just doesn't know it yet. I will make her understand"
In a good world I should have been taught to trust my gut and walk away back then, but I was taught to always be "nice" and a good friend no matter how they made me feel, so I was really well primed to be owned by this type of person. OP did the right thing to all parties. Clear communication from the start, willing to compromise and walking away when no solution was plausible.
I feel so bad for this friend. It sounds like that friendship might be ending too. Nothing worse than being turned into simply a side character in someone else's life!
Yeah honestly I can't imagine having kids with someone with that mentality. She will use the same logic on her own children when they want to do something with their life buts its not in her "vision". Can create a lot of resentment
Her fixation with her friend is pretty unsettling honestly. She seems almost like she views her friend as her actual life partner more so than OP. I think this weird obsession with her friend is going to ruin their relationship as well. She is going to be pretty upset when she has lost both of them. No bestie and no fiancé/husband is going to be lonely and I bet she is going to crash hard. Girl needs therapy, she is wicked emotionally and mentally immature.
that second paragraph really hit hard. i genuinely wasn't looking for an excuse, i wanted it to be her and was ready to build that life with her. but you're right about the resentment part, just staring down the barrel of that future is what finally broke me. appreciate the words man
If you care about her (and it sounds like you do), if you think her family is fairly mentally stable I would reach out to them and let them know the exact details of what's going. Just someone on her life that she trusts. Your ex is not mentally healthy and in serious need of therapy. The fact that you're leaving and that the friend is also stepping back could send her into a spiral that puts her and possibly you and/or the friend in danger. If I were in your shoes I would want someone in her life to know to keep an eye out for her in case she spirals so they can try to help her and so that they have a real understanding of why this happened and not whatever version she gives them.
Proud of you man. Give yourself a few slow weeks or months to digest and recover. It'll take a bit before your feelings catch up with your mind and settle, but they will.
Meet friends, hit the gym, enjoy your hobbies. You know the drill.
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